Work: Today, my co-workers threw me a surprise 30th birthday party.... - FML

By so so old now - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my co-workers threw me a surprise 30th birthday party. After lighting sparklers on the cake and singing happy birthday, we all enjoyed a few moments of sparkly, happy fun time. Then the building's fire alarm tripped and over 200 people had to be evacuated. FML

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Out of it

Vulture

Sorry, friend

By ... - France

Today, the really hot guy that works in the same building as me came to work after being away for the past two days. I said "Look who finally decided to come to work." His response: "I had a death in the family, thanks." FML

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By Thanksiguess

Today, I told my dad that I'm pregnant. He shook his head and said, sadly, "What a waste. You're way too young to throw your life away like this." Silly me; I was worried that at 46 I might be too old for this. FML

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By RedEye - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my contact ripped in half in my eye. One half fell out, but the other half got stuck too far under my eyelid. An hour and $100 later, Urgent Care finally got it. FML

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By waaah - Australia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

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By caleighrossi - United States - Ottumwa

Leave it

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Remus

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

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By fat - United States - Lancaster

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

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By Anonymous

Cabin fever

Today, my (now ex) boyfriend came home from work at 8 p.m., monologued about how he doesn't love me anymore for two hours, and walked out on me. In the middle of quarantine. Out of nowhere. FML

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By PoorGramps - United States

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

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By salad - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

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By scared - Canada

Today, my elderly mother explained that, "I don't need my glasses to drive, I just need them to see." FML

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By Will this stupid fad ever end? - United States

Today, instead of actually teaching us something, our college professor excitedly showed us the godawful Harlem Shake video he made with his friends. FML

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By poorgary - France

Today, it's my birthday. It's 6.30 pm. I'm still the only person aware of what day it is. FML

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By Mojo - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

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By whoops - United States - Vincennes

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

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By Nick - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

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By fuck wannabe knowitalls - United States

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 02:00

Unrequited and stuck

Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML

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By mk - United States

Today, I had to be the one to break it to my daughter that WWE fighting was staged. She began crying. However, last month she didn't shed a single tear at her grandmother's funeral. FML

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By inlovewithstupid - United States

Today, my boyfriend bitched me out for being too controlling. Apparently, not only am I being unreasonable by not wanting him visiting strip clubs with his friends, I'm also just "looking for excuses to get mad" at him. FML

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By imatool - United States

Today, I learned that my wife had an affair with another guy. She met him while we were on a trip in another state for marriage counseling. The reason we were in marriage counseling was because she had no desire for sex, and we had gone for two years without it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML

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By Problem - United States

Today, my manager informed me that I will not be completing my job training because I'll be transferring to a different store, and if they want me to work there, that's their problem. Today, I also found out that the new store will not accept me as a transfer unless I've already been trained. FML

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By prisonbitch - United States

Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML

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By aireeahna - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

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By notacreeper

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was "Does she know?" FML

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By Anonymous

That escalated badly

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

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By xacked - United States

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

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By Tristan Brantley - United States

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

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By ShelbyIsAwesome - 4/3/2021 17:01

Who are these people ?

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Unfair

Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mclean

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé — a top chef — called me at work to make sure I would be home on time for the extra special dinner he'd prepared for me. The occasion, as I later discovered, was the end of our engagement. FML

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By orangethonglover - United States

Today, I found out the real cause of my dog's illness that she had just recovered from. When my sister took her in to see the vet, the vet said my dog was constipated, and swallowed something orange. That orange thing happened to be my favorite thong. FML

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By RetroDayDreamer - United States

Pranked!

Today, my parents overheard me having sex with my girlfriend. They thought it would be funny to barge in with nothing but underwear on. This has happened twice now. FML

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By MessyMal - United States

Today, my 25 year old brother ran into my room very excited at 8am. "Wake up! We got a new puppy!" he told me. I was so excited so I jumped out of my warm bed. When I asked him if he was serious he said "No, but we have to go to church, so get dressed." FML

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By sirengamer - United States

Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML

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By RIPJarJar

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

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Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#6067175 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:30

You should have made it a wet t-shirt party. Then it would have become a really fun celebration.

By littleteapot | 21

#6067177 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:33

It's not really a party until the cops (and firefighters) show up.

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#6067175 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:30

You should have made it a wet t-shirt party. Then it would have become a really fun celebration.

Reply

LittleBells | 17

#6067295 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 19:47

Plot Twist: OP works at a Fire Department

Reply

confusedAsFuck | 34

#6067411 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 21:19

I honestly don't see this as a FYL situation but more like a FOL (fuck our lives) one. Not only your co-workers like you enough to throw you a surprise party, but you (most probably) had day off, or at least few hours off. FML

By mld4657 | 28

#6067176 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:30

sorry op. fire alarms can be tricky sometimes, maybe they just wanted to say happy birthday that way. at least your coworkers did that for you minus the alarms and evacuation

Reply

Ian7890 | 23

#6067399 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 21:05

Fire alarms aren't tricky. They were using sparklers which made smoke. Fire alarms detect smoke.

Reply

mld4657 | 28

#6067441 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 22:11

yet I've known alarms to go off for candles but not an actual fire so therefore they can be tricky

By littleteapot | 21

#6067177 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:33

It's not really a party until the cops (and firefighters) show up.

By ElricMustang | 23

#6067179 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:33

Someone had a sour childhood...

By justplainawkwrd | 22

#6067180 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:34

Maybe they planned it out that way...

By littleteapot | 21

#6067181 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:34

You seem like a fun person.

By ethan_unoxx | 29

#6067185 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:42

that fucking sucks. sorry OP. and happy 30th birthday.

By paramor3 | 23

#6067196 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:49

Hey, at least ya have a funny story to tell! Plus, no one will forget your birthday now...ahhh the silver lining.

By MidnaLink | 32

#6067197 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:49

Yeah, and they all hit you.

By HeadlessSparrow | 20

#6067198 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 16:49

hey at least you had 200 people attend your birthday party!

happy birthday! :)

Reply

CoGhostRider | 31

#6067270 - Wednesday 17 September 2014 18:40

Or she worked in an office building