Love: Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting on one knee,... - FML

By amelie

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting on one knee, he farted. FML

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Triage

Walk on the wild side

Ed Sheeran-lite

By birdguts - United Kingdom

Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML

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By gross - United States - Muskegon

Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini bottom out of the box first, only to find a pubic hair stuck to the hygienic liner. FML

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By fuckingcool

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

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By ohdear - United Kingdom

Time flies by

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

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By nonymous human subject - United States - Palo Alto

Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML

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By Anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Casselberry

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

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By danmarino - United States

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled, "What's a clit?" Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when I got home. FML

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By heshay - United States

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

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By lovebigmacs - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

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By apavies444 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

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By Deceptive Dog 1242 - United States

It's Cat-Dog!

Today, I pulled something out of my tiny 6 month old puppy's mouth, thinking it was a cord that he had gotten a hold of. As it turns out, it was a baby mouse he had caught and killed. FML

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By really? - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

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By CandyCrushAddict - United States - Wilson

Today, while having sex with my wife, my Candy Crush addiction hit me full force, and all I could do was think about possible moves I could make in the level I'm stuck on. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

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By weaknesspersonified - Austria

Today, I felt sad, useless and like I could never achieve anything. To cheer myself up, I wanted to smell some essential orange oil. I couldn't open the bottle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 00:02 - Greece - Thessaloniki

On the beat

Today, in my orchestra, I was one of the 2 instruments that starts first. The conductor raised his hands, but while I was waiting for the preparatory beats, I blinked. When I opened my eyes, the conductor had already started. I started late, in front of a thousand people. The conductor is still angry with me. FML

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By QueenCortana Tiffany Turner

Today, my toddler shat on her carpet again. She also decided to play in it. This is the third time in a month. She's fully potty trained, and thinks it’s funny. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, I had an asthma attack because I was masturbating too vigorously. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while celebrating at my friend's birthday party, I fell down a flight of stairs, got into a fight with my flatmate, and ruined my friend's outfit after drinking too much. I'm expecting I'll need to find a new place to live tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Lebanon

Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML

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By jazojigga - United States

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the cross walk. Suddenly I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

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By Kerkie - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my 12-year-old stepchild told me he’s been deliberately wetting - and sometimes crapping - the bed because he’s too lazy to get up and knows it’s someone else’s problem to clean up after him. It’s been going on for years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend that I wanted to go separate ways. Before I could say anything, he proposed. FML

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By superjesse006 - United States

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

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By BambooLove - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML

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By gircos - United States - Westerly

Today, I learned my girlfriend was cheating on me. After giving her a second chance and meeting her parents for the first time, her father said at the dinner table, "I like the other guy better." FML

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By Jes_jes18 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

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By regiftee - United States

Today, my watch broke so I casually mentioned to my dad that I needed a new one. A little while later he hands me this really nice watch. He says, "Here, this one's been lying around for a while". It was the watch I gave him for Father's Day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

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By bastard magnet - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

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By nothing - United States

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

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By 8sq - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

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By spaghett - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

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By amburrr - United States

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

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By UnhappyLips

Today, the lip balms I ordered online finally arrived in the mail. After trying one out, my lips had an allergic reaction. It's a 4-pack. FML

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Top comments

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#7735020 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:15

Well everything is ruined now. Clearly you two were never meant to be together. This fart proves it. Return the ring and move back in with your parents.

By AllucardLink | 1

#7735016 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:07

Who cares? People fart and him farting upset you? perhaps it was because he was nervous or perhaps he has digestive issues. if this ruined the moment then he is dodging a bullet! plus you can always leave that part out of the story IF yoy didn't say no over a stupid fart.

COMMENTS

By teaspoon04 | 15

#7735015 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:05

Hope it’s the start of a life full of laughing with each other. Congratulations!

By AllucardLink | 1

#7735016 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:07

Who cares? People fart and him farting upset you? perhaps it was because he was nervous or perhaps he has digestive issues. if this ruined the moment then he is dodging a bullet! plus you can always leave that part out of the story IF yoy didn't say no over a stupid fart.

Reply

Rabite | 28

#7735259 - Sunday 9 December 2018 15:45

You need to chill and not push some weird stuff in your head onto people just telling a funny story.

By 1ninjanina | 7

#7735017 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:07

I don’t see it as an FML. Guys fart. Everyone farts. Sometimes they slip out. I think guys have less control over it than girls.

By jobtokyo | 8

#7735018 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:08

Well please don’t leave us hanging, what did you say?

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#7735020 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:15

Well everything is ruined now. Clearly you two were never meant to be together. This fart proves it. Return the ring and move back in with your parents.

Reply

zuckerburg | 21

#7735730 - Monday 10 December 2018 14:27

The sarcasm on this post is lovely. I hope OP reads it but without the sarcasm.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7735021 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:42

Love stinks!

By Rae Marie | 13

#7735027 - Sunday 9 December 2018 6:49

Seriously? He proposed and you’re writing an FML about it? That’s so rude

By Diegoba12 | 16

#7735031 - Sunday 9 December 2018 7:01

Poor guy, I’m sure he was embarrassed. Hopefully you didn’t say no..

By LennyComa | 39

#7735033 - Sunday 9 December 2018 7:03

Bless his cotton socks he was probably nervous. When I proposed I was shaking so much I stuttered the question

Reply

childlessmother | 16

#7735047 - Sunday 9 December 2018 7:38

😹

By Charlie Given | 23

#7735038 - Sunday 9 December 2018 7:10

Aww he was just blowing his love trumpet 🤣😂