Love: Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting down on one... - FML

By amelie

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting down on one knee, he farted. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Sorry…

Vulture

By unpatriotic - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

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By highlydisgusted - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

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By Cress

Today, my dad asked what I wanted for my birthday. The only thing I wanted was the complete series of Dragon Ball Z on DVD. He just sighed, shook his head, and asked me to pick something normal. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went over to my parents' house with my female, unspayed dog. I guess they haven’t had their dog neutered, because he tried to mount her. When I attempted to stop him, he knocked me into their stone fire pit, splitting my head and elbow open. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I told a customer at the drive-thru I couldn't hear him as he had his music blaring too loud. The customer then drove to the window and verbally abused me for listening to my iPod at work. My "iPod" is the headset we use to take orders at the drive-thru. FML

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By Allie cat

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Bergeyk

Help this person out, please?

Today, I have no close friends, only "people I know and occasionally talk to." I have no idea how I got here, and how to re-socialize back. FML

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By CallaC - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

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By BondingTime - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

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By Dafuq happen there - South Africa

Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday for Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, you may not impregnate my daughter." FML

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By Foufinator - France

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

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By rhunter17

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

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By RootalyTootToot

Today, after slipping on my stairs and spraining my ankle, I got a brace and crutches at urgent care. When I went to get into my car, my crutch slipped on some paper and I fell. I crawled back into urgent care, only to learn that my sprained ankle is now broken in 2 places. FML

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By Duellist

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

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By YoshiSqu4d

Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

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By creepedout - United States

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

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By cheese - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I summoned the courage to talk to my friends about the money they owe me for my photography services at their wedding. We had agreed on a fair price, but now they're pissed, claiming that I'm being selfish and should consider it my wedding gift to them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

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By JennyPenny - United States - Lawrence

Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

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By Katlego Maduma - 23/3/2021 22:59

Sneaking around

Today, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with his girl bestie for 4 years. I also found out he's been having threesomes with his male bestie. Both people have been around me and my family this entire time. We've been married for 15 years. Joke's on me. FML

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By blutownie13 - United States

Today, I told my ex boyfriend I lost 20 lbs because of the stress of the break up. His response was "you're welcome." FML

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By anna - United States - Hattiesburg

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

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By Tori Pearson - Canada

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

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By fatty mcfatfuck - 24/6/2020 02:02

Dietitian is the recognized title

Today, I caught my mother-in-law filling my one-year-old's cup with Dr. Pepper. When I flipped out, she told me I was overreacting since "all her kids turned out fine." Save for my husband, all her kids are morbidly obese diabetics who’ve struggled with poor diets. She herself is almost 450 lbs. FML

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By fiercehawk - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

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By fml9124 - 22/10/2020 02:00 - United States

Mixology

Today, my wife is out of town on business. So I got drunk. Really drunk. Felt like swimming around midnight (we live in Arizona). Jumped in the pool… and forget how to swim. Too uncoordinated, I almost drowned. Then I threw up in the pool. FML

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By gretel - Australia

Today, I'd finally reached my goal weight. I went into the office where my husband was, to show him the new size 8 jeans I'd bought. He responded with "I wouldn't buy any more clothes, you'll be putting the weight back on again soon." FML

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By heartbreakkid21 - United States

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Pistoia

Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML

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By Robyn - Ireland

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Bloomfield

Good boy

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

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By JulietMarie - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

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By fired tomoz - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2020 05:04

Acceptance

Today, I can't look my roommate in the eye because he walked in on me showing my drag friends my new dress on Discord last night. My roommate is really conservative. We used to get along so well too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML

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By toritoratora - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Titisee-neustadt

Today, I'm the only grandchild who regularly visits, calls and runs errands for my grandparents, even though I live two hours away. I'm also their biggest disappointment because I'm not married. FML

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Top comments

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#7735020 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:15

Well everything is ruined now. Clearly you two were never meant to be together. This fart proves it. Return the ring and move back in with your parents.

By AllucardLink | 1

#7735016 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:07

Who cares? People fart and him farting upset you? perhaps it was because he was nervous or perhaps he has digestive issues. if this ruined the moment then he is dodging a bullet! plus you can always leave that part out of the story IF yoy didn't say no over a stupid fart.

COMMENTS

By teaspoon04 | 15

#7735015 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:05

Hope it’s the start of a life full of laughing with each other. Congratulations!

By AllucardLink | 1

#7735016 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:07

Who cares? People fart and him farting upset you? perhaps it was because he was nervous or perhaps he has digestive issues. if this ruined the moment then he is dodging a bullet! plus you can always leave that part out of the story IF yoy didn't say no over a stupid fart.

Reply

Rabite | 28

#7735259 - Sunday 9 December 2018 15:45

You need to chill and not push some weird stuff in your head onto people just telling a funny story.

By 1ninjanina | 7

#7735017 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:07

I don’t see it as an FML. Guys fart. Everyone farts. Sometimes they slip out. I think guys have less control over it than girls.

By jobtokyo | 8

#7735018 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:08

Well please don’t leave us hanging, what did you say?

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#7735020 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:15

Well everything is ruined now. Clearly you two were never meant to be together. This fart proves it. Return the ring and move back in with your parents.

Reply

zuckerburg | 21

#7735730 - Monday 10 December 2018 14:27

The sarcasm on this post is lovely. I hope OP reads it but without the sarcasm.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7735021 - Sunday 9 December 2018 5:42

Love stinks!

By Rae Marie | 13

#7735027 - Sunday 9 December 2018 6:49

Seriously? He proposed and you’re writing an FML about it? That’s so rude

By Diegoba12 | 16

#7735031 - Sunday 9 December 2018 7:01

Poor guy, I’m sure he was embarrassed. Hopefully you didn’t say no..

By LennyComa | 39

#7735033 - Sunday 9 December 2018 7:03

Bless his cotton socks he was probably nervous. When I proposed I was shaking so much I stuttered the question

Reply

childlessmother | 16

#7735047 - Sunday 9 December 2018 7:38

😹

By Charlie Given | 23

#7735038 - Sunday 9 December 2018 7:10

Aww he was just blowing his love trumpet 🤣😂