Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed... - FML

By thathurt - 29/3/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed a scantron sheet, but some people forgot some. I had an extra one and this really hot girl offered to buy it for $1.00. I said I'd give it to her for her number. She looked around and asked "Does anyone else have an extra?" FML

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KoBabe

Deep-seated resentment

Mr Sensitivity

By AJL - 4/7/2014 01:30 - United States

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML

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By rebeccaremily - 4/10/2009 07:03 - Canada

Today, my computer stopped working. Me, the technology challenged one, decided to do a system recovery on it hoping that I could make it better. Turns out, system recovery means deleting all the files off the computer including family photos, music and assignments and starting fresh. FML

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By Utterly_Confused - 7/10/2015 22:07 - United States - Beaver

Today, my roommate confided in me that she hadn't been taking showers while at school because she was afraid of being in the shower when the fire alarm goes off. She goes home once every month, and will only shower there. I have to live with her for the rest of the year. FML

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By Kendra_Nine - 16/1/2013 18:28 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old sister matter-of-factly said that she's going to get married before me if I don't stop wearing track pants. FML

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By Popscene - 26/9/2012 09:06 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 16:01

Today, I've been on the verge of throwing up all day. Why? My dog is intolerant to grain, but grain-free dog food causes heart problems so she can't have that. Now our lives are filled with nasty farts and Hershey squirts with no end in sight. It's a rough time for us both. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 17:00

Business savvy

Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML

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By Minabee - 4/2/2010 18:28 - United States

Today, I am meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In so doing, I accidentally touched the iron to my neck, and now I have a burn there that closely resembles a hickey. FML

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By Andrexwife - 31/7/2009 07:03 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML

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By messyvictor - 28/1/2012 16:19 - United States

Today, my mom told me to clean the house up because she wants to make good impression on the cleaning lady. FML

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By Dave B - 25/11/2011 06:59 - Reserved

Today, I was verbally abused by a guy in a 4-wheel-drive twat-tank for listening to music on my iPod while I was "blocking the way." I was standing on the footpath waiting for a bus. At a bus stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2013 06:28 - United States - Calhan

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

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By Loserman67 - 1/4/2017 12:00

Today, I spent several hours in freezing drizzle sampling and testing diesel fuel from an above ground, 10,000 gallon tank. Soaked to the bone and shivering like mad, I gave the manager the results. He said thank you and then told me I was at the wrong location. FML

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By amm - 12/11/2018 13:30

Today, my boyfriend started tickling me relentlessly. I am extremely ticklish and accidentally kicked him in the shin whilst squirming. He’s now trying to get me arrested for assault. FML

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By Ooops - 12/9/2019 22:02 - Canada

Baked

Today, I kept smelling the pleasant odor of baking bread while driving around. Tonight, I realized that the smell of yeast was actually coming from a cup of moldy smoothie that got missed and left in a cup holder in the back of my car. FML

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By Noname - 11/2/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

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By HunkyFez - 28/8/2020 08:06 - Australia

Dad joke number 287474

Today, my dad offered to make me lunch as it was my first day at a new school. Today was also the day I had to eat a penis-shaped sandwich in front of my new peers. FML

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By justjoking - 17/12/2014 01:54 - United States

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2011 13:04 - United States

Today, the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with posted pics of them kissing on Facebook, and tagged me in them. FML

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By hdgyfjdzdfg - 16/4/2012 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 16:48 - Norway

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

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By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - 15/8/2016 03:58 - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

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By didntevenknow - 13/8/2012 15:06 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

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By addictedtofml - 24/2/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2013 17:44 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sat through an incredibly long and tedious class lecture. Just as my professor was nearing the end of his lecture, the resident stoner loudly yawned and asked what we'd been talking about for the past hour. We got to hear most of the lecture all over again. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

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By suosi - 26/7/2015 17:55 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML

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By WTF - 12/9/2013 23:08 - United States - Plainfield

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2020 02:01

Lazy comeback

Today, I was doing my job and trying to teach a lazy bunch of 16-year-olds. A girl entered the room just 15 minutes before class ended, so I snapped, "Someone had better have died for you to be this late!" She immediately burst into tears. Turns out, someone had. FML

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By Annie - 1/11/2018 22:15

Today, the CEO of my company told me the only reason I'm being sent to this huge tech conference is because the company will look better with a girl there. I'm expected to stay out until 4am with creepy rich business partners to stroke their egos. FML

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By you would - 4/3/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2014 05:07 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

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By GhillieSuitsnBiscuits - 10/4/2016 20:53 - United States - Portland

Today, I had a lady come up to me in a store just to tell me how bad my acne was and what remedies I should use. I got so embarrassed, all I could say was, "OK" and, "Thank you" until she left me alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

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By TheSaddestSpiceMeatball - 30/10/2019 16:00

Happy Reset Day!

Today, it was mine and my fiancé's 4 year anniversary. What did he get me? Nothing, but I did find out he's been cheating on me with multiple women. Guess I’m back to 0 years. FML

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By MexicanMe - 14/9/2012 14:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML

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By Pimaan - 26/10/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I decided to be a generous guy and slip a dollar from my pocket to a beggar. Turns out I'd slipped my hard-earned $100 bill instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 10:28 - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

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By Goodtimes - 1/10/2019 20:01

Trust

Today, I had to dump my girlfriend because of tons of trust issues that kept reappearing. Shortly afterwards, my credit card disappeared and I got to experience my first identity theft. All within 24 hours. FML

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Top comments

By Bitts | 0

#66782 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:02

Well man, that's just kind of creepy, and getting hit on right before taking a huge exam is not something everybody wants.

By Nadreth | 0

#66816 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:19

She's just probably more worried about the test, than some creepy cocky guy's phone number. JUST A THOUGHT.
Not to mention creepy and awkward. That is just a stupid way to try to pick up a chick.
YDI.

COMMENTS

By Bitts | 0

#66782 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:02

Well man, that's just kind of creepy, and getting hit on right before taking a huge exam is not something everybody wants.

Reply

responses | 0

#950797 - Monday 15 March 2010 21:02

what kind of a shit university do you go to?

Reply

Ducati4623 | 0

#1010349 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:53

Denied! (waynes world style)

Reply

jpwdragon | 0

#1435479 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 14:50

I would have used the same line. difference is, I would have pulled it off.

Reply

felipe87 | 2

#1510276 - Thursday 7 October 2010 5:48

I would have up the price to two dollars

Reply

LoosechangeX | 0

#1561593 - Sunday 17 October 2010 19:28

Alright Little boy whatever you want to think.

Reply

whoisthisgirl | 4

#2270427 - Thursday 31 March 2011 5:44

I never had to bring my own... my school provided them. all should, just sayin

Reply

max_wilder | 9

#3244516 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 5:15

Start a bidding war

By drybamboo | 0

#66797 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:09

You totally deserve it. Creepy, awkward, selfish, inappropriate, full of yourself, etc...

By Salmonus | 0

#66799 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:10

Hey, at least you tried. Good on ya for putting yourself out there.

By mf_fml | 0

#66803 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:11

i woulda done the same thing... weirdo.

Reply

sunnyskys | 25

#6207801 - Friday 20 February 2015 17:08

hahaha nice....WE ARE ALL WEIRD!! I love the love!! wahahaha jK and have a good day

By Nadreth | 0

#66816 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:19

She's just probably more worried about the test, than some creepy cocky guy's phone number. JUST A THOUGHT.
Not to mention creepy and awkward. That is just a stupid way to try to pick up a chick.
YDI.

By dontcallmekim | 0

#66822 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:25

awe, boys have it rough. i apologize on her behalf. :] better luck next time.

By xqme | 0

#66827 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:27

+1 to #1 to #5....

it's a test man....you could have said "just take it" and then asked her after how it was, and if she wanted to have coffee or something =_=

Reply

sunnyskys | 25

#6207805 - Friday 20 February 2015 17:11

damn lol now I feel a little stupid for not thinking of that ( shout to op listen to this guy->) chances doubled but at least he let her know he liked her

By dudewithface | 0

#66831 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:30

there's only one thing to do:
stab that bitch

By dudewithface | 0

#66834 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:34

piss on her face. she'll love that

By mattmag | 0

#66839 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:40

dudewithface: you are terrifyingly awesome.