Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby"...

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby" was really his son. FML

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Commando

Messed up

Let's go girls!

By MomStayOutOfTheCar - United States

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26897

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2008

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By yummy(: - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML

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21848

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By NeverLookingAgain - United States

Today, I faced my fears. I've always had a weird fear of looking out of windows at night, afraid a face would suddenly appear. When I heard a strange noise outside, I looked out the window. Sure enough, the face of a man suddenly appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26332

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2007

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I caught my mother-in-law trying to plant a GPS tracker on my car. FML

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29599

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2086

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By Anonymous - United States - Norwalk

Today, I felt so lonely that I asked Siri to read me Wikipedia articles so that I could pretend I was having a conversation with a real human being. FML

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21345

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3297

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML

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30236

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By Brit - Reserved

Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42228

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6836

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By None - United States

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

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29525

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4996

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By JustOutofCollegeAndBroke - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28309

You deserved it

2614

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By froyo - United States

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

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107438

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4369

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By fuck - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

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44010

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By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates

Today, my 18 year old son asked me to check if there were any monsters under his bed. FML

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31288

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7476

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By mud - United States - Raleigh

Slippy!

Today, I was on my way to class and it was muddy outside, so I slipped and it looks like I shit myself. I'm wearing white pants. FML

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1807

You deserved it

573

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By RIPcareer - United States - Ellicott City

Today, after submitting my college application, I noticed that I mistyped "math enthusiast" as "meth enthusiast". FML

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25957

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7908

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By killjoyx - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

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23733

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3166

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2020 05:01

Move it, now!

Today, I had just gotten out of the bath when a police officer knocked on my door. I answered in my towel, and he told me I had to leave due to a bomb scare. FML

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1398

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111

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By whoops.. - United States - Garner

Today, I learned that when a man in the row in front of you at a movie theater tells you to shut up, you shouldn't tell him to fuck off. He might be 6'4 with a short temper. FML

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15675

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49556

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By Anonymous - United States

Sweet talker

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

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38228

You deserved it

12853

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 08:00

He's a very naughty boy

Today, a Jehovah's Witness followed me around, talking about Jesus. My dad's a pastor. I hear this stuff all day, every day. FML

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1569

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172

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

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28837

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8445

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By notthe1punchinglittlegirls

A few good men?

Today, I was visiting my in-laws and sharing a room with my husband's 17-year-old sister. Later that night she and her brother of 24 years started fist-fighting over an air mattress and I had to pull them off each other. The brother later berated me with, "You can't handle any pressure!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3983

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347

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By wtfjusthappened - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML

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8670

You deserved it

31679

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 02:02

Mind your beeswax, Karen

Today, I was carrying some bags out of a store, and my shirt had scooted up a little. I had no free hands, so I ignored it. A woman stopped me to tell me that bare midriffs are only attractive on skinny girls, "not fat ones." I'm 6 months pregnant. FML

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1630

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132

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By leftbehind - United States

Today, my family was leaving for a weekend trip and was supposed to pick me up on the way down. About an hour before they are supposed to arrive my mom calls to tell me that there's no room left in the car so they won't be stopping to get me. FML

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53550

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2304

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27177

You deserved it

4286

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By Carly4244

Today, I was the Maid of Honor at my friend's wedding. Months earlier, we had a bitter fight, but she picked out a beautiful dress for me and I thought we were past it. When I began speaking, the lights changed to a weird brightness and my friend snickered. My dress was completely see-through. FML

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6207

You deserved it

508

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By husks

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39018

You deserved it

12386

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By Ouch - United States - Amelia

Today, I found out that unlike in movies, you really don't know you're shot until you see the gunshot wound. Then, once the adrenaline wears off, it's complete agony. FML

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6925

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421

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By Scared

Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML

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646

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2374

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 14:00

Hmmm, nutritious!

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

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1719

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166

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Today, I realized how exhausted I was when I mixed up my eye makeup remover with toner. My eye still burns. FML

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1575

You deserved it

351

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By un_christmas - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

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38124

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By charlotte273 - United Kingdom

Today, in an attempt to save money on waxing, I bought veet hair removal cream. I also discovered it has the same effect on carpets. Now I have to pay for a replacement. So much for saving money. FML

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24167

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By rs - Egypt

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

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8501

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25271

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By TappedAnts - United States - Seabrook

Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19009

You deserved it

1315

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By jamblasticus - United States

Today, I was walking in the park when I saw an attractive girl walking nearby. I approached her to strike up a conversation when suddenly a large fly invaded my left nostril, and became lodged inside. After picking out the bloody fly pieces, I looked up to see the girl walking away, gagging. FML

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56880

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6152

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By NeedANewWindshield

Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML

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1513

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

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43838

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2856

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By foreveralone - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

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57104

You deserved it

7122

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By jacko - Reserved

Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML

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18542

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7805167 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 22:32

So it’s really 50% him as a baby.

What’s a few percent among friends?

By Richard Luna | 1

#7805731 - Friday 24 May 2019 15:36

So drop his ass found someone else

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7805167 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 22:32

So it’s really 50% him as a baby.

What’s a few percent among friends?

By Richard Luna | 1

#7805731 - Friday 24 May 2019 15:36

So drop his ass found someone else