Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the...

By PokeTheBear - 22/7/2009 21:09 - Canada

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

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Work

Dangling modifier

Delayed proposal

The student becomes the master

By ambled - 24/12/2011 20:04 - United States

Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML

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By OnCompanyTimeToo - 2/9/2013 01:21 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

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By Dee Dee - 22/5/2020 08:00

In these times

Today, my husband and I purchased a new-used truck, after being assured for weeks by the company owner we work for that the company will remain open. Later, we received an email saying that the office is closing permanently. Our jobs are "secure", but he needs help selling and moving the equipment. FML

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By - 25/1/2019 20:00

Today, I called 911 and got taken to hospital via ambulance after a suicide attempt. When I called my mom, the first thing she asked was, "How much is the ambulance going to cost?" FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2020 05:02

#1 Dad of the day

Today, according to my husband, our son is at the difficult age where he can finally speak fluent English, but is still too childishly dumb to say anything interesting, intelligent or frankly worth listening to at all. There are times I wish I was a divorced single mum. FML

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By inchetogb - 15/1/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

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By Anon - 10/10/2011 15:24 - Canada

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

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By number2 - 14/6/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

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By kate - 29/4/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 00:22

Today, a coworker told me I was "fat shaming" them by discussing weight loss with other coworkers. FML

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By tortured - 27/11/2013 03:11 - United States

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 20:03 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 19:22 - United States

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

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By Dogless - 21/8/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

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By sickly - 18/2/2011 13:06

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

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By NotJessePinkmanFFS - 10/9/2012 06:06 - United States - Norwalk

Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML

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By :( - 24/6/2012 21:45 - United States - Montevideo

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but in fact, it wasn’t her. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2012 19:22 - United States

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2009 17:47 - Canada

Today, while going up a ski-lift I accidentally dropped my ticket. The ticket I needed at the top to come back down. I had to hike down the mountain in flip-flops. FML

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By Lua - 28/6/2016 17:09 - France - Laon

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

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By Nakdnathan - 16/9/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

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By blind eyes - 26/8/2018 14:30

Today, I went to get Lasik eye surgery. Beforehand, they give you an anxiety control pill because you're conscious during the operation. Guess who is immune to the pill and now has to get checked for anxiety disorders before rescheduling the surgery. FML

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By beno - 7/1/2009 15:25 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML

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By smyp - 27/5/2015 22:27 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I "progress too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at". FML

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By Alicia - 13/5/2010 22:49 - United States

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

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By anx133 - 16/1/2009 01:25 - China

Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML

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By scalmon - 13/5/2011 17:08 - United States

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

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By Maggie - 10/12/2011 16:45 - Canada

Today, I got my first driving lesson from my dad. We traded seats, I started the car and his entire lesson was, "Go." FML

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By SmokeWeedErdayAllDay - 18/4/2020 17:00

Cheap

Today, I was in the mood for some coffee, which is right down the street. I brought ten dollars with me, not knowing how much I'd need. When I approached the counter, the barista looked at my hand holding the ten-dollar bill and said, "Oh, our cheap things are on the left side of the menu." FML

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By Steve - 16/12/2012 06:25 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 09:20

Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, 'But aren't we just friends?' We then sat and watched TV. FML

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By LogicalMolly - 13/12/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

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By Gabby - 11/2/2012 19:10 - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 09:05 - United States

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2019 14:00

Because of my dog

Today, I opened the door to a delivery girl with a towel around my waist as I was just out of the shower. My dog was going crazy at the courier, and when she handed me the touchpad to sign for the package, my dog decided it would be a good idea to pull my towel off. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

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By Not his SunShine anymore - 10/7/2016 23:04 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over something that happened 5 years ago. We've only been together for 2 years as of this July. FML

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By NotAModel - 30/4/2012 15:50 - United States

Today, after putting an ad on Craigslist to sell a coat, I finally got a call. The guy on the phone seemed interested, and was especially curious to know if I could "model" it for him, in "stockings and suspenders." FML

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By Seamstressed - 9/2/2017 20:00 - Italy

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

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Top comments

By JStromberg | 0

#420334 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Well thats a fail:D

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#420338 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Ah, sucks! What did you do?
Nice name though ahahaha.

COMMENTS

By JStromberg | 0

#420334 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Well thats a fail:D

thatwasobvious | 0

#420465 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:49

What are you talking about? he won.
he won the game.

short_one_13 | 0

#420477 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:53

fml i just lost the game...lol =]

CyclonePsycho | 1

#420482 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:54

But you, I, and everyone else who reads this lost. ._.

Curse you, the Game!

EDIT: Beaten to the punch. D:

lol_cakes | 0

#420515 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:02

I've heard this game mentioned quite a few times. Could someone please explain it for me?

premonitioner | 0

#420571 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:20

damn you guys, you made me lose too

lolcakes, http://www.losethegame.com/

lol_cakes | 0

#420576 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:21

OK Thanks

SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#420752 - Thursday 23 July 2009 3:28

D-dammit I lost the game!

OP: That's hilarious in a way.
Reminds me of a guy called Mat~su~da.

DrAwesome | 6

#420895 - Thursday 23 July 2009 4:38

I... Lost the game as well...

Duckasaurus | 0

#421469 - Thursday 23 July 2009 9:58

Today, I lost the game on FML. FML

DrAwesome | 6

#421476 - Thursday 23 July 2009 10:02

FUCK! I lost the game... AGAIN! Why did I go back to this stupid post!?

Armin_fml | 0

#421731 - Thursday 23 July 2009 13:31

aw c'mon, I was on a winning streak :[

divineinstrument | 2

#421797 - Thursday 23 July 2009 14:17

I'm usually never the wet blanket, but "the game" is the single most stupid thing ever

DrAwesome | 6

#422718 - Thursday 23 July 2009 20:06

If you're looking for wet blankets, you're on the wrong FML. Try 3960027. :D

ky_stone22 | 0

#423178 - Thursday 23 July 2009 23:10

WIN @53

Jakester | 0

#423263 - Thursday 23 July 2009 23:43

I won :D

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#420338 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Ah, sucks! What did you do?
Nice name though ahahaha.

By schporker | 0

#420339 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Congratulations, you also won employee of the month! :P lol

By Nomad609 | 0

#420362 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:26

Im curious to know what you did. Did you piss ON him instead? lol

By coldplaylive2003 | 0

#420387 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:30

you should hire him a hooker to make up for it

xxCHUCHU | 0

#420505 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:00

lol I wonder if you're his boss?

fmyluff | 7

#5399904 - Sunday 10 March 2013 20:18

Who says the boss is a he?

By sucks4you5 | 0

#420391 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:30

haha
fail

By coldplaylive2003 | 0

#420396 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:31

you should hire him a hooker to make up for it

boredworker | 0

#421222 - Thursday 23 July 2009 7:36

Double post FTL...

By dontbackdown | 0

#420406 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:33

im curious as to how you managed to do that.

By sharkshaveteeth | 0

#420407 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:34

what did you do?

By chris_e81 | 0

#420414 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:36

F you're mates life cuz they lost by someone who wasn't even playing