Love: Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was...

By WoofWoof - 07/12/2009 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 061

You deserved it 4 988

Love

Dementia or hate? You decide

Triage

The mainframe had been haxored

By MadMax - 16/07/2009 14:59 - United States

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 390

You deserved it 5 327

Priorities

By phones - 16/01/2015 17:09 - United States

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 820

You deserved it 9 216

By Reeen - 03/06/2016 22:29 - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 604

You deserved it 1 218

By Kait - 19/06/2019 08:07 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I went on a Tinder date. Sort of. I got ready and went to the bar he'd chosen. I waited 15 minutes for him to show. We exchanged ”Hellos,” then he said he was going to grab a drink and walked off. He didn’t come back. Damn, was it the way I said, “Hello”? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 167

420 BLAZE IT BRO!!!

By nurse4life - 18/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Moultrie

Today, a patient at the hospital where I work asked me if he and his son could light up a joint. He was on oxygen, and serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 777

You deserved it 483

By nasty_ex - 21/06/2011 12:25 - Australia

Today, I finally found out who has been sending me hate letters, it's my husband's ex-wife. They've been divorced for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 593

You deserved it 3 374

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 12:33 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was cleaning up rabbit pee from the floor when my rabbit hopped up to me. To prevent her from standing in it and spreading it throughout the room, I shooed her away. She got such a fright that she jumped in the pee and spattered it all over my clothes and face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 636

By Madi Jenna - 04/05/2011 17:31 - United States

Today, is the third day my ring won't come off. I used soap, vegetable oil, lotion, soaked my hand in ice to make the swelling of my finger to come down, and even my mom pulled so hard she dislocated my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 178

You deserved it 5 835

By me - 18/05/2011 04:13

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 838

You deserved it 6 233

By silver - 22/07/2018 02:01

Today, while discussing my family on a date, I mentioned that my parents are divorced. She immediately got up and left without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 855

You deserved it 250

By ScienceFail - 25/07/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 989

You deserved it 15 904

No sex for you

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 167

By SeriouslyMakeItStop - 21/03/2014 11:09 - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 234

You deserved it 9 003

By Jake - 29/04/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 030

You deserved it 6 202

By crybaby - 28/06/2016 17:54 - United States - Seattle

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 611

You deserved it 813

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 22:03

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 198

Take care

By Buyingagun - 08/04/2020 05:00

Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 267

You deserved it 516

By Aaron - 26/08/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 613

You deserved it 55 919

By LittleLou - 16/10/2016 04:28 - United States

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend broke up with me. She immediately asked if it was because I didn't put out. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 605

You deserved it 1 395

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 186

You deserved it 13 136

By 1thapp3ns - 10/01/2010 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 964

You deserved it 2 989

By WasFeelingGood - 27/10/2009 13:32 - United States

Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 577

You deserved it 3 536

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 912

You deserved it 13 014

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 08:01

Today, I met what I thought was a decent guy, via an introduction by my pregnant friend. She's dating his brother. The guy was dropping my friend and me off, but on the way out of the door he slapped her on the butt and smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 04/06/2013 07:11 - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 260

You deserved it 6 132

By Anonymous - 25/04/2019 04:00

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 994

You deserved it 158

By Anon - 28/12/2012 08:14 - United States - Southbury

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 277

You deserved it 35 518

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 493

You deserved it 8 263

By Fmycatslife - 26/07/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 831

You deserved it 78 093

By Etown - 12/08/2018 06:00 - United States - Evansville

Today, a friend texted me to get a ticket and go to the theme park with her tomorrow. I bought a ticket and didn't hear from her until 5 hrs later to say she was sorry, but she doesn't think she'll be going. It was $65 and non refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 782

You deserved it 295

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 711

You deserved it 7 961

By i suck, this i know :( - 26/07/2013 22:11 - Malawi - Blantyre

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 109

You deserved it 71 555

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 01:32 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my daughter's biggest aspiration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramones in concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 763

You deserved it 9 364

Not having a good time, really

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 02:00

Today, I not only woke up with yet another splitting headache, but I stubbed my toe and my desktop kept crashing. That wouldn't be too terrible if it wasn't the second day in a row of bad luck, which previously involved someone stealing my card info and buying gamer keys with it the day after I got paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 70

By Betty - 17/03/2010 18:26 - United States

Today, I went in for a doctors appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 424

You deserved it 9 250

By adrenochrome - 09/02/2009 09:21 - Lithuania

Today, I learnt that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 880

You deserved it 43 143

By gedderdunn - 24/05/2010 06:13 - Reserved

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 076

You deserved it 7 742

By whatever - 24/11/2012 07:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my long-distance boyfriend broke up with me. Tomorrow he should be getting the super long love letter that I poured my heart into and sent him a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 169

You deserved it 2 460

Fact of scratching

By Anonymous - 24/01/2020 14:00

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 311

You deserved it 281

By Sady_Ct - 17/03/2019 18:00

Today I took my dogs to the off leash dog park as usual. Today some dick decided to feed my pup alcohol while I was cleaning up after my other dog. Now my pup is sick and the vet is worried he may not survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 339

You deserved it 210

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Nocturna_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 0:01

I'll assume you're both like 10.

polico_wolf 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 0:03

what kind of mother makes people choose like that?

simplexalarms 7

Send a private message

Monday 7 December 2009 23:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

ogloc 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 3:04

I'd take the dog too. Dogs are loyal, you never know when a relationship can go to hell.

Bloodrush 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 December 2009 5:21

editing first comment for the loss...when are people gonna stop caring who is first on a comments section of a ridiculous website...there is also a reason why dogs are man's best friend....

drewbreesdat 0

Send a private message

Sunday 31 January 2010 1:59

lol did she just get that from a miller lite commercial?

ken8lk 3

Send a private message

Saturday 5 June 2010 19:22

I would probably do the same...dogs are freaking awesome I'm attached to my dog more than anyone else (besides family)

WillDaBeast83 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 July 2011 19:13

ditto

Nocturna_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 0:01

I'll assume you're both like 10.

owlsong 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 3:13

that is so funny but so awful

sarcdude 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 8:46

nice play-on words there.

donkey_hang_down 2

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 18:47

1) Agree 2) Agree 3) Agree #3 is the only one who doesnt have a choice in being a bitch.

mopho 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 December 2009 2:32

LOL WIN

polico_wolf 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 0:03

what kind of mother makes people choose like that?

No_Heart 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 8:01

what a coincidence, I have one dog and two girlfriends.

rockmyworld 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 December 2009 5:18

FTW! =)

incidnia 15

Send a private message

Sunday 16 June 2013 23:58

Op didn't give a lot of information, did her boyfriend already have the dog before they were together ? Or did his mom say he could have a dog if he dumped her ? If he already had the dog, I totally understand and would have done the same. If it's the later, that just sucks and he wasn't worth it anyways..

polico_wolf 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 0:03

what kind of mother makes people choose like that?

No_Heart 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 8:03

Because he loves his dog?

drayloon 50

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 December 2014 6:33

You may only have one bitch.

Titans_Matt 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 0:06

You wouldn't want him anyways honey, it sounds as though he is gay. ;)

LissaMccracken 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 July 2013 0:55

...how?

chicken_lover 2

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 0:06

haha that's kind of funny. agreed with 2. that sucks for you, but dogs are awesome. dogs love their owners forever no matter what. you only get that with one person, usually. so his mom made him choose which means you two are young and his mom dislikes you. so you have plenty of time to find someone that you can buy a dog with. :) unless you don't like or are allergic to dogs. haha

alphaxzero 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 0:16

ydi for dating a guy who lets his mom tell him to choose between a dog and a girl

FMLjudge007 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 0:39

this sounds a lot like an FML a couple of weeks ago except it was the girl who broke up with the guy and the dog was ugly

No_Heart 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 8:04

How the fuck is loving a dog more then your girlfriend shallow, enless he only chose the dog because it has bigger tits.

WillDaBeast83 0

Send a private message

Monday 4 July 2011 19:15

64, I agree

No_fyl_cuz_ydi 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 1:00

you must be in middle school which means you were going to break up before Christmas anyway so it really doesn't matter

MikeStern 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 December 2009 1:10

If his mother can force him to break up with his girlfriend he must not be very old, and therefore you musn't be very old, a relationship between people that young couldn't last...