Love: Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty... - FML

By T-Pain - United States

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

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Instadrama

Messed up

Thanks, I'm cured!

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:01 - Canada - Toronto

Nutty

Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML

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By pygmyfrog - 10/12/2020 14:02

Seize the means

Today, I watched a supervisor in our workspace staple an underling's skirt to her shirt, as the supervisor didn't like her wearing a hip-level skirt, despite having no public contact. FML

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By Will - France

Today, I had food poisoning. I spent all day on the can. I also had a bucket to throw up into at the same time. I was sick out of both ends, at the same time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

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By thissucks - United States

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

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By NickDrakeFan - United States

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my mother knocked on the door of my room at 7am. I am currently over 300 miles from home, on a vacation to get away from my overbearing family. I told none of them where I was going. FML

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By wtfuraretard - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

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By smsmall - United States

Today, I finally admitted that I have to consider buying a nose hair trimmer. I'm a woman. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

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By poisonhand - United States

Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

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By (not) fucked - United States - Kingsville

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

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By stillhurting - Canada - Langley

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML

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By helpme - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending 3 hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

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By Raw95 - United States

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

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By Unemployed

Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

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By stargirl - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 02:00

How d'you think?

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

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By jinxofsocal - United States

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Noblesville

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML

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By Crowded House

Today, my newborn son is only four days old. My in-laws have been over five times already. FML

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By NeedTea - United States

Today i stopped at Starbucks to get a tea before work and was surprised that there wasn't a line. As i was leaving the automatic door closed knocking my out of my hand. I headed back in only to discover a huge line had formed and they made me pay for the replacement that their door spilled. FML

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By angrymother

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

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By Anonymous - Mexico

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

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By lucy - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

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By CM112 - South Africa

OK, now that's gross

Today, I found a piece of a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth. I haven't eaten popcorn in over a week and a half. FML

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By Katie - United States

The Bathtub Incident

Today, my little sister took a dump in our bath tub right before we were leaving for soccer practice. When my mom found it, she blamed it on me, then made me pick it up with my bare hands. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

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By peppergirl

Sewing project

Today, I was doing a sewing project in class. My friend said we should get the teachers to model our designs. I said that I did not think I would have enough material to make clothes for one of the teachers. I said this in front of the whole class very loudly, while the teacher was right next to me. FML

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By calvinjakobs

Same name but distant

Today, I met the most compatible and perfect girl for me. After days of talking and finally setting up a date. We found out that we both live in different continents, just our city name has been the same. I was waiting at the restaurant for 5 hours. FML

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By Tootie - United States

Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML

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By anyomous - United States

Today, I bought tickets for my friends and me to go to a concert. While I was in the shower, they ditched me and took my girlfriend. FML

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By YeahItsmecoolhuh - United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

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By makeitstop - Canada

Today, at work, I was forced to listen to the Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Christmas album on repeat for 8 hours. FML

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By BRELLA - United States

The wrong kind of banging

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

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Top comments

By chrispaul444 | 0

#134003 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:16

pretty legit reason to stop macking imo

By poolshark | 0

#134053 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:24

1)How the hell does one rip up a tomato planter? (#4)
2)Why does there happen to be a Topsy Turvey Upside Down Tomato Planter ad on this page? Propaganda much?

COMMENTS

By chrispaul444 | 0

#134003 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:16

pretty legit reason to stop macking imo

Reply

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#5856793 - Thursday 13 February 2014 9:08

He's serious about growing tomatoes.

By rocketshipsxx | 0

#134010 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:17

i'd stop making out with somebody too!
those things are much more impressive than a makeout session!!!

Reply

stopreadingmynam | 0

#1076079 - Friday 9 July 2010 21:42

lol

By jackattack96 | 0

#134026 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

i love that infomerrical and buy him one be like "remember how much u wanted this" and then rip it up and say "TOO BAD"

By IloveFML1 | 0

#134035 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:21

HAHa. Thats very funny! I just bought it! good reason to stop!

By asxp10 | 0

#134040 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:22

@ #4: Good luck ripping it up.

Reply

pajamurao | 0

#979429 - Tuesday 13 April 2010 13:56

you can smash it

By poolshark | 0

#134053 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:24

1)How the hell does one rip up a tomato planter? (#4)
2)Why does there happen to be a Topsy Turvey Upside Down Tomato Planter ad on this page? Propaganda much?

By jessxoxo28 | 5

#134054 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:25

my mom wants one of those.
buy him one... he'll be making out with u as long as u want

By butteredtoast | 0

#134060 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:25

Not an FML

By rachel13_fml | 0

#134061 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:25

Ah sucks for you.

By breaksprinter_ | 0

#134071 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:27

Do upside-down tomato plants turn him on?
If so, I'd invest if I were you. ;D
And yea, #7, that is a bit creepy about the ad.