Love: Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included... - FML

By soccerbooty - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

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Triage

What a tool

Pay up

By minustoenail - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML

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By strayy - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my mother told me I should volunteer in Africa, because I might "get lucky, catch malaria and come back skinny". FML

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By justplaindumb - United States - Des Moines

Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML

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By makin bacon

Bad smell

Today, my idiot roommate read somewhere that bacon grease could be used on squeaky doors and windows. Now, we're desperately trying to scrub the rancid goop out of door hinges and window tracks. Our whole place smells like rotten pig ass and death! FML

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By creepingjennie - 5/6/2020 02:00

Droopy

Today, I learned that working while taking muscle relaxers is not as fun as it sounds. FML

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By seriously - United States - Goshen

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

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By Eric Jurgensen - 10/6/2020 17:03

Used

Today, I found out my now ex-girlfriend had only moved in to spite her mother, not because she loved me. Five months of falling in love, just to find out I was just being used to get back at her mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex broke into my fiancée's apartment and cut up her expensive wedding dress. The nutjob is in jail now, but it doesn't seem like the wedding will be happening any time soon. FML

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By neverunderstood - Italy - San Pietro In Casale

Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway beetween our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roseville

Today, I was helping my mom look for some money she'd misplaced. At my wit's end, I flipped through her diary, in case she'd hidden it between the pages as she has before. Didn't find the money, but I did find out she might well be cheating on my dad. FML

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By fml - United States

Today, after 3 years at my job I received a 14% raise. I was informed I will be transitioned from hourly to salary. I will now be making $1500 LESS than I made last year. FML

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By angie429 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML

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By catguy - United States

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

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By wtffireworks! - United States

Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML

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By dexter - United States

Today, I had lunch with a couple of my friends and a guy I like. Another guy I have a crush on came and ate with us too. After lunch, one of the guys I have a crush on told me the other guy I like is sexy. FML

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By imamonster1992 - United States

Cheers!

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML

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By User06606 - United States

Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML

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By Crowded House

Today, my newborn son is only four days old. My in-laws have been over five times already. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Blythe

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

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By Extended_desktop - Poland

Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

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By RadioactiveKush - United States - Monroe

Today, my drunken mom began to frantically scream "YEAH" "WOO HOO" and "ALRIGHT" at some kindergarteners that were singing Amazing Grace in honor of a restaurant owner who had recently died. FML

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By anaph0re - France

Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML

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By Gg - United Kingdom

Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML

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By myfavoritesgouda - United States - Manhasset

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

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By redjesus69 - United States

Today, after almost nine months of doing anything and everything to show my love for my girlfriend and make her happy, she told me she would give "anything" to relive the one week of her and her ex's relationship where she was the happiest in her life. FML

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By First Kiss - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was told I don't qualify for disability benefits because I'm too young. I get this answer each time I apply, no matter how many lawyers and doctors I get. My mobility is so bad I've become wheelchair-bound and need assistance to bathe. How much worse do they want me to get? FML

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By Annie - United States

Waste

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

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By GreatAim - United States

Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

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By all tweened out - Canada

Today, I drove alone for the first time since I passed my test. I kept getting weird looks from other drivers and got pulled over by a cop. He said I was clearly underage and was sure my license was fake. Almost half an hour later, he finally let me go. I hate having a baby-face. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent 900 dollars on a ticket for my boyfriend to visit me and he missed the flight. FML

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By NoSexForMe - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

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By CrescentSelene - Canada - Edmonton

Without me

Today, I saw my mom's Facebook profile picture for the first time. It had all of my family members in it. I was cropped out. FML

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By whoanoa - United States

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

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By FalkensLabyrinth - 3/2/2021 19:57 - United States - Gardner

Tact

Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML

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By minissaussette - France - Cergy

Today, my 4-year-old brother has a very strict 8:30 PM bedtime. Since I would have to walk past his door to get to the rest of the house, I'm not allowed to leave my room past that time, lest I tempt him to get up too. I can't even go to the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML

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By Anon - United States - Middletown

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

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Top comments

By anglcdvl89 | 0

#1022827 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Ok, clearly this guy is a mastermind. To get out of having to plan a wedding and (possibly) deal with a bridezilla, he gets a clown???

Absolute genius.

By cgoatr | 0

#1022804 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

ok? is your wedding at a circus

COMMENTS

By cgoatr | 0

#1022804 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

ok? is your wedding at a circus

Reply

makemeasandwich | 0

#1022807 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:05

lol that's weird

Reply

kidsanchez1 | 4

#1022816 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:08

well atleast he's thinking outside the box

Reply

adzo909 | 0

#1022823 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

clowns are scary

Reply

andruha1123 | 5

#1022826 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:12

it's a stripper.... a clown stripper ;)

Reply

beccaccio550 | 0

#1022831 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:14

it just had to be a clown didn't it? it couldn't be anything else in the world! it had to be a f***ing clown!!! -boom, kachink, boom!- double tap.

Reply

MuuuChuuu | 5

#1022848 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:33

strange....how old is your boyfriend?!

Reply

superbadd | 0

#1022871 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:00

#15 I totally agree

Reply

mustardcat | 1

#1022878 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:11

that's how he tells u he's not ready for marriage....

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1022891 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:23

15- yes they are

45- kool bong lol

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1022903 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:38

ah that's kinda weird...he should have asked the bride first...Maybe you can change his mind :)

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1022904 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:40

wait he was probably kidding! you said boyfriend, not fiancé

Reply

RosaOnThis | 0

#1022910 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:52

maybe he's just kidding.

Reply

Shitz_N_Gigglez | 0

#1022913 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:59

Dude, who wouldn't want a clown?

OP's bf knows how to have a good wedding. /sarcasm/

Reply

rudiznell | 0

#1022923 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:14

bitch go make him a sammich

Reply

oogyboogy | 6

#1022924 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:15

aren't the brides supposed to plan the wedding

Reply

cowycal | 4

#1022928 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:22

Wait…
Boyfriend and NOT fiancé?


Reply

IchbinSyn | 0

#1022939 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:39

Are there going to be a lot of kids there?? Maybe a distraction for then so the adults can have more fun ?

Reply

666Alyssa | 3

#1022942 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:50

Sounds like a keeper. Lol.

Reply

llcooljoey | 0

#1022965 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:26

that would be awesome, if I didn't hate clowns

Reply

wilkshire13 | 0

#1022978 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:45

boyfriend win

Reply

TooMany | 0

#1022980 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:49

Hahahaha

Reply

TheGuyPersonDude | 0

#1022986 - Monday 7 June 2010 16:02

dude thats awesome

Reply

Cbizzlez | 10

#1022998 - Monday 7 June 2010 16:16

what he didn't tell you is he's also the preist

Reply

noboundary | 9

#1023053 - Monday 7 June 2010 17:29

lmfao! #21 zombieland FTW!!!

Reply

The1AndAnonymous | 2

#1023122 - Monday 7 June 2010 19:54

21 zombieland reference win!

Reply

Trickyklown | 0

#1023153 - Monday 7 June 2010 20:54

What is wrong with clowns? D:

Reply

gingersrule13 | 0

#1023157 - Monday 7 June 2010 21:00

that's fuckin hilarious. roflmfao. dude is ma hero.

Reply

SilenNex | 0

#1023159 - Monday 7 June 2010 21:05

Threesome!

Reply

Claay_aiir | 0

#1023169 - Monday 7 June 2010 21:28

can I come? haha kidding clowns are friken scarey as hell :S

Reply

RabenSchwartz | 3

#1023191 - Monday 7 June 2010 22:18

why is this an fml. you're gonna have an awesome wedding

Reply

sukhdeep | 4

#1023434 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 3:45

heyy thanks I'm
gonna do that for my
wedding

Reply

skittles88 | 0

#1023518 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 4:50

#91
that's what I was thinking.!.!.
llike who DOESN'T want a clown:))

Reply

Allie_Bear | 0

#1033586 - Thursday 17 June 2010 11:14

faggot

Reply

immazombeastxD | 0

#1099164 - Friday 16 July 2010 21:52

ikr I was gonna mention that

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#6021377 - Monday 28 July 2014 5:28

#61 your picture is creepy aswell

By chip_twoseven | 0

#1022806 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:04

FIRST!!!!! I don't see the fml clowns are awesome

Reply

brianjman14 | 22

#1022811 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

fail

Reply

chip_twoseven | 0

#1022813 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:07

someone posted while I was typing FML

Reply

brianjman14 | 22

#1022818 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:09

but still, u failed at being first

Reply

cgoatr | 0

#1022821 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:10

isn't it anoying wen people say First!!!! but then there not even first

Reply

chip_twoseven | 0

#1022825 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

it is I have failed at being first lol 

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1022902 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:35

ahh thats kinda weird...he should have asked the bride first...maybe you can change his mind :)

Reply

Einstein714 | 0

#1022906 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:44

I'm a part time clown, yea clowns are cool

Reply

CreepyGuy666 | 2

#1022908 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:50

FIRST!! oups not 

Reply

666Alyssa | 3

#1022960 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:15

Actually, you're second.

Reply

littlemissdqgirl | 8

#1022963 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:25

99 normally yes, but not always. My fiancé is doing a lot of our wedding planning:/

Reply

Neon_Radikal | 0

#1023607 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 6:10

I know this is late, but, 21 is a epic win for referring to Zombieland.

Reply

kk2krazee | 0

#1027305 - Friday 11 June 2010 7:00

Sweet

By Bananichka | 0

#1022808 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:05

LOL that's a keeper

By iheartpi | 0

#1022810 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

hahaha you're marrying him why?

By Spierdalaj | 7

#1022812 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:06

So? Clowns are awesome! Damn anti flood.

Reply

amandalovee | 0

#1022879 - Monday 7 June 2010 13:12

LOl.
true. I hate anti flood too!

Reply

Patrick69_fml | 0

#1022917 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:04

66 may I say you are hooooooooot

Reply

oogyboogy | 6

#1022926 - Monday 7 June 2010 14:16

95 may I say your a creeeeeeep

By bummervacation | 10

#1022820 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:10

LOL
he chose to reconnect with his inner child on your wedding day???

By jbrizzle17 | 0

#1022822 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:11

lame

By anglcdvl89 | 0

#1022827 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Ok, clearly this guy is a mastermind. To get out of having to plan a wedding and (possibly) deal with a bridezilla, he gets a clown???

Absolute genius.

Reply

tinooh | 0

#1022835 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:18

lol

Reply

imlagginglol | 0

#1022842 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:25

Too true

By RyGuy748 | 0

#1022828 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

yes!!!! that's gonna be an awesome wedding! clowns ftw

By toddin | 7

#1022829 - Monday 7 June 2010 12:13

Fun... clowns are terrifying...

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#1022962 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:21

yep... I shoot them on sight!