Kids: Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to...

By anon - 15/07/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 986

You deserved it 70 794

Kids

Taking stock

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Mama's boy

By brenami - 31/12/2010 06:13 - United States

Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 754

You deserved it 7 685

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 502

You deserved it 26 292

By SoGoodAtLife - 09/03/2016 19:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 280

You deserved it 6 590

By a - 29/03/2012 15:19 - United States

Today, my grandfather proudly informed me that the dump he'd just took looked like a tiger claw. He announced this during dinner, and told us not to flush it until he could take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 685

You deserved it 2 131

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 16:33 - United States

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 172

You deserved it 3 002

By awkward - 26/09/2016 21:31 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 921

You deserved it 1 345

By julia - 01/12/2012 01:02 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 355

You deserved it 3 920

By whatthef - 02/11/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 449

You deserved it 2 982

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 446

You deserved it 3 368

Keep it down

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 20:00

Today, in the middle of one of the worst migraines of the year, I asked my wife if she could kindly stop trying to tell me about the latest neighbourhood gossip at 130 decibels. Cue her loudly nagging in my ear about how I’m mean for not wanting to spend time with her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 106

By Isoneedtomove - 09/11/2018 16:00 - United States

Today, I received an email from a shipping company telling me they had dropped off a package of expensive electronics at the front door. Too bad someone stole it before I made it to the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 854

You deserved it 3 107

By flimflam - 02/09/2010 17:39 - United States

Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 682

You deserved it 3 851

By lonerboner - 03/10/2012 13:47 - United States

Today, I went on a date to the movies with this guy I kinda like. When he was driving me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend; I said I couldn’t because it was really bad timing. He kicked me out of the car, called me an asshole, and made me walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 008

You deserved it 37 125

By invisible - 18/03/2016 10:42 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I realized how invisible I am when our professor was showing us that he knows the names of all the students in our class. When he reached me, he just smiled at me and skipped to the person next to me. I took 3 courses with this guy yet I'm the only one he didn't know the name of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 612

You deserved it 1 863

Shitgibbon

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 05:01

Today, here in Canada, my father-in-law talked to me about how people who are "not Canadians" are destroying the country. He called me an "import" several times within the course of an hour. I've been a citizen for over twenty years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 85

By stupid - 24/09/2009 01:18 - United States

Today, I had to hand write a 10 page essay for one of my classes. When I turned it in I got an automatic zero. It was written in blue. Not black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 770

You deserved it 13 021

By AnRom - 17/12/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 590

You deserved it 43 875

Thanks, but no thanks

By chiraag87 - 06/11/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I was called into work to fix up their projection system. I drove 40 kilometers in peak hour to get there. As soon as I parked my car and was about to walk in, I got a phone call saying "Don't worry, we fixed it, you don't have to come in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 402

You deserved it 2 199

By KMAC - 16/03/2010 20:14 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancé is in a long distance relationship with his ex. Not only do we live on the same island, he's also my neighbor and my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 330

You deserved it 3 333

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 08:17 - Australia

Today, I spent two hours researching ways to fake my death, just so I can escape my crazy, overbearing stalker of a mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 457

You deserved it 2 847

Weight watcher

By depressedkiwi - 15/07/2020 08:01

Today, I found out my mother-in-law is trying to force me to lose weight, even though I am trying, and have a medical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 642

By ilivehere - 17/07/2013 14:20 - United States - Moline

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 471

You deserved it 4 384

By Anonymous - 06/06/2013 16:32 - Senegal

Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 602

You deserved it 11 727

By Shantoya - 17/01/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, the guy I've secretly been in love with for years told me how hot my brother is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 805

You deserved it 2 937

By Username - 20/07/2010 04:57 - France

Today, I had the rehearsal for two of my friends' wedding. My ex-husband is also in the wedding, and I just found out we have to walk down the aisle together 'for height reasons'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 709

You deserved it 3 857

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 884

You deserved it 7 758

By that1guy - 14/03/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, My girlfriend who I've been dating for over a year was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. Thats when I saw she packed 10 condoms with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 823

You deserved it 6 290

What happens in the woods stays in the woods

By sulfuric_acid - 10/08/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, on Facebook, I noticed my friend had posted a picture entitled, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Curious, I checked it out and discovered that while on our hunting trip, my friends took a picture of me, pants around my ankles, leaned up against a tree taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 150

Exciting

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 75

By yeastly - 09/07/2012 19:54 - United States - Amery

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 949

You deserved it 33 731

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 953

You deserved it 3 496

By WhatdyaDo - 16/03/2009 09:55 - Canada

Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 884

You deserved it 69 177

By ICanExplain - 22/06/2015 20:46 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 996

You deserved it 1 548

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 10:17 - Germany - Berlin

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 903

You deserved it 5 965

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:22 - Canada - Langley

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 341

You deserved it 15 127

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 91

Bunch of Freeloaders...

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, after having my Wi-Fi unlocked for two years, I decided to lock it since it was running slowly. Everybody in my apartment building came to my door and asked me why I did it. I've been unknowingly providing free Wi-Fi to the entire building for years, but now that it's protected I'm getting constant dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 3 254

But was he cute though?

By Leah Truncale - 24/11/2020 13:58 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I met a boy on Snapchat. I sent him my picture and he said I was cute. We talked for a bit, and I said, "Okay" to something. Then he sent his picture, but my slow Wi-Fi made it look like I said okay to his picture, right after he'd called me cute. I tried to explain, but he said I was just trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 118

By Oh No... - 05/07/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend filmed a video about violence in sexual relationships for a class. I expected a monologue kind of thing. She then told me it was an example video of an encounter with a male classmate. She showed me. It’s pretty much porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 275

You deserved it 208

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Top comments

jellybeans4833 7

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:06

you can't tell the difference between your own child? Sad.

allitaylor 4

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:06

bet her parents loved you for that..

cocobulla1 4

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:05

allitaylor 4

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:06

bet her parents loved you for that..

ilovecookies83 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:28

Way to scar the child!

dummbrunette 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:36

The little kids parents did love OP after that. The little kid was simply stuck on the monkey bars, screaming and begging for help. OP was just in time and came to the rescue! :-)

rainbo955 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:37

How the hell can't you tell the difference between your kid and someone else's kid?

diceplaya 12

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:39

Today, I was having a great time on the monkey bars until a crazy woman came and pried me from it. FML

mynameis1339 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 10:20

RAPIST!!

dcam13 19

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Friday 15 July 2011 10:34

ahaha wow. i can't help but feel sorry for your child for having you as a parent. the least you could do still it him/her apart from other children before grabbing them...

xSwaGKinGx 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 11:25

I agree with 38, op must be dumb as fuck, to not know how her own child looks, dumbass

talensledge1 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 12:12

Nice moustachio,I once had one until that fucking bowser burnt it off! Wario still hasn't stopped making fun of me...mama mia!

alexg823 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 14:52

I bet her real child was sitiing in the corner where no one can see her, face-palming.

z_hamel 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 15:02

lmao

zukinihudini 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 15:16

ydi for assulting a child

imthatguythatdid 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 16:50

shit OP put a bell on ur kid to not be confused

Iamnotmyself 17

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Friday 15 July 2011 17:43

In all seriousness, screw you. In all jokes and laughs: Haha rofl you're so dumb! Are you blonde/Muslim extremist?

Alex94xela 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 18:09

LOL op is a stupid fuck. I'ma lol if I see a fml like " today after raising my child for 18 years I realized I took the wrong kid from the park, I thought she was just mad when she repeatedly told me I wasn't her mom FML"

flavboarder 9

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Friday 15 July 2011 18:45

I agree, like wtf

JennaMason 6

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Friday 15 July 2011 18:54

you're all judgmental fucks. she never said that she grabbed her from the front. for all you know she grabbed her from the back and thought it was her daughter based on hair colour or something.

rosiekissesxx 2

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Friday 15 July 2011 19:03

I think #150 needs to relax a bit ...

flavboarder 9

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Friday 15 July 2011 19:03

did the op not dress her kid because, I'm sure the kids were wearing different clothes and the kids probably have different voicesj

tatababe 1

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Friday 15 July 2011 19:04

I bet your child was too embarrassed to say anything

herroeverybody 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 19:06

they all look the same these days.

Ecp42 3

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Friday 15 July 2011 19:46

I think the worse part is that the other parent didn't notice that thier kid was being molested on the playground.

EmyB_fml 8

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Friday 15 July 2011 20:18

this will not end well

juicedboi 7

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Friday 15 July 2011 20:21

Even without a clear view of the face how the hell do you not notice that the kid you are grabbing has different clothes than the kid you had 5min ago.

raelynn00 4

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Friday 15 July 2011 21:37

uh 150 do u realize ur calling ppl something that u urself just proved u do? I think u may fit the dumb blonde persona

Iamnotmyself 17

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Saturday 16 July 2011 2:34

-150 Do you know what emotional damage that child could have just gone through!? Seriously these are the things that make people have phobias about cars following them and afraid to take a step outside. Even if it was an accident I hope the parent saw and sued that dumb idiot.

percy_22 5

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Saturday 16 July 2011 19:52

No matter what why she grabbed the child, she should have made sure it was her's first. And been able to remember what her kid was wearing. You should know things like that when you take your children to public places.

alwayslool123321 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:06

jellybeans4833 7

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:06

you can't tell the difference between your own child? Sad.

Symmetry88 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 10:00

maybe she was running away...if my parents assulted someone I didn't know who was my age, then I would go running for the hills

kyliebear 15

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Friday 15 July 2011 10:18

OMG, so true #4, how can you mistake your child for someone else's? I wonder what the parent thought of that.

kyliebear 15

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Friday 15 July 2011 10:25

What I mean, is the other kid's parent, not op.

joker1995 2

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Friday 15 July 2011 10:36

how the fuck did you not notice it wasnt your kid? do you just go randomly grabbing untill you find the right one?

ElGranOrgo 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 10:38

OP should put a leash on it's child that way they won't confuse her own for someone else's

JuggaletteKlown 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 11:39

wow. OP's such an amazing parent! what a lucky kid she has. e.o

Jazze_fml 10

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Friday 15 July 2011 14:13

for some reason i just have this image of OP realising this because her actual child sudenly pops up beside him/her asking what the hell is going on.

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Friday 15 July 2011 15:02

Tell the difference is a comparison, you didn't compare anything.

princessjes23 6

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Friday 15 July 2011 16:24

how the crap does that happen?!?

all4pooh 4

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Friday 15 July 2011 19:41

124-You got a lil somethin..there...on your face

Complaining 13

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:07

You can't even recognize your own child? Hair? Clothes? You weren't being very watchful.

andreas_secret 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:17

bad parent or petifile??

jondivey 9

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:22

so whats you secret?

IphonFML 6

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:27

ya seriously...how do u not tell ur child from other kids :S

trollingislife 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:49

Actually, it's spelled 'pedophile'. Lmfao.

TBMFan 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 14:07

Idiot >.

tashhshere 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 21:18

you should know ur own kid

jessamy_brit 5

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Saturday 16 July 2011 3:08

*pedophile***

Fmlgirl08 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 18:18

learn how to spell. its pedophile not petifile.

marmots 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:07

That's good parenting skills.

rawrrawrrachael 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 10:16

mother of the year

howslife123 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:07

woah kids carry rape whistles you have to watch out

OrgasmicDinosaur 7

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Friday 15 July 2011 10:38

well, doesnt everyone ?

scampman 5

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Friday 15 July 2011 11:35

not the ugly people

puppylovegurl 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 18:27

how would you know

RinnieRiot 9

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:08

I can understand that sometimes you can get confused on how they look, but if it was crying, couldn't you have noticed thats not how your kid cries/sounds?