Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37253

You deserved it

5029

Tweet

Share

Proactive

The smell detective is on the case

Breaking Badly

By fuck florida - United States - San Francisco

Cool trick, mom

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60233

You deserved it

5957

Tweet

Share

By Dead_Fox - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34705

You deserved it

3842

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52068

You deserved it

3436

Tweet

Share

By ryuken23 - United Kingdom

Today, after breaking down in front of my therapist over some really sensitive issues, she decided to also break down. Not about my story but about her own life. I'm not being paid to comfort and console my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28969

You deserved it

2904

Tweet

Share

By family heirloom gone

Today, my husband threw away the cast iron skillet my family has cooked with for generations because it had some specks of rust that were perfectly fixable. My 5th great-grandfather had that skillet in 1890 when he was a chuck wagon driver for the cowboys during their cattle drives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3914

You deserved it

223

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a new computer because my old one crashed, deleting all music, photos, and documents. I still had all my music on my iPod though, and went to sync it to the new computer. By accident, my younger brother pulled the cord out before it was done, deleting all 3,000 songs forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49980

You deserved it

7054

Tweet

Share

By joAnne - United States

Thanks, I guess

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77496

You deserved it

4131

Tweet

Share

By always amazed - Canada - Barrie

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19108

You deserved it

3001

Tweet

Share

By theregoesmyspermcount - United States

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

69727

You deserved it

5676

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 08:01

No, you do it!

Today, despite being hearing impaired, I just spent an hour on the phone with Comcast setting up my mom's internet, because my sister who hears fine is "too busy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

780

You deserved it

49

Tweet

Share

By mrWrong - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

101775

You deserved it

12078

Tweet

Share

By phantomdriver - Canada

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44764

You deserved it

3611

Tweet

Share

By chanclepants - France

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49278

You deserved it

14019

Tweet

Share

By neverdatingacopagain - United States

Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47858

You deserved it

6699

Tweet

Share

By Oops - United States

Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37501

You deserved it

14872

Tweet

Share

By Cooky - United Kingdom

Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40229

You deserved it

6708

Tweet

Share

By jlmbull - United States - Lansing

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27993

You deserved it

1849

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me, saying I've changed and she can't be with someone who's so emotional all the time. Well I'm so sorry that after two weeks, I'm not quite over my brother's death yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41573

You deserved it

1773

Tweet

Share

By apparentlyawomanbeater - Switzerland - Cadempino

Today, I was on the bus during rush hour. A fly started buzzing around my head, and I swatted at it, at the exact moment the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25899

You deserved it

3069

Tweet

Share

By hehe

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27584

You deserved it

6276

Tweet

Share

By Can't Win - United States - Palatine

Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21015

You deserved it

6516

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40606

You deserved it

25422

Tweet

Share

By ripo95 - France

Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21726

You deserved it

46444

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out through one of my friends that my boyfriend cheated on me. He says it doesn't count as cheating because he couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54535

You deserved it

4636

Tweet

Share

By scarred

Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3379

You deserved it

360

Tweet

Share

By Lonesome - United States - Bossier City

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54314

You deserved it

13030

Tweet

Share

By loueb17 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34095

You deserved it

9687

Tweet

Share

By GottaGetOuttaHere

Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2388

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By EpicFailTime

Today, a neighbor called the cops on me and my friends because we were "starting a fire" in the backyard. We were using a barbecue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33466

You deserved it

2864

Tweet

Share

By Anna - 20/12/2020 05:02

Bad timing

Today, it's the first day of a long-needed vacation after weeks of stress and overtime. I'm having such intense period cramps, I'm bathed in sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

843

You deserved it

48

Tweet

Share

By msmusiclover7 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30540

You deserved it

3558

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

123113

You deserved it

5330

Tweet

Share

By teach - Canada

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52709

You deserved it

4092

Tweet

Share

By kinlin

Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3952

You deserved it

893

Tweet

Share

By Jim - United States

Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20256

You deserved it

4134

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Darwin

The Conversationalist

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1195

You deserved it

361

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22035

You deserved it

46063

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62582

You deserved it

3113

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

I agree, your life sucks

66279

You deserved it

6157

Tweet

Share

By B-ran - France

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8740

You deserved it

21547

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Dfox | 0

#798000 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:18

she's not a prude because she doesnt want a weiner up her butt. If she is uncomfortable with it, her boyfriend should be understanding..

By Fr0gg13 | 0

#797912 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:36

that means he prob a kinky freak that is extremly open with anything sexual. not many ppl understand that and instantly think it's homosexual thing.

COMMENTS

By perdix | 29

#797908 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:34

What an asshole! ;)

Are you dating Sen. Larry Craig?

Reply

wheatie | 0

#798022 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:34

perdix, you make all of these better(:

Reply

musiclife_fml | 0

#798235 - Monday 25 January 2010 20:12

and perdix gets a perfect 10 from the political blogger :)

Reply

jerkwad | 0

#798907 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 2:28

perdix continues to be as unfunny as ever

Reply

darktooth | 0

#799177 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 4:39

You lack to understand humor.

Reply

PottentialFML | 0

#799259 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 5:14

Yes Perdix I agree he is a pretty "shitty" boyfriend :P

Reply

FMLtimes316 | 0

#799302 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 5:37

hahaha perdix makes FML. (:

By amiracle | 0

#797909 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:34

He didn't say he himself had anal sex, silly. Look up info the 'male g-spot'. I'm guessing your boyfriend is curious, 's all. Definitely not a FML. Unless you're prude, that is :-).

By Fr0gg13 | 0

#797912 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:36

that means he prob a kinky freak that is extremly open with anything sexual. not many ppl understand that and instantly think it's homosexual thing.

Reply

BunBunBabe | 8

#5439573 - Monday 8 April 2013 4:09

Yeah lots of guys like it but won't admit it in fear of others thinking they're gay

By I_Fart_Freely | 0

#797925 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:43

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

anela_fml | 0

#797943 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:51

it is but still hurts like he'll

Reply

RainbowGecko | 0

#798358 - Monday 25 January 2010 21:10

lol yeeaa... that gets annoying

Reply

midnight21 | 8

#4478601 - Friday 25 May 2012 2:39

So how would you like it if someone stuck something up your ass violently?

Reply

bizarre_ftw | 21

#5172214 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 22:02

It's anal sex, not anal rape! Why in the hell would you choose the adjective "violently"?!

Reply

LindsayxMoore | 18

#5524362 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:26

Sorry but my ass is intended for stuff to come out not go in, thats what the vagina is for. I certainly dont want my bfs penis up there.

Reply

threer | 30

#5685462 - Monday 23 September 2013 5:05

Girls poop...?

Reply

commentgirl | 8

#5803019 - Tuesday 24 December 2013 1:03

It's also less rewarding than giving birth.

Reply

Undecidedlime | 6

#6110368 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 19:03

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????

By I_Fart_Freely | 0

#797934 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:47

#6 = Butt Pirate

By anela_fml | 0

#797941 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:49

run run far away especially since he's lying

By davidhasmorefun | 0

#797959 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:56

fyl for being a prude.

By iloveloosy12 | 0

#797961 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:58

yeah you don't ask why he knows, you just do it

By Fr0gg13 | 0

#797986 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:12

there is plenty of women who crave it. and many men who enjoy a little anal play.. the OP is a PRUDE

Reply

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn | 2

#3920760 - Saturday 21 January 2012 21:48

Maybe she just doesn't want to have buttsex. You ever thought of THAT, dickweed?

Reply

aconsultant | 9

#6616115 - Friday 27 May 2016 14:15

dickweed.... how interesting..

By Shmeaty | 0

#797999 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:18

woman. stfu and take it.