Geek: Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of...

By saynotochrispine - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

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Geek

Family values

Boozehound

Left hanging

By mummer11 - Ireland

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

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By dragonstooth257

Today, my child is so super clingy and needy, I have to sit and watch her bounce on the trampoline attentatively or else face hours and hours of whining. She's like the Screamapillar from the Simpsons. FML

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By sciencetime

Today, I had environmental science class. My teacher doesn't believe humans are affecting climate change or that we should protect endangered species. He slants class discussions so now all my classmates agree with him. FML

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By number2 - United States

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

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By Lady

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everyone that my fiancé and I are having a "shotgun wedding" because we plan to get married quickly. She didn't realize that means that the bride is pregnant, which I'm not. I have no idea what to do with the baby gifts I'm receiving. FML

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By unhappystudent - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, after a long night of studying, my roommate and her friends decided it would be fun to throw a mini party in my room at 7am. FML

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By Musicfreak - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

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By jessye1182 - United States - Yaphank

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and go seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

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By Chanman1924 - United States

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

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By - 7/2/2020 18:00

Bachelor party

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

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By lingling - United States - Germantown

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML

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By boom - United States

Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML

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By althornton2462 - United States - Hudson

Today, I messaged the guy I've been seeing for 4 months, referring to him as my boyfriend. His response? "I didn't realize you had a boyfriend." FML

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By mael - France

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

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By IAMALITAHA - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

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By grounded. - United States

Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living with my grandfather to take care of him. Today, he grounded me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML

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By AnonUser464 - United States

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

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By SaltIsReal

Today, after winning the first set for school tennis championship, the losing side refused to shake hands with my team. We ended up getting disqualified from the championship by the referee for bad conduct, even though it wasn't our fault. We told the referee what happened, and he said, "Suck it up." FML

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By planking champion - United States

Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML

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By luckygirl - United States

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

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By freakingow - United States

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

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By MBrabs1996

Today, despite the schedule saying I was off, I found out I’m supposed to be working because my boss changed the schedule without my knowledge. FML

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By fmylifebadddd - United States

Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was finally leaving my hometown to live in my dream city. Everything was packed, keys were handed in, goodbyes were made. The moment my truck began pulling out to get underway, the guy I had gotten a room from in my new city called to inform me that he decided to rent to someone else. FML

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By Holland

Today, my check engine light came on. I took my car to the dealership, to be told it wasn’t an issue, and I would be fine to drive and use my car normally until my appointment in 4 days. Four hours later, my car won’t start 45 minutes from home. I guess a $200 tow bill means I wasn’t fine. FML

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By lynnie - United States

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

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By baffled - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML

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By ScoobieDoo - United States

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

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By Notabum - United States

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were exchanging some naughty pictures. I accidentally sent one to everybody on my contacts, including my ex, my boss, and even Pizza Hut. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML

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By Jenson - 17/11/2020 19:05 - United Kingdom

Size Queen

Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mckinney

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said "Mommy, why doesn't anyone wanna marry you?" I've been asking myself the same question for all too many years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

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Top comments

By 1suckatL1fe | 6

#436660 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

your boyfriend is my HERO!!

By Arcterion | 0

#436661 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

I think your boyfriend is awesome and I will try to be just like him one day.

COMMENTS

By 1suckatL1fe | 6

#436660 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

your boyfriend is my HERO!!

Nyabinghi_fml | 0

#436949 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 15:44

... I would so be up for that!

Also, two words, my friend: Pon Farr.

XD

pennies83 | 0

#436959 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 15:50

That's HOT!

nonotme | 0

#437420 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 18:43

Like, why is this an FML?

likeOMGwow | 0

#437515 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 19:26

I agree that is really sexy!! you'd have to be crazy not to think Mr. Spock is hot!!
your boyfriend is the MAN. I'd go along with this in a second!

Live long and prosper.

z_x_c_v_b_n_m | 0

#437911 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 21:32

YES! i completly agree, that would totally make me so happy. :D i hope that happens to me someday.

audiogasmic | 0

#438706 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:16

OH GOD YES. pon farr baby.

i would so be all over this.

especially if he had the pointy ears... i love spock.

GrapefruitZoe | 0

#439098 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:08

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

GrapefruitZoe | 0

#439101 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:09

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

DeadMansCrack | 4

#441816 - Thursday 30 July 2009 5:55

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

Rauron | 0

#441867 - Thursday 30 July 2009 6:22

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

duck_duck_cat | 0

#495231 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 3:33

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS??????? Chekov is so much hotter than Spock.

PurpleSky_fml | 0

#528864 - Monday 31 August 2009 9:08

Seriously. That's more like MY fantasy! If only I had a boyfriend who would be up for that...

dragonpink | 0

#583298 - Thursday 24 September 2009 5:20

YES!!!!! pon farr baby!

Captain_Badass | 0

#986894 - Saturday 1 May 2010 6:44

You. Win. lol.

By Arcterion | 0

#436661 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

I think your boyfriend is awesome and I will try to be just like him one day.

sxcsatan999 | 2

#2830906 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:14

Is your man Sheldon!!!

By Maxine17 | 8

#436672 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:35

Oh no, i feel for you. :/ Same thing happened to my friend, apart from it was Star Wars and she had to call her BF Luke Skywalker.

chocolatebear99 | 0

#436875 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 14:50

i guess after that she didn't play with Luke's lightsaber much

metamorphmagus | 0

#438039 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 22:11

XDDD

insanechinaman | 0

#438499 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:46

LOL 29 you're amazing :D

zcalo | 0

#438580 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:25

at least it wasn't Darth Maul?

UphillAlways | 0

#479320 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:25

Be more inclined for Han Solo really ^_^

As to the Darth Maul comment, siths are HOT!

By ashbaz | 0

#436674 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:36

and he's still your boyfriend wow lol

By boatiebanter | 0

#436679 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:39

Spock's science turns me on.

By hopiee | 0

#436690 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:45

rofl, SO SXC :|

By bassfah | 0

#436691 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:46

Well.. On the bright side,just imagine if he was into pokemon. He'll be forcing you in and out of his pokeball at his wish..

By kyasuriin | 0

#436693 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:46

No way he can be as hot as Mr. Spock. But congrats for trying!

dragonpink | 0

#583310 - Thursday 24 September 2009 5:27

But just think: It's PERMISSION to fantasize you're having sex with ZQ! I think it's a win win situation.

HetaliaFreak | 10

#3547087 - Saturday 5 November 2011 21:34

Or Leonard Nimoy!

By feelingblue | 0

#436697 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:48

your boyfriend is cook:>

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#436710 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:55

Did he give you the SPOCKER as opposed to the SHOCKER???

ashleymarielouis | 0

#2635814 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:34

siiiiiick. haha.