Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed... - FML

By thathurt - 29/3/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed a scantron sheet, but some people forgot some. I had an extra one and this really hot girl offered to buy it for $1.00. I said I'd give it to her for her number. She looked around and asked "Does anyone else have an extra?" FML

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Understandable

You can't win sometimes

Or he's just becoming an old goober

By eirbear - 14/9/2018 18:30

Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work and didn't clean it up. I'm the only female in the office and I have only one toilet with no window or fan, so I have to leave the door open to air it out. It's right beside the canteen. Everyone will think it was me. FML

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By denae92 - 4/10/2019 04:00

Great timing

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend that I love him. We've been dating almost a year and in a few days we will be moving into the same apartment building and attending the same college. He said, "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

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By justjoking - 17/12/2014 01:54 - United States

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML

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By eventer1919 - 4/8/2015 02:48 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

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By RC - 25/10/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML

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By momoffour - 5/12/2010 09:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2016 05:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2015 18:27 - United States - Katy

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

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By Umidknickname - 17/6/2017 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going away for the weekend to go clubbing with his mates. I would be fine with it, except the mates he's going with already tried to get him to cheat on me. FML

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By noboyfriend - 24/5/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend. I called him and started yelling at him over the phone. He told me that if I wanted to end the relationship I should just hang up the phone right then. Before I could say I still love him and don't want to break up, my phone battery died. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2018 22:00

Today, my lazy, obese mother took the last motor cart at the grocery store. My leg is in a cast. She told me to "use the shopping cart to help with the limp" as she rolled away. FML

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By abbielane - 25/6/2012 04:08 - United States - Rochester

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

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By throwinguptears - 2/11/2016 14:30 - United States - Marlborough

Today, after $87, waiting five months and making sure everything was perfect, I was ready to go see my favorite comedian live. I got the flu. FML

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By duhasiangirl - 15/11/2012 00:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

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By sumerflame07 - 1/12/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

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By DoggyBlues - 29/11/2011 01:50 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me he wants a security guard to come with us on our honeymoon to Hawaii. Apparently, watching Dog the Bounty Hunter has made him feel unsafe. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2013 00:16 - United States - Irving

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

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By WartCream - 18/8/2013 00:27 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

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By Tori - 5/2/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I discovered in my house a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me. FML

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By sad associate - 19/12/2016 01:51 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I swung my arm with a product in my hand, and the product flew out of the packaging and hit an old lady on her head. FML

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By Dude - 19/8/2009 10:32 - United States

Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML

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By Lulu - 5/12/2013 23:39 - United States - Imperial

Today, I came home to a noise complaint letter taped to my apartment door. I haven't been home in over a month. FML

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By dramateach11 - 3/4/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

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By Sadasian - 14/8/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, my mom and dad were arguing. It started getting really heated, so I tried to go break it up. But within a couple of minutes, my mom wanted to make a statement by throwing a plate to the ground, forgetting I was beside her. I now have a throbbing foot with shards of glass in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2018 01:30

#notyourmaid

Today, at work, someone shat outside the bathroom door. Not outside the stall, but in the actual hallway. Guess who got fired for refusing to clean it up! I’m a cashier at a tool supply company and the only female employee. Four dudes refused before I did. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2014 05:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

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By loner - 31/5/2011 05:50 - Australia

Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting up a "buddy" system for international students. I'm signing up, because this will help me complete my goal of making my first friend at university. FML

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By Username - 17/8/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML

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By IndianAngel96 - 29/10/2012 22:39 - United States - Houston

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

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By Señor Guapo - 4/3/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

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By airborne - 6/5/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML

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By ethawesome1125 - 3/11/2014 00:11 - United States - Round Rock

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

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By 20singleandproudish - 23/10/2014 05:18 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2010 17:53 - Canada

Today, I thought I'd wear my snow boots so I wouldn't slip on the ice at work. I crashed my car because I can't feel the pedals with my boots on. FML

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By terry - 2/11/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and come back with glaring looks. My screensaver had came on with pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

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By Lindsey - 24/5/2014 15:22 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

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By JustShutUp - 27/7/2016 18:40

Today, my neighbour was singing in the shower so loud that I could understand every word. He was singing "Purple Rain", which wouldn't have been so bad if he only knew a bit more of the lyrics. He has been singing those same two words for half an hour now. FML

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Top comments

By Bitts | 0

#66782 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:02

Well man, that's just kind of creepy, and getting hit on right before taking a huge exam is not something everybody wants.

By Nadreth | 0

#66816 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:19

She's just probably more worried about the test, than some creepy cocky guy's phone number. JUST A THOUGHT.
Not to mention creepy and awkward. That is just a stupid way to try to pick up a chick.
YDI.

Comments

By Bitts | 0

#66782 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:02

Well man, that's just kind of creepy, and getting hit on right before taking a huge exam is not something everybody wants.

Reply

responses | 0

#950797 - Monday 15 March 2010 21:02

what kind of a shit university do you go to?

Reply

Ducati4623 | 0

#1010349 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:53

Denied! (waynes world style)

Reply

jpwdragon | 0

#1435479 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 14:50

I would have used the same line. difference is, I would have pulled it off.

Reply

felipe87 | 2

#1510276 - Thursday 7 October 2010 5:48

I would have up the price to two dollars

Reply

LoosechangeX | 0

#1561593 - Sunday 17 October 2010 19:28

Alright Little boy whatever you want to think.

Reply

whoisthisgirl | 4

#2270427 - Thursday 31 March 2011 5:44

I never had to bring my own... my school provided them. all should, just sayin

Reply

max_wilder | 9

#3244516 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 5:15

Start a bidding war

By drybamboo | 0

#66797 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:09

You totally deserve it. Creepy, awkward, selfish, inappropriate, full of yourself, etc...

By Salmonus | 0

#66799 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:10

Hey, at least you tried. Good on ya for putting yourself out there.

By mf_fml | 0

#66803 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:11

i woulda done the same thing... weirdo.

Reply

sunnyskys | 25

#6207801 - Friday 20 February 2015 17:08

hahaha nice....WE ARE ALL WEIRD!! I love the love!! wahahaha jK and have a good day

By Nadreth | 0

#66816 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:19

She's just probably more worried about the test, than some creepy cocky guy's phone number. JUST A THOUGHT.
Not to mention creepy and awkward. That is just a stupid way to try to pick up a chick.
YDI.

By dontcallmekim | 0

#66822 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:25

awe, boys have it rough. i apologize on her behalf. :] better luck next time.

By xqme | 0

#66827 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:27

+1 to #1 to #5....

it's a test man....you could have said "just take it" and then asked her after how it was, and if she wanted to have coffee or something =_=

Reply

sunnyskys | 25

#6207805 - Friday 20 February 2015 17:11

damn lol now I feel a little stupid for not thinking of that ( shout to op listen to this guy->) chances doubled but at least he let her know he liked her

By dudewithface | 0

#66831 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:30

there's only one thing to do:
stab that bitch

By dudewithface | 0

#66834 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:34

piss on her face. she'll love that

By mattmag | 0

#66839 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:40

dudewithface: you are terrifyingly awesome.