Miscellaneous: Today, my Dad's banjo arrived, as part of his mid-life crisis....

By anonymous - 07/10/2011 15:09 - Australia

Today, my Dad's banjo arrived, as part of his mid-life crisis. It would be fine if he could play it but unfortunately he's tone deaf. He hasn't stopped playing it for the last 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 686

You deserved it 2 682

Miscellaneous

Age difference

Best teeth in the game

Dementia or hate? You decide

By crippled shopper - 27/01/2013 05:23 - United States - Streamwood

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 286

You deserved it 4 685

By Adam - 16/03/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 267

You deserved it 5 153

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 400

You deserved it 9 841

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 00:48 - United States

Today, my parents gave me my birthday present. Two weeks ago, I ordered an xbox online. Three days ago, it came to my house, and my parents thought they could save money by putting wrapping paper on it, and giving it to me for my birthday. That's all they got me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 064

You deserved it 3 461

By Noname - 03/02/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 848

You deserved it 2 906

Doomed

By SweptWolf - 06/06/2020 23:02

Today, my fiancée handed me her engagement ring back and told me she felt like she's pressuring me into marriage, so to make me feel better about it we’re no longer engaged. On top of this, I found out she’s started talking to her ex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 977

You deserved it 151

By R - 28/10/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 609

You deserved it 61 459

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 09:59 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend that I wanted to go separate ways. Before I could say anything, he proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 533

You deserved it 3 602

By Karaline45 - 15/12/2018 05:00

Today, I bought a new car. Twenty-five minutes into driving it home, I hit a deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 583

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 24/12/2015 23:47 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 190

You deserved it 2 139

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 661

You deserved it 20 834

By FourKnees - 15/05/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I accepted an internship in Chicago and finished my final exams. I decided to play some pick up basketball one last time before summer. Within 2 minutes I got undercut going for a rebound and shattered my knee cap into 3 pieces. My summer in Chicago will be spent in a full leg cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 308

You deserved it 4 211

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 292

You deserved it 4 289

Waste of a phone call

By amIworthIt? - 30/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I called the suicide hotline after two months of recurring thoughts. I got put on hold by their machine, then was on call with someone who barely spoke English, got transferred to another building, so I was put on hold again, and finally got hung up on. I was already feeling pretty worthless, so thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 80

By shit_fer_luck - 16/12/2014 16:35 - United States - West Lafayette

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 554

You deserved it 2 523

Thanks, honey.

By Fluffy - 13/12/2017 19:00

Today, I noticed that I've been gaining some weight. Don't worry, my boyfriend doesn't mind. His new favorite thing is putting my boobs on his head and saying he feels "safe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 596

You deserved it 885

Back to public transport

By Dante - 30/11/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I got the repair estimate for my car. It's going to cost me $3,000 to rebuild the front end. It was wrecked because a couple decided to have a lovers' spat in the middle of the freeway. I had that car for exactly four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 009

You deserved it 2 668

By healey16 - 03/04/2009 18:13 - Canada

Today, I left the iron and ironing board in my room. While I was at school, my mom decided to do some ironing, and did it in my room for convenience. The iron needed water, so she took a water bottle from my dresser and poured it in. It was my secret vodka stash, and the iron caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 650

You deserved it 78 748

By ellisp1 - 04/07/2017 22:10

Today, my family was going to go out on a boat to celebrate Independence Day. We agreed we'd be at the marina by 11:45 AM. It's currently 1:45 PM and half of the family is still asleep while two are nursing hangovers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 129

You deserved it 464

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 299

You deserved it 4 036

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 06:00 - Australia

Today, I checked my Tumblr account to see if anyone had commented on the photos of my new tattoo. There were only 3 posts, and 2 of them were people linking it to "Awful Tattoo" blogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 947

You deserved it 6 246

By Renée - 25/08/2018 03:30

Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house till after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 038

You deserved it 201

By Dogsbody - 27/05/2019 02:30

Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 225

By concernedson - 12/09/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 503

You deserved it 4 906

Good morning

By JohnX - 25/09/2021 08:00

Today, I woke up early in the morning after sleeping 3 hours. Stepped into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee like usual. I was sipping my hot coffee while studying, until I noticed a small roach skeleton. I found 3 more in my coffee maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went to the airport for my two week trip to explore Europe. My ticket was denied and the workers turned me away. When I asked why, they told me to check the date. My ticket was for June 22nd, not July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 599

You deserved it 62 005

Fragrant

By nooneinparticular - 21/05/2020 08:00

Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 150

By Mb13 - 21/12/2016 20:02

Today, I got my nipples pierced. Momentarily forgetting about the piercings, I started to lather up with my loofa. Shark week in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 297

You deserved it 4 957

By UGH - 08/04/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 122

You deserved it 80 492

By ring-a-ding-ding - 06/12/2014 05:18 - United States - Sparks

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 121

You deserved it 3 571

By anonymous - 11/02/2012 05:57 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 876

You deserved it 5 597

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 764

You deserved it 368

By yggiz - 29/08/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 917

You deserved it 31 956

By Wanaaa - 25/11/2016 07:08 - France - Toulouse

Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 568

You deserved it 1 263

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 522

You deserved it 8 471

By Ugh - 17/08/2017 20:00

Today, I had my last assessment for my university degree in the form of an interview at 11am. Without doing this interview, I can't graduate. The interviewer was a no show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 323

You deserved it 195

By Agathus - 10/11/2011 14:35 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 331

You deserved it 3 298

By Melaknee - 19/03/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 383

You deserved it 149 498

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 658

You deserved it 3 313

By Why? - 05/03/2015 22:34 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 493

You deserved it 2 529

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Top comments

ollie179 21

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:40

*twang* *twang* Wow! I'm really good at this!

loserman67 35

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Friday 7 October 2011 19:14

Wait until dad goes to the bathroom, then cut the strings, then run away. When he comes looking act all sorry, even work up a tear or two to show dad how bad you feel that he was sold a defective banjo. Something like this: DAD..."Look what happened to my banjo! Do you know anything about this?" YOU... "No dad. OH MY GOD, what happened? Dad, those bastards sold you a defective banjo (sniff, sniff). I saw a show about the banjo scammers on 60 minutes (small sobbing cry). You had better return that right away. Besides dad, you're wayyy to intelligent and talented to play the banjo. I think a man of your abilities needs to do something cool, like model ship building. You would rock at that!"

ollie179 21

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:40

*twang* *twang* Wow! I'm really good at this!

elk21dbm 18

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Friday 7 October 2011 19:04

Hey maybe he will get better with all of the practice?

alstbv12 13

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Friday 7 October 2011 20:21

Yeah and they could name it Mumford and sons! Oh wait.

z620 0

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Friday 7 October 2011 21:34

If it makes him happy let him play the damn banjo!

peptidoglycan 4

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Friday 7 October 2011 21:43

At least he doesn't sing? Tough break, OP. Maybe you should look into a good pair of noise-reducing headphones. Or get him to play outside...

Kyzahhh 7

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Saturday 8 October 2011 1:30

I'll bring my tambourine we can have a jam session

ThreeSheetsGone 12

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Saturday 8 October 2011 2:43

I'll bring my whiskey jug and harmonica.

Grimmerie 31

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Saturday 8 October 2011 9:45

I'll bring my electric washboard and amp!

dre_bro11 12

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Saturday 8 October 2011 16:56

I'll bring my triangle.

cupcakeluver1212 0

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:41

Sorry to hear that must be annoying. :(

Sammiches 12

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Friday 7 October 2011 19:19

That's not that bad, some dad's do a lot worse things in their midlife-crisis. Let him have some fun, it'll end some day. Some day..

sexophone 0

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Friday 7 October 2011 23:00

for my dads midlife crisis he fucked my moms best friend

AnagenisisZagus 13

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Friday 7 October 2011 23:03

Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. You should write a book about that.

EvilPotato 14

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Saturday 8 October 2011 0:10

2 I see what you did there

kamikrazy 6

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:41

I feel bad for your dad.

That0therguy 4

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Friday 7 October 2011 19:58

I would agree.

D37H100 5

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Saturday 8 October 2011 7:29

I would also like to agree.

Lemuel_fml 5

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:41

Ouchy, fyl, hope he stops or YOU will be tone deaf haha (just kidding)

tittymagic 0

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Friday 7 October 2011 23:55

Do you live in Belton?

bn326160 12

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:41

Good luck concentrating on your work ;)

Jujubilee 1

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:42

Well, maybe if he keeps practicing he'll eventually get better?

RMRaidersNumbah3 0

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:42

threaten to move out -

JAIROUS48764 0

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:44

That's a good thing....

nublets 12

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Saturday 8 October 2011 2:46

Probably be more of a blessing to him anyway

cbdee 8

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:43

Tranquilize him!

michael509 1

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:45

You should get a drum set and say your joining him :D and when you both suck maybe he'll give up

JAIROUS48764 0

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:47

I would've broken it

rattusrattus 18

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Friday 7 October 2011 19:56

Play the jug! The jug! Not the drums.

cptmorgan6 8

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Friday 7 October 2011 18:48

Would it be fine if he could play it? Would it?

teotsi 28

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Thursday 24 July 2014 18:10

Actually a guy on YouTube managed to play a slayer song on a banjo. So, it wouldn't be bad if he could play some cool songs.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 113

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 43

Doomed

Waste of a phone call

Thanks, honey.

Back to public transport

Good morning

Fragrant

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