Work: Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the...

By PokeTheBear - Canada

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50521

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5699

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Work

Instadrama

Messed up

The Terminator

By insertfoothere - United States

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16239

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59746

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was jogging on the boardwalk, an old guy tripped me with his cane. As I was getting back up, I heard him say to his wife, "I wanted to see if she would actually fall." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1853

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110

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By lilyann - 24/12/2020 08:01 - United States - San Jose

Who knows?

Today, the entire back room of Walmart smelled like cat piss. No one else complained, as they all claimed they couldn’t smell a thing under their masks. I, on the other hand, have a headache and nausea from the overpowering scent despite my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks

701

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with tic tac. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50060

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4192

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By Craigslist is Evil. - United States - Dickson

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

I agree, your life sucks

57102

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5443

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By anonymous - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28258

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3991

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 20:04

High school drama

Today, I found out the promise ring my boyfriend of 4 months gave me used to be his ex-girlfriend's. FML

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1499

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199

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By itwasntme

It Wasn't Me, by Shaggy

Today, we found out my brother in law cheated on my sister. Somehow they’ve blamed me for the whole incident. I don’t know the guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1663

You deserved it

118

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By KitKat270 - Canada

Today, my mom informed me that she wouldn't be joining the rest of the girls in the limo ride to the church for my wedding ceremony because she wants to have her car with her. Why? Because she is planning to leave my wedding reception half way through to go home and take her dog out to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52608

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4964

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By Jocelyn

Today, I got stressed and well, let's just say I got carried away, pulled off most of my eyelashes on one eye, and now I have to find falsies that look real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1221

You deserved it

1704

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By sanoria51 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46518

You deserved it

8746

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By EllieJ

Today, I opened a cupboard and a brick fell on my head. The same brick my mum put up there to "keep it out of the way". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35835

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4365

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12288

You deserved it

4464

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By shake666 - United States - Fremont

Today, I presented my assigned chapter for a book we're currently reading in my English class. I really like the book, so I've been reading ahead. When I summarized the chapter, I accidentally spoiled a major plot twist that was actually in the next chapter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18038

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13039

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By HouseWife - United States - Valley Park

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50241

You deserved it

6909

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By moms a baby - United States - Loma Linda

Today, my mom stopped playing badminton with me because she claimed I was too aggressive. Apparently winning, playing by the rules, and smashing is considered aggressive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34259

You deserved it

8057

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27710

You deserved it

6616

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By Liz - United States - Torrance

Today, my boss/husband fired me from my job because I didn't sleep with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24185

You deserved it

3569

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54074

You deserved it

4850

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By BleakExpectations

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years revealed he'd got me a complete collection of Charles Dickens' novels for £3 from a charity shop. He was particularly proud as he said it meant he could give me one for Christmas and my birthday each year, thus avoiding having to buy me presents for the next 15+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5828

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584

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my co-worker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she goes to the manager and accuses me of sexual harassment. Everyone applauded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54918

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3919

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By notguilty - United States

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49342

You deserved it

22888

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By Tennisplayer - United States

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

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12141

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44084

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By layout - United States

Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63781

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4046

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By pissed - United States

Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48031

You deserved it

6985

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By Pookaa - United States

Today, I got a text from someone I've been avoiding saying, "Can I come visit you today?" I replied, "No, sorry, I'm not home." They then replied "Then who is that in your living room?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38474

You deserved it

8194

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By noname - France

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51719

You deserved it

2943

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By anon - Canada - Goderich

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38712

You deserved it

3414

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By the2girls - Canada

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55969

You deserved it

5189

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By notnicefools - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39492

You deserved it

2287

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By Joseflloyd - United States - Carbondale

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask a girl at my school for her number. As I was typing it into my phone, she pointed out the giant booger firmly attached to my sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13123

You deserved it

2459

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Cork

Today, I was on a rowing machine at the gym, listening to a podcast. Something funny was said, I laughed, lost my balance and fell off, with my feet still stuck in the footrests. Someone had to come and help me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20791

You deserved it

5048

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By Smiley - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at the funeral of my friend's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20890

You deserved it

3594

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By Anonymous - United States - Des Moines

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29338

You deserved it

10021

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By NeedsANewApartment - United States - Wurtsboro

Today, sewage came up the toilet and tub in my apartment and spread far enough to get into the hallway. The maintenance crew found the source of the blocked pipes to be a ten inch long weave some idiot flushed down a toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21494

You deserved it

1234

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By Anonymous - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24809

You deserved it

1679

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By ledentist - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29383

You deserved it

2278

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By Murphs_Law - United States

Today, my crazy downstairs neighbor was yet again fighting with her boyfriend by slamming every door. When this didn't work, she went downstairs to fight with his grill. She wheeled it to the end of the driveway and pushed it over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9067

You deserved it

789

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By probably on death row soon - United States - Winter Park

Thanks, "Bro"

Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28071

You deserved it

1581

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By bongoboy - United States

Today, I had to go visit my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum, I then proceded to make sounds of slight pain. My grandma was, at the same moment, walking by and said "Don't masturbate in side of my bathroom you sick teen!" Now my grandma thinks I am a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56246

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6207

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Top comments

By JStromberg | 0

#420334 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Well thats a fail:D

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#420338 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Ah, sucks! What did you do?
Nice name though ahahaha.

COMMENTS

By JStromberg | 0

#420334 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Well thats a fail:D

thatwasobvious | 0

#420465 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:49

What are you talking about? he won.
he won the game.

short_one_13 | 0

#420477 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:53

fml i just lost the game...lol =]

CyclonePsycho | 1

#420482 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:54

But you, I, and everyone else who reads this lost. ._.

Curse you, the Game!

EDIT: Beaten to the punch. D:

lol_cakes | 0

#420515 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:02

I've heard this game mentioned quite a few times. Could someone please explain it for me?

premonitioner | 0

#420571 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:20

damn you guys, you made me lose too

lolcakes, http://www.losethegame.com/

lol_cakes | 0

#420576 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:21

OK Thanks

SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#420752 - Thursday 23 July 2009 3:28

D-dammit I lost the game!

OP: That's hilarious in a way.
Reminds me of a guy called Mat~su~da.

DrAwesome | 6

#420895 - Thursday 23 July 2009 4:38

I... Lost the game as well...

Duckasaurus | 0

#421469 - Thursday 23 July 2009 9:58

Today, I lost the game on FML. FML

DrAwesome | 6

#421476 - Thursday 23 July 2009 10:02

FUCK! I lost the game... AGAIN! Why did I go back to this stupid post!?

Armin_fml | 0

#421731 - Thursday 23 July 2009 13:31

aw c'mon, I was on a winning streak :[

divineinstrument | 2

#421797 - Thursday 23 July 2009 14:17

I'm usually never the wet blanket, but "the game" is the single most stupid thing ever

DrAwesome | 6

#422718 - Thursday 23 July 2009 20:06

If you're looking for wet blankets, you're on the wrong FML. Try 3960027. :D

ky_stone22 | 0

#423178 - Thursday 23 July 2009 23:10

WIN @53

Jakester | 0

#423263 - Thursday 23 July 2009 23:43

I won :D

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#420338 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Ah, sucks! What did you do?
Nice name though ahahaha.

By schporker | 0

#420339 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:20

Congratulations, you also won employee of the month! :P lol

By Nomad609 | 0

#420362 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:26

Im curious to know what you did. Did you piss ON him instead? lol

By coldplaylive2003 | 0

#420387 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:30

you should hire him a hooker to make up for it

xxCHUCHU | 0

#420505 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:00

lol I wonder if you're his boss?

fmyluff | 7

#5399904 - Sunday 10 March 2013 20:18

Who says the boss is a he?

By sucks4you5 | 0

#420391 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:30

haha
fail

By coldplaylive2003 | 0

#420396 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:31

you should hire him a hooker to make up for it

boredworker | 0

#421222 - Thursday 23 July 2009 7:36

Double post FTL...

By dontbackdown | 0

#420406 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:33

im curious as to how you managed to do that.

By sharkshaveteeth | 0

#420407 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:34

what did you do?

By chris_e81 | 0

#420414 - Thursday 23 July 2009 1:36

F you're mates life cuz they lost by someone who wasn't even playing