Intimacy: Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a... - FML

13/03/2010 10:35 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 731

You deserved it 2 780

Walk the line

Triage

You tried

06/01/2011 06:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 358

You deserved it 6 097

24/07/2014 21:23 - United States - Annandale

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 303

You deserved it 17 802

28/08/2018 15:00

Today, while preparing to move into my dorm, I received two e-mails from the campus police. The first stated that there had been 76 overdoses from a synthetic drug reported around campus this week and the second said there had been a stabbing on campus this morning. Happy back to school to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 142

You deserved it 147

24/09/2011 00:32 - Canada

Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 143

You deserved it 5 448

17/01/2017 22:00

Today, I'm so bad at parking that I saw the guy next to me openly cringe as I pulled into a spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 346

You deserved it 1 882

22/06/2016 02:45 - United States - Chillicothe

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 710

You deserved it 1 255

13/11/2010 14:25 - Germany

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 081

You deserved it 3 058

24/12/2010 10:52 - Netherlands

Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 028

You deserved it 6 569

14/11/2015 21:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 814

You deserved it 1 762

06/12/2010 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an asshole or am trying to seduce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 401

You deserved it 23 457

26/02/2016 08:37 - Australia - Wilston

Today, I went to visit my dad for the first time in over a year, as I have been studying for my Master's degree in history halfway across the world. The first thing he said to me? "So, gotten a real job yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 665

You deserved it 3 289

06/01/2010 05:06 - United States

Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 288

You deserved it 26 672

20/02/2010 08:20 - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 481

You deserved it 2 432

20/01/2010 03:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 087

You deserved it 26 086

17/01/2014 23:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 892

You deserved it 6 755

Yappy neighborhood

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 14:00

Today, I don't think my neighbours realize that, by getting that dog they have been wanting, they ruined the peace and quiet of the entire neighbourhood, consisting of ten houses. I'm the person underneath whose window that dog barks every day - mostly when I'm either trying to fall asleep or wanting to sleep in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 340

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By leah - 07/01/2021 14:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was beaten up by a complete stranger for “giving her a dirty look.” I can’t see my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 67

Superspreaders

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 05:00

Today, I had dinner with my aunt and uncle recently. Halfway through, my uncle says, “This gravy tastes weird, does it taste OK to you? Oh sorry babe, I forgot you haven’t been able to smell or taste anything lately.” Well, into quarantine I go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 108

Health hazard

By lacie - 08/04/2021 21:30

Today, multiple customers have complained about my body odor. Not only can I not smell anything, but I shower three times a day and brush my teeth seven times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 99

08/07/2013 14:48 - United States

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 464

You deserved it 3 915

13/02/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 975

You deserved it 19 449

02/06/2011 09:45 - United States

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 207

You deserved it 4 759

16/03/2015 04:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 663

You deserved it 3 564

25/07/2019 02:01

Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 549

25/01/2016 18:02 - United States

Today, I went to a very important job interview. I was so nervous that I passed out right in front of the interviewer's desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 394

You deserved it 2 429

The Hulk

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 14:01

Today, I was diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder, meaning that I involuntarily fly into a rage without provocation. It's only controlled by healthy eating and sleeping. I work too much to get any sleep, I don't make enough money to eat well, and my disorder limits my ability to find a job that pays more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 295

16/07/2015 14:47 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 525

You deserved it 1 794

04/06/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 022

You deserved it 46 458

17/04/2015 15:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 962

You deserved it 4 340

26/01/2011 13:26 - United States

Today, I was dumped. I ran home and cried and ranted on and on to my mother. After about 10 minutes of talking, she threw a book at my face and said, "No wonder he dumped you! You can't shut up!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 196

You deserved it 15 836

04/02/2010 05:05 - Canada

Today, I had lunch with a co-worker, and after having a good talk and enjoying each others company, we got up to leave. Right before we said goodbye, she looked me right in the face and looking legitimately confused said "you know, I really don't understand why no one at work likes you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 020

You deserved it 2 748

29/10/2013 04:24 - United States - Clayton

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 117

You deserved it 4 458

12/12/2010 02:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 348

You deserved it 5 024

03/01/2011 17:51 - Canada

Today, I found out that my friend makes more money than I do. She's a high school dropout and working at a retail job at the mall. I went to college for four years to get my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 529

You deserved it 5 161

09/11/2012 04:02 - United States - Rockville

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 950

You deserved it 2 000

09/03/2011 10:04

Today, my boyfriend told me he had to go pick up his family from the airport. I assumed he meant his parents. He apologized and said he meant his wife and child. They'd got their visa sooner than he'd thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 009

You deserved it 6 184

21/02/2012 01:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to tell my 7 year old son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 582

You deserved it 5 632

30/03/2013 01:29 - France - Geaune

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 145

You deserved it 4 077

04/08/2015 07:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 680

You deserved it 6 693

30/11/2016 10:48

Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 137

You deserved it 5 744

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Top comments

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:07

wolf pussy :-)

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:09

OH MY GOD! WIN. LOL, furball! Your mom's funny...

Comments

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:07

wolf pussy :-)

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:11

The OP is now scared for life...

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:14

gross! I don't even want to think about a parent like that! at least not one old enough to have a kid that knows what a brazilian is

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:21

lmao

beccaishereyay 11

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:39

hahahahahahaha FHL "lol i feel sorry for your dad

twist_of_fame93 0

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:39

one Horney ass dad. hey I guess it could be a lot worse

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:47

Haha, #1 wins

SirWhatsHisFace 0

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:50

lol, Nick Swardson reference ftw!

Blue_Coconuts 7

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Saturday 13 March 2010 21:03

Haha, great special, laughed my ass off... Also fur is not great... Maybe a little on the top, but trimmed.. otherwise no go.

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Saturday 13 March 2010 21:05

LMFAO

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Saturday 13 March 2010 21:16

haha

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Saturday 13 March 2010 21:19

Wolf pussy? More like Mammoth pussy!

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Saturday 13 March 2010 21:51

epic mom!

sugarbabyxoxo 2

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Saturday 13 March 2010 22:17

lmao grossss!

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Saturday 13 March 2010 22:58

rofl, "furball" that's bawse xD

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Saturday 13 March 2010 23:00

poor dad must be coughing up hairballs

paigeatsflesh 11

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Saturday 13 March 2010 23:04

that's yuckers./: one time me and my mom were in our bathing suites and she looked down and said "opp my little hairs are showing!" ...I feel your painnn.

SeasonedSausage 0

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Saturday 13 March 2010 23:37

why can't dad pull out the lawn mower and do it himself.

mylifeblows3232 3

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Sunday 14 March 2010 0:40

that reminds me of my gf snickerdoodles downstairs

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Sunday 14 March 2010 0:47

@74....gross

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Sunday 14 March 2010 4:21

@90, I think we've driven snicker away... (we=FML users -_-) sorrah Sneeckardewdlez

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Sunday 14 March 2010 6:12

90.. you're disgusting :/ jussayin.

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Sunday 14 March 2010 6:49

eww lmao to number 1

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Sunday 14 March 2010 8:32

Must I defend Snicker's honor in her absence? Grab the dueling pistols. Here's your flintlock, and I'll just use my Glock.

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Sunday 14 March 2010 15:10

@45 Hella cute :P

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Monday 15 March 2010 5:42

lmaoooo xD

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Monday 15 March 2010 8:30

LMFAO #90 GOOD ONE, BRO

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Wednesday 17 March 2010 8:41

#74 that just made me gag rite now...... crap where's the trash can...... lol jking but ur story. did sound gross a bit...... no offense.....

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Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:35

#1 made my day lol

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Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:37

o n #74 grosssss

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Monday 3 October 2011 5:58

Haha #1 Nick Swardson FTW!!

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:09

OH MY GOD! WIN. LOL, furball! Your mom's funny...

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:24

Ummmm....

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:46

holy shit that's hillarious.

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:58

Agreed. OP, how old are you? If you are over 20, no big deal. Your parents see you as an adult.

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Saturday 13 March 2010 22:22

no #2. op's mom is FURRY.

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Saturday 13 March 2010 23:17

LOL 65. I was gonna say that. xD;

dance_till_dawn 0

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Saturday 13 March 2010 23:45

I don't care how old she is. I'm 32, my dad's 48, and my mom's 50. I still do not want to know about her furball! Or anyone's for that matter! Ummmmm....eeeewwww!!!!

koco4 0

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Sunday 14 March 2010 0:00

@82: your mom's a cougar lol

Nakedsquirrel 5

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Sunday 14 March 2010 1:34

No, his/her parents were stupid and had a kid at 16 and 18.

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Sunday 14 March 2010 18:56

#45, do I know u?

halfbloodprinces_fml 4

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Sunday 19 August 2012 8:01

It'd be a LITTLE less awkward if OP was a girl...

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:09

Second!'

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Thursday 9 September 2010 1:49

HOT

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:10

Why didn't he ask her instead?

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Sunday 14 March 2010 20:40

LMFAO furball

Cjmw 7

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Friday 24 September 2010 9:04

He did. He was trying to get the OP to convince her to get one.

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:11

0_o

rodstayposted 0

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:12

fire crouch!

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Sunday 14 March 2010 5:16

I believe u mean "crotch" just sayin

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Sunday 14 March 2010 5:18

wait....the comment I posted this on got removed......nevermind!!!!!

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:16

:)

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:18

thts discusting!! :O

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Sunday 25 December 2011 17:08

Learn to spell, dumbass. It's "disgusting."

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:19

hahahhaah funny

kkballenger09 0

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Saturday 13 March 2010 20:20

#1you made my dayy

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Saturday 13 March 2010 22:23

woah!! trippy picture #12!! 8)

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 98

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 131