Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my... - FML

By Scarred4lyfe - 28/2/2016 22:32 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

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Social distancing gone wrong

Fake News

Ungrateful

By WeddingWoes - 3/11/2012 19:42 - United States - Columbia

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

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By maxus - 19/11/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

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By BiteMe14 - 7/1/2011 19:10 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2016 08:42

Today, my daughter asked me to take her to Victoria's Secret so I could buy her some "sexy clothes". She's 9. FML

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By Slayer - 9/10/2011 23:28 - Canada

Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

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By talwin - 27/7/2011 04:05 - Reserved

Today, I discovered that the more money I earn, the more my personal belongings break down on me. FML

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By kqwarrior - 27/6/2016 03:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML

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By creepedout - 20/7/2015 03:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

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By avalanche719 - 26/8/2010 15:09 - United States

Today, I went to pay my vehicle registration in person to avoid paying the $10.00 online service fee. After a long wait, I came out to find a $15.00 parking ticket on my car. FML

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By FirstDaddy - 16/6/2014 21:38 - United States - Southfield

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

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By flimflam - 2/9/2010 17:39 - United States

Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2019 12:03

Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML

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By bunnyyy - 7/1/2011 08:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. You would think he could at least spell my name right while ending our relationship. FML

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By tbree - 19/9/2014 22:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

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By TGIkaty - 10/2/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

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By auto boogie man - 19/11/2015 16:44 - United States - New York

Today, at school, I was asked to play a complex piano piece in front of my class, teachers and guests. I nailed it, but what stood out most for everyone was how I apparently looked like I was being possessed while performing. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML

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By upsetandunjustified - 4/11/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job where you build teddy bears. I got fired not because I did anything wrong, just because they don't like my personality. I'd never worked with my boss, and that means all the employees that work there had a meeting about me, and all confirmed they don't like me. FML

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By WTF Mom - 21/5/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brother has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty. She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML

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By haggisbowl - 14/1/2012 06:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

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By peacock_mina19 - 11/2/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2013 02:56 - United States - New York

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

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By Username - 28/1/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I was in a Zumba class with a young woman in her 20s and an older woman in her 80s. I couldn't keep up with either one of them. FML

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By fatty milkshakes - 29/1/2013 22:56 - United States

Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML

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By Badnewca - 14/5/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2014 21:32 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

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By Lennie Mcfish - 26/9/2019 20:01

We are legion

Today, I'm so lonely that I created multiple fake accounts on different social media platforms, just so I can have people to talk to. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2018 20:47

Mommy Issues

Today, my mother-in-law yanked my corset so tight that I shit myself. While wearing my dress. On my wedding day. FML

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By Caroline1812 - 24/4/2015 23:58 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

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By Jrlloyd013 - 19/12/2009 22:33 - United States

Today, I had a surprise test for Economics. While taking the test, I put my head down so I could think. A while later, I awoke to the whole class turning in their test. I had to turn in my test incomplete. No questions answered, just my name, the date, and a pool of drool. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 21:31 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

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By niki - 10/1/2013 02:37 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

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By leovaldez - 22/6/2020 20:08

Call CPS!

Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML

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By the hated - 9/7/2013 02:02 - United States - Absecon

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

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By HAIRY - 26/4/2012 20:23 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was hanging out with some of my friends when I fell asleep. When I woke up, I found that they had shaved the F word into my arm. I don't know what is more disturbing: the fact that this is what my friends do for fun, or that I have enough arm hair to have four letters shaved into it. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

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By AlwaysRejected - 10/12/2015 15:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my so-called "friends" on my Skype group chat have another group chat that contains everyone but me. Apparently, they made it so I would not "disturb" their conversations. FML

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By ihatemylife - 28/1/2013 01:08 - United States - Naperville

Today, at 24, I still can't grow a single bit of facial hair. Well, at least not on the right side of my face. FML

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By - 13/11/2008 02:46 - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend who is going out with someone else. But at least I now know that he's gay. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2014 21:24 - Portugal - Alg

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

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Top comments

By Deweyboy | 10

#6548201 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:28

Where could something that horrible happen?

*checks location*

...figures.

By Noelletakumi | 36

#6548200 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:28

Well, that's one thing to remember the occasion by. FYL, OP.

COMMENTS

By horneyhic | 15

#6548199 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:27

Brides perogitve

By Noelletakumi | 36

#6548200 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:28

Well, that's one thing to remember the occasion by. FYL, OP.

By Deweyboy | 10

#6548201 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:28

Where could something that horrible happen?

*checks location*

...figures.

Reply

friedpwnadge | 25

#6548242 - Monday 29 February 2016 16:16

We also have alligator wrestling and druggies eating faces. Come down anytime.

Reply

thecitizen | 15

#6548250 - Monday 29 February 2016 16:32

Yeah, #15 is right. It's great down here!

Reply

magicviper1 | 15

#6548255 - Monday 29 February 2016 16:37

how do you find the location in the new update?

Reply

Dale_shackleford | 13

#6548449 - Monday 29 February 2016 18:55

Florida has everything bad. Alligators, swamps, spiders, old people, drugs, humidity, idiots, and Marco Rubio

Reply

IAm123 | 24

#6548523 - Monday 29 February 2016 19:51

#17 I've also been trying to figure out how to see the gender and location in this new update. Does it even show?

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6548569 - Monday 29 February 2016 20:13

#17 They are probably on the website and not the app. I don't think there is a way to find gender and location on the app, which is really frustrating.

Reply

Comrox | 19

#6548970 - Tuesday 1 March 2016 1:24

23 and 26, I'm using the app right now and can see that the OP is posting from Florida. The location is posted right next to "Published on..."

Reply

laurenswims13 | 24

#6549080 - Tuesday 1 March 2016 4:05

I can't even disagree with that...Florida has some interesting people.

Reply

Xandrick | 22

#6549628 - Tuesday 1 March 2016 18:03

As a Floridian, I cannot disagree with your comment. Hell, we have our own category in Fark news. If that doesn't say something, I don't know what does.

By emeraldisle | 30

#6548202 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:28

Looks like someone started the party a little early.

Reply

Stazza11 | 27

#6548204 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:29

Why not? I mean she just sold her soul.

By megzaros | 13

#6548203 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:29

Sounds like a memorable wedding day for her lmao. Did she pay for dry cleaning?

By fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#6548215 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:44

Pure class...

By tbro47 | 23

#6548219 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:46

She probably drank a little to calm her nerves. It's not unheard of, though it seems she drank just a tad too much .

By TheCurvyGamer | 17

#6548227 - Monday 29 February 2016 15:54

Some people get drunk at weddings. You're just gonna have to beer with it.

By aliciousness116 | 16

#6548235 - Monday 29 February 2016 16:03

A day you'll both remember. :P

By breeash77 | 1

#6548240 - Monday 29 February 2016 16:12

Well that's never pleasant..