Love: Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the... - FML

By jacked - United States

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

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Proactive

The smell detective is on the case

Dementia or hate? You decide

By lapines01

Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy. We were walking in a park and decided to go on the swings. As I was swinging super high up, I threw up. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

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By houdini - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

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By anonymous - United States - West Babylon

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

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By screwed - United States

Today, my dad came home from Vegas. Today, my college savings account is down by $64,000. FML

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By dmlk - France

Today, and for the third time this week, my bank manager called me to tell me that my account is still overdrawn. He doesn't seem to understand that my wages always get paid at the end of the month. FML

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By Mary Kathryn - United States - Fremont

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

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By clash - France

Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML

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By butterball - Israel - Palmahim

Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML

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By sad guy - United States

Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML

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By Good Luck Chuck - United States - Orlando

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

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By damn you Ambien - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I woke up to an angry and threatening email from a porn company. Apparently, I took a sleeping pill last night and wrote a nasty email to the company about how they mistreat women. The best part: I used a web contact form instead of an email, so I have absolutely no idea what I wrote. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

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By anon. - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

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By Jeepers - United Kingdom

Today, after playing in an online casino, I won £200. Being pretty tight for cash at the moment I was pretty excited. I then tried to withdraw it to be told that I can't have a penny of it because I didn't register my card details first. FML

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By fastfoodslave - United States - Northampton

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

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By uniannonymous - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, my fiancé told me he wished he never met me and that he wished I didn't exist. Our wedding is next week. FML

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By xswitch74 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex called me up to suggest that we become friends, only so that she could introduce me to her new boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is getting back together with his crazy alcoholic ex-wife who frequently cheated on him. In addition to this news, I also found out that he maxed out all my credit cards. FML

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By joshua - United States

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

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By Seriously? - United States - Mill Valley

Today, a teenage girl bumped into me and my phone fell out of my hands, and over the Golden Gate Bridge. FML

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By Gabi - United Kingdom

Today, I spent about half an hour trying to decide whether to buy a top, because even though it was lovely, it was really expensive. Eventually, after deciding to buy it because I could always return it if I changed my mind, I got home and realised I'd left it on the bus. FML

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By .... - United States - Geneva

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

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By civic4life - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. I asked for a newer car because my car right now sucks. I got a book on photography. I don't own a camera. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

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By That'sMyBoy - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I put glue traps around my home to catch spiders. So far, the only thing dumb enough to get caught in one is my 10-year-old son. FML

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By emopoe - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me know that when we met, he wouldn't have even talked to me if I was as fat as I am now. But lucky for me, he stays with me because, "there's love or something." FML

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By embarrassed - United States

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

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By AnatomyLecture

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the size of a man's penis is not proportional to his height. He was insecure because he's 5'6" and assumed everyone taller had a bigger penis than him. He's 30. FML

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By Messy love life - 19/2/2021 12:31 - India

Just ask

Today, I casually hooked up with a guy with no strings attached. Later, we had a great conversation and I suddenly realized that I have feelings for him. He wants nothing even close to a relationship and probably doesn't like me back. FML

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By weeping_willow - 1/6/2020 08:00

Cheeky little bastards

Today, the kids that live down the street had a yard sale in my yard while I wasn’t home. They sold a bunch of my daughter's toys, that I now have to replace. FML

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By well okay then - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Deland

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

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By slowrunner - United States

Today, I was running the 100m sprint in a track meet. Me and another girl were tied for dead last. When we finished, she complained, "It's so embarrassing how slow I am today. I have shin splints. What happened to you?" I was actually running my hardest. FML

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By ohgawd - United States

Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML

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Top comments

By dino_witha_cape | 0

#118761 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:53

take all of his tires off of his car somehow, and leave a note saying "at least i'm not a dick"

By JBiz_fml | 0

#118789 - Friday 17 April 2009 10:04

I need to hear the whole story to vote ,

COMMENTS

By rarelight | 0

#118757 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:52

Aw that sucks :(

By random_user | 0

#118759 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:52

aww, that sucks.
what a jerk.

Reply

T9FTW | 20

#5157017 - Saturday 17 November 2012 4:27

At least it didn't read "Your a bitch - John"

By dino_witha_cape | 0

#118761 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:53

take all of his tires off of his car somehow, and leave a note saying "at least i'm not a dick"

Reply

MrNewOrleans | 0

#1647024 - Thursday 4 November 2010 2:10

that is smart... sir I think u won

By alex_vik | 0

#118786 - Friday 17 April 2009 10:03

Well if he stole your tire you must be a bitch.

By jennaboo | 0

#118788 - Friday 17 April 2009 10:04

you'll find a way to get him back. just remember, karma is a bitch

Reply

toqwert | 0

#3313740 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 1:55

So, karma is her in this case?

By JBiz_fml | 0

#118789 - Friday 17 April 2009 10:04

I need to hear the whole story to vote ,

Reply

LunaaBluee | 27

#6389196 - Saturday 22 August 2015 20:28

I don't think it matters. Either way that's an extremely immature thing to do to someone no matter the circumstance.

Reply

Thebestinclass | 16

#6397125 - Sunday 30 August 2015 8:57

What if she cheated on him with his dad and brother and stole all of his money?

By BigLord | 0

#118795 - Friday 17 April 2009 10:07

Hmm I'm with #6 on this one. Maybe you FuckedHL earlier?

By Scribble | 0

#118806 - Friday 17 April 2009 10:10

maybe you should be honest and tell us why he think you are a bitch.
who know you could have cheated on him with hundreds of other guys, and if so, you definitely deserved it.
seriously if the guy had guts to write his name and tell you are a bitch, then you must have done something wrong.

Reply

sulitak | 27

#5495820 - Friday 17 May 2013 16:12

or the guy assumed she may have moved on and had a few short relationships before the tire blew out.

By ScottyD620 | 0

#118810 - Friday 17 April 2009 10:14

Well you are a bitch.

By minimoose_fml | 1

#118811 - Friday 17 April 2009 10:15

yeah i have a feeling you deserved this one.
HAHAHAHAH good move on his part.