Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37268

You deserved it

5036

Tweet

Share

Mother of the year

Shoulda, woulda, coulda

Congratulations!

By Anonymous - Canada - Qualicum Beach

Today, desperate to meet a guy, I went clubbing. The only guy to show any interest opened with: "You're hot, for a black chick!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26278

You deserved it

2707

Tweet

Share

By Andy

Today, while jetlagged and going through customs in Singapore, I grabbed what I thought was a pen to fill out the form. I heard it squeak as I lifted it up. It was a straw in the custom agent's drink. The resulting noise he made lasted 10+ seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1885

You deserved it

366

Tweet

Share

By birthday bash - France

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. She decided that her "gift to herself" would be to leave the loser who has been holding her back for two years. Hello, my name is Ben, and I am that loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33606

You deserved it

5070

Tweet

Share

By elle_hamilton - 25/8/2020 23:01 - United States

Cashback

Today, when I told a gentleman that, no, he couldn't have cash back on his return without a receipt, he started screaming at me that I was calling his mother a liar. He told me to lawyer up and yelled at me for smiling at him. He also screamed at me to go on a diet as he left the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1700

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By cane - United States

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22163

You deserved it

65301

Tweet

Share

By Drunken Sailor - United States

Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52649

You deserved it

3417

Tweet

Share

By loving wife - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

84152

You deserved it

7609

Tweet

Share

By Jobless in Seattle - United States - Katy

Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17559

You deserved it

30341

Tweet

Share

By accidentalslut - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22045

You deserved it

56094

Tweet

Share

By Faithy - United States

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9711

You deserved it

48263

Tweet

Share

By oops123 - United States

Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19204

You deserved it

29290

Tweet

Share

By POP101 - Canada

Today, there was this girl in heels running in front of me at school, and she slipped on ice. Trying to be a hero, I dropped my backpack and ran up to help her, but ended up slipping and landing on her leg. As I walked back to my backpack, I found out I dropped my laptop and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34117

You deserved it

14912

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25030

You deserved it

2803

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35897

You deserved it

4019

Tweet

Share

By Cameron

Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5185

You deserved it

487

Tweet

Share

By Jen - United States - Woodland Hills

Communication breakdown

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34796

You deserved it

7236

Tweet

Share

By santashelper - United States

Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32812

You deserved it

4722

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Surprise

Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26683

You deserved it

1887

Tweet

Share

By babypenguin00 - United States - Newark

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26960

You deserved it

1926

Tweet

Share

By sexxibxmami - United States

Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26989

You deserved it

3700

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46456

You deserved it

3273

Tweet

Share

By Rach - Ireland

Today, I saw my crush standing at the bus stop. I did the "I'm talking to someone on the phone thing," trying to be cool. Halfway through the conversation my phone actually rang, I quickly answered but it was my mom on loudspeaker yelling, "Did you bring your tampons?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

12074

You deserved it

40615

Tweet

Share

By scammed - Canada

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36813

You deserved it

2858

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Townsville

Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27182

You deserved it

10117

Tweet

Share

By poor guy - United States

Good deed, but still…

Today, I was at Goodwill and I saw my bike, which was stolen from me a couple of weeks ago. It was a gift that my mom gave me for my birthday. The bike was being sold for 65 dollars. I had to buy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1804

You deserved it

128

Tweet

Share

By Infected - United States

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51857

You deserved it

19850

Tweet

Share

By habbsrule - Canada

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15418

You deserved it

29931

Tweet

Share

By poro123 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24277

You deserved it

4853

Tweet

Share

By lonelyengineer - Germany

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15992

You deserved it

32059

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend passed out on the floor. Then I passed out, due to anxiety of seeing him passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29183

You deserved it

6140

Tweet

Share

By Zahkrii

Today, while returning from a class, I stopped to use the bathroom. While in said bath room, someone threw a chip bag filled with piss water into the stall I was using. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2674

Phew, glad it wasn't me

339

Tweet

Share

By TrappedInSchool - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I found out that my parents lied to me about my GPA so they could go back on our agreement of "3.0 or above or summer school" and had no intention of honoring the agreement anyway. I've been in summer school doing catch-up for kicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3611

You deserved it

478

Tweet

Share

By Lizzie - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Dad jokes, part #23555

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner for the first time. As a joke, my dad answered the door wearing the white church robes that he wears when he is lay-reading during a church service, and said, "Welcome, child of God." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1474

You deserved it

248

Tweet

Share

By AGeeksWife - United States - Saukville

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29233

You deserved it

4180

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25322

You deserved it

13295

Tweet

Share

By lizzzie - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53000

You deserved it

3760

Tweet

Share

By now what - 26/7/2020 05:01

Family extension

Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML

I agree, your life sucks

2625

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By Dick. - 13/5/2021 22:01

Worst father ever

Today, my father was watching the story on the TV news of a girl who was killed by an Uber driver when trying to return home. The only thing he said was, "Serves her well for being a slut." I have two younger sisters and one among them had a miscarriage after her abusive ex-boyfriend raped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

240

You deserved it

23

Tweet

Share

By logic - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked by my live-in landlord not to put too much water in the kettle because it made the utility bills too high. This is the same woman who takes daily baths. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22206

You deserved it

2176

Tweet

Share

By OfficeFatty - United States

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35658

You deserved it

4956

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Dfox | 0

#798000 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:18

she's not a prude because she doesnt want a weiner up her butt. If she is uncomfortable with it, her boyfriend should be understanding..

By Fr0gg13 | 0

#797912 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:36

that means he prob a kinky freak that is extremly open with anything sexual. not many ppl understand that and instantly think it's homosexual thing.

COMMENTS

By perdix | 29

#797908 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:34

What an asshole! ;)

Are you dating Sen. Larry Craig?

Reply

wheatie | 0

#798022 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:34

perdix, you make all of these better(:

Reply

musiclife_fml | 0

#798235 - Monday 25 January 2010 20:12

and perdix gets a perfect 10 from the political blogger :)

Reply

jerkwad | 0

#798907 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 2:28

perdix continues to be as unfunny as ever

Reply

darktooth | 0

#799177 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 4:39

You lack to understand humor.

Reply

PottentialFML | 0

#799259 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 5:14

Yes Perdix I agree he is a pretty "shitty" boyfriend :P

Reply

FMLtimes316 | 0

#799302 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 5:37

hahaha perdix makes FML. (:

By amiracle | 0

#797909 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:34

He didn't say he himself had anal sex, silly. Look up info the 'male g-spot'. I'm guessing your boyfriend is curious, 's all. Definitely not a FML. Unless you're prude, that is :-).

By Fr0gg13 | 0

#797912 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:36

that means he prob a kinky freak that is extremly open with anything sexual. not many ppl understand that and instantly think it's homosexual thing.

Reply

BunBunBabe | 8

#5439573 - Monday 8 April 2013 4:09

Yeah lots of guys like it but won't admit it in fear of others thinking they're gay

By I_Fart_Freely | 0

#797925 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

anela_fml | 0

#797943 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:51

it is but still hurts like he'll

Reply

RainbowGecko | 0

#798358 - Monday 25 January 2010 21:10

lol yeeaa... that gets annoying

Reply

midnight21 | 8

#4478601 - Friday 25 May 2012 2:39

So how would you like it if someone stuck something up your ass violently?

Reply

bizarre_ftw | 21

#5172214 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 22:02

It's anal sex, not anal rape! Why in the hell would you choose the adjective "violently"?!

Reply

LindsayxMoore | 18

#5524362 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:26

Sorry but my ass is intended for stuff to come out not go in, thats what the vagina is for. I certainly dont want my bfs penis up there.

Reply

threer | 30

#5685462 - Monday 23 September 2013 5:05

Girls poop...?

Reply

commentgirl | 8

#5803019 - Tuesday 24 December 2013 1:03

It's also less rewarding than giving birth.

Reply

Undecidedlime | 6

#6110368 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 19:03

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????

By I_Fart_Freely | 0

#797934 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:47

#6 = Butt Pirate

By anela_fml | 0

#797941 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:49

run run far away especially since he's lying

By davidhasmorefun | 0

#797959 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:56

fyl for being a prude.

By iloveloosy12 | 0

#797961 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:58

yeah you don't ask why he knows, you just do it

By Fr0gg13 | 0

#797986 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:12

there is plenty of women who crave it. and many men who enjoy a little anal play.. the OP is a PRUDE

Reply

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn | 2

#3920760 - Saturday 21 January 2012 21:48

Maybe she just doesn't want to have buttsex. You ever thought of THAT, dickweed?

Reply

aconsultant | 9

#6616115 - Friday 27 May 2016 14:15

dickweed.... how interesting..

By Shmeaty | 0

#797999 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:18

woman. stfu and take it.