Today, my college roomate and I received our first pieces of...

By mahlee - 6/10/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, my college roomate and I received our first pieces of mail. We were very excited because our mailbox wasn't empty anymore. She got a package of home baked cookies in the mail from her family. I got a letter from a stranger in prison. FML

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Miscellaneous

Boozehound alert

Stubborn

A beautiful truck decoration

By seanjohn268 - 29/11/2011 17:21 - Canada

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

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By - 29/2/2020 14:00

Why I did that?

Today, I was trying to shave down there. I'm about 6 months pregnant, and I can't see past my belly. I ended up scaring the crap out of myself into thinking I was miscarrying until my baby kicked and I realized I had just accidentally cut myself with the razor. FML

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By jared77 - 2/8/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I'm 23. FML

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By Toothless_Lasagna - 15/10/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and roommate got into a fist fight over a magic trick. They ended up putting a huge hole in the wall that's going to be expensive to fix. We're renting my boss's house. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 23:22 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 22:34 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza online to be delivered to my apartment. After an hour of waiting, I called the pizza place to ask what the problem was. Apparently, the people at the apartment below me took my already paid for pizza and ate it. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 13:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

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By Balphleair - 19/10/2019 13:00 - Lebanon - Saida

Fight the power!

Today, my country went on strike and is overthrowing the government, and I'm stuck on a night shift at work. FML

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By _dopey_ - 17/5/2009 17:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2019 00:02

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in front of about 75 people in the fanciest restaurant in town. She told me she was already engaged, while holding up her right hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2012 23:14 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

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By Tyler - 6/5/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I work at McDonald's. The entire crew, myself included, got visibly excited that we had new trash cans and dust pans. FML

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By Mia - 20/8/2014 06:07 - United States - Astoria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

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By - 30/12/2019 09:00 - United States - Gualala

Today, while house sitting for my mother and stepfather, their elderly dog passed away. They live in such a remote location, the closest open vet office is a 2 hour drive, and the local one opens in 10 hours. FML

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By WrongPlaceWrongTime - 25/6/2016 18:51 - France

Today, my girlfriend came to my workplace to tell me she was breaking up with me. My boss, who was passing by, fired me for "chatting with friends" during work hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2013 16:16 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

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By Chlo - 11/8/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the flood gates are opening. FML

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By tm - 18/7/2012 05:06 - United States - Madisonville

Today, I went to the emergency room with chest pain. I didn't have a heart attack, but I now have a broken nose after passing out and face-planting in the waiting room. FML

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By NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus - 29/7/2016 21:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

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By Agamar - 23/2/2016 05:00 - United States - Skokie

Today, I was so sleep deprived that while making instant oatmeal, I poured the oats into the garbage and put the empty packet in a bowl, then microwaved it for 2 minutes. FML

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By Megara - 15/3/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

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By JZ - 30/10/2009 13:34 - New Zealand

Today, I submitted my 5000 word assignment. When I got home, my mother asked if I'd checked it through one more time like she always warned me to do. I hadn't. And I therefore hadn't noticed the paragraph on p11 that she'd written, telling me to pay attention to the small details. FML

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By Late - 12/11/2016 07:45

Today, my boss at my new job yelled at me for being 15 minutes early to work. Last week he yelled at me for being late for my shift when I arrived 5 minutes early. He's considering this my final warning before I'm fired. FML

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By Hipnog - 7/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

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By - 13/11/2008 02:46 - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend who is going out with someone else. But at least I now know that he's gay. FML

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By wallbanger - 7/2/2010 12:31 - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2015 04:44 - United States - Lewisville

Today, my boyfriend got pissed off and is now sulking, all because I didn't make a huge deal out of our 1-month "anniversary". FML

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By BookBabe - 25/3/2012 15:34 - United States - Panorama City

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

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By LXA429 - 12/3/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML

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By Shooting myself - 10/2/2014 18:57 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, trying to do something nice for my brother, I filled up his truck's gas tank. I didn't realize until too late that it's a diesel. FML

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By don't pray, PAY - 23/3/2017 20:00

Today, I attended a Buddhist prayer service for my religion and philosophy course. When the service was over, everyone stood up. Unfortunately, my legs and feet had fallen asleep so much that I lost balance and tackled a monk into the shrine. I'm expected to pay for injuries and damages. FML

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By Kitty - 23/4/2009 08:54 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

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By leaf hater - 17/11/2011 12:43 - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, 3 policemen interrogated me and asked for ID but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, my friends and I were hanging out when we thought it would be cool to set off a few fireworks. Nothing burns quite like the hair on the left side of your head. FML

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By Sleeping Beauty - 19/12/2015 19:20 - United States - Jamestown

Lookin' good

Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball outside in my driveway. I saw three cute girls walking by, so I thought I would try to show off a little by doing a backwards slam dunk. I jumped, completely missed the rim and hit my head on the backboard. Then my mom ran out to help me up. FML

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By dumpedfornoreason - 1/10/2017 18:30 - United States - Normal

Today, I ran out of clean underwear and uncovered the pile of lingerie in the back of the drawer, none of which had been worn in over a year. Thanks, laundry day, for reminding me of how single I am. FML

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By rmo1776 - 6/4/2009 06:16 - United States

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

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Top comments

By elliebutton | 0

#606340 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:14

Oh well, at least you got mail.

By tanman0401 | 4

#606347 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:20

Well what did he say?

COMMENTS

By elliebutton | 0

#606340 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:14

Oh well, at least you got mail.

pwnrzero | 0

#607309 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 0:53

well op?

was it a 'good letter'

ermkrmr | 0

#2501406 - Friday 13 May 2011 7:16

crap by accident I thumbed it down, *THUMBS UP*

By OneFuckedGuy | 0

#606343 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:14

HA you got spam

GreenHacker | 0

#614863 - Sunday 11 October 2009 7:13

lol, you totally made my night with this comment

By tanman0401 | 4

#606347 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:20

Well what did he say?

By fakepolice | 0

#606349 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:22

Today I recieved a letter from my long lost daughter. she told me not to write her anymore, because I'm a " stranger" i'm in prison. she was 16 when I was arrested... FML

xJudii | 5

#3001344 - Saturday 30 July 2011 12:31

Awe. That comment made me sad D; .

By shannondotjpeg | 0

#606351 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:22

hahahha better than nothing i guess.

By Playdate | 0

#606360 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:29

Sometimes no news really is good news . . .

By Broeman | 0

#606362 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:29

Why are you freaking out about mail in the first place?

afkmc07 | 0

#606983 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 20:59

I agree with #7.. What? is this your first peice of mail ever? geez, get a life. oh! and putting exclamation points after everything! can be realy annoying!

By danielleFML | 0

#606367 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:33

It's true, it's better than nothing...

By I_Wanna_Lol | 0

#606376 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:39

I wish I got a letter from a stranger in prison. All my from-prison mail is perfectly genuine ... FAIL!

By ihateyourband28 | 0

#606380 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:42

you probably deserved it! for the really annoying way!!!!! !!one! you use too many exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!