By ... cheers - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bishopton

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML
I agree, your life sucks 51 674
You deserved it 9 845

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Well that's not violent at all... You must have a pretty crazy laugh there OP!


Well that's not violent at all... You must have a pretty crazy laugh there OP!

1: Or the Ex is one shallow asshole. ;p

Sounds like he wouldn't be good with kids anyway...

Or OP is Fran Drescher.

Honestly I'd side with the boyfriend. Babies are deli-- I mean, if something annoys you too much, even if everything surrounding it is great, you can end up losing your mind. Yum.

There are certain sounds in this world for what ever reason, just the way it hits you, it makes you want to punch a baby

threer 30

So that it'll knock out and you won't have to deal with the annoying crying while your smoothie is made.

47- she's annoying as hell, but with OP being from the UK, she must be Cybil Fawlty.

don't listen OP, I am sure he's just an a$$hole. Don't let some D-bag keep you from laughing through life, its hard enough. And to those of you making fun of Fran, she made millions off her laugh and her voice. Keep laughing OP!

66 either way it op's laugh must sound like someone machine gunning a seal.

Wonder if it's anything like the laughs in the Skype laughter chain video

87, why censor yourself? It's a website called Fuck My Life. We're all grown ups here (well, mostly), we can handle a few swears! And on a personal note, I think that saying D-bag is silly because douche is such a delightfully onomatopoeic word which makes it a wonderful insult. Shortening it just ruins all the fun!

51, But I'll tell you one thing, I've never seen a baby take a hit like that.

Thank you Dane cook

Her laugh is so annoying that it makes her boyfriend want to put a baby in a blender. ^ Hope that clears it up.

What what, in the butt.

#22- I bet that you're one of the guys that laughs when someone say "duty". You aren't in sixth grade anymore(hopefully)...Grow up!

Haha he said duty

I'm sorry, I should have understood that people who live on the Internet don't understand subtext. When I said "what" it wasn't that I didn't understand what the OP had written; it was that the now ex-boyfriend used that as the sole reason for exiting the relationship.

If you want the reader to infer anything from any subtext you're trying to create, it would be helpful if there was some actual text to begin with. By simply stating "what" you're not really giving anyone much to infer. I gathered that the person who could only muster up a single word needed a simpler explanation. If you want to contribute to the FML by commenting on it, great! Just try to be a little more verbose and refrain from one word responses.

I think their issue was that FML comments have proven to be just as entertaining (if not more, especially if bickering ensues) than the FML post themselves, so a simple "what?!" just wasn't salacious enough for our mayhem-minded audience.

Duty in the Butt!

That's incredibly immature of him. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there, OP.

I agree. I love kids but I could never finish a whole one...

The way he worded it was immature, yes, but if there is something about that you just cannot get over, no matter how hard you try, then chances are it wouldn't work anyway. Love tends to blind us to our partners' faults, but meaningless flings do nothing of the kind.

I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself when I laughed at this. It's always the twisted jokes that I pffffffft at.

The question is will it blend ?

Now what blender you know big enough to fit a baby in?

Babies aren't that big, honestly. If you look closely on the side of most major brands of kitchen appliances that can accommodate small humans, they actually have a scaling unit of measurement for them.

Well, ever since planet smoothie stopped carrying the twisted toddler berry blast, I've had to make due on my own.

I've seen one powered by a 454 Chevy V8.

They make knives for a reason, right? Now mix me a toddler-rita!!!

What's the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tostitos scoops.

Mmm, Twister Toddler Berry Blast. Don't forget the whipped cream made out if the hopes and dreams of children! Delish!

#21 you should patent that

What's better than a baby in a blender? Why, two babies in a blender of course!

Industrial fans with a huge tash bag taped to the other side works wonders or you could just chop it down to small pieces. Everyone's a bit psycho and knows how to dismantle a body. :)

Make sure to put it in feet first...

Yeah because you want to hear it scream the whole time it gets ground up? No thank you... Head first for me.

You guys do realize you're discussing the best way to blend a live baby?

35: I know....this, is just....ugh... :p (wants to hug a baby now) :(

You guys are sick to even be joking like that.

What part of "master of darkness" is leading you to believe otherwise?

43- They're beech-nuts.

Don't forget your tortilla chips.

Noooo, #23. We want to see the expression on its face.

35- It doesn't have to be alive, it's just fresher that way.

This tostito dip is sounding great!

If he wants to "stick a baby in a blender" then I'm not sure if he's a good partner. I think you may have dodged a bullet.

When you said "dodged a bullet" I immediately thought of the magic bullet blender and thought you made a clever and discrete joke...

His douchiness aside, I doubt he was actually serious about that. He probably just has a sadistic sense of humor. Ex: the entire marching band has a running joke (started by our band director!) where if something's really tense (like before competition) someone will whisper "dead baby" and we all bust out laughing because we're just a bunch of sadistic bastards.

You're probably better off without him, OP.

Put his man parts in a blender

Not as easy as it sounds. I know for a fact I'd fight my ass off to keep that from happening lol

I could deal with a girls crazy laugh, if her lady parts could be classified as a "blender".

Hmm. Blended genitalia sounds like a whole other problem. Hermaphrodite fan?

Um... That would be killing future kids so that might not work...

Well he sounds a little crazy, you are better off.

What an immature prick. How about sticking his meat head in a blender? Asshat.

You swear a lot! :P

No shit! ;) lmao.

I don't read everyone's comments on here. When I'm busy, I scan the forum and look for certain names. You're one I look for 'cause I get a kick out of how angry you sometimes seem to get. Cheers!

Haha thanks :) cheers enslaved! :D

Same here. Looks like you're rising up olpally, lol