Love: Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code... - FML

By ugh - 05/03/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code word for when I'm being annoying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 076

You deserved it 8 731

Dysfunctional

Sweet, my ass

Drugs are bad, well, some of them

By dannyfanny - 28/08/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, I slipped walking down the stairs. My mom thought I sprained my right ankle. In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me. I broke my left ankle. The right one was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 707

You deserved it 2 595

Animated movies

By Penny - 18/01/2020 20:00

Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 434

By Anonymous - 24/02/2017 03:00 - Finland

Today, my sad ass got walked in on by a relative while I was having an imaginary conversation, with an imaginary friend, and I was talking out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 067

You deserved it 2 243

Sexless in Seattle

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, it's become clear I might have married the only man on the planet who doesn't care about sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 912

You deserved it 450

By spenmy - 13/06/2010 09:56 - United States

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 224

You deserved it 3 319

By assdialed. - 04/11/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my dad that I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but it left me an accidental voicemail saying "Oh s***, I didn't mean to call her!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 486

You deserved it 2 577

By jackie89 - 10/08/2014 19:26 - United Kingdom - Redruth

Spicy

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 436

You deserved it 7 428

Unbelievable

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 09:40 - United Kingdom

Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 369

You deserved it 5 274

By Brook - 26/02/2013 08:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 379

You deserved it 3 805

By Anonymous - 07/04/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a portrait studio and was taking pictures of a little girl, I kept telling the girl to stop making silly faces when she smiles because her eyes go cross-eyed. After the third time I said it her mom grabbed the little girl and left. Turns out, she was naturally cross-eyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 510

You deserved it 58 128

A mother's love…

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Allentown

Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 03/02/2012 08:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 920

You deserved it 7 195

By alexander - 08/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Longmont

Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle's cap off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 638

You deserved it 1 032

By Lilo4life - 06/08/2015 15:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 353

You deserved it 2 784

By Carla - 12/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 729

You deserved it 415

By animallover - 26/06/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 510

You deserved it 5 283

By microlovin - 28/07/2013 07:45 - United States - Pasadena

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 585

You deserved it 9 239

By jazz - 22/01/2010 08:11 - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 5 736

Foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 20:01

Today, my husband wouldn’t touch or even look at our newborn daughter until she’d had all the birth slime cleaned off her, then he held her for like 5 seconds before giving her back, saying he could still smell the slime and vomited all over a nurse. This does not bode well for nappy changing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 175

Leave me out of it

By Marissa Di Stefano - 05/01/2021 17:01

Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 174

By Goldo - 22/06/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 061

You deserved it 4 280

By Kilika - 08/06/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 410

You deserved it 3 809

By blondessdoll - 04/05/2016 17:30 - United States

Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 736

You deserved it 1 093

That's a hard no from me, dawg

By soontobesingle - 19/03/2013 11:30 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 975

You deserved it 4 980

Are you lonesome tonight?

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 14:01

Today, Thanksgiving Day and I have no family to spend with, all my friends are busy or out of town, and the only person actively talking to me is a random guy on Bumble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 133

By angela - 12/06/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 225

You deserved it 3 700

By Anonymous - 15/04/2013 16:02 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants us to stay friends, though, so he can continue to use my coffee maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 120

You deserved it 4 706

By Noname - 24/02/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 271

You deserved it 50 191

By patrick - 17/03/2010 16:15 - United States

Today, it's Saint Patrick's Day and the nicest day of the year so far. I'm spending it in the bathroom, puking up the sushi I'd eaten last night. The luck of the Irish can't help me on this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 966

You deserved it 5 223

By waitingformyfoodstamps - 24/01/2009 10:50 - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 050

You deserved it 8 332

Charming lady

By the diabetic necromancer - 15/03/2021 02:00

Today, I accidentally left the pantry open. My narcissistic mother’s response was to spit on me and tell me to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 58

By catherineratley - 06/05/2012 04:09 - United States - Carmi

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 372

You deserved it 2 973

By sailorpete - 30/06/2019 02:25

Today, I got fired from the job I've only had for a week. Between paying for a physical, my own background check and uniforms, I paid more money to start working there than I'll get from my one and only paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 866

You deserved it 271

Won't someone think of the economy?

By tdizzlehi - 28/08/2020 02:00 - United States - Boston

Today, after coming out of a meeting during which I promised my employees better wages, I was met at the door by my CEO telling me to lay off all the employees I just talked to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 202

By katrina2d - 27/01/2015 05:43 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 189

You deserved it 29 555

By Anonymous - 24/02/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 274

You deserved it 5 341

By Pissed - 05/10/2011 15:29 - Australia

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 8 363

By everybodysfool - 24/12/2009 01:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of 2 years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I am cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 953

You deserved it 4 246

By G - 08/10/2011 17:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 713

You deserved it 45 028

By Gilly - 19/05/2017 18:00

Today, my kid felt bad that our cat didn't get an Easter egg hunt at Easter so he has hidden sardines around the house for her to find. The house reeks and I don't know how many are left to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 808

You deserved it 526

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:11

If you weren't annoying he wouldn't need a code-word to tell you about it.

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:17

Tell him you need one for when the sex isn't that good...

Comments

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:11

If you weren't annoying he wouldn't need a code-word to tell you about it.

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:35

I say "squaids" (squirrel aids)... it's strange enough for people to have no clue what you're talking about... plus, as an added bonus, it will also distract you to the point where you may cease to be annoying for a while...

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:49

Feel fortunate that he said something. Chances are, others are thinking (or thought) it and they are just being "nice".

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Friday 5 March 2010 11:28

Your code word is annoying, and those around you who are less annoyed will ask what it means. Use a real word, OP, or just ask what habits he finds so irritating.

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Friday 5 March 2010 11:30

@13 But everyone watches equals three. Everyone.

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Friday 5 March 2010 13:58

I think the entire YouTube community is on fml

Ouroboros_fml 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 14:38

I propose the codeword/phrases: "bitch, please", "it's clbberin' time!", "Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket", or "every time you send that dumbass picture, god kills a Domokun"

Ouroboros_fml 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 14:42

er, clobberin' , also, one more possible codephrase, "NOT RIGHT NOW, YOU DON'T" (ProTip: CapsLock is Cruise Contol for COOL)

rebornhunter25 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 15:24

hahaha omg that just made my day haha

damienwatkins 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 15:38

it should obviously be vaginaboob...

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Friday 5 March 2010 15:43

Almost all of you are win, especially any RWJ related comments. I am hoping that your FML is about the fact that you didn't realise you were annoying and not about your bf trying to mod you. The fact is, everyone has quirks and they may be endearing to those that love us but not so much to our casual acquaintances.

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Friday 5 March 2010 15:45

@30 I am ... now go watch nigahiga or Fred or ShaneDawsonTV stop wasting ur time on FML! lol just kiding! :-P

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Friday 5 March 2010 15:46

Code word should be "sex", period. Makes you stfu and keep you entertained at the same time. It's a double win situation for both.

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Friday 5 March 2010 19:04

I say the code word be "it's over" then everyone would shut up.

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Friday 5 March 2010 20:00

YDI for being annoying.

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Friday 5 March 2010 21:26

if your bf had any balls, his code words would be "you're annoying the shit outa me, so shut the fuck up. and make me a sammich"

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Friday 5 March 2010 23:39

F his life

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Saturday 6 March 2010 2:47

haha my bf did that too, I tend to talk alot sometimes. no worries. lol

apoll 0

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Saturday 6 March 2010 6:12

RWJ squaids ftw

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Sunday 7 March 2010 9:00

I think we need a code word for the "make me a sammich" people.

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Monday 8 March 2010 8:07

code word is "snickerdoodles"

Frosc 0

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Monday 27 June 2011 0:01

Or... "who gotta penis? bitch gotta penis."

Scarshadow101 6

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Sunday 23 September 2012 15:05

How about "asshole"?

jennjennsofly 7

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:14

ahaha funny thats not that bad... you should of said a code word when he asked you that saying that you were already annoyed

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Friday 27 May 2011 5:40

pickles.

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:17

Tell him you need one for when the sex isn't that good...

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:18

how's this a fml?

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:27

i agree lol it is perfect

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:28

is that what your bf says? I vote horseface.

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:32

How about "Craphatch", as in......... Honey,you're being a craphatch!!

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:37

Ha ha ha. Thats hilarious [: I mean.. FYL. But thats great [:

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:37

No offense Shae84, but regardless of what you think she looks like, you haven't even unloaded a picture...

dropkickgorgeous 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:38

LMAO... Me and my bf have a code it's: Game Over! We get a little outrageous with it and in its own right it's annoying. However it does help, the trick is not to take it personally.

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:42

I just lost... :-( Sounds like it would be effective though especially if you say it around others who are playing lol

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 22

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 193