By Unwanted - Austria

Take the hints

Today, my boyfriend declared he doesn't feel ready to move in with me for at least "some more years". We have already been together for five years. When he bought an apartment one year ago, he kept it a secret for three months. Maybe I should learn to take a hint. Or several hints. FML
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  MrsDruidess  |  23

seconded! However, you could have a real conversation about it, but be ready to leave, cause it's looking like things aren't going to change any time soon. sorry op

  cheeeksss  |  29

Reminds me of when I dumped my boyfriend of 4 years and never spoke to him again when I found out he was lying to me about where he lived. Certain things are just too much of a red flag to overlook. If it's been this long and he still can't commit more, then it honestly doesn't seem like he is the one to settle down and marry or have any future with.

  MrsDruidess  |  23

no, that takes a fear of change or nothing better has come a long or its just easier than a breakup. Staying the same is not commitment, growing together is, taking the next step is.


I'm sorry, but just because they've been together for quite a long time he HAS to move in with her?
No, he doesn't if he doesn't want to or doesn't feel ready. This is a HUGE change and he might not want that now. Maybe he values his "me time", maybe he is happy the way things are.
OP might not agree (just like you all), but then it's her decision to break up or not. She can't pin on him.
Think this way: if he proposed to her and she didn't feel ready yet, would she be obligated to say yes just because they've together for years? Because that's what she is doing to her BF and my guess is that you all would be saying for her to take her time to figure things out.

  DoomedGemini  |  37

I'm sorry, but 5 years is extremely long to not even live with each other. If that is the time frame, will he ever be ready for marriage? Children? Would it be in their 60's. No one is taking away his choice, it's not wrong to point out he probably has an issue with moving further when he's shown he DOES.

  Algorithm  |  24

Not being ready and being honest about that is one thing, 32. Getting a secret apartment and giving vague responses to being asked about it is another. It's okay to have personal preferences, but demonstrating them by stringing someone along is unacceptable.


And who said he wants that? Dating for this long doesn't mean you want kids or marriage.
You are still considering that he HAS TO, just because of the time they've been together for. This is not how it works.
Put yourself in his shoes.


#38 secret? They are not married, he doesnt have to open his finances and properties to her. Its his money.
The problem here is: he doesnt want to move in, if OP is not fine with that then she is the one who has to do something and this something is breaking up.
So its all on OP, she is the one who seems unhappy.

  withered  |  30

Why would he need to be ready for children or marriage? Who is to say that they(he/she) even want that? So what if they've been together for 5 years? We don't know their age, nor if perhaps they are still studying, if they even have a job... And if he doesn't want to move in his partner shouldn't force him into it.

By  Wilffe56  |  9

Although evidence supports he may not want to be with you. People move at different paces, and I'll admit 5+ years is very long to grow accustomed to something, it is not unusual for people to move at a speed most comfortable for them. However since there's two people to a relationship, things must go at an acceptable rate for you as well. Its one of this awkward situations no one really likes dealing with.

  ohSNAPyall  |  26

Moving at different paces doesn't mean living a double life (e.g. hiding your new apartment) so that you don't have to talk to your partner about the pace.

  Brandi_Faith  |  33

You need to talk to him op. Ask him where the relationship is going. He may be fine with how things are and never want it to change, but you obviously do. It's best to know you're on the same page and that the relationship is going somewhere. If he had to hide his new apartment from you because he was worried you'd bring up moving in together, than I'm thinking he likes things how they are and doesn't want things to change (which is fine if you didn't want to move forward). Maybe he's not the marrying and settling down type, but if he's not, you'd better find that out now.