By so romantic - 12/11/2011 05:06 - United States
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66. I don't really agree, i have only had my fiancé, and we have been together for 5 years now, we never ague, we have a simple sexlfe and i am not thirsthing for other people at all. And i would honestly rather die then cheat, it disgust me and is slutty. :) so it depends on the person
@66 No, it doesn't. Maybe in the short term, but you're acclimatizing yourself to a completely different lifestyle. Feeding an urge doesn't make it go away. Using the logic you presented having an enjoyable drinking experience should help get the urge out of an alcoholic. (yes, it quenches the immediate thirst, but are you really going to tell me that it doesn't still control him?) It's just a lie people tell themselves to justify what they're doing, one that's managed to become socially acceptable. They only address the problem in case by case situations so all they see is "I had an urge and I dealt with it" and put it out of their mind. They don't see the gradual decent, they don't pick up on the fact that the urge keeps coming back. It isn't about probability. If someone's a decent person, they won't cheat. If they are immature, have an ability to rationalize that's stronger than their moral compass, and no sense of self awareness, then they will cheat once the right opportunity comes around. @OP The guy's asking you to wait for him while he sluts around. Tell him you won't. If there's anything to him worth keeping he'll stop himself.
I actually agree with 66. Although this dickhead just an ass, it is a good to experience other people than to be with only one person forever. 110, I'm sure you and your fiancé ate great together, but in the long run, 5 years is nothing. Over a period of 5, 10, 15 years of marriage, it's understandable that a man or woman's mind would wonder. I'm not saying that it's okay to try and get your girlfriend to wait for you while you get laid, but if you're not sure, you should break up and date other people.
Ah. So actually, he dumped you. He will just come back if all the relationships with the other girls fail. Ah. You're not going back to him, right?
I disagree firefail; I at least would like to think when you love someone (enough to want to marry them.) That there shouldn't be any second guessing, or a desire to see what else is out there, even if they are young. Although, I may have an overly optimistic and romanticized view of love, but a girl can dream, can't they?
#18 & #27 I understand you feeling that way but (as a 47 yo writer of relationship books) I can tell you love doesn't actually work that way for most men. Op will have a longer lasting marriage if her bf dates around first. Doesn't mean she needs to wait for him. Follow your heart and mind, always. Guys, it DOES work that way for women.
I'm in the exact same boat. Married 3 and a half years, he never regrets not dating around. He's even ha 2 deployments during our marriage, and all of his friends make fun of him because he is so loyal to me. One of his friends (female) told me that he outright cussed her out for trying to flirt because he loved me too much to mess around, and other guy friends make fun of him for not going to strip clubs with them. But he in no way feels like he is missing out. That's what true love is, not "I love you, but..."
Oh come on, I'm not here for a couple of hours and the bullshit is already taking over the world. Firstly, 33, if a man truely loves a woman (and is into monogamous relationships), he doesn't even want to date other persons. A marriage might last longer if the two partners have already experience in relationships, but be honest, if you meet the love of your live, would you really be that insentive to tell her she can wait for you while you fuck other girls 'for the experience'? If so, she wouldn't be the love of your live. If not, well, you will have less experience, but perhaps still a nice marriage. Secondly, 56, it's true that life is about making yourself happy, but you can't stick to that attitude if you want your relationship to last. It's about making YOURSELF and YOUR PARTNER as happy as possible.
I don't know. If OP and her boyfriend are 17 or so and have been dating since 15 then I think it is rather smart to date around (read date, not fuck) a bit before settling down. If it worked for some, great! But if he is unsure about it now he will definitely be unsure about it later if he doesn't at least try to see himself with other women. But to promise to marry you while being doubtful to the point of wanting to date others is complete bullshit. [personal story alert] My grandparents have been happily married for almost 60 years now. They love each other to no end and have stuck by each other through some very troublesome times. And still they tell me that even through all they've been through they'll never be 100% sure if they married the right person. Just because there is doubt doesn't mean there is less devotion to the relationship. [/alert]