Love: Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included... - FML

By soccerbooty - 07/06/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 807

You deserved it 8 115

Age difference

The smell detective is on the case

Empathy lives

By Anonymous - 18/04/2012 10:59 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 770

You deserved it 2 867

By Anonymous - 17/08/2015 22:46 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 344

You deserved it 2 054

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 00:31

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 560

You deserved it 2 057

By TalkDirtyToMe - 10/10/2014 19:33 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 955

You deserved it 7 435

By Anonymous - 29/08/2012 16:38 - United States - Columbia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 829

You deserved it 6 915

By maisumepg - 17/02/2019 04:00

Today, it’s the third month of my diet. Every dream I’ve had since I started has been entirely about junk food. Every. Single. One. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 039

You deserved it 280

By soo - 02/07/2015 20:25

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 194

You deserved it 1 808

By Pukey - 28/03/2015 21:30 - United States

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 538

You deserved it 2 182

By IncompatibleMetier - 09/10/2014 23:07 - France

Today, and for a long time, I've had a phobia of schools. I'm extremely stressed out about starting in a new school. Normal, right? Yes, except that I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 416

You deserved it 10 938

I was bored before I even began

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, my ex started our conversation with, "How are you?" I asked whether this was just a way of greeting me, or if he genuinely wanted to know. He affirmed that he really wanted to know, then proceeded to talk about his work for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 180

By nahalDZ - 20/10/2012 17:29 - Germany - K?ln

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 416

You deserved it 5 296

The reflex, flex flex flex flex

By Flyaway - 21/03/2021 11:56 - Australia - Rhodes

Today, a fly landed on my dentist's arm. The same arm and hand holding the needle inserted into my gum. He instinctively tried to shake it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 44

By race - 18/11/2010 08:37 - Australia

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 607

You deserved it 2 668

By bigdaddy - 25/09/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 172

You deserved it 8 550

Sampled

By zachhewett - 02/02/2016 22:53 - United States - Birmingham

Spicy

Today, at my job drug testing high schoolers, I see that one of the kids selected for the testing looked incredibly high. So, after he goes in the bathroom and gives me his cup with his urine inside, I take a closer look and see that the little shit jizzed in the cup. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 993

You deserved it 2 794

By annoyed - 11/05/2016 11:40 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 848

You deserved it 1 392

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 21:59 - United States - Elmwood Park

Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 795

You deserved it 5 826

By NextAmericanIdol? - 08/08/2013 04:09 - United States - Bowie

Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings her a lullaby before she puts her to sleep, so I did too. After I finished the song, my sister looked me dead in the eyes and said, "This is why I tell people we aren't related." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 673

You deserved it 5 571

By Jjh99q - 03/10/2017 22:30 - United States

Today, I stayed until 11 PM washing, wiping, and mopping up the entire restaurant. I forgot to clock in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 387

You deserved it 654

By guitar_chick7 - 20/08/2009 08:54 - Australia

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 485

You deserved it 47 849

By tjm - 23/12/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, after finally getting a job offer after months of unemployment, I found out that the person who was going to hire me got fired. Which means I'm not getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 603

You deserved it 2 233

By dirk855 - 18/01/2009 10:29 - United States

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 385

You deserved it 2 319

By kryan012 - 20/02/2013 13:54 - United States - Savannah

Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 935

You deserved it 8 449

Good to know

By peeshy - 16/05/2021 06:01

Today, I used the upstairs bathroom rather than the downstairs one, which was in close earshot of my parents. When I came out, my mom angrily asked why I used that bathroom. I explained to her that I have shy bladder, and she said, "That’s not a real thing. I can go even with someone watching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 84

By Anon. - 28/11/2009 12:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to look at my positive eBay feedback to feel loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 982

You deserved it 6 204

Chill out, dudebro

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 20:00

Today, my hair is so long hair that it touches my shoulders now. My father attempted to bribe me into cutting my hair several times. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 21/01/2011 09:25 - Monaco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 142

You deserved it 6 060

By nomfuck - 09/09/2014 15:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 511

You deserved it 3 161

By Anonymous - 30/08/2014 06:44 - New Zealand - Wellington

Spicy

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 682

You deserved it 6 239

By adderallgirl - 12/06/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 857

You deserved it 5 314

Anger management

By truecountrybitch - 09/05/2020 23:00

Today, my boyfriend got frustrated trying to take my entertainment center into the basement, for the kids' game room. It didn't fit, thanks to the horrible design of the house, so he Spartan-kicked it down, breaking it into 15 pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 195

By whoops - 11/04/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at the grocery store. I purchased $200 in groceries and went to put them in my car. I then realized I drove my motorcycle today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 380

You deserved it 88 656

Help! I need somebody!

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 02:00 - Sweden

Today, I finally built up the courage to seek professional help for my eating disorder. Apparently I don't meet the criteria, so I was denied help and got sent away. So basically, I'll have to get even sicker for them to take me seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 69

Leech

By upyours - 22/05/2020 17:00 - Australia

Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 164

By Anonymous - 23/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 271

By jruth7 - 15/05/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, after being in Europe for a month, I got home to find my door wide open and all my stuff gone. I called my dad who was supposed to be watching my house. He told me I should have had someone check on my place while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 840

You deserved it 3 655

By dumbassgrad - 12/12/2012 19:14 - United States - El Monte

Today, I accidentally left my textbook at home. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but today was my class final. Since it was an open-book final, I'd decided not to study for it. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 334

You deserved it 38 399

By anonymous - 17/12/2013 05:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 988

You deserved it 3 701

By Anonymous - 18/12/2012 05:15 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally knocked over a mall Santa on his way to meet some children. I've never had that many hate-filled eyes on me at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 808

You deserved it 6 272

Fundies say the darndest things

By Anonymous - 08/03/2020 02:04 - United States - Houston

Today, I opened a lesson with the phrase, "As we all know, the world is over 4 billion years old." One of my students immediately snorted and said, in all seriousness, that I was wrong, and that the Earth is only 6000 years old. A few of his classmates agreed. I teach geology at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 212

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Ok, clearly this guy is a mastermind. To get out of having to plan a wedding and (possibly) deal with a bridezilla, he gets a clown??? Absolute genius.

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

ok? is your wedding at a circus

Comments

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

ok? is your wedding at a circus

makemeasandwich 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:05

lol that's weird

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:08

well atleast he's thinking outside the box

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

clowns are scary

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:12

it's a stripper.... a clown stripper ;)

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:14

it just had to be a clown didn't it? it couldn't be anything else in the world! it had to be a f***ing clown!!! -boom, kachink, boom!- double tap.

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:33

strange....how old is your boyfriend?!

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:00

#15 I totally agree

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:11

that's how he tells u he's not ready for marriage....

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:23

15- yes they are 45- kool bong lol

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:38

ah that's kinda weird...he should have asked the bride first...Maybe you can change his mind :)

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:40

wait he was probably kidding! you said boyfriend, not fiancé

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:52

maybe he's just kidding.

Shitz_N_Gigglez 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:59

Dude, who wouldn't want a clown? OP's bf knows how to have a good wedding. /sarcasm/

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Monday 7 June 2010 14:14

bitch go make him a sammich

oogyboogy 6

Monday 7 June 2010 14:15

aren't the brides supposed to plan the wedding

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Monday 7 June 2010 14:22

Wait… Boyfriend and NOT fiancé? 

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Monday 7 June 2010 14:39

Are there going to be a lot of kids there?? Maybe a distraction for then so the adults can have more fun ?

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Monday 7 June 2010 14:50

Sounds like a keeper. Lol.

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Monday 7 June 2010 15:26

that would be awesome, if I didn't hate clowns

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Monday 7 June 2010 15:45

boyfriend win

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Monday 7 June 2010 15:49

Hahahaha

TheGuyPersonDude 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:02

dude thats awesome

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:16

what he didn't tell you is he's also the preist

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Monday 7 June 2010 17:29

lmfao! #21 zombieland FTW!!!

The1AndAnonymous 2

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Monday 7 June 2010 19:54

21 zombieland reference win!

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Monday 7 June 2010 20:54

What is wrong with clowns? D:

gingersrule13 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 21:00

that's fuckin hilarious. roflmfao. dude is ma hero.

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Monday 7 June 2010 21:05

Threesome!

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Monday 7 June 2010 21:28

can I come? haha kidding clowns are friken scarey as hell :S

RabenSchwartz 3

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Monday 7 June 2010 22:18

why is this an fml. you're gonna have an awesome wedding

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 3:45

heyy thanks I'm gonna do that for my wedding

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 4:50

#91 that's what I was thinking.!.!. llike who DOESN'T want a clown:))

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Thursday 17 June 2010 11:14

faggot

immazombeastxD 0

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Friday 16 July 2010 21:52

ikr I was gonna mention that

sayyestothedress 24

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Monday 28 July 2014 5:28

#61 your picture is creepy aswell

chip_twoseven 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

FIRST!!!!! I don't see the fml clowns are awesome

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

fail

chip_twoseven 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:07

someone posted while I was typing FML

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:09

but still, u failed at being first

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:10

isn't it anoying wen people say First!!!! but then there not even first

chip_twoseven 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

it is I have failed at being first lol 

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:35

ahh thats kinda weird...he should have asked the bride first...maybe you can change his mind :)

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:44

I'm a part time clown, yea clowns are cool

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:50

FIRST!! oups not 

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Monday 7 June 2010 15:15

Actually, you're second.

littlemissdqgirl 8

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Monday 7 June 2010 15:25

99 normally yes, but not always. My fiancé is doing a lot of our wedding planning:/

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 6:10

I know this is late, but, 21 is a epic win for referring to Zombieland.

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Friday 11 June 2010 7:00

Sweet

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:05

LOL that's a keeper

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

hahaha you're marrying him why?

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

So? Clowns are awesome! Damn anti flood.

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Monday 7 June 2010 13:12

LOl. true. I hate anti flood too!

Patrick69_fml 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 14:04

66 may I say you are hooooooooot

oogyboogy 6

Monday 7 June 2010 14:16

95 may I say your a creeeeeeep

bummervacation 10

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:10

LOL he chose to reconnect with his inner child on your wedding day???

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

lame

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Ok, clearly this guy is a mastermind. To get out of having to plan a wedding and (possibly) deal with a bridezilla, he gets a clown??? Absolute genius.

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:18

lol

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:25

Too true

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

yes!!!! that's gonna be an awesome wedding! clowns ftw

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Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Fun... clowns are terrifying...

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Monday 7 June 2010 15:21

yep... I shoot them on sight!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 134

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 86