Geek: Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of...

By saynotochrispine - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

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Geek

Dangling modifier

Commando

Thanks, Marley

By maddie94 - Australia

Stained

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

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By BigmouthStrikesAgain - United Kingdom

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

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By Dunnie

Today, my aunt was itchy down there and sent me to buy a vaginal cream at the pharmacy. The pharmacist was a cute boy and was flirting with me. I said I needed a cream and he asked what for. When I said vaginal cream, he stopped smiling, got the cream, and said, "Good luck." FML

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By AH - United States

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

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By jumbledgirl - United States

Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML

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By disappointed - United States

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because "I shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

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By MedChew - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a big family dinner. I didn't realize I hadn't been invited until we were about to sit down to eat. There were 12 chairs, 12 plates, 12 forks, and 12 glasses. I was the 13th person to arrive. FML

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By slapstick1982

Perfect contraceptive

Today, I realized that my wife is on her 3rd month using an IUD. The side effect is nonstop bleeding. I haven't had sex with her since she got it. I'd say this contraceptive is working perfectly. FML

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By Mike

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML

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By ewww - United States

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 08:08

For the life of him indeed

Today, my significant other decided it’s safe to travel to Brazil for Christmas break, even though they are heavily impacted by Covid. He doesn't understand for the life of him why we should skip this year. FML

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By ummWhat?

Today my car was broken into. The only thing taken were condoms and lighters I had in the glove box. FML

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2100

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By yourfault - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

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By Spudzy - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML

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By sarahhh - United States

Today, I got my boyfriend a pair of concert tickets for his birthday. He loved the gift, but turned to me and said "Do I have to bring you?" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

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By cassieono - United States - Springfield

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

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By stopstutteringforSiri - United States

Today, I realized I'm so socially awkward that I can't even talk to Siri without stuttering. FML

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By seb21 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

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By marsbar - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

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By jibjab - Canada

Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML

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By clapping_for_you

Today, in a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it... FML...

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By crowded - 20/5/2020 23:00

Crowded House

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to his parents' house for the weekend. He didn’t tell me until after we’d arrived that all his siblings and their SO's would also be coming. His parents live in a 2 bedroom, one bath house. So far there are 16 people here and he’s refusing to drive me back home. FML

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By parasheeeet - United States - Birmingham

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

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By religionbites621 - United States

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

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38464

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By Julie

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

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By weirdedout - United States

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

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By bob the builder - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

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By poop - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got into a car accident and totaled my car. Also today, someone bought themselves $600 worth of office furniture online with my bank info. My bank doesn’t believe me so they won’t help me get the money back. I'm broke and carless. FML

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By ilovechickens - United States

Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Taunton

Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML

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By lostforwords - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

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By hannaholic - United States

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML

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By enderw - United States

Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Marietta

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

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By brown and sticky - United States - Baltimore

Food poisoning

Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML

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Top comments

By 1suckatL1fe | 6

#436660 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

your boyfriend is my HERO!!

By Arcterion | 0

#436661 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

I think your boyfriend is awesome and I will try to be just like him one day.

COMMENTS

By 1suckatL1fe | 6

#436660 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

your boyfriend is my HERO!!

Nyabinghi_fml | 0

#436949 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 15:44

... I would so be up for that!

Also, two words, my friend: Pon Farr.

XD

pennies83 | 0

#436959 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 15:50

That's HOT!

nonotme | 0

#437420 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 18:43

Like, why is this an FML?

likeOMGwow | 0

#437515 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 19:26

I agree that is really sexy!! you'd have to be crazy not to think Mr. Spock is hot!!
your boyfriend is the MAN. I'd go along with this in a second!

Live long and prosper.

z_x_c_v_b_n_m | 0

#437911 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 21:32

YES! i completly agree, that would totally make me so happy. :D i hope that happens to me someday.

audiogasmic | 0

#438706 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:16

OH GOD YES. pon farr baby.

i would so be all over this.

especially if he had the pointy ears... i love spock.

GrapefruitZoe | 0

#439098 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:08

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

GrapefruitZoe | 0

#439101 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:09

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

DeadMansCrack | 4

#441816 - Thursday 30 July 2009 5:55

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

Rauron | 0

#441867 - Thursday 30 July 2009 6:22

I like him too! Go along with his fantasies, and he'll go along with yours, yeah? Besides, it's SPOCK! You can pretend to be Kirk!

duck_duck_cat | 0

#495231 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 3:33

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS??????? Chekov is so much hotter than Spock.

PurpleSky_fml | 0

#528864 - Monday 31 August 2009 9:08

Seriously. That's more like MY fantasy! If only I had a boyfriend who would be up for that...

dragonpink | 0

#583298 - Thursday 24 September 2009 5:20

YES!!!!! pon farr baby!

Captain_Badass | 0

#986894 - Saturday 1 May 2010 6:44

You. Win. lol.

By Arcterion | 0

#436661 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:29

I think your boyfriend is awesome and I will try to be just like him one day.

sxcsatan999 | 2

#2830906 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:14

Is your man Sheldon!!!

By Maxine17 | 8

#436672 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:35

Oh no, i feel for you. :/ Same thing happened to my friend, apart from it was Star Wars and she had to call her BF Luke Skywalker.

chocolatebear99 | 0

#436875 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 14:50

i guess after that she didn't play with Luke's lightsaber much

metamorphmagus | 0

#438039 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 22:11

XDDD

insanechinaman | 0

#438499 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:46

LOL 29 you're amazing :D

zcalo | 0

#438580 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:25

at least it wasn't Darth Maul?

UphillAlways | 0

#479320 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:25

Be more inclined for Han Solo really ^_^

As to the Darth Maul comment, siths are HOT!

By ashbaz | 0

#436674 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:36

and he's still your boyfriend wow lol

By boatiebanter | 0

#436679 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:39

Spock's science turns me on.

By hopiee | 0

#436690 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:45

rofl, SO SXC :|

By bassfah | 0

#436691 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:46

Well.. On the bright side,just imagine if he was into pokemon. He'll be forcing you in and out of his pokeball at his wish..

By kyasuriin | 0

#436693 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:46

No way he can be as hot as Mr. Spock. But congrats for trying!

dragonpink | 0

#583310 - Thursday 24 September 2009 5:27

But just think: It's PERMISSION to fantasize you're having sex with ZQ! I think it's a win win situation.

HetaliaFreak | 10

#3547087 - Saturday 5 November 2011 21:34

Or Leonard Nimoy!

By feelingblue | 0

#436697 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:48

your boyfriend is cook:>

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#436710 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 12:55

Did he give you the SPOCKER as opposed to the SHOCKER???

ashleymarielouis | 0

#2635814 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:34

siiiiiick. haha.