Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 67

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 35

03/11/2009 02:17

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 800

You deserved it 4 230

Intimacy

Mama's boy

Stop talking!

Time for a change

28/05/2013 08:09

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 710

You deserved it 3 438

04/01/2010 03:41

Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity last night also took my flat screen TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 746

You deserved it 9 919

Epic

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 08:00

Today, I ended up missing all my Zoom classes because I had the audacity to stay up all night and build an epic Minecraft fortress. And then I accidentally deleted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 2 181

16/12/2018 14:00

Today I had to tell my girlfriend that we can't keep taking care of her drug addicted dad because it is ruining out lives. We have a 90 day notice to move and I said I won't move to a new place if she is going to have him live there. Guess who is looking for a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 807

You deserved it 392

01/11/2009 04:35

Today, I received a 4 page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight in full detail. I am one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 316

You deserved it 2 580

01/06/2011 18:06

Today, my daughter turned 18. She decided to use this day to tell me everywhere her and her boyfriends have had sex in my house to get revenge for being overprotective. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 476

You deserved it 62 900

01/05/2011 14:30

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 810

You deserved it 5 460

29/03/2016 01:56

Today, I put up a sign asking motorcyclists to slow down near horses, as the noise can spook them. While I was riding near the sign, a biker slowed to read it, looked at me, then revved his engine loudly and raced off. My horse bucked me off into some brambles and bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 885

You deserved it 2 154

13/05/2013 05:02

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 944

You deserved it 5 229

03/11/2014 19:06

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 128

You deserved it 4 915

30/08/2009 14:15

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 238

You deserved it 58 887

Mind your own business

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 12:00

Today, I heard a man call a girl a r*tard. Furious, I stormed up to him and demanded he apologize for using such a vile slur. The girl started laughing her ass off and said, "Mind your own business, r*tard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 2 969

17/08/2009 13:50

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 223

You deserved it 14 874

19/07/2012 23:56

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 774

You deserved it 41 572

05/12/2012 20:05

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 201

You deserved it 3 115

24/06/2015 02:48

Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 186

You deserved it 3 674

01/12/2008 06:09

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 361

You deserved it 4 019

08/03/2014 01:16

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 480

You deserved it 6 881

19/12/2014 19:24

Today, I went to the dry-cleaner's and went to get my bag of laundry from my trunk, but I ended up dropping the bag. My dirty underwear blew around the parking lot. I had to chase it all down as a bunch of people looked on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 494

You deserved it 3 893

01/07/2019 02:10

Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 157

Weirded out

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend told me she is breaking up with me for my friend, because she likes people with diaper fetishes. I had no clue either of them liked that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 65

13/03/2013 04:57

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 627

You deserved it 17 458

04/11/2011 19:38

Today, for the first time in years, I broke down in tears, over a Hallmark commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 162

You deserved it 6 840

16/02/2015 20:43

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 362

You deserved it 14 382

26/09/2009 10:39

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 499

You deserved it 5 343

Where's my anvil?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 14:02

Today, my roommate placed something on a shelf I put up, and the whole thing came crashing down. It's been fine for 2 years and now the shelf decides to break? Yeah right, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 81

16/12/2011 04:26

Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 467

You deserved it 27 540

04/08/2009 16:15

Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 176

You deserved it 9 972

Can't win

By yup0308 - 30/04/2021 23:01

Today, and for almost 6 years, my wife and I have had issues fighting when we’re drunk. I’ve always gotten/accepted the blame. I quit drinking to try and better our marriage. Now she wants a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 101

01/07/2018 19:00

Today, I'm in the hospital for a broken hip and cerebral hemorrhage, bedridden with a continuous headache. My roommate has dementia and shouts and cries all day about a hospital conspiracy where everybody is drinking tea all the time except her. This will be a long month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 409

You deserved it 192

13/05/2009 19:39

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 823

You deserved it 52 223

14/03/2012 07:51

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 711

You deserved it 20 774

27/05/2009 04:50

Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 770

You deserved it 2 895

13/08/2011 10:31

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 380

You deserved it 41 034

29/12/2014 19:11

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 050

You deserved it 3 585

01/09/2014 14:08

Today, I wrecked my car because my mom texted me, telling me not to text and drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 605

You deserved it 44 902

14/05/2019 02:00

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 016

You deserved it 122

15/07/2016 03:06

Today, after giving a potential employee a drug test and instructing her to leave her urine sample in the bathroom, she not only brought it into the office, she spilled it on the front desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 594

You deserved it 1 384

I can feel this FML

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 14:00

Today, I just got home from hospital after delivering an order of razor wire. One of the razors split my trousers and my sack open, my bollock was visibly hanging out of the giant slit in my sack and I had to go get it stitched shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 64

23/05/2011 19:33

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 404

You deserved it 3 180

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Top comments

brkn_hearted 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 9:23

better Chewbacca than the tusken raider sand people... lol

perdix 29

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:57

Nookie with a Wookiee.

Comments

brkn_hearted 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 9:23

better Chewbacca than the tusken raider sand people... lol

123e3 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 21:13

LOL

k43L1 0

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Monday 9 November 2009 5:10

FTW

kevick93 0

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Sunday 14 February 2010 0:32

that's hillarious

bri008 0

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 3:35

mattthew 0

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 21:58

omg that's funny

stfubp 0

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Tuesday 23 March 2010 5:35

sexy... olliolliolliolli!!!! jkjk maybe not olli, probly ulla... I don't even give a shit, watevs... but still sexy :O jkjk

Erkxx3S 0

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Saturday 3 April 2010 5:23

sounds like a broken garbage disposal

asher888 11

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Thursday 17 June 2010 1:38

lol

theburtonbullet 5

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Friday 23 March 2012 16:12

Lol that's awesome

CrispyBacon69 14

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Friday 28 August 2015 21:57

Sounding like chewy would be better than Jar Jar Binx

fashioncm13 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 9:24

isn't that sad, for both of you! maybe you can help him fix that

izzie321 27

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Sunday 16 June 2013 4:44

Best troll ever.

cmac86 23

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 9:30

that's gross yet hilarious at th same time. thanks for ruining star wars forever!

roadie42 21

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 20:55

...yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Never again will Chewie's roaring seem quite so endearing.

Ninjaface 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 9:30

You said it Chewy!

kindness 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 9:30

if he's nice and a good boyfriend, get over it.

bubbles94 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 2:30

agreed

ONExLOVE_fml 4

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Tuesday 8 May 2012 20:49

I disagree with your agreed comment.

BellaMuerte_fml 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 10:43

So...? It's not a big deal.

xoxcinderellaxox 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 11:39

better be good enough or else you'll have to find yourself a darth vader.

gigyfly 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 11:41

No i dont!!!! I cant believe u wud put that on here!!

brkn_hearted 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 12:40

ROFLMFAO! touche!

hqwoody327 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 11:44

YDI for saying "had it off" Who even says that anymore, unless you're in primary school!?

anonacs 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:49

Cums*