Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included... - FML

By soccerbooty - 7/6/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

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Freak out

Yappy neighborhood

Vultures

By hereforfmls - 26/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Jasper

Played a blinder

Today, I felt something hit my eye as I was riding on my bike. My glasses ended up falling off. I looked for them for ten minutes before giving up. I ran over them. FML

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By Hellasboy - 1/8/2015 16:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

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By anonymous - 14/6/2016 16:47 - United States - Inverness

Today, after months of helping my mother with bills because she claimed she had no money, I found out she makes way more than what I do. She just wanted my money for alcohol and drugs. FML

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By baugy - 11/4/2012 02:19 - United States - Orlando

Today, while outside, a bug flew up my nose. After I told my family and friends about a faint vibrating in my upper nostril, they all convinced me I was paranoid. That was until that night when I blew my nose and there was the bug in my tissue. Its leg was still twitching. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2011 07:56 - United States

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2018 16:00 - United States - Trenton

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

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By pookie99 - 17/6/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I went to sell my wedding rings, due to the fact that I'm getting divorced from a man who cheated on me. The jeweler informed me that the stone in my engagement ring is fake. I won't even be able to cover the divorce costs from the proceeds. FML

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By Jem - 11/1/2015 03:02 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was fired for "blatant, inexcusable racism". My boss had asked me which website background I preferred for our company, and I said that white backgrounds are usually best. He thinks that I believe in white supremacy, and that's bad for the company's image. FML

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By Joe - 4/8/2011 18:28 - United States

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2017 21:00 - Canada - Jansen

Today, I was talking to a girl online and she stopped talking to me abruptly after seeing my picture. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 22:00

Love is strange

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 05:00

Fixed

Today, my husband, who repairs appliances for a living, repaired our dryer. One lot of wet clothes later, it caught fire and ruined the laundry room. FML

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By Z - 26/11/2012 10:26 - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

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By worldsmosthonestdad - 12/5/2017 14:00

Today, I got a call from my 8-year-old's 3rd grade teacher. Apparently a question went around class asking, "Why do you think you were put on this Earth?", and my son answered, "My dad says it's because I swam the fastest." FML

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By fuckered519 - 6/12/2014 19:53 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

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By K_M - 23/8/2010 04:18 - Malaysia

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

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By joanne - 29/5/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 18:25 - Singapore

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2012 15:37 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML

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By nicholascageonyourface - 9/6/2013 05:13 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

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By the other man - 28/8/2013 03:11 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

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By Nogood - 10/3/2013 09:09 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my girlfriend decided to get a new haircut. Now, she hates the haircut and blames me for, in her words, "turning me into something I'm not". FML

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By someone something - 9/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML

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By BluesMan1990 - 16/9/2009 10:21 - United States

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

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By time to buy a gun - 2/11/2015 04:22 - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2015 13:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 16:00

Mommy's boy

Today, I found out that in the past, my mother has paid or outright threatened my girlfriends into breaking up with me, because they were, "unsuitable trash not fit to be the mothers of my future grand babies." This explains why I’m 47 and have never married or had children. FML

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By bleue - 23/4/2015 12:27 - France - Montberon

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

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By hoody - 22/1/2010 22:27 - United States

Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML

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By lame-o-prof - 15/7/2013 21:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2016 12:29 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

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By fuzzle003 - 13/6/2012 12:47 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I finally bought the expensive but beautifully stylish dress I've been eyeing for ages online. Ten minutes later, I went back to check the shoes the model was wearing so I could coordinate my outfit. The dress had been reduced to half price. FML

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By snowman - 6/2/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML

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By Notpunny - 18/4/2016 22:58 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl - 15/11/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend finally answered my Snapchats. He was laying on a bed with purple pillows and sheets. His are gray. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2013 04:08 - United States - Bloomdale

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2013 15:00 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

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By robinhoood - 12/7/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML

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Top comments

By anglcdvl89 | 0

#1022827 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Ok, clearly this guy is a mastermind. To get out of having to plan a wedding and (possibly) deal with a bridezilla, he gets a clown???

Absolute genius.

By cgoatr | 0

#1022804 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

ok? is your wedding at a circus

COMMENTS

By cgoatr | 0

#1022804 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

ok? is your wedding at a circus

Reply

makemeasandwich | 0

#1022807 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:05

lol that's weird

Reply

kidsanchez1 | 4

#1022816 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:08

well atleast he's thinking outside the box

Reply

adzo909 | 0

#1022823 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

clowns are scary

Reply

andruha1123 | 5

#1022826 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:12

it's a stripper.... a clown stripper ;)

Reply

beccaccio550 | 0

#1022831 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:14

it just had to be a clown didn't it? it couldn't be anything else in the world! it had to be a f***ing clown!!! -boom, kachink, boom!- double tap.

Reply

MuuuChuuu | 5

#1022848 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:33

strange....how old is your boyfriend?!

Reply

superbadd | 0

#1022871 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:00

#15 I totally agree

Reply

mustardcat | 1

#1022878 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:11

that's how he tells u he's not ready for marriage....

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1022891 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:23

15- yes they are

45- kool bong lol

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1022903 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:38

ah that's kinda weird...he should have asked the bride first...Maybe you can change his mind :)

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1022904 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:40

wait he was probably kidding! you said boyfriend, not fiancé

Reply

RosaOnThis | 0

#1022910 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:52

maybe he's just kidding.

Reply

Shitz_N_Gigglez | 0

#1022913 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:59

Dude, who wouldn't want a clown?

OP's bf knows how to have a good wedding. /sarcasm/

Reply

rudiznell | 0

#1022923 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:14

bitch go make him a sammich

Reply

oogyboogy | 6

#1022924 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:15

aren't the brides supposed to plan the wedding

Reply

cowycal | 4

#1022928 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:22

Wait…
Boyfriend and NOT fiancé?


Reply

IchbinSyn | 0

#1022939 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:39

Are there going to be a lot of kids there?? Maybe a distraction for then so the adults can have more fun ?

Reply

666Alyssa | 3

#1022942 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:50

Sounds like a keeper. Lol.

Reply

llcooljoey | 0

#1022965 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:26

that would be awesome, if I didn't hate clowns

Reply

wilkshire13 | 0

#1022978 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:45

boyfriend win

Reply

TooMany | 0

#1022980 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:49

Hahahaha

Reply

TheGuyPersonDude | 0

#1022986 - Monday 7 June 2010 16:02

dude thats awesome

Reply

Cbizzlez | 10

#1022998 - Monday 7 June 2010 16:16

what he didn't tell you is he's also the preist

Reply

noboundary | 9

#1023053 - Monday 7 June 2010 17:29

lmfao! #21 zombieland FTW!!!

Reply

The1AndAnonymous | 2

#1023122 - Monday 7 June 2010 19:54

21 zombieland reference win!

Reply

Trickyklown | 0

#1023153 - Monday 7 June 2010 20:54

What is wrong with clowns? D:

Reply

gingersrule13 | 0

#1023157 - Monday 7 June 2010 21:00

that's fuckin hilarious. roflmfao. dude is ma hero.

Reply

SilenNex | 0

#1023159 - Monday 7 June 2010 21:05

Threesome!

Reply

Claay_aiir | 0

#1023169 - Monday 7 June 2010 21:28

can I come? haha kidding clowns are friken scarey as hell :S

Reply

RabenSchwartz | 3

#1023191 - Monday 7 June 2010 22:18

why is this an fml. you're gonna have an awesome wedding

Reply

sukhdeep | 4

#1023434 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 3:45

heyy thanks I'm
gonna do that for my
wedding

Reply

skittles88 | 0

#1023518 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 4:50

#91
that's what I was thinking.!.!.
llike who DOESN'T want a clown:))

Reply

Allie_Bear | 0

#1033586 - Thursday 17 June 2010 11:14

faggot

Reply

immazombeastxD | 0

#1099164 - Friday 16 July 2010 21:52

ikr I was gonna mention that

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#6021377 - Monday 28 July 2014 5:28

#61 your picture is creepy aswell

By chip_twoseven | 0

#1022806 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

FIRST!!!!! I don't see the fml clowns are awesome

Reply

brianjman14 | 22

#1022811 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

fail

Reply

chip_twoseven | 0

#1022813 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:07

someone posted while I was typing FML

Reply

brianjman14 | 22

#1022818 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:09

but still, u failed at being first

Reply

cgoatr | 0

#1022821 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:10

isn't it anoying wen people say First!!!! but then there not even first

Reply

chip_twoseven | 0

#1022825 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

it is I have failed at being first lol 

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1022902 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:35

ahh thats kinda weird...he should have asked the bride first...maybe you can change his mind :)

Reply

Einstein714 | 0

#1022906 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:44

I'm a part time clown, yea clowns are cool

Reply

CreepyGuy666 | 2

#1022908 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:50

FIRST!! oups not 

Reply

666Alyssa | 3

#1022960 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:15

Actually, you're second.

Reply

littlemissdqgirl | 8

#1022963 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:25

99 normally yes, but not always. My fiancé is doing a lot of our wedding planning:/

Reply

Neon_Radikal | 0

#1023607 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 6:10

I know this is late, but, 21 is a epic win for referring to Zombieland.

Reply

kk2krazee | 0

#1027305 - Friday 11 June 2010 7:00

Sweet

By Bananichka | 0

#1022808 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:05

LOL that's a keeper

By iheartpi | 0

#1022810 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

hahaha you're marrying him why?

By Spierdalaj | 7

#1022812 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

So? Clowns are awesome! Damn anti flood.

Reply

amandalovee | 0

#1022879 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:12

LOl.
true. I hate anti flood too!

Reply

Patrick69_fml | 0

#1022917 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:04

66 may I say you are hooooooooot

Reply

oogyboogy | 6

#1022926 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:16

95 may I say your a creeeeeeep

By bummervacation | 10

#1022820 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:10

LOL
he chose to reconnect with his inner child on your wedding day???

By jbrizzle17 | 0

#1022822 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

lame

By anglcdvl89 | 0

#1022827 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Ok, clearly this guy is a mastermind. To get out of having to plan a wedding and (possibly) deal with a bridezilla, he gets a clown???

Absolute genius.

Reply

tinooh | 0

#1022835 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:18

lol

Reply

imlagginglol | 0

#1022842 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:25

Too true

By RyGuy748 | 0

#1022828 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

yes!!!! that's gonna be an awesome wedding! clowns ftw

By toddin | 7

#1022829 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Fun... clowns are terrifying...

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#1022962 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:21

yep... I shoot them on sight!