Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the...

By PokeTheBear - Canada

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50502

You deserved it

5699

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Work

Out of it

Zoom this, bitches!

Parental guilt

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36513

You deserved it

4110

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By mallyboo - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I discovered that you should always check the litter box before vacuuming stray litter outside of it after my cat burst out from the box mid-piss and skittered around the house still pissing after I put the vacuum hose behind the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9498

You deserved it

3475

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By nowbrokevaper - United States - Pomona

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9275

You deserved it

775

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By Broccolliboyy - United States - Colfax

Today, I learned that the money I work hard for on YouTube has been transferred to the wrong person's banking account. That person is my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51878

You deserved it

6902

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By Live Sweet

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69443

You deserved it

14689

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8628

You deserved it

51284

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By NiquetChrome - France

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46928

You deserved it

14045

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By yardswoman

Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14020

You deserved it

1672

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By j3r3zana16 - Canada

Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8360

You deserved it

51587

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, the weather man announced that today's forecast will include heavy rain and hail in my city. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, my house has no roof at the moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35058

You deserved it

4593

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By clothesthief - Australia - Ivanhoe

Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31638

You deserved it

3906

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By thatshelpful - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28668

You deserved it

1765

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By dgilbs - United States - Grosse Pointe

Today, my friends and I went out to dinner. Being short on cash, I suggested a game where we put our phones in the center of the table and first to check their phone had to pay the bill. Our conversation died out, and fearful of having an awkward silence, I checked my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7398

You deserved it

54982

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By irony - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54842

You deserved it

9345

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By Mackdaddy - United States

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29967

You deserved it

9034

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By Better not - United States - Kenai

Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6037

You deserved it

2266

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 23:00

What's your emergency?

Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1690

You deserved it

270

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By gassy - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15116

You deserved it

35530

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8533

You deserved it

67420

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I've been sinking into a deep depression, ignoring all my friends, and don't know what to do with my life anymore. This is all because I gave up Facebook for lent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17717

You deserved it

56241

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By Sticky - 8/11/2020 17:02 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Craft beer bores

Today, just before bed, I decided to put away the dry washing. I ended up knocking over my boyfriend's precious brewing ginger beer. It took me an hour to clean it off the floor, cupboards, door, outside and inside of the fridge. Everything is still sticky and smells of yeast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

735

You deserved it

189

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By - 26/12/2019 01:00

The girl?

Today, my mate was bragging about the nudes he was getting from this random girl, he proceeded to show me... It was my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2419

You deserved it

238

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By Dumped and pregnant

Today, my ex dumped me for his ex that cheated on him. Today, I also found out I am pregnant. When I told him he said, "I’m really happy for you. I hope it all works out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4568

You deserved it

444

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By now what - United States - San Leandro

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35021

You deserved it

3349

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my twin sons have decided to forego the toilet, and instead poop in random places around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3629

You deserved it

401

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By DarkPhoenix - France

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27688

You deserved it

3636

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By oops - United States

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51213

You deserved it

8815

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By ari - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36548

You deserved it

3004

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By Ouch - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57463

You deserved it

11076

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43416

You deserved it

8091

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By applesmama - United States

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30375

You deserved it

4657

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By Anonymous - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31334

You deserved it

3389

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By fml333 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I was hanging out with my ex's new girlfriend. I found out he was dating us both at the same time and was comparing between us. That is why he broke up with me two years ago and is still with her ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26474

You deserved it

3798

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By megomania - United States

Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45919

You deserved it

4411

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By FML - Syrian Arab Republic

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to visit. We went to a cafe where I managed to lock myself in the toilet, breaking the key. I then had to wait for them to break down the door. I came out to applause from everyone, who had been laughing at me for 25 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38558

You deserved it

5274

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By Ophelia - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23315

You deserved it

4095

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Baraboo

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31498

You deserved it

5504

Favorite

By Random dog owner

Today, I realized I've been hit in the balls more in the past two years than the rest of my life. Why? My dog is always happy to see me and his tail is just the right height. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6287

You deserved it

679

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By lon01t - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28167

You deserved it

2613

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By so_this_is_me - Canada - Brampton

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24760

You deserved it

3516

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Top comments

By JStromberg | 0

#420334 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Well thats a fail:D

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#420338 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Ah, sucks! What did you do?
Nice name though ahahaha.

COMMENTS

By JStromberg | 0

#420334 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Well thats a fail:D

thatwasobvious | 0

#420465 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:49

What are you talking about? he won.
he won the game.

short_one_13 | 0

#420477 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:53

fml i just lost the game...lol =]

CyclonePsycho | 1

#420482 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:54

But you, I, and everyone else who reads this lost. ._.

Curse you, the Game!

EDIT: Beaten to the punch. D:

lol_cakes | 0

#420515 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:02

I've heard this game mentioned quite a few times. Could someone please explain it for me?

premonitioner | 0

#420571 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:20

damn you guys, you made me lose too

lolcakes, http://www.losethegame.com/

lol_cakes | 0

#420576 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:21

OK Thanks

SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#420752 - Thursday 23 July 2009 3:28

D-dammit I lost the game!

OP: That's hilarious in a way.
Reminds me of a guy called Mat~su~da.

DrAwesome | 6

#420895 - Thursday 23 July 2009 4:38

I... Lost the game as well...

Duckasaurus | 0

#421469 - Thursday 23 July 2009 9:58

Today, I lost the game on FML. FML

DrAwesome | 6

#421476 - Thursday 23 July 2009 10:02

FUCK! I lost the game... AGAIN! Why did I go back to this stupid post!?

Armin_fml | 0

#421731 - Thursday 23 July 2009 13:31

aw c'mon, I was on a winning streak :[

divineinstrument | 2

#421797 - Thursday 23 July 2009 14:17

I'm usually never the wet blanket, but "the game" is the single most stupid thing ever

DrAwesome | 6

#422718 - Thursday 23 July 2009 20:06

If you're looking for wet blankets, you're on the wrong FML. Try 3960027. :D

ky_stone22 | 0

#423178 - Thursday 23 July 2009 23:10

WIN @53

Jakester | 0

#423263 - Thursday 23 July 2009 23:43

I won :D

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#420338 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Ah, sucks! What did you do?
Nice name though ahahaha.

By schporker | 0

#420339 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Congratulations, you also won employee of the month! :P lol

By Nomad609 | 0

#420362 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:26

Im curious to know what you did. Did you piss ON him instead? lol

By coldplaylive2003 | 0

#420387 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:30

you should hire him a hooker to make up for it

xxCHUCHU | 0

#420505 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:00

lol I wonder if you're his boss?

fmyluff | 7

#5399904 - Sunday 10 March 2013 20:18

Who says the boss is a he?

By sucks4you5 | 0

#420391 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:30

haha
fail

By coldplaylive2003 | 0

#420396 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:31

you should hire him a hooker to make up for it

boredworker | 0

#421222 - Thursday 23 July 2009 7:36

Double post FTL...

By dontbackdown | 0

#420406 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:33

im curious as to how you managed to do that.

By sharkshaveteeth | 0

#420407 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:34

what did you do?

By chris_e81 | 0

#420414 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:36

F you're mates life cuz they lost by someone who wasn't even playing