Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/1/2010 08:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

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Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Boozehound alert

This is fine

By Noname - 13/3/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

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By youlyingjerk - 1/2/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

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By onlyslightly - 30/11/2012 08:33 - United States

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

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By random - 14/2/2012 18:05 - United States

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

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By MrDanito - 28/4/2016 06:21 - Czech Republic - Lysa Nad Labem

Today, I never thought I would see a blowjob from the perspective of the viewer, but it happened, in our open-space office. FML

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By lilrudegirl - 22/6/2010 02:12 - France

Today, I found out that after working in the same office for five years, I now work with three of my husband's ex-girlfriends. FML

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By GHEttoUp - 1/5/2019 02:00

Today, my husband and I are temporarily moved into a cheap apartment in town until settlement for the house we are buying. So far, from my balcony, I’ve a watched a drug deal take place and a man scratch at the ground then lick his hands. It’s going to be a long three weeks. FML

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By effme - 1/6/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I spent ages applying for a scholarship on-line. I found out on the very last page that I do not meet the qualifications for it. FML

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By Alex - 30/9/2009 06:46 - Belgium

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

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By poor teacher - 23/9/2013 17:54 - United States - Syracuse

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

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By artist - 29/3/2013 11:12 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2014 14:34 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

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By Lvdkinda - 18/6/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, after a month of planning, I started to tease my boyfriend of 3 years about the wonderful anniversary plans I had made for us. It was a secret, so I let him try and guess. He said "As long as its not a spa day. that would suck I would never go." It's a spa day. That I've already paid for. FML

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By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

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By Drew - 26/4/2016 02:21 - United States - Newark

Today, at school, I wore a back brace because I have fractured vertebrae. During first period, a girl tapped me on the back to ask me a question. It made a "knocking on wood" sound. She looked at me like I was a freak. FML

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By dead - 18/3/2016 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I've been awake for 4 days. My doctor recently put me on enough sleeping pills to kill a small country, but when I take them it's like a shot of adrenaline. I'm wide awake and tired as all hell at the same time. FML

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By namenlos - 27/5/2012 21:53 - Australia

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

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By lemonlime66 - 1/3/2017 22:00

Look Before You Leap

Today, while sitting in a busy store waiting area with my brother he went to the bathroom and came back with his hands cupped saying he found a mouse. He then threw it on the magazine in my lap. I jumped up screaming and flailing about while everyone stared and laughed. It was a piece of cotton. FML

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By Fifi - 16/4/2018 05:00

Today, my husband popped out to the hotel gym while I jumped in the shower. After a while I heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was him, I cheekily opened the door in my naked glory to be greeted by the maid. I didn’t know do-not-disturb signs aren’t double sided. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2018 19:00

Today, I came out to my therapist as gay. Claiming that my parents "can't be that homophobic", my therapist outed me to them. They kicked me out of the house. FML

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By Sarah220 - 12/7/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 12:49 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

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By anyonmus - 12/4/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

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By jlover42 - 1/5/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML

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By Cracky - 27/11/2012 14:32 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

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By Daddy - 10/11/2008 12:06 - France

Today, I gave my son a row for losing a very important paper that I need for my work. I've just found it in my right pocket. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2013 07:11 - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

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By Anon - 4/8/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

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By blue - 25/8/2012 21:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my swimming coach made us swim fifty laps non-stop as punishment for his previous class being unable to swim a drill properly. They're 8-11 year olds who are still learning to swim. I feel like my arms and legs are filled with lead. FML

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By awskme - 9/1/2010 00:36 - France

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML

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By seminole711 - 20/9/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for 20 minutes because of a football game. FML

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By chairlee - 7/11/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

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By Deaf - 2/7/2015 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

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By Guuu - 14/12/2008 11:31 - France

Today, I aimed at the little blue thing placed at the bottom of the urinal. I learned the hard way that it splashes off it and makes little blue stains on jumpers. FML

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By mymomsstupid - 29/6/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML

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By lawdy - 21/5/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

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By Jackmeister - 3/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

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Top comments

By Dfox | 0

#798000 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:18

she's not a prude because she doesnt want a weiner up her butt. If she is uncomfortable with it, her boyfriend should be understanding..

By Fr0gg13 | 0

#797912 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:36

that means he prob a kinky freak that is extremly open with anything sexual. not many ppl understand that and instantly think it's homosexual thing.

COMMENTS

By perdix | 29

#797908 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:34

What an asshole! ;)

Are you dating Sen. Larry Craig?

Reply

wheatie | 0

#798022 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:34

perdix, you make all of these better(:

Reply

musiclife_fml | 0

#798235 - Monday 25 January 2010 20:12

and perdix gets a perfect 10 from the political blogger :)

Reply

jerkwad | 0

#798907 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 2:28

perdix continues to be as unfunny as ever

Reply

darktooth | 0

#799177 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 4:39

You lack to understand humor.

Reply

PottentialFML | 0

#799259 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 5:14

Yes Perdix I agree he is a pretty "shitty" boyfriend :P

Reply

FMLtimes316 | 0

#799302 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 5:37

hahaha perdix makes FML. (:

By amiracle | 0

#797909 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:34

He didn't say he himself had anal sex, silly. Look up info the 'male g-spot'. I'm guessing your boyfriend is curious, 's all. Definitely not a FML. Unless you're prude, that is :-).

By Fr0gg13 | 0

#797912 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:36

that means he prob a kinky freak that is extremly open with anything sexual. not many ppl understand that and instantly think it's homosexual thing.

Reply

BunBunBabe | 8

#5439573 - Monday 8 April 2013 4:09

Yeah lots of guys like it but won't admit it in fear of others thinking they're gay

By I_Fart_Freely | 0

#797925 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:43

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

anela_fml | 0

#797943 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:51

it is but still hurts like he'll

Reply

RainbowGecko | 0

#798358 - Monday 25 January 2010 21:10

lol yeeaa... that gets annoying

Reply

midnight21 | 8

#4478601 - Friday 25 May 2012 2:39

So how would you like it if someone stuck something up your ass violently?

Reply

bizarre_ftw | 21

#5172214 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 22:02

It's anal sex, not anal rape! Why in the hell would you choose the adjective "violently"?!

Reply

LindsayxMoore | 18

#5524362 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:26

Sorry but my ass is intended for stuff to come out not go in, thats what the vagina is for. I certainly dont want my bfs penis up there.

Reply

threer | 30

#5685462 - Monday 23 September 2013 5:05

Girls poop...?

Reply

commentgirl | 8

#5803019 - Tuesday 24 December 2013 1:03

It's also less rewarding than giving birth.

Reply

Undecidedlime | 6

#6110368 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 19:03

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????

By I_Fart_Freely | 0

#797934 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:47

#6 = Butt Pirate

By anela_fml | 0

#797941 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:49

run run far away especially since he's lying

By davidhasmorefun | 0

#797959 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:56

fyl for being a prude.

By iloveloosy12 | 0

#797961 - Monday 25 January 2010 16:58

yeah you don't ask why he knows, you just do it

By Fr0gg13 | 0

#797986 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:12

there is plenty of women who crave it. and many men who enjoy a little anal play.. the OP is a PRUDE

Reply

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn | 2

#3920760 - Saturday 21 January 2012 21:48

Maybe she just doesn't want to have buttsex. You ever thought of THAT, dickweed?

Reply

aconsultant | 9

#6616115 - Friday 27 May 2016 14:15

dickweed.... how interesting..

By Shmeaty | 0

#797999 - Monday 25 January 2010 17:18

woman. stfu and take it.