Animals: Today, my condo board refused to lift the new policy requiring... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 99

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 1 314

18/11/2009 09:50

Today, my condo board refused to lift the new policy requiring pet owners to carry dogs in common areas because someone's dog is peeing in the hall. I can't physically carry my two dogs, so I'm now forced to wheel them through the building in a borrowed baby stroller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 019

You deserved it 3 926

You tried

Hiding from the drama

What a catch

11/09/2018 14:30

Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 241

You deserved it 649

Happy Birthday to me

By Zebra - 30/12/2020 22:58

Today, my sister was meant to come over for lunch for my birthday. Turns out, she forgot about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 51

10/11/2009 23:04

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 622

You deserved it 2 534

01/03/2009 00:22

Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367 721

You deserved it 32 608

Urine trouble

By boopingsnoot - 07/07/2017 02:04

Today, while working at the vet, we had a familiar little dog show up for a minor procedure. The dog always sits on its owner's lap on the drive over, and always gets peed on. Not talking about dog pee. And we're not allowed to bathe it because that service costs extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 748

You deserved it 336

25/05/2010 23:33

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 752

You deserved it 39 621

02/05/2015 16:54

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 344

You deserved it 2 349

We were on a break!

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, it's been two weeks since my girlfriend of many years and I decided to take a short break from each other. We'd been fighting a lot and felt like some space would help the situation. I found out today that, at some point during those two weeks, she decided to go and have sex with my (now ex) best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 231

02/04/2009 02:36

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 505

You deserved it 116 190

15/07/2012 23:13

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 129

You deserved it 3 748

20/04/2015 17:01

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 447

You deserved it 7 856

13/09/2015 14:22

Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 976

You deserved it 1 591

30/11/2012 01:00

Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 009

You deserved it 2 686

21/05/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brother has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty. She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 948

You deserved it 457

Inappropriate

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 19:39

Spicy

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 416

You deserved it 3 230

11/02/2016 01:15

Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 344

You deserved it 4 286

Bye Herbie

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 04:56

Today, after hours of waiting and $300 spent, I find out my transmission is dying. My car is old, so the price of rebuilding it is more than it's worth. That's money well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 81

29/06/2009 09:44

Today, I was rushing to get on the train to work as I heard the "door closing" beeps. I was about to step onto the train when a man pushed me out of the way so that he could get on. My handbag fell out of my hand into the carriage. I stayed on the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 989

You deserved it 3 111

12/07/2013 20:27

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 535

You deserved it 6 608

22/04/2019 00:00

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a Snowshoeing date. I felt sick and suggested we turn back. He said I could wait in the car and continued on the date alone. He was gone for hours, while I was stuck alone in a national park with no cell reception, food, or water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 376

You deserved it 378

23/07/2014 20:44

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 765

You deserved it 5 056

Never trust Facebook

By sad - 01/10/2020 16:06

Today, I left a gift on my colleague's desk, with a note saying I liked him. He brought it over and handed it back, and told me he's married. His Facebook says he is single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 572

29/10/2011 00:19

Today, during my fourth solo day working as a meter-maid, I had a vehicle towed for being parked in front of a fire hydrant. The vehicle belonged to the governor. I'm scared to even show my face at work next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 256

You deserved it 4 851

07/02/2017 16:00

Today, after passing various interviews and tests, I was given a great job pending a pre-employment medical test. Now I'm jobless and colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 119

You deserved it 682

03/05/2016 08:31

Today, I'm so lonely, I wrote my number on a desk at my university, hoping someone would text me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 488

You deserved it 2 041

06/05/2016 14:37

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 367

You deserved it 2 779

27/11/2012 21:04

Spicy

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 421

You deserved it 4 142

11/09/2009 06:35

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me several flowers and chocolate boxes to my office. It ends up that he cheated on me with my sister and tried to break the news to me after all the presents he sent. I thought he actually remembered our anniversary this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 419

You deserved it 2 804

05/10/2014 21:34

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 618

You deserved it 4 899

14/10/2009 23:06

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 540

You deserved it 3 552

13/04/2016 14:04

Today, while opening up to a few friends about how I was sexually abused as a child, one of them blurted "Pics or it didn't happen." How did the others react? With outrage? No, just with awkward chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 114

You deserved it 2 059

26/01/2016 17:05

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 874

You deserved it 1 747

12/01/2015 12:53

Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 634

You deserved it 4 194

19/07/2009 07:25

Today, I was at a Starbucks drive-thru and was grabbing a hot coffee when I got rear ended and my car hit the vehicle in front of me which deployed my airbag. Hot coffee can really burn when it hits your face at a high rate of speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 190

You deserved it 3 929

10/02/2011 18:38

Today, my professor's son died in a car accident and class has been cancelled until further notice. All my friends were delighted and cheered about it in front of me. I was dating my professor's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 600

You deserved it 6 415

27/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was talking to my military brother about him coming home soon. I told him that our parents don't always handle change well, but are excited to see him. He took that to mean that they don't want him home and to make plans to stay where he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 811

You deserved it 868

Sex workers unite!

By not a fan - 07/04/2021 08:00

Spicy

Today I’ve been called a prude, a misogynist, a controlling bastard and worse all because I have a problem with my girlfriend masturbating for strangers online. She has an OnlyFans and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 342

25/01/2013 00:54

Spicy

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 130

You deserved it 53 086

Hellworld

By hannahnator - 02/12/2020 07:04

Today, it's the first day of our 2-week quarantine. Today, my 3 year-old also discovered Blippi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 135

23/12/2018 00:00

Today, when I showed someone my 9-year old passport, she commented, “you look so different! Now you have that Jason Statham thing going on!” My hair goes down to my shoulders; this confirms my receding hairline is real and it’s time to come to grips. At least I’m over 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 370

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:01

that sucks, the visual is hilarious though.

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:55

You ought to start peeing in the hall, just to show 'em.

Comments

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:00

Bet you look WELL cool. Crazy dog person.

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 18:09

I work at a property management company, people are sick. We had to write a bylaw infraction letter to an owner for letting his dog crap in one of the elevators... he just left it there. Hi moron, there are cameras in the elevator. Anyway, sucks to be you. Most buildings have a size limit on dogs they allow in the building so at least you don't have that problem.

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 18:33

Thied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:01

that sucks, the visual is hilarious though.

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 20:49

I agree. Are you picturing a german shepard and a bulldog in a baby stroller?

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Thursday 19 November 2009 2:57

i am now

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 19:59

A Great Dane and a St Bernard.

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:01

Hmmm... I had a hard time figuring out what this FML was about at first.

Fop 6

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:10

I clicked YDI as soon as I read "cuz someones dog." OP, you are an idiot. That being said, yes, idiots deserve to have their lives effed.

brokenboxofammo 0

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 22:24

What? They're an idiot because someone else is being an asshole? You are an idiot and deserved to get effed.

Six_and_the_Moon 3

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Thursday 19 November 2009 1:44

I was thinking more that Fop considered them an idiot for the manner in which they wrote, not for the content itself.

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Wednesday 7 November 2012 6:04

At least OP spelled "cuz" right. I agree with the broken box. You are an idiot and deserve to get effed.

starcaller17 16

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Tuesday 11 March 2014 6:19

#42, if they are dumb shouldn't they not deserve to be eff'd?( edit, yes I meant the sexual connotation)

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:33

Lol. Pictures or it didn't happen.... but mainly cause I just want to see 2 dogs being pushed along in a baby stroller. :-P

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:34

get a house with a yard idiot

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Saturday 27 November 2010 5:25

good plan dumbass

enormouselephant 15

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 4:07

You realize not everyone has the means to do that...right? Have you lived in a house your whole life?

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:43

if your 2 dogs fit in a baby stroller you can carry them.I think youre exaggerating,by exaggrating I mean lying.

catatonicsleep 17

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 18:57

my dog would fit in a baby stroller but he's still heavyish (and no he's not overweight) I couldn't carry more than one of him at a time and the OP has 2 dogs...

writerchic85 25

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Saturday 27 June 2015 14:08

Maybe this person has health issues that prevent them from carrying certain weight? Maybe they can't carry both dogs at the same time? Maybe you're a turd waffle?

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:51

Look, for the love of Oprah, PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE...CHECK YOUR GRAMMAR! I call bullshit on this FML.

JPLovesAnimals 4

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Sunday 7 August 2011 18:47

There is no grammar error. So go check you eyes or get a dictionary.

perdix 29

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:55

You ought to start peeing in the hall, just to show 'em.

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 17:02

BAHAHA, I love this!

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 22:56

They may make her ware depends

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:58

what kind of dog do you have that you can't lift but will fit in a baby stroller? most strollers have a 50-60 lb limit I hope the doors are wide at your condo building because my dog would need a wheelbarrow. granted she's a bit over weight and is about 130lbs but still. I don't even think my cocker spaniel could fit in my sons stroller and he's only about 30lbs. but you do need to post a pic because I bet it's pretty funny to see. good luck getting them to change the policy.

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 17:19

I don't think the reason OP can't carry them is the weight. I think it's more "My dogs squirm and wiggle and are generally unhappy and wont let me carry them.

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Thursday 19 November 2009 2:45

It's probably the fact that there are two dogs. Each dog is probably under the weight limit required by most condos, and could be carried easily on its own. But carrying two at one time is too hard.

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Friday 15 April 2016 22:20

Uh... Read again. TWO DOGS. And have you never heard of a double stroller...?