Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the... - FML

By TRAMATIZED - 08/09/2009 22:08 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the gym storage room at school. Apparently so did my Chemistry and Drama teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 126

You deserved it 7 572

Mother of the year

You tried

Open season

By Locked Out - 14/05/2013 19:11 - United States

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 684

You deserved it 3 529

By Anonymous - 12/03/2014 03:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 826

You deserved it 6 095

By Username - 14/08/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 743

You deserved it 10 456

By Brett - 03/04/2017 22:00

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 036

You deserved it 402

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 11:49 - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 176

You deserved it 3 516

The price of love

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 20:00

Today, same-sex marriage is finally legal in my country. However, it's taken so long since I got engaged that our perfect wedding venue has gone out of business, and everywhere else is at least three times the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 336

Make your minds up

By Remy - 16/11/2013 23:39 - United States - Portland

Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 917

You deserved it 3 090

By Anonymous - 14/05/2010 04:33 - Canada

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 071

You deserved it 32 287

By FML - 11/07/2016 21:16 - United States - Pine Bush

Today, I was at work and a guy walked up holding his phone with the camera facing me. He then looks up at me and says, "I'm not taking a picture of you. I'm just trying to catch a Pokemon." And here I was thinking that I looked nice today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 716

You deserved it 2 436

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 14:24 - Spain - Zaragoza

Today, an old friend of mine landed in Spain, where he's visiting me. After a few minutes talking about where we should meet, we realized the reason he couldn't figure out where it was, was probably due to the fact that he was in Barcelona. I live in Madrid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 710

You deserved it 4 825

By woof? - 19/04/2015 17:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 511

You deserved it 3 429

By troublewithbleach - 06/04/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 378

You deserved it 11 765

By Anonymous - 07/05/2009 10:44 - Malaysia

Today, one of my teachers asked me to babysit their kids saturday night. She didn't forget that it was Prom night, she was going to chaperone it. My teacher assumed I wasn't invited to Prom... I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 676

You deserved it 5 187

By sad_panda - 26/06/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 166

You deserved it 6 926

By dsbass09 - 09/07/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 803

You deserved it 5 556

Droopy

By creepingjennie - 05/06/2020 02:00

Today, I learned that working while taking muscle relaxers is not as fun as it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 505

By yeastly - 09/07/2012 19:54 - United States - Amery

Spicy

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 949

You deserved it 33 729

By x0SoReckless0x - 16/11/2009 11:39 - United States

Today, some obnoxious guys started calling me ugly. I tried to ignore them and be the bigger person. That's pretty hard to do when they start throwing rocks at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 273

You deserved it 3 450

By cheaterscheat - 29/07/2012 01:21 - United States - Saint James

Today, I went to the hospital due to extreme sickness. My boyfriend saw this as an opportune time to take another girl out since I was "otherwise preoccupied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 478

You deserved it 2 365

By stillembarrassed - 06/08/2013 17:01 - United Kingdom

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 308

You deserved it 6 666

By FailedTraveller - 04/07/2018 15:00

Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 574

You deserved it 339

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 912

You deserved it 13 014

By SM - 30/10/2009 03:35 - United States

Today, at work one of my co-worker was oddly nice to me; and my boss, who usually always says hi to me, didn't look or speak to me. Later that day I found out that I was going to be fired, not because my boss told me but because my picture was missing from the wall of employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 758

You deserved it 2 031

By Anonymous - 11/02/2012 01:06 - Canada

Today, I watched "The Vow" with my girlfriend. When the movie ended, we walked out to the theatre's lobby, and I heard her mutter, "I deserve a guy like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 554

You deserved it 10 296

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted hayride with my crush and friends. I got scared and screamed so he put his arm around me and hugged me. I took this as a good sign and leaned in. Turns out his friend was handing him something and he wasn't putting his arm around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 921

You deserved it 327

By CashChamp20 - 17/08/2011 06:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got a necklace from one of her guy friends. She loves it. It's a heart shaped necklace. She doesn't see a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 051

You deserved it 6 887

By aintgotnoteeth - 19/07/2016 17:53

Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 255

You deserved it 1 132

By Her - 06/11/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. So we were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say "I Love You". So I told him to "say it already". Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 142

You deserved it 5 513

By pon-3 - 22/06/2012 21:13 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 861

You deserved it 2 302

By Sarah - 17/08/2012 07:45 - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 048

You deserved it 3 047

Carpe Diem

By Dumped - 02/12/2021 10:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my now ex-boyfriend abruptly dumped me out of nowhere. Turns out his friend separated from her husband, and apparently, “the opportunity is too good to pass up.” We’ve been together for 5 years, and have a kid together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 135

By child - 10/12/2015 02:24 - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 370

You deserved it 1 549

By ZydecosGirl - 10/05/2013 03:11 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I started the bleaching treatments that my dentist recommended. Now, my two front teeth have ultra white spots, the rest of my teeth are still yellow and the roof of my mouth is burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 985

You deserved it 8 549

By Cereal_mistress - 07/10/2013 18:54 - United States - Sonoma

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 721

You deserved it 95 891

By Jeanna - 15/03/2016 23:14 - United States - Baskett

Today, I went into a store for an interview. I've had several places wanting to talk to me and this job was a lot lower paying. I got a little cocky and when offered the job, I said I wanted some time to finish my other interviews first and see what my options were. The manager then took back his offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 703

You deserved it 27 521

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Spicy

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 792

You deserved it 4 872

How could you?

By Lolzords - 14/09/2010 10:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the stairs holding a glass of water, when I tripped. I don't know what hurts more, that I'm still picking glass out of my hand or that my mum is still ranting about the water I'd spilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 739

You deserved it 2 732

By bakedplum - 01/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 743

You deserved it 23 770

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 06:07 - Canada

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense: "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 537

You deserved it 11 351

By sleepingbeauty - 24/04/2016 08:45 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 3 741

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 1:22

HAHAHA LMFAO, you're kidding. AWESOME!

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 2:33

I smell blackmail...

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 1:20

fyl

Send a private message

Thursday 10 September 2009 0:15

This is SO fake! Come on, know one "gets it on" in school fucking storage closets. FYL for being a little perverted 9 year old boy who makes up totally unrealistic stories. fmylife.com really needs to sort them out better!

cynthialauren 0

Send a private message

Friday 18 September 2009 4:11

okay, this is freakin hilarious. and yeah, a whole lot of this crap is fake. but the opposite happened to me and my boyfriend last year, we were both college freshman and it was actually in a janitor closet in one of the main builings. we stayed after class and hid there for a while, maybe a half hour, while the building cleared out. we could see the lights go off outside. we started taking our clothes off when the biotech and English teachers walked in, started kissing and making out, and it took them a full minute to notice our presence towards the back of the closet. AWKWARD. but not an FML. my boyfriend said "hey, we were here first!" and the two teachers just left and didnt mention it again. now theyre married.

averageirishman 0

Send a private message

Friday 26 March 2010 3:04

50 fyl for liking twilight

Send a private message

Saturday 27 March 2010 13:44

YDI For being in a fucking school. I know it would be "hotter that way" or whatever but there's better places.

Send a private message

Wednesday 31 March 2010 6:12

ha ha. thought the same thing 71

Send a private message

Wednesday 31 March 2010 6:13

ha ha. thought the same 70

Send a private message

Monday 3 May 2010 4:21

she's a girl you idiot

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 July 2010 8:33

4 some ;)

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 July 2010 23:41

omg, I accidentally walked in on my math teacher and the vice principal doing it in her class room, it was weird

Send a private message

Monday 2 August 2010 21:48

alberta Canada FTW! I used to live in Calgary. any way.... was there a foursome?

Send a private message

Thursday 12 August 2010 1:52

coming from a man with a twilight picture

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 1:22

HAHAHA LMFAO, you're kidding. AWESOME!

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 1:26

that's crazy

kirbz 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 1:29

OMG HAHAHA CRAZY ASS TEACHERS :P join in XD

Send a private message

Friday 19 March 2010 3:38

DID SOMEBODY SAY FOURSOME?!? WOOT!!

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 1:33

that's great! ydi. could get kicked out for that..

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 February 2015 8:01

they saw their TEACHERS getting it on. the teachers have way more to lose for getting it on during school, especially since students saw them, and could lose their teching license and get fired. so dont think the teachers are gonna tattle to the principle and get them in touble too.. unless theyre evil and deny why they were there...

v1kt4r 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 1:34

Lol, i think that qualifies for your 1st tazmanian cluster fuck

Hockeylover87_71 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 1:37

fyl indeed....

omgxonemillion 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 2:07

Fuck me, this gave me a fucking heart attack. How the fuck do you not know how to spell CHEMISTRY PROPERLY!! Maybe you should stop trying to get fucking laid and actually go to some of your fucking lessons. Omfg! Literally oh my fucking god.

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 3:16

can you drop the f bomb /one/ more time please? i dont think they heard ya :]

Send a private message

Thursday 10 September 2009 11:00

#8- that's what i also realized first. lol.

Send a private message

Monday 14 September 2009 14:58

#8 ??he spelled it right..... unless he changed it

Send a private message

Sunday 12 September 2010 12:34

do not use our Lords name with the f word unfront of it.

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 September 2010 15:17

Oh my FUCKING GOD. Oh my FUCKING GOD. Oh my FUCKING GOD. Welcome to the Internet.

Send a private message

Sunday 24 October 2010 14:40

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Send a private message

Thursday 2 June 2011 18:49

Chill out man. Firstly you're missing the whole point of the FML, which wasn't the spelling but rather the story. Secondly, I've seen more atrocious spelling crimes. :o

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 2:32

Fyl. And learn how to spell. 'traumatized'

cp399 14

Send a private message

Saturday 27 September 2014 5:00

I think it was a pun, because the drama teacher joined in.

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 September 2009 2:33

I smell blackmail...

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 2 354

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 195