Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join... - FML

By showerstupid - 4/4/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML

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Family values

The end of the road

Bustin' my ass

By anonymous - 6/7/2016 13:53 - United States

Today, I got a question wrong on an exam. The question started with, "In your opinion..." FML

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By right - 2/8/2013 14:08 - United Kingdom - Weymouth

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2014 02:52

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

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By MonsterInLaw - 8/6/2013 23:26 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my 21-year-old girlfriend finally got the courage to tell her mom that she wanted to move in with me. It turns out she was right to be afraid; during the talk, her mother yelled at us, calling her a slut and saying she was too young to be "shacking up with some guy." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

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By DarkMaskDiva - 16/6/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I found out the medications my doctor gave me for depression are making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

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By Asterisk1009 - 29/6/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

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By fmldailyyy - 18/9/2010 23:13 - Ireland

Today, my husband told me he had been cheating on me for the past 8 months. Twenty minutes later, he asked me what was for dinner. FML

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By kennyjhynes - 23/6/2014 13:56 - United States

Today, I drove 12 hours with 6 screaming little girls. They were arguing about things that should've been in the Lego movie. They watched it 4 times. FML

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By bob - 11/9/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, I was eating noodles. Midway through chewing, I sneezed. The noodles got stuck in my nose. FML

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By ew - 27/10/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, I realized that my dandruff issue was so horrible, that even my eyebrows have dandruff. FML

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By chacha - 28/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

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By Carrie - 28/3/2020 02:00

Stuck in the middle with you

Today, I had to beg and argue with my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This has become a recurring argument now we're confined together. FML

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By Alison - 10/3/2012 22:48 - United States

Today, I found out I've miserably failed a college exam. My friend had agreed to pass me answers if I needed them, since I've hardly studied this year. We were on the phone when she said, "Oh, those answers were bullshit. Serves you right, huh?" FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2015 10:05 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2014 21:35 - United States - Green Lane

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

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By DDboy - 13/10/2019 22:00

Going pro

Today, I got yelled at by one of the managers at my store for tucking in my shirt in the crew room. She called it unprofessional and offensive. It was my first day. FML

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By Liz - 27/9/2010 19:30 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend had his phone taken away by his dad for this past week. I have been sending him naked photos and other naughty things this entire week, or so I thought. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2016 04:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after assuring my best friend that his girlfriend would never cheat on him, I came home to my brother having loud sex with my best friend's girlfriend. FML

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By princess - 7/12/2015 14:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 3 year old daughter's Halloween costume finally got delivered. FML

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By KillMePlease - 11/3/2015 20:15 - United States - Hicksville

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

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By gvmfvr - 8/5/2014 20:48 - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

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By stolen-car - 26/6/2012 02:55 - United States - Columbia

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

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By llostinreality - 30/9/2018 07:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, the blinker on my car was broken so I decided to play it safe and drive a different car to work. I guess it wouldn’t have mattered which car I drove, as the cop nicely told me one of the headlights was out when he pulled me over. FML

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By tabbycacti - 30/11/2015 13:06 - Australia

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light. I saw my neighbour and her new boyfriend crossing the road, then noticed as he started grabbing his crotch, but thought nothing of it. They both then pulled down their pants and urinated in the middle of the busy intersection. FML

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By future MIL slasher - 23/9/2012 21:05 - United States - Rindge

Today, I was driving home on the highway with my wife and her parents. As I overtook another car, a rock got kicked up into our windshield. My wife screamed about the crack it created, while my mother-in-law goaded her on and mocked my "piss-poor driving." FML

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By Pururururin - 11/6/2020 08:08

Sounds bad

Today, I accidentally deleted an audio file for my first professional video project. Impossible to do a retake, because the production budget was so tight. The audio from the camera sounds bad and file recovery program still can't help. Also, the deadline is this week. FML

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By Bacular - 6/2/2010 09:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2018 15:00

Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML

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By Brandon Lafantaisie - 3/5/2020 14:00

Back in the red

Today, I sneezed and pulled every muscle in my lower back. For the third time in two years, after $3000+ in physiotherapy. Round 3, here we come. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 05:38

Today, I asked my parents if I had a college fund because I will be going to university in two years. They laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 20:04

More proof the system is broken

Today, my younger sister, who lives at home and worked 1 day a week at the gym, got her unemployment card. I work at a hospital, on the frontlines, with COVID-19 patients. I don't get hazard pay. She now makes more than me in a week by sitting at home watching Netflix, while I risk my life every day to help people. FML

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By Should I stay or go? - 17/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was supposed to hear from my supervisor about whether or not my company was going to be letting me go. I've been on continual probation for the last 6 months, waiting to hear when they'll decide. She'd said last Friday that I'd definitely hear from her today. It's now 5:30 p.m. She's gone home. FML

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By Dean Heffern - 22/2/2011 14:28

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill". He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

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By Raw - 25/1/2017 14:00

Today, I shoveled snow at work. I had to because my co-workers refused to "get sick." I told my co-workers if anyone needs me, just tell them I'm shoveling snow. Our boss asked for me and they said that I left without punching. This also happened when I went out to water the flowers in the summer. FML

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By sicksicksick - 19/6/2013 17:23 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

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By "breejanai" - 11/4/2017 04:00

Today, while working as a veterinary assistant, an owner stood extremely close to me and kept accidentally petting me instead of her dog. After her dog was examined, she asked me if I'd ever had the chicken pox because she has shingles and it's contagious to those who haven't. I haven't. FML

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Top comments

By chimmy | 0

#81709 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:51

Your boyfriend lives with his parents and u still thought it was a good idea to strip, go to the bathroom and hop in with whomever was there? ydi

By 666midnight | 0

#81743 - Saturday 4 April 2009 16:00

Lol to be honest that would of been worse if you didn't knock yourself out, imagine climbing in the shower and going to grab your boyfriend and then realising it was his dad...To be honest knocking yourself out was the best thing that could of happened to you =P

COMMENTS

By Marysenjo | 0

#81702 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:50

hahaha oh god, AWKWARD. why didn't you first..knock on the door? or how many showers do they have if he told you he was going to take a shower but his dad was taking a shower as well?

By SomethingWitty | 0

#81704 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:51

So you were going join your boyfriend in the shower while your parents were home? YDI

Reply

slynoble32 | 11

#2188280 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 6:38

lol

Reply

509b | 5

#5439005 - Sunday 7 April 2013 19:23

Not too witty are ya...she said boyfriends dad!

By chimmy | 0

#81709 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:51

Your boyfriend lives with his parents and u still thought it was a good idea to strip, go to the bathroom and hop in with whomever was there? ydi

By nomadxx7 | 0

#81718 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:54

Agree #3.

I have 2 bathrooms in my house. 1 in my bedroom (private) and one for the house. Kinda stupid if they only had 1 bathroom to assume that it was your BF. At least you gave his father a show.

By hiandbye | 0

#81722 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:55

even if you hadn't passed out still would have made an epic fail

By Hong_Kong | 0

#81736 - Saturday 4 April 2009 15:58

HAHAHA knocking yourself out on the toilets a FML already, but this is like 2 FML's in one

By 666midnight | 0

#81743 - Saturday 4 April 2009 16:00

Lol to be honest that would of been worse if you didn't knock yourself out, imagine climbing in the shower and going to grab your boyfriend and then realising it was his dad...To be honest knocking yourself out was the best thing that could of happened to you =P

Reply

KRYPTON1T3 | 5

#1881270 - Thursday 23 December 2010 7:48

your right, it could have been far worse...

By UnCensoredBitch | 0

#81744 - Saturday 4 April 2009 16:00

Maybe he didn't think you were about to get into the shower with him, but that you just like to walk around naked? ;)

By jillian_xx | 0

#81746 - Saturday 4 April 2009 16:01

well where was your boyfriend if he wasn't in the shower? but seriously, dumb move on your part.

By UrLifeDoesntSuck | 0

#81762 - Saturday 4 April 2009 16:06

Wow, you are retarded. YDI.