By Serire - 23/09/2014 00:23 - United States - Monroe
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#55 Ya well if he keeps letting his mom make his decisions, he is not going to have a girlfriend for much longer and you sound like the type of person that would be like his mom so I hope your kids( if you have or ever do have any) won't let you make their life decisions.
I stopped listening to my dad grounding me when I was 18... I respect him, but there's a limit for how long your parents can control you. Doing the chores they ask you to while you live under their roof is one thing, being grounded at 23 is another. OPs boyfriend should really look into getting his own place.
62, no need to get upset and use personal attacks. My point was that you were missing out on the jokes of the other two commenters. They didn't say he should listen to his mom, they were merely making fun of the fact that he was still listening to her. They said it was probably because he had to do laundry or eat his veggies as if he was a little boy. Which were funny jokes actually. But thank you for making fun of me personally.
Not following moms orders can be scary no matter what age you are.
My boyfriend is 22 and still lives with his parents. He pays for rent with the financial aid money and cleans the house. Since he lives there, he still has to obey by their rules or get out. Not saying every rule is right, but sometimes you don't have much of a choice.
Everything is the Debbol to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good! And by the way, Mama, alligators are ornery 'cause of their "Medula Oblongata"! And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!
If he lives with his parents, they make the rules. He doesn't get to make that decision until he moves out.
Aaagh, your opinion is driving me mad. He's a friggin' adult himself, he can date whoever he wants. I'm all in for respecting your parents, but parents who try to dictate every single part of their children's lives, fail at parenthood. Your kids aren't going to become responsible adults that way, but marionettes.
I see where you're coming from 16, but there's two sides to everything. In this case it seems to me that the mother isn't trying to dictate WHO her son can date, but when he sees her. And if he is an adult living in her home without paying rent, he has certain obligations he needs to meet. For example, if there was some household upkeep he was responsible for that he did not complete, then he needs to take care of it before he goes out to enjoy himself. My little brother is 24 and still living with our parents rent, and it ticks me off how much he takes advantage of them. My mom complains that he doesn't pull his weight around the house. She'll ask him to do some chore on a certain day, and then when that day comes he stays in his room all day, claiming he feels nauseous or has a headache. Then when his girlfriend gets done work, he takes a shower and goes out with her. I wish my parents would stand up for themselves, and be like, "Oh, good, you're feeling better. So I guess now you can mow the lawn," and tell him he's out on his ass if he doesn't, but they won't do that because he's their son, and he knows it.
I don't see what your point is, 44. "Withholding their housing," ie kicking him out, if he doesn't pull his weight is a form of controlling his behavior. I doubt he'd continue to shirk his responsibilities if he genuinely thought he'd be rendered homeless. And the issue isn't going on a date with his girlfriend. The issue is that he feels well enough to go out with his girlfriend, but not well enough to do his chores, which clearly shows he's just making up excuses to get out of complying with his responsibilities. If he wants to go out and do what he wants, that's great, but he shouldn't be able to go out with his girlfriend when his chores aren't done. He can't just do one or the other, it has to be both. I lived with my parents until I was 22. I was an adult, but guess what? I still did my chores, because it's the least I could do when I was living in their home rent free as an able bodied and mentally competent adult. And you know what else? They let me go about my business freely so long as I let them know where I was going and when I'd be home so they wouldn't think I was lying dead in a ditch somewhere because I didn't come straight home from school or work. And laziness has been an issue with my brother his whole life. I actually think my parents are doing him a disservice by not putting their foot down with him. He'll probably get married someday. He's not going to have a happy marriage if he thinks he can get away with not fulfilling his responsibilities as an adult, husband, and father. Sorry for the long rant, but as you can see, my brother's and parents' behavior really annoys me.
Then he is an adult that acts like a child. Once their child is old enough to look after themselves, the parents step back and stop controlling their personal lives As far as chores are concerned, as an adult, you are then a 'housemate' with your parents and should be living with them as you would if you were sharing your house with a friend. You should be cleaning your share of the mess, doing your laundry etc. When you become an adult, your parents should not be dictating what you can and can't do. They can offer advise that you should be doing housework but really can't tell you no when you organise to see friends/partners. Your business is your business but it is nice to keep others informed. As much as your parents seem to dislike putting their foot down, the only way he will learn is if they do or he will just walk all over everyone.
Then if one is an adult, one should be paying rent like an adult. If one is living with their parents rent free like a child, then one must obey their parents like a child. Don't wanna pay rent? Cool. Do your friggin' chores and don't piss and moan when you have to miss out on a date because you didn't do them. Wanna just be responsible for your own mess and room and be free to go where you please? Cool. Pay rent.
Then that is up to the parents to enforce rent paying. Just because he is acting childish doesn't mean he is not an adult. He is an adult that is using people. If you're living in your parents house when you're 50 rent free for whatever reason does that mean your parents can stop you from going to play bingo? No.
@ Gracehi Sometimes it's funny how much of our own, private life gets mixed in these discussions. You defend the mother, thinking of the bad stuff your brother did, whilst I defend the son, thinking of the bad stuff my parents did. Anyway, each of us could be right, depending on the missing context of the FML.
As I said from the start, I see where you're coming from. Obviously there are appropriate levels of control a parent should have over their child's life at different ages, and those appropriate levels of control can, and often are, exceeded. However, what I take issue with is this assertion that once one reaches a certain age, one should automatically have total freedom to live however they please, regardless of their living situation with their parents. And actually, the law takes issue with that concept as well. In most states in the US, a child is not considered emancipated from their parents' authority until they either move out of their parents' home, or pay their parents rent, regardless of their age. So all I'm really saying is, is that the mother MIGHT be justified in not allowing her son to go on a date, because one cannot demand an adult's rights without bearing adult responsibilities.
I can see your point but in saying they are not an adult until they pay it move out is odd to me. Here where I live, if you can be trialled as an adult, you're an adult. If you don't pay your way you are still an adult, just also a *insert slightly insulting word*. As much as I do think you do need to pitch in with the house hold duties regardless of it being a rental with a housemate or parents, I don't think they have a say of when and where you go out. That's my opinion anyway. I did help at my mums and paid board/rent while there, but if she told me I wasn't able to see my boyfriend at the time when I had left school and was working just because she was my parent, I would be pissed (lucky I don't have to worry anymore anyway)