Today, my boyfriend emotionally proposed over dinner, and I said... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/11/2015 06:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend emotionally proposed over dinner, and I said yes. Soon after he left, he tweeted "I just fucked up...." and a few minutes later called me and claimed the proposal was a prank. FML

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Valentine's slay

Engagement-phobic

Body issues

Who's a good boy?

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 14/7/2014 23:52 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

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By tooembarassed - 3/2/2012 20:47 - United States

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

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By home owner - 20/8/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

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By toelie - 3/3/2018 19:00

Today, at 6 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER in the middle of the night for severe abdominal pain, fearing ectopic pregnancy. Turns out it was just a wayward turd. FML

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By too eager - 25/4/2016 15:21 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

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By Alright. - 24/9/2012 08:15 - United States - Missoula

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says, "There's too much of an age gap between us" and that it makes him "feel like a pedophile". He's only four months older than I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2010 15:40 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML

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By itsrathersmall - 15/1/2013 21:58 - United States - Fargo

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

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By kacysospacyy - 15/7/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

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By - 17/4/2019 14:00

Today, while working at a grocery store, I spent about 30 minutes pushing carts inside in a blizzard. Not even 10 minutes after I had finished, I looked out the window and saw that not only had the snow completely stopped, but the sun was shining. FML

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By tay - 17/9/2013 15:44 - Canada - Erin

Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML

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By fucking_worthless_loser - 8/2/2017 13:00 - United States - Concord

Today, I got into an emotional argument with Cleverbot. I ended up apologizing. FML

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By wowzer - 28/8/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

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By LadyLou - 3/11/2015 11:42 - Australia

Today, at work, a customer told me that my teeth would make a very pretty necklace. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2016 21:54

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 07:52 - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

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By uglyyyyy - 28/10/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was working my job at Sephora when I overheard two women talking. One of them asked her friend, "Is being pretty a requirement to work here?" Her friend turned to see me, turned back to her friend and said, "I guess not." FML

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By Anonyme - 29/1/2016 22:38 - China - Shanghai

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

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By Stressed_Out_Student - 29/8/2018 22:00

That's a lot of damage!

Today, I had to do a still life of a pillowcase for my drawing class. To make up for bad grades I've gotten before, I followed my professor's directions to a T. He took 19 points off because I drew the background when no one else did. We have to do it for every piece. FML

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By mpsteve137 - 30/6/2012 06:21 - United States - Acworth

Today, I realized I say "sorry" more than anything else during sex with my girlfriend. FML

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By Anna L. - 25/3/2013 00:23 - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

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By sarahcurtis213 - 13/11/2012 07:36 - United States

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

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By areyoukiddingme - 7/1/2013 06:09 - United States

Today, I came out to my parents. They laughed in my face. FML

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By notmyfam - 9/9/2016 07:47 - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2019 14:00

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

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By zanaruka - 19/5/2020 05:00

The customer is always an ass

Today, an angry customer rubbed her hand all over my face, all while showing me her positive COVID-19 test results. FML

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By hungry - 1/1/2015 05:50 - United States

Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML

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By humanchewtoy - 7/7/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

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By Idk - 29/5/2014 06:46 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2012 17:45

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

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By FunTimes - 19/8/2019 04:00 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2009 10:37 - Australia

Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML

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By brokeasajoke - 11/11/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

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By robert - 31/1/2012 00:20 - United States

Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 17:38 - Ireland

Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to my wife in person. FML

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By moe - 15/2/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML

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By Pimp-Daddy - 21/7/2009 14:55 - Canada

Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML

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By Jon - 2/4/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

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By Anon - 3/10/2009 11:43 - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2013 01:44 - United States - Waldorf

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

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Top comments

By General_Cool | 24

#6473717 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:04

He obviously thinks your relationship is joke, so you either need to talk or leave.

By MariaGiovanni | 25

#6473727 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:08

Honestly I would dump him because that's ridiculously immature. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and very emotional and for him to not only make it into a prank but to publicly post on social media is ridiculous.

Comments

By General_Cool | 24

#6473717 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:04

He obviously thinks your relationship is joke, so you either need to talk or leave.

Reply

mds9986 | 24

#6473767 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:40

I don't think he thinks the relationship is a joke. I think he freaked out over the commitment and backed off. Maybe he just needs more time. Marriage is a huge thing.

Reply

Alexandria79 | 22

#6473808 - Monday 30 November 2015 2:32

maybe not the relationship but definitely he has no regard for her feelings.

Reply

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6473865 - Monday 30 November 2015 4:38

Not necessarily. He might've thought it was the right thing to do at the moment, but later regretted it. What he did was stupid, no doubt, doesn't mean they have no regard for their partner's feelings.

Reply

Elban | 20

#6473890 - Monday 30 November 2015 5:13

That or he had another girl that he really liked finally spill about how it was so bad he is off the market and now doesn't wanna limit his options

Reply

Iwannarock1 | 19

#6473981 - Monday 30 November 2015 8:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By maryoo7 | 11

#6473719 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:04

you're boyfriend is a douche and i hope you dump him

Reply

Stroothoes | 7

#6473953 - Monday 30 November 2015 7:11

Your*

Reply

fredyjabe_fml | 15

#6474472 - Monday 30 November 2015 21:20

Fellow grammar nazi.

By lexred | 30

#6473722 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:07

What a piece of no life shit he is!
That's a red flag for you though

By xXAHXx112 | 13

#6473724 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:08

what an insensitive thing to do, playing with your emotions like that. you and him seriously need a talk about your relationship. you deserve better than that. sorry OP

By NoBothersForMe | 29

#6473726 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:08

Tweet that you've been fucking up for some time now (no idea how long your relationship has lasted) then call him and say dating him has been a prank

By MariaGiovanni | 25

#6473727 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:08

Honestly I would dump him because that's ridiculously immature. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and very emotional and for him to not only make it into a prank but to publicly post on social media is ridiculous.

By deitcocaine | 14

#6473734 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:13

What a fucking asshole break up with him, no one deserves for that to happen to someone.

By Levi2411 | 37

#6473740 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:17

If he wants to play it that way, ask him if the relationship is a prank too. Then promptly suggest to end the prank on your own terms. Maybe next time he'll think before he "fucks" up.

By Mathalamus | 24

#6473741 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:17

In what universe is this considered acceptable? Or any prank, actually.

By mixximoo | 24

#6473748 - Monday 30 November 2015 1:24

He obviously has commitment issues. You deserve better op