Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a...

By Grossed Out - 13/3/2010 10:35 - Australia

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

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Intimacy

Insane parents

Don't give up

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By rUs7up1d - 8/4/2015 14:43 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML

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By svenska75 - 3/9/2014 21:30 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

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By sadgf - 25/2/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

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By regrub - 10/1/2010 09:14 - United States

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

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By caught - 9/1/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2011 02:55 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for a familiar reason; I apparently have night terrors that make me "Impossible to sleep in the same room with." I don't ever remember these dreams. Every other girlfriend I've had has ended up breaking things off with me for the same reason. FML

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By kasai_x0x - 19/6/2010 16:27 - Canada

Today, I found out what cat food tastes like mixed with mayo, hot sauce, and between two perfectly toasted pieces of rye bread. My cat found out what tuna tastes like instead of her normal food. FML

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By unlucky - 27/10/2011 08:06 - United States

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I saw an old man on his porch. Being friendly, I waved at him as I ran by. Apparently his idea of greeting someone is pelting them with stones. FML

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By Need Clothes Now - 21/9/2014 15:51 - United States - Pendleton

Today, I flew across country to college. My luggage did not. FML

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By heatherfeather22 - 31/7/2014 03:28 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

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By AwkwardPotato - 2/7/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

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By ilana - 10/2/2012 09:51 - United States

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, I took my driver's test. I was so nervous that I peed my pants halfway through the exam. FML

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By Interrupted - 27/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a chair less than two feet away from the bed. She made idle conversation with us for the next 15 minutes. My fiancé was still inside me the entire time. FML

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By TimJack18 - 4/1/2015 23:14 - United States - Whiteville

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML

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By logansowow - 25/8/2016 00:37

Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML

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By nobodyreadsmyemails - 27/10/2009 22:24 - Canada

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

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By Wally - 4/1/2010 17:52 - Mexico

Today, I'm in Mexico and am supposed to be skydiving for my Christmas gift. Instead, I'm coming out of the hospital with x-rays, an ankle splint, and a $800 bill because I fell on the bottom step of a flight of stairs. FML

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By mommy_issues - 29/8/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2017 00:00

Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML

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By Jailbird - 9/6/2017 17:00 - United States - Redmond

Today, I took a group of teens with me to hang up posters for our church's yard sale. Because it's summer, we went out at dusk to beat the heat. Someone called the cops on us, and we were arrested for "gang activity". FML

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By jonchavez - 29/5/2014 23:46 - United States - Trenton

Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about 2 hours away. After a mile hike, the springs were finally in sight. She then slipped and cut her shin open. I had carry her the mile back and drive her the 2 hours to the ER, where her parents, whom I'd never met, were waiting. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2015 18:54 - United States - Decatur

Today, I drove across two states to see my brother, who's had a history of heart problems. My mother had sent me a long e-mail saying he was on his death bed and wanted to talk to me to "get his affairs in order." When I arrived worriedly, he was fine. My mother guilt-tripped me to come visit. FML

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By a fatty - 15/2/2011 06:25

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2015 16:45 - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

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By Earplugged - 25/1/2015 05:01 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

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By wow, thanks - 18/8/2012 00:39 - United States - Seattle

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2013 16:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

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By yapDogs - 10/5/2015 01:43 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

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By Andrea Trevor - 7/8/2018 15:00

Still counts!

Today, I finally did the splits for the first time in my life! Unfortunately, it happened when I stepped in wet dog poop on my kitchen floor. One foot slipped forward in it, and I fell right on top of it. FML

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By Asirual - 2/5/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15 minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

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By fmfb - 7/6/2011 23:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook and changed our relationship status to single just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 06:29 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I developed the disposable camera pictures from my family's trip to Disney World. I noticed that in the pictures I took of them in front of the big castle at Magic Kingdom, my wife and son were standing a few feet away from a man who was touching himself. FML

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By saddude - 4/3/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

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By not a shitty situation so fuck you - 24/6/2016 22:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

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By briscoe - 29/9/2015 02:48 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was on the train next to an elderly woman. When I told her it was my stop, she turned her knees towards the aisle, and I, thinking that she was letting me go by, began to edge past. She screamed, "DON'T PUSH ME!" and the whole train turned to look. I was thus the asshole pushing the old lady. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2016 18:54 - United Kingdom - Carlisle

Today, at a family dinner, I found the courage to tell my husband's parents about my schizophrenia. They exchanged weird looks and then there was an uncomfortable silence. Then my father-in-law finally says, "Christ. The grandkids won't come out all nutty, right?" FML

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Top comments

By DGross | 8

#943152 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:07

wolf pussy :-)

By ojosverdes26 | 6

#943163 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:09

OH MY GOD! WIN. LOL, furball! Your mom's funny...

COMMENTS

By DGross | 8

#943152 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:07

wolf pussy :-)

ReyEr9412 | 0

#943175 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:11

The OP is now scared for life...

rohosoccer08 | 1

#943195 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:14

gross! I don't even want to think about a parent like that! at least not one old enough to have a kid that knows what a brazilian is

niibee | 0

#943239 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:21

lmao

beccaishereyay | 11

#943306 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:39

hahahahahahaha FHL "lol i feel sorry for your dad

twist_of_fame93 | 0

#943307 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:39

one Horney ass dad. hey I guess it could be a lot worse

Anthrophobia | 2

#943331 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:47

Haha, #1 wins

SirWhatsHisFace | 0

#943347 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:50

lol, Nick Swardson reference ftw!

Blue_Coconuts | 7

#943412 - Saturday 13 March 2010 21:03

Haha, great special, laughed my ass off... Also fur is not great... Maybe a little on the top, but trimmed.. otherwise no go.

alleyx3 | 0

#943417 - Saturday 13 March 2010 21:05

LMFAO

bamskey | 0

#943448 - Saturday 13 March 2010 21:16

haha

Menick47 | 0

#943456 - Saturday 13 March 2010 21:19

Wolf pussy? More like Mammoth pussy!

lady_lindsey | 0

#943540 - Saturday 13 March 2010 21:51

epic mom!

sugarbabyxoxo | 2

#943603 - Saturday 13 March 2010 22:17

lmao grossss!

Felendris | 0

#943716 - Saturday 13 March 2010 22:58

rofl, "furball"
that's bawse xD

sublimaze | 6

#943721 - Saturday 13 March 2010 23:00

poor dad must be coughing up hairballs

paigeatsflesh | 11

#943731 - Saturday 13 March 2010 23:04

that's yuckers./: one time me and my mom were in our bathing suites and she looked down and said "opp my little hairs are showing!" ...I feel your painnn.

SeasonedSausage | 0

#943858 - Saturday 13 March 2010 23:37

why can't dad pull out the lawn mower and do it himself.

mylifeblows3232 | 3

#944047 - Sunday 14 March 2010 0:40

that reminds me of my gf snickerdoodles downstairs

jetpackzach | 5

#944067 - Sunday 14 March 2010 0:47

@74....gross

Felendris | 0

#944682 - Sunday 14 March 2010 4:21

@90, I think we've driven snicker away... (we=FML users -_-) sorrah Sneeckardewdlez

honestlove11 | 0

#944938 - Sunday 14 March 2010 6:12

90.. you're disgusting :/ jussayin.

AndreaHaha | 0

#945003 - Sunday 14 March 2010 6:49

eww lmao to number 1

UberFail79 | 0

#945169 - Sunday 14 March 2010 8:32

Must I defend Snicker's honor in her absence? Grab the dueling pistols.

Here's your flintlock, and I'll just use my Glock.

distortedx | 0

#945951 - Sunday 14 March 2010 15:10

@45 Hella cute :P

ashley47 | 0

#948699 - Monday 15 March 2010 5:42

lmaoooo xD

ILoveMyXbox | 0

#949051 - Monday 15 March 2010 8:30

LMFAO #90 GOOD ONE, BRO

Peacemaker9 | 7

#957061 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 8:41

#74 that just made me gag rite now...... crap where's the trash can...... lol jking but ur story. did sound gross a bit...... no offense.....

Brittaneyyy | 0

#2265316 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:35

#1 made my day lol

Brittaneyyy | 0

#2265329 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:37

o n #74 grosssss

Trilogy | 1

#3380756 - Monday 3 October 2011 5:58

Haha #1 Nick Swardson FTW!!

By ojosverdes26 | 6

#943163 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:09

OH MY GOD! WIN. LOL, furball! Your mom's funny...

GeneralCha | 3

#943256 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:24

Ummmm....

jj2014 | 0

#943326 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:46

holy shit that's hillarious.

ImaginaryFoe | 0

#943390 - Saturday 13 March 2010 20:58

Agreed. OP, how old are you? If you are over 20, no big deal. Your parents see you as an adult.

Tripout | 0

#943623 - Saturday 13 March 2010 22:22

no #2. op's mom is FURRY.

3DLoli | 0

#943757 - Saturday 13 March 2010 23:17

LOL 65. I was gonna say that. xD;

dance_till_dawn | 0

#943893 - Saturday 13 March 2010 23:45

I don't care how old she is. I'm 32, my dad's 48, and my mom's 50. I still do not want to know about her furball! Or anyone's for that matter! Ummmmm....eeeewwww!!!!