By WELLFUCKYOUTOO - Canada - Toronto
Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML
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  alphaskater09  |  9

Don't smear shit on his car OP. Be mature about it and clean it up. If he does anything like that again take a picture. Im not exactly sure if you can call the cops on him but I would assume you could because that is technically vandalism.

  zandalee  |  19

I am actually concerned about OP's ex. He sounds psychotic, possessive and unhinged!
I recommend getting a big male, friend/family member to threaten him with violence if he doesn't stay the fuck away from OP.
Today dogshit, tomorrow full time stalker..?

By  skyeyez9  |  24

I hope you called the cops on him instead of just watching him finger paint with shit and leave. Too bad it isn't legal to slam a baseball bat to his knees.

  gracehi  |  31

Yes, in most states in America you can use deadly force against anyone who trespasses into your home. Not sure if it would apply here though since the asscricket was just on the property and not actually in her house. It would really depend on what state this took place. Then again, I don't know where this took place since I can't see it on my app. For all I know, this could have happened outside the US.

  Shrike  |  22

Even in the US, you can't just shoot someone for walking onto your porch, even if they are spreading dog shit on it. You need reasonable cause. God help you people if you ever try murdering someone like that.


In the US the only time you are allowed to use deadly force, ( at least in Pennsylvania ) is when you believe that your life is being threatened. So if this was in the states, OP could not simply go and smack the asscricket in the shins with a baseball bat. However this is Canada, so I have no idea about the laws pertaining to trespassing and destruction of property there.

  rainbowglass  |  5

In Canada, if a man tries to rob you at home, and you use physical force on him, he can sue you. Not a good idea to attack. The best you can do is go to the police with hard evidence.


Yeah, I can definitely think of quite a few uses for the term asscricket. It shall fit quite well in my insult repertoire along with fuckball, shitbird, grand marshall of the idiot parade, etcetera.

  PeeNaught  |  3

Right...I totally laughed my ass off...ass cricket, I'm totally going to use that and the fact that OP is a chick makes it way more awesome cuz usually it's the male calling a chick something like that...

  lepuppykicker  |  15

I'm buying them a pooper scooper.

  VorpikeII  |  17

Maybe he should just become the priest. Then people would be able to consult him on the many ways in which you can marry someone from Doc's country.