Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included... - FML

By soccerbooty - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Stealth dog

Time for a change

By sister of an angry nerd

Today, I went to see Star Wars with my brother. The entire time he talked about how scientifically inaccurate and improbable the entire movie was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mom why nobody likes me. She reeled off about a dozen reasons. FML

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By erphy21 - United States - Lompoc

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

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By Concert Flatulent - United States - Marshall

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

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By hawkknight - United States - Portland

Today, at work, I broke the drinks machine for the third time. The first two times I broke the key, this time I switched it off and couldn't turn it back on after my manager warned me not to mess with it AFTER I had switched it off. The best part? The key is still broken from last time. FML

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By blackntangirl - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 20 years together and 9 years of marriage, I found out that my husband has been having an affair with my cousin for 6 years. The same cousin who came over every Friday. Who he wanted to be godmother to our 3 kids. FML

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By uninspired - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

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By howaboutthemcarrots - Finland - Laajalahti

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

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By Peppered and Zapped - 7/4/2020 05:00

Appropriate force

Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML

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By thissinglelife - United States - Alhambra

Today, I had my first date in almost four years. Twenty minutes into our dinner date, I excused myself to use the ladies room. When I came back, not only was he gone, but there was also a security guard waiting to walk me out. I still have no clue why he left or why I got kicked out. FML

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By WetWalking - United States - Tyler

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

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By meepdaleap - United States - Newport News

Today, I stepped out of the kitchen to yell at my kids for running in the house. I had just mopped the floor, and did not want them to fall. I fell while yelling and twisted my ankle. At least they know it's dangerous now. FML

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By Enko - France

Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML

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By pornstorebitch

Knock yourself out, dude

Today, I got told I was a bitch because I wouldn’t let a homeless man dig through my dumpster at work, even though he was hungry. We don’t even sell food. I work at a sex store. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

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By NoFriends - United States

Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML

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By not what she said - 1/6/2020 20:00

Misheard

Today, I was on a Zoom call. My sister offered to go get lunch and I told her, "Don’t forget the baguettes." One overly sensitive coworker swears I used a derogatory slur that sounds the same. I didn’t. However, I’m still going to be investigated by my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Lakeville

Cash me?

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after assuring my best friend that his girlfriend would never cheat on him, I came home to my brother having loud sex with my best friend's girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML

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By Jes_jes18 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

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By Happy Employee - United States

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

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By WhatTheBleep - United States

Today, I found out that my now-ex slept with his not-so-ex the day before our wedding. FML

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By nosleep - Australia

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

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By WhatALetdown - United States - Danbury

Disappointed

Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML

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By dpl - United States

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

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By my kid! - 24/10/2020 14:02 - United States

QAnon weirdoes

Today, some idiot with a #saveourchildren shirt followed me around a store. When I finally asked the fucker what their problem was, they started screaming, asking why I was holding hands with black children that obviously didn’t belong to me. I’m white. Their mom is black. They’re my kids. FML

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By kennedygeeee - United States

Today, I found out my mom was getting remarried, to my dad. He's been in prison for five years because he pushed her out a window. FML

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By anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I got so nervous that I actually peed my pants during a job interview. FML

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By Can’t Cope

Today my fiancé is going to Planned Parenthood to see if he got herpes from a prostitute. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it says "I'm here for the quicky". Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML

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By messed up - United States

Today, I finally told my crush that I like her. She said she could never date me, because apparently, "My best friend likes you." Her best friend is my step-sister. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Beloit

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

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Top comments

By anglcdvl89 | 0

#1022827 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Ok, clearly this guy is a mastermind. To get out of having to plan a wedding and (possibly) deal with a bridezilla, he gets a clown???

Absolute genius.

By cgoatr | 0

#1022804 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

ok? is your wedding at a circus

COMMENTS

By cgoatr | 0

#1022804 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

ok? is your wedding at a circus

Reply

makemeasandwich | 0

#1022807 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:05

lol that's weird

Reply

kidsanchez1 | 4

#1022816 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:08

well atleast he's thinking outside the box

Reply

adzo909 | 0

#1022823 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

clowns are scary

Reply

andruha1123 | 5

#1022826 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:12

it's a stripper.... a clown stripper ;)

Reply

beccaccio550 | 0

#1022831 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:14

it just had to be a clown didn't it? it couldn't be anything else in the world! it had to be a f***ing clown!!! -boom, kachink, boom!- double tap.

Reply

MuuuChuuu | 5

#1022848 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:33

strange....how old is your boyfriend?!

Reply

superbadd | 0

#1022871 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:00

#15 I totally agree

Reply

mustardcat | 1

#1022878 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:11

that's how he tells u he's not ready for marriage....

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1022891 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:23

15- yes they are

45- kool bong lol

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1022903 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:38

ah that's kinda weird...he should have asked the bride first...Maybe you can change his mind :)

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1022904 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:40

wait he was probably kidding! you said boyfriend, not fiancé

Reply

RosaOnThis | 0

#1022910 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:52

maybe he's just kidding.

Reply

Shitz_N_Gigglez | 0

#1022913 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:59

Dude, who wouldn't want a clown?

OP's bf knows how to have a good wedding. /sarcasm/

Reply

rudiznell | 0

#1022923 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:14

bitch go make him a sammich

Reply

oogyboogy | 6

#1022924 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:15

aren't the brides supposed to plan the wedding

Reply

cowycal | 4

#1022928 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:22

Wait…
Boyfriend and NOT fiancé?


Reply

IchbinSyn | 0

#1022939 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:39

Are there going to be a lot of kids there?? Maybe a distraction for then so the adults can have more fun ?

Reply

666Alyssa | 3

#1022942 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:50

Sounds like a keeper. Lol.

Reply

llcooljoey | 0

#1022965 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:26

that would be awesome, if I didn't hate clowns

Reply

wilkshire13 | 0

#1022978 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:45

boyfriend win

Reply

TooMany | 0

#1022980 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:49

Hahahaha

Reply

TheGuyPersonDude | 0

#1022986 - Monday 7 June 2010 16:02

dude thats awesome

Reply

Cbizzlez | 10

#1022998 - Monday 7 June 2010 16:16

what he didn't tell you is he's also the preist

Reply

noboundary | 9

#1023053 - Monday 7 June 2010 17:29

lmfao! #21 zombieland FTW!!!

Reply

The1AndAnonymous | 2

#1023122 - Monday 7 June 2010 19:54

21 zombieland reference win!

Reply

Trickyklown | 0

#1023153 - Monday 7 June 2010 20:54

What is wrong with clowns? D:

Reply

gingersrule13 | 0

#1023157 - Monday 7 June 2010 21:00

that's fuckin hilarious. roflmfao. dude is ma hero.

Reply

SilenNex | 0

#1023159 - Monday 7 June 2010 21:05

Threesome!

Reply

Claay_aiir | 0

#1023169 - Monday 7 June 2010 21:28

can I come? haha kidding clowns are friken scarey as hell :S

Reply

RabenSchwartz | 3

#1023191 - Monday 7 June 2010 22:18

why is this an fml. you're gonna have an awesome wedding

Reply

sukhdeep | 4

#1023434 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 3:45

heyy thanks I'm
gonna do that for my
wedding

Reply

skittles88 | 0

#1023518 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 4:50

#91
that's what I was thinking.!.!.
llike who DOESN'T want a clown:))

Reply

Allie_Bear | 0

#1033586 - Thursday 17 June 2010 11:14

faggot

Reply

immazombeastxD | 0

#1099164 - Friday 16 July 2010 21:52

ikr I was gonna mention that

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#6021377 - Monday 28 July 2014 5:28

#61 your picture is creepy aswell

By chip_twoseven | 0

#1022806 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

FIRST!!!!! I don't see the fml clowns are awesome

Reply

brianjman14 | 22

#1022811 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

fail

Reply

chip_twoseven | 0

#1022813 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:07

someone posted while I was typing FML

Reply

brianjman14 | 22

#1022818 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:09

but still, u failed at being first

Reply

cgoatr | 0

#1022821 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:10

isn't it anoying wen people say First!!!! but then there not even first

Reply

chip_twoseven | 0

#1022825 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

it is I have failed at being first lol 

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1022902 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:35

ahh thats kinda weird...he should have asked the bride first...maybe you can change his mind :)

Reply

Einstein714 | 0

#1022906 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:44

I'm a part time clown, yea clowns are cool

Reply

CreepyGuy666 | 2

#1022908 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:50

FIRST!! oups not 

Reply

666Alyssa | 3

#1022960 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:15

Actually, you're second.

Reply

littlemissdqgirl | 8

#1022963 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:25

99 normally yes, but not always. My fiancé is doing a lot of our wedding planning:/

Reply

Neon_Radikal | 0

#1023607 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 6:10

I know this is late, but, 21 is a epic win for referring to Zombieland.

Reply

kk2krazee | 0

#1027305 - Friday 11 June 2010 7:00

Sweet

By Bananichka | 0

#1022808 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:05

LOL that's a keeper

By iheartpi | 0

#1022810 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

hahaha you're marrying him why?

By Spierdalaj | 7

#1022812 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

So? Clowns are awesome! Damn anti flood.

Reply

amandalovee | 0

#1022879 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:12

LOl.
true. I hate anti flood too!

Reply

Patrick69_fml | 0

#1022917 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:04

66 may I say you are hooooooooot

Reply

oogyboogy | 6

#1022926 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:16

95 may I say your a creeeeeeep

By bummervacation | 10

#1022820 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:10

LOL
he chose to reconnect with his inner child on your wedding day???

By jbrizzle17 | 0

#1022822 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

lame

By anglcdvl89 | 0

#1022827 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Ok, clearly this guy is a mastermind. To get out of having to plan a wedding and (possibly) deal with a bridezilla, he gets a clown???

Absolute genius.

Reply

tinooh | 0

#1022835 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:18

lol

Reply

imlagginglol | 0

#1022842 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:25

Too true

By RyGuy748 | 0

#1022828 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

yes!!!! that's gonna be an awesome wedding! clowns ftw

By toddin | 7

#1022829 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Fun... clowns are terrifying...

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#1022962 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:21

yep... I shoot them on sight!