Transportation: Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate....

By rainey - United States

Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML

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25314

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Transportation

Understandable

Messed up

This is fine

By kaitiem224 - United States - Pratt

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30894

You deserved it

2837

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By tomandjerry - United States

Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19858

You deserved it

66074

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By disturbed - Ireland

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51905

You deserved it

5682

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By too cool - United States - Carpentersville

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44271

You deserved it

3335

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By Pixel - Canada - Castlegar

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37209

You deserved it

5406

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By UnluckyJulie - United States

Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41233

You deserved it

2683

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By blindedbythelight - United States - Orlando

Fashionably Late

Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3101

You deserved it

332

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By Hahamaster333

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10785

You deserved it

74897

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2021 17:01 - Luxembourg

Useless

Today, I was forced to write a job application letter that boils down to, "I can't do this job, please don't hire me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

623

You deserved it

197

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By toyotasmash - United States

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33703

You deserved it

3527

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By Anonymous - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I forgot an important book for school, because I dreamt that I was putting it in my bag. My brain somehow classified it as reality. This isn't the first time my dreams have trolled me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20106

You deserved it

2411

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By fgbh456 - United States

Today, I confronted my mom about her drinking problems. After I blurted everything out, she completely denied it. She did this as she was drinking a huge cup full of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30016

You deserved it

2365

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By nyx - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. When I happily told my dad, he kept asking if I'd consider taking back my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41448

You deserved it

3666

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By mustanggt - United States - Utica

Scandalous!

Today, I got marked down in a performance review for not being able to keep my relationship with a coworker a permanent secret. I think if her engagement ring hadn't given it away, eventually the baby bump would've. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2773

You deserved it

406

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By Shower? - France

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23305

You deserved it

6353

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2020 02:07

Father material

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1749

You deserved it

664

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By levit - United States

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28398

You deserved it

68088

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By Babysitter Probs - United States - Fresno

Today, the 8 year old that I babysit every week told me that it was sad that I didn't have a boyfriend while he has a girlfriend. I got burned by a 3rd grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9252

You deserved it

947

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By sofakingweetodit - United States

Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath and Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11623

You deserved it

34622

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By Homeless? - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I have been vomiting for 4 days. Tomorrow, my landlord is insisting on inspecting my flat. I now either have to clean my house whilst trying not to throw up all around it, or fail my inspection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11040

You deserved it

1213

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By georgiaswish - United Kingdom

Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54902

You deserved it

3817

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By Anonymous - United States - Berwyn

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29195

You deserved it

2566

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By dumb - United States

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41916

You deserved it

25551

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By ishoweredincorpsewater

Today, our hot water tank got replaced because all our hot water had been smelling old and musty for a month now. There was a dead seagull in the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4232

You deserved it

284

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By Anonymous

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

381

You deserved it

4356

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By Talis - United States - Eureka

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25191

You deserved it

1453

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By johnboy - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10805

You deserved it

36981

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By naughtyshirt - Australia

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39744

You deserved it

4480

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By shitballs_911 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39280

You deserved it

12302

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By underemployed - United States

Today, I found out my no-work-experience brother has just accepted a 50k/year job. He is still in school and has never had a job. I work as an intern for 11 hours a day, get rude emails from my boss, and have 3 degrees and 5 years work experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34601

You deserved it

4891

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By joonsson

Today, I had to get an EKG device attached for a 24-hour test. Not too bad, but I have to wear a string vest over it, and every time I move, it chafes something crazy. My nipples in particular. Only 22 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3935

You deserved it

273

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By RustyBulletHole - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45050

You deserved it

2339

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By jakethed0g - United Kingdom

Today, I was camping with my family, and had to share a tent with my 13 year old brother. During the night he had to pee, but instead of going outside to use the bathroom, he zipped open a section of the tent, stuck his knob through it, and peed all over my shoes that were drying outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33245

You deserved it

3050

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38063

You deserved it

3287

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By JBone - Canada

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6390

You deserved it

33206

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By GAGirl1 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40957

You deserved it

7194

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a customer tried to return some pricey lingerie. She said she didn't have the packaging, but had never worn them. The skidmark I accidentally touched begged to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14557

You deserved it

819

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10268

You deserved it

27017

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By PartTimePrincess - United States

Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to sky dive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50091

You deserved it

4144

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By bcca - United States

Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

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24092

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Top comments

By elenaa_fml | 0

#821526 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:23

Good thing you used the word receptacle, otherwise I might have thought you were dumb.

By itouchguy360 | 3

#821449 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:20

There isn't much you can do to protect your car in that kind of situation. But op, do you have a garage?

COMMENTS

By drewbreesdat | 0

#821423 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:07

ouch

MBTnauset | 0

#821431 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:11

yeah tht sux.... cAn anyone tell me where the commen button cuz idk so I just press the arrow to comment on a reply

responses | 0

#821477 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:40

i'm on my iPhone it's at the bottom right

GameDub | 0

#821583 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:56

yeahh that's where it is on my touch. @OP: fyl :)

BoarderBoy15 | 0

#821644 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 14:34

yea u deserve it for saying waste recipricle or whatever

joshhh11 | 0

#821868 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 16:41

original poster. i think :/

turdburgers | 0

#822130 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 18:49

yep. I prefer submitter myself, but whatever.

MBTnauset | 0

#822310 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:18

original/opening post... and thx 11 and 21

crazyb56 | 0

#823449 - Thursday 4 February 2010 3:09

thanks, to much lingo. they need to make a legend or something

shadaboo2014 | 0

#824010 - Thursday 4 February 2010 6:48

HAHA hope u had insurance

By Terwilliger | 0

#821425 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:09

lol.

dota_pwnage | 7

#821669 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 14:48

haha wow the flaming that happens on this site XD more fun than the fml's XD

KurouTenshi | 0

#822514 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 21:46

@31 that's why I read LOL

Pointy130 | 0

#823663 - Thursday 4 February 2010 4:31

I lol'd at "run away waste receptacle"

By omg2010 | 0

#821432 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:11

definetely sucks

By rob3 | 0

#821439 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:15

I fucking hate AT

By rob3 | 0

#821445 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:17

I said I fucking hate at

By itouchguy360 | 3

#821449 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:20

There isn't much you can do to protect your car in that kind of situation. But op, do you have a garage?

auren15 | 9

#821457 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:26

this happened to my mom only it her rear bumper

lickmyjock | 0

#821462 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:30

Yeah I'm sure her "rear bumper" got rammed, HARD.

infiniti_G | 0

#821493 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:51

That's fucked up ^

lickmyjock | 0

#821503 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:00

Yeah so was the look on her face as I gave it to her.

jimsmells67 | 0

#821814 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 16:19

ok this is getting weird

By judetheobvious | 0

#821486 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:46

YDI for calling a rubbish bin a 'trash can'.

Averizzle | 0

#821580 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:53

Get out of here Brit rubbish can trash can who the hell cares?

infiniti_G | 0

#821641 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 14:32

YDI FOR HAVING A CAR

KayBizz | 0

#821952 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 17:26

^ lmfao. that's just mean

namnams | 3

#822135 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 18:51

It's not even a "rubbish can". It is a rubbish BIN.

At OP: YDI for using stupid jargon.

shaBAMalex | 0

#822162 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 19:04

I think that Brit's should learn the slang of the U.S. and not criticize everyone who doesn't do things the way they do. It's getting ridiculous

omnistryder | 0

#822242 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 19:47

lol... rubbish bin

applesmoothiee | 2

#822551 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 22:05

lol...trash can

Freeze_fml | 16

#822918 - Thursday 4 February 2010 0:40

lol... rubbish bin

metazoanhaddock | 11

#824069 - Thursday 4 February 2010 7:19

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!!!

By Wogg_fml | 0

#821496 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 12:52

You should pick up a pamphlet on those new things called garages.

Cupcaken | 0

#821570 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:51

ever considered he might not have the money, live in a apartmant, or arnt as snobby and highclass as your ass.

By elenaa_fml | 0

#821526 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:23

Good thing you used the word receptacle, otherwise I might have thought you were dumb.

By youthink_fml | 0

#821560 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:47

This isn't a FML. You must have it pretty easy in life.

DogmaT_fml | 4

#821754 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 15:52

what if OP worked very hard to get a nice car and really cares about her appearance? image is everything now