Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of...

By saynotochrispine - 28/7/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

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Geek

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Fashion Police

Breaking Badly

By xoccerplaya - 6/10/2011 10:46 - United States

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

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By Ghostie - 2/7/2009 09:15 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both on the bed, and I was lying on the floor next to their bed. Halfway through the movie, apparently forgetting that I was in the room, my parents started getting friendly. Three feet away from me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2014 06:06 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2009 01:40 - United States

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had 2 textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I face planted with my books flying everywhere. FML

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By duckyou - 2/4/2018 01:30

What the Duck?

Today, on the way to class, I got distracted while watching some ducks and walked face- first into a concrete pole. I ended up with a black eye and three stitches. Even the nurse laughed. FML

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By ohcrap - 11/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

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By coolhand - 29/8/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

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By skyphoenix - 12/8/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 07:24 - Canada - Milton

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

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By FML.. - 6/4/2009 19:51 - China

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

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By smokeysarah94 - 4/3/2013 01:17 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boss and I had to come up with a code to call if a person acts inappropriately towards me because I "attract too many weirdos." FML

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By hockeymango57 - 24/9/2017 23:15

J'accuse...!

Today, one of my friends blew a giant vape cloud and the principal saw and called us into his office. We blamed each other, so the principal checked both of our backpacks. Apparently, my friend snuck his pen into my bag somehow. I don't even vape. FML

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By WeddingWoes - 3/11/2012 19:42 - United States - Columbia

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 18:03

Protip

Today, my endometriosis has reached stage 4 and has spread to many organs, including my colon. My constipation got so bad that my Apple Watch told me it was time to stand up. FML

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By not as easy as pie - 16/10/2015 16:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML

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By etahrabayraa - 27/6/2020 08:08

Instadrama

Today, I was stalking a popular girl from my high school's account and my phone went bonkers. It looks like I liked and disliked the same video of hers over and over. I disabled my Instagram account. FML

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By Ihatecleaning - 14/1/2017 12:00

Today, I found out from the doctor that I have a concussion. Was it from a wicked sports injury? No, my idiot brother decided to judo kick the door open while I was on the floor vacuuming the front carpet. FML

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By XRayXLopez1 - 20/9/2016 03:31 - United States - Dallas

Today, I met a friend I hadn't seen in forever. After talking for a while, he says "I knew there was a reason I stopped talking to you." FML

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By NotHappyJan - 3/12/2018 03:00

Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

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By chacha - 28/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

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By davka - 18/4/2011 15:09

Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML

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By alisaav - 8/8/2014 07:40 - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

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By mybmw - 14/10/2009 10:39 - United States

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

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By ModernDayMaid - 25/3/2019 22:00

Today was just like any other normal day. Spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I felt great until I went into just about every room I’d cleaned and saw that it was messed up again with zero attempts from my stepdaughter to clean it back up. I really hate preteens. FML

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By thefuckman - 14/9/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2011 16:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

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By stitchesupmyass - 1/11/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML

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By jcesom - 29/7/2009 05:53 - United States

Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML

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By curiousminx - 6/12/2016 02:32 - Australia - Morningside

Today, is my first day as a student nurse. It was also the first day I learnt I was allergic to latex gloves. FML

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By myself - 20/9/2012 07:00 - United States - Seaside

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

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By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

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By OhDear - 24/2/2011 20:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

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By Username - 21/3/2012 17:10 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

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By sadface - 11/8/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

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By badwife - 7/11/2009 10:22 - Japan

Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

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By OhNo - 22/1/2016 21:28 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2014 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

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By Peach - 5/12/2017 15:00

Today, my husband finally decided to help with the laundry. He washed a pen and it exploded in the dryer. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2012 00:23 - United States

Today, I was so insecure, I got scared of what people might think of my fingers. FML

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Top comments

By 1suckatL1fe | 6

#436660 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

your boyfriend is my HERO!!

By Arcterion | 0

#436661 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

I think your boyfriend is awesome and I will try to be just like him one day.

COMMENTS

By 1suckatL1fe | 6

#436660 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

your boyfriend is my HERO!!

Nyabinghi_fml | 0

#436949 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 15:44

... I would so be up for that!

Also, two words, my friend: Pon Farr.

XD

pennies83 | 0

#436959 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 15:50

That's HOT!

nonotme | 0

#437420 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 18:43

Like, why is this an FML?

likeOMGwow | 0

#437515 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 19:26

I agree that is really sexy!! you'd have to be crazy not to think Mr. Spock is hot!!
your boyfriend is the MAN. I'd go along with this in a second!

Live long and prosper.

z_x_c_v_b_n_m | 0

#437911 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 21:32

YES! i completly agree, that would totally make me so happy. :D i hope that happens to me someday.

audiogasmic | 0

#438706 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:16

OH GOD YES. pon farr baby.

i would so be all over this.

especially if he had the pointy ears... i love spock.

GrapefruitZoe | 0

#439098 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:08

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

GrapefruitZoe | 0

#439101 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:09

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

DeadMansCrack | 4

#441816 - Thursday 30 July 2009 5:55

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

Rauron | 0

#441867 - Thursday 30 July 2009 6:22

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

duck_duck_cat | 0

#495231 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 3:33

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS??????? Chekov is so much hotter than Spock.

PurpleSky_fml | 0

#528864 - Monday 31 August 2009 9:08

Seriously. That's more like MY fantasy! If only I had a boyfriend who would be up for that...

dragonpink | 0

#583298 - Thursday 24 September 2009 5:20

YES!!!!! pon farr baby!

Captain_Badass | 0

#986894 - Saturday 1 May 2010 6:44

You. Win. lol.

By Arcterion | 0

#436661 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

I think your boyfriend is awesome and I will try to be just like him one day.

sxcsatan999 | 2

#2830906 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:14

Is your man Sheldon!!!

By Maxine17 | 8

#436672 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:35

Oh no, i feel for you. :/ Same thing happened to my friend, apart from it was Star Wars and she had to call her BF Luke Skywalker.

chocolatebear99 | 0

#436875 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 14:50

i guess after that she didn't play with Luke's lightsaber much

metamorphmagus | 0

#438039 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 22:11

XDDD

insanechinaman | 0

#438499 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:46

LOL 29 you're amazing :D

zcalo | 0

#438580 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:25

at least it wasn't Darth Maul?

UphillAlways | 0

#479320 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:25

Be more inclined for Han Solo really ^_^

As to the Darth Maul comment, siths are HOT!

By ashbaz | 0

#436674 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:36

and he's still your boyfriend wow lol

By boatiebanter | 0

#436679 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:39

Spock's science turns me on.

By hopiee | 0

#436690 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:45

rofl, SO SXC :|

By bassfah | 0

#436691 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:46

Well.. On the bright side,just imagine if he was into pokemon. He'll be forcing you in and out of his pokeball at his wish..

By kyasuriin | 0

#436693 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:46

No way he can be as hot as Mr. Spock. But congrats for trying!

dragonpink | 0

#583310 - Thursday 24 September 2009 5:27

But just think: It's PERMISSION to fantasize you're having sex with ZQ! I think it's a win win situation.

HetaliaFreak | 10

#3547087 - Saturday 5 November 2011 21:34

Or Leonard Nimoy!

By feelingblue | 0

#436697 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:48

your boyfriend is cook:>

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#436710 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:55

Did he give you the SPOCKER as opposed to the SHOCKER???

ashleymarielouis | 0

#2635814 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:34

siiiiiick. haha.