By blackcarnation - United States - South Windsor Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML I agree, your life sucks 39740 You deserved it 3734 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tiredoftrying - Australia Today, I received my fourth rejection email from McDonald's after applying for one position with them a few weeks ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 1993 You deserved it 299 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By artist - Czech Republic - Prague Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML I agree, your life sucks 36782 You deserved it 4504 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous Today, after almost a year of having threesomes with my “best friend” and her husband, they both confessed that neither of them actually even like me. They just went along with it because they thought it’s what the other wanted. Now they won’t even talk to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 2430 You deserved it 772 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 05:02 Alexa, play "Glad to be Unhappy" by The Mamas & The Papas Today, my ex told me he never wanted to talk to me again, because of how annoying I am. I’m still madly in love with him. FML I agree, your life sucks 579 You deserved it 428 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jem - New Zealand - Auckland Today, I was fired for "blatant, inexcusable racism". My boss had asked me which website background I preferred for our company, and I said that white backgrounds are usually best. He thinks that I believe in white supremacy, and that's bad for the company's image. FML I agree, your life sucks 35856 You deserved it 2639 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Daddo - United States - Elkhart Call CPS! Today, picking up my children from school, I overheard some kids saying what a rotten person their dad was, and how they hated him. It was my kids talking to their friends about me! Why? Because I didn't buy them a bag of jelly beans the day before. FML I agree, your life sucks 4117 You deserved it 402 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Staying Home Today - United States - Severn Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML I agree, your life sucks 38873 You deserved it 3766 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kristina - United States Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML I agree, your life sucks 48909 You deserved it 6854 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML I agree, your life sucks 22639 You deserved it 4665 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AyoitsSteveo - United States Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML I agree, your life sucks 21897 You deserved it 158942 484 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Pimp-Daddy - Canada Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML I agree, your life sucks 46349 You deserved it 14110 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Gangnam - Sweden - Bromma Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML I agree, your life sucks 27510 You deserved it 3948 215 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By that girl. - United States Today, instead of having my friends come pick me up, my dad drove me over to visit them. He insisted on walking me up to the door, hugging me goodbye, and making sure my friends were appropriate enough to hang out with. I'm in college. FML I agree, your life sucks 27395 You deserved it 3522 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By machismo - United States Today, in preparation for proposing to my girlfriend, I borrowed one of her rings, so I could discreetly get her ring size. Not only have I now lost the ring, which turns out to be a keepsake of her dead grandmother, I still don't know her ring size. FML I agree, your life sucks 17294 You deserved it 44910 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By goldfish - Canada Today, I came home to an eviction notice after an apartment inspection. The reason? Having an unauthorized pet that could cause unnecessary damage to my suite. My pet is a goldfish. FML I agree, your life sucks 34042 You deserved it 3864 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By asnolt - United States Sex Ed is broken Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 58552 You deserved it 9311 305 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By turriblebday - United States Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML I agree, your life sucks 32696 You deserved it 2569 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihatemyjob Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my co-worker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML I agree, your life sucks 13500 You deserved it 1015 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Eric Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because I added an old high school friend on Facebook. She claims this person is getting in the middle of our relationship. I haven't talked to him in years, and he lives across the country. FML I agree, your life sucks 1806 You deserved it 147 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By M.L. - United States Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML I agree, your life sucks 38372 You deserved it 12725 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By smdh - United States Ghost in the machine Today, my mother told me that my dead grandmother speaks to her. How? When she's thinking of her while brushing her teeth, her electric toothbrush will suddenly stop buzzing and this tells her her mother is communicating with her. FML I agree, your life sucks 21576 You deserved it 1772 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LoveStinks Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML I agree, your life sucks 16124 You deserved it 2527 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By theyre not THAT big. - United States - Auburn Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML I agree, your life sucks 47481 You deserved it 3177 267 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cock sauce - Switzerland - Luzern Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML I agree, your life sucks 11333 You deserved it 29516 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bewitched and bothered - United States Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML I agree, your life sucks 36393 You deserved it 2593 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML I agree, your life sucks 24206 You deserved it 69845 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 28208 You deserved it 1878 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML I agree, your life sucks 14993 You deserved it 32605 144 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rollercoaster - United States Today, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. Completely crushed, I spent an hour gathering up everything he ever gave me. Then he calls back to say how stupid he was and how he wanted me back. I was ecstatic. An hour later he figured out he was okay with his first decision. FML I agree, your life sucks 44918 You deserved it 4643 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Yorba Linda Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML I agree, your life sucks 24071 You deserved it 7241 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By taz Today, I saw an old high school friend I haven't seen in years and decided to sneak up to surprise him. In the last 15 years he became a soldier and a Muay Thai martial artist. My arm is numb and I think I may be peeing blood. Never sneak up behind a soldier. It really hurts. FML I agree, your life sucks 1319 You deserved it 3046 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FuckYou - United States - Santa Maria Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 8631 You deserved it 53868 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 20:02 AT&Twat Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his best friend that the only reason he likes to sleep over at my house is for the sex and the fast internet. FML I agree, your life sucks 1277 You deserved it 219 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, the manager that hired me and worked for years to inspire and connect her staff was laid to rest. Hours before the funeral, her replacement told me he wanted my 2 weeks notice on his desk tonight. I've been a model employee, he just doesn't like me. FML I agree, your life sucks 5459 You deserved it 259 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dinosaurboy - United States Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML I agree, your life sucks 30598 You deserved it 5436 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ania - United States Today, I went shopping with my mom. I went into my department and tried on some clothes. After a few minutes, there is an announcement that a child has gone missing. Staff are searching the store. I see my mom and she hugs me in tears and yells, "I found her!" I'm almost 17. FML I agree, your life sucks 42783 You deserved it 3616 197 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lowlife123 - United States - Manawa Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML I agree, your life sucks 43768 You deserved it 7406 210 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ismerf19 Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML I agree, your life sucks 29368 You deserved it 7339 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Croatia - Rijeka Today, I have a tooth infection that's spread to my jaw and ear. It hurts so badly that I'm practically in tears. Today's also the day I found out I'm allergic to the medication I was prescribed. Everything hurts, I'm covered in hives, and I can't stop throwing up. FML I agree, your life sucks 37085 You deserved it 2150 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 05:08 - United States - San Mateo Laundry drama Today, I did laundry with one of my new white sweaters and other light-colored clothes. After it all went through the dryer, I found out there are now dark shades on it and it looks like a years-old old sweater, and can't be cleaned. I didn't even get a chance to put it on once. FML I agree, your life sucks 412 You deserved it 650 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blayzie420 | 7 #5802091 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:21 shove a potato in it.. Send a private message 72 4 Reply
By vixsin | 22 #5802093 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:23 Well that blows. Send a private message 43 4 Reply
By blayzie420 | 7 #5802091 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:21 shove a potato in it.. Send a private message 72 4 Reply
Reply Fermion | 20 #5802099 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:25 I think some dish soap would do more damage. Send a private message 10 1 Reply
Reply Ambient25 | 24 #5802107 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:29 I think grabbing his sax and trying it out on him while he's asleep will do more damage. There's no worse sound than hearing an instrument scream by someone who doesn't know what they're doing... Send a private message 31 1 Reply
Reply JustinKirby | 20 #5802108 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:30 Just do what sandy did to Patrick, the instruments are similar enough Send a private message 18 1 Reply
Reply Sports_guy3 | 28 #5802150 - Monday 23 December 2013 6:02 By any chance was it at 2am? Send a private message 2 3 Reply
Reply ohnowhyme123 | 15 #5802184 - Monday 23 December 2013 6:43 screw the potato shove some shit in it Send a private message 3 2 Reply
Reply ChevyRedneck85 | 13 #5802439 - Monday 23 December 2013 12:53 Did he also have a camcorder? Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply incoherentrmblr | 21 #5802456 - Monday 23 December 2013 13:26 Did he at least try to do epic sax man? Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Reply RoboCunnilingus | 23 #5804836 - Wednesday 25 December 2013 19:38 I think you should just hit him in his... sax. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Reply j4k3omega | 5 #5807596 - Saturday 28 December 2013 8:14 Doing that would only muffle the low notes. Which would leave the high ones. Which are way more annoying. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By vixsin | 22 #5802093 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:23 Well that blows. Send a private message 43 4 Reply
Reply Fermion | 20 #5802095 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:24 At least he wasn't blowing OP. Send a private message 3 23 Reply
Reply ComoEsJuan | 24 #5802098 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:24 6- Seriously? Go home, you're drunk. Send a private message 21 2 Reply
Reply Fermion | 20 #5802110 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:33 Sorry about that, a little bit too random and uncalled for. Send a private message 3 8 Reply
Reply Ambient25 | 24 #5802113 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:35 "I don't normally make a drunk comment, but when I do, I make it from the safety of my home" Send a private message 6 11 Reply
Reply Ambient25 | 24 #5802123 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:42 As I look at all my Yeungling bottles, it takes one to know one. Send a private message 5 9 Reply
Reply outoftown | 26 #5802206 - Monday 23 December 2013 7:05 26 - Apology accepted. But only because you mentioned Yeungling :) Send a private message 2 4 Reply
By littlem91 | 29 #5802094 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:23 Just remember, vengeance will be sweet. Start planning! Send a private message 19 1 Reply
Reply junkman6 | 22 #5802278 - Monday 23 December 2013 8:14 Red Forman says "break your boot in by sticking it up your siblings ass." Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By zoegirl_455 | 30 #5802100 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:25 That's how all musicians break in an instrument. It's the new thing Send a private message 15 2 Reply
Reply kmccain | 27 #5802310 - Monday 23 December 2013 9:01 It's the best way to break it in. I did it with my piccolo. Send a private message 0 2 Reply
Reply jazzy_123 | 20 #5803488 - Tuesday 24 December 2013 9:32 I remember I wanted to learn to play sax because of Lisa Simpson x) Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By awkwardloveannie | 28 #5802101 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:26 I think that's a great way.. he was sharing his love and talent with you Send a private message 10 1 Reply
By ColbyGB | 13 #5802102 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:27 Who doesn't like ear sax? Send a private message 20 2 Reply
By spluver0005 | 17 #5802106 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:29 At least it's not a recorder Send a private message 5 8 Reply
Reply MidnaLink | 32 #5802118 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:39 A recorder would be MUCH better than a saxophone!! Send a private message 3 5 Reply
Reply spluver0005 | 17 #5802121 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:40 Have you ever heard what a recorder sounds like? Send a private message 2 11 Reply
Reply MidnaLink | 32 #5802198 - Monday 23 December 2013 6:56 spluver yes from the sixth grade and if you had to get noise played close to your ears they are better than saxes by comparison. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply that_band_nerd | 22 #5802207 - Monday 23 December 2013 7:06 Well if there's one thing I've learned it's that he'll grow out of practicing, all saxophones do. Send a private message 3 1 Reply
By jdeezy01 | 13 #5802109 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:31 This is a good reason for you to start learning to play the bag pipes. Send a private message 19 0 Reply
By RedPillSucks | 31 #5802111 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:34 Help him break it in by shoving it up his ass. Send a private message 14 1 Reply
Reply Elkrider | 13 #5804901 - Wednesday 25 December 2013 20:48 Now there's a good idea. "Show me how you play it now!" Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By cloud1138 | 10 #5802112 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:34 make him learn careless whisper Send a private message 3 2 Reply
Reply ApparentlyCheap | 9 #5802144 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:58 One problem, us sax players love playing it to drive everyone else nuts. Send a private message 4 2 Reply
Reply that_band_nerd | 22 #5806087 - Friday 27 December 2013 2:25 The directors banned it at my school. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked... I agree, your life sucks 58 You deserved it 13 1 Comments
Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML I agree, your life sucks 156 You deserved it 11 3 Comments