Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join... - FML

By showerstupid - 4/4/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML

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White line fever

Caught red-handed

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 7/1/2020 14:00 - United States - San Diego

My family

Today, I had to listen for over 10 minutes as my brother and grandmother discussed how much they hate me. They thought I was asleep. FML

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By rawr_ily96 - 24/5/2020 08:00 - United States

Barf

Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML

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By notonthepavement - 15/2/2016 11:04 - United States - Desoto

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

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By 552220000 - 14/6/2019 22:00

Meanwhile, at Harvard…

Today, I raised my hand to answer a question, but I forgot the answer, so when the teacher called on me, I just said, "I need to pee." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

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By Pauline - 9/2/2016 21:35 - United States

Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML

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By Blackberry - 10/7/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I paid $80 to change my cell number because my ex-girlfriend had been stalking me. To inform all of my friends of the change, I sent a mass text message to everyone in my phonebook. Including my ex. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2009 18:48 - United States

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2014 02:11 - United States - Pratt

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

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By littlegirl - 7/5/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

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By snotface - 23/4/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

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By bad_day_in_hell - 17/11/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss' wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men". I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML

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By Sir Smokalot - 24/9/2009 08:05 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. When we got there, I hugged his mother, and she glared at me. Later that day, I heard her telling her son that he should leave me because I smell like cigarettes, and she hates smokers. I don't smoke, my boyfriend does. He did all the way there. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2019 04:00

Today, my drunk neighbor informed me that if I don't keep my skunk out of his yard, he's going to call the cops. I live in town, and it's a wild skunk. FML

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By canadiankc - 4/6/2009 02:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

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By fuckmeitsgettingworse - 24/2/2014 19:36 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

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By seriouslywtf - 28/4/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

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By GlassJAwkidE - 29/10/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I learned there is a taste difference between grabbing a glass of milk that has been sitting on your night table for a week and the one you put on there 3 minutes before. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML

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By nasty_ex - 21/6/2011 12:25 - Australia

Today, I finally found out who has been sending me hate letters, it's my husband's ex-wife. They've been divorced for 7 years. FML

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By jane smith - 1/7/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

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By uncleaning - 22/7/2009 23:03 - United States

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

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By Rimmy Jobs - 21/8/2012 16:39 - United States

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

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By britt93 - 26/9/2019 00:01

Ol' Blue Eyes

Today, I learned that if you sing along with an old Frank Sinatra song, the elderly who hear you will want to talk to you about things you have no idea about, for a very long time. FML

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By lonestar - 3/2/2010 13:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

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By Ew. - 9/4/2012 15:22 - United Kingdom

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

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By Tag - 31/8/2013 04:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML

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By fml - 4/8/2018 20:30

Today, I noticed the results of my hair growth vitamins. It's been a month since my bad haircut, and I've seen some definite growth... Everywhere except my head. FML

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By - 30/1/2020 20:00

Someone else

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

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By Dana - 10/5/2011 08:36 - Netherlands

Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML

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By yolomane - 6/12/2019 01:00

He does not care!

Today, I was walking to the bus stop for school. And the bus drove past me, I chased it and fell in a puddle, my boyfriend was in the bus, and he laughed. FML

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By Joe thomas - 24/7/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I was riding on my bike when I saw a homeless guy holding a sign saying, "Need money, stranded from Oklahoma." I decided to be nice, and hopped off my bike to give him $2. He took the money, and then jacked my bike. FML

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By Roida - 26/10/2009 10:15 - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

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By CarSick - 23/2/2011 03:55 - United States

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

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By ohshit - 29/3/2011 00:31 - Canada

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

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By whatproject - 24/9/2009 09:50 - United States

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

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By abnormallyadam - 9/2/2016 13:08 - Australia - Footscray

Today, I found out that the guy I've been crushing on for months is actually 15 years old. I'm 22. Not only is it gross, but it's also illegal. FML

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By hadakanbo - 17/4/2020 05:00

They targeted gamers. GAMERS.

Today, after spending weeks collecting almost every star, flag, and stamp of Super Mario 3D World on the Wii U, I was working on the very last of the super bonus levels to get the final 12 of 380 available stars when my five-year-old decided to help. By accidentally deleting the file. FML

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By hoplessG - 24/12/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

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Top comments

By chimmy | 0

#81709 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:51

Your boyfriend lives with his parents and u still thought it was a good idea to strip, go to the bathroom and hop in with whomever was there? ydi

By 666midnight | 0

#81743 - Saturday 4 April 2009 16:00

Lol to be honest that would of been worse if you didn't knock yourself out, imagine climbing in the shower and going to grab your boyfriend and then realising it was his dad...To be honest knocking yourself out was the best thing that could of happened to you =P

Comments

By Marysenjo | 0

#81702 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:50

hahaha oh god, AWKWARD. why didn't you first..knock on the door? or how many showers do they have if he told you he was going to take a shower but his dad was taking a shower as well?

By SomethingWitty | 0

#81704 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:51

So you were going join your boyfriend in the shower while your parents were home? YDI

Reply

slynoble32 | 11

#2188280 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 6:38

lol

Reply

509b | 5

#5439005 - Sunday 7 April 2013 19:23

Not too witty are ya...she said boyfriends dad!

By chimmy | 0

#81709 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:51

Your boyfriend lives with his parents and u still thought it was a good idea to strip, go to the bathroom and hop in with whomever was there? ydi

By nomadxx7 | 0

#81718 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:54

Agree #3.

I have 2 bathrooms in my house. 1 in my bedroom (private) and one for the house. Kinda stupid if they only had 1 bathroom to assume that it was your BF. At least you gave his father a show.

By hiandbye | 0

#81722 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:55

even if you hadn't passed out still would have made an epic fail

By Hong_Kong | 0

#81736 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:58

HAHAHA knocking yourself out on the toilets a FML already, but this is like 2 FML's in one

By 666midnight | 0

#81743 - Saturday 4 April 2009 16:00

Lol to be honest that would of been worse if you didn't knock yourself out, imagine climbing in the shower and going to grab your boyfriend and then realising it was his dad...To be honest knocking yourself out was the best thing that could of happened to you =P

Reply

KRYPTON1T3 | 5

#1881270 - Thursday 23 December 2010 7:48

your right, it could have been far worse...

By UnCensoredBitch | 0

#81744 - Saturday 4 April 2009 16:00

Maybe he didn't think you were about to get into the shower with him, but that you just like to walk around naked? ;)

By jillian_xx | 0

#81746 - Saturday 4 April 2009 16:01

well where was your boyfriend if he wasn't in the shower? but seriously, dumb move on your part.

By UrLifeDoesntSuck | 0

#81762 - Saturday 4 April 2009 16:06

Wow, you are retarded. YDI.