Love: Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk.... - FML

By helplesslover - 04/10/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 020

You deserved it 5 727

The smell detective is on the case

Mom of the year

Sounds like a catch

Cancel culture strikes again

By Disneydont - 27/10/2021 14:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was supposed to leave for Disney. Our trip was cancelled last year because of the pandemic. This morning, we found out my sister’s boyfriend, who was a last-minute add-on to the trip, has COVID. Cancelled again. Maybe next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 17/12/2013 17:20 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 064

You deserved it 3 273

By sugar baby24 - 28/06/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 6 245

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 057

You deserved it 32 538

By DrakeScott - 02/11/2011 18:14 - United States

Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 928

You deserved it 5 824

By panickygrl - 06/11/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 698

You deserved it 3 975

Weirdo freak

By kitkat3308 - 27/09/2013 06:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my controlling, verbally abusive ex-boyfriend from nearly four years ago is still obsessed with me. Apparently, he's told everyone back home that he and I are getting married as soon as I finish college. We haven't spoken in over two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 053

You deserved it 3 059

By thatsucks - 17/05/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 992

You deserved it 5 145

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 18:47 - Ireland

Today, I was taking my architecture project to school. I'd spent days preparing my little model house. I stepped outside with it in my hand, and right at that moment a gust of wind ripped it away. It's currently lying in my neighbour's garden, smashed to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 507

You deserved it 4 094

Grand Old Irony

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 02:12

Today, I asked my 'friend with benefits' if she'd consider actually dating me regularly. She said yes, but only if I joined the Republican Party, because she "would never date anyone who didn't fight for morality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 829

By Az - 13/06/2012 00:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 846

You deserved it 2 370

By Anonymous - 19/09/2012 14:43 - United States

Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 087

You deserved it 1 847

By robinhoood - 12/07/2009 05:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 861

You deserved it 13 502

By Anonymous - 15/08/2011 00:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 301

You deserved it 9 997

The gift that keeps not arriving...

By catwithwatermelononhead - 21/01/2018 19:00

Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 135

You deserved it 289

In the cold

By the dog won - 16/07/2020 14:01

Today, after being tired of my husband acting like I’m invisible, giving more attention and affection to the dog than to me, and me going to spend a few nights at my sister’s house, he texted me, "You coming home to make dinner or what?" on the second day. It's now day 4 and he hasn’t said anything else since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 236

Hate sex

By xenutja - 29/01/2021 13:02 - United States - Amery

Spicy

Today, I found out why my boyfriend always has sex with me like he hates me. Turns out, he actually hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 729

You deserved it 34 316

Backfire

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 912

You deserved it 5 575

By Andrew - 28/08/2011 22:37 - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 272

You deserved it 8 586

By Tenniemo - 20/06/2018 15:00 - United States

Today, while packing up my classroom, I had a sudden stinging pain in my finger. Since I live in Arizona, my first thought was a black widow or scorpion, but the ER doctor didn't believe me and said it's nothing. Tell that to my tingling swollen arm. It’s been 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 686

You deserved it 195

By msleea - 06/05/2015 04:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 420

You deserved it 3 824

By nothanks - 01/05/2011 14:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 810

You deserved it 5 460

Next

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 17:04 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I found out the first person I was able to open up to in nearly ten years is already in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 110

Make plans, Mom laughs

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 16:00

Today, as I can’t afford a “real” vacation, I’m trying to get my car converted for camping in time for what promises to be perfect weather next week. Meanwhile, my mom booked a trip to Switzerland. For next week. Guess who gets to stay home and feed the animals? FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 109

By RainbowSuck - 07/02/2017 16:00 - Canada

Today, after passing various interviews and tests, I was given a great job pending a pre-employment medical test. Now I'm jobless and colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 119

You deserved it 682

By Anonymous - 22/05/2015 18:17 - United Kingdom - Romford

Spicy

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 240

You deserved it 5 093

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 277

You deserved it 4 963

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 14:00

Today, after my ex broke up with me, I threw out all the clothes he’d bought me before, which was basically my entire wardrobe. Anyway, this creepy guy who lives a few blocks away seems to be wearing my old clothes and waves my bras and panties at me. It’s gross and creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 1 177

Pain in the neck

By Anonymous - 14/02/2020 05:00

Today, my mom drove my car and ran had to make a u turn on a narrow street. Instead of slowing down, she speeds to turn running off the road and denting my car. Make it worse, she blamed me for not giving her good directions. Then follows up with it is not that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 316

By Just Awkward - 21/04/2017 02:00

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 431

You deserved it 1 238

Creepy creep alert. Run!

By LeaveMeAlone - 06/04/2017 04:00

Today, my manager "bumped" into me 3 or 4 separate times. I told him months ago I didn't want to date him. He even asked me once if I was ever afraid of being kidnapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 558

You deserved it 298

By Anonymous - 15/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming her, because the camera was moving and definitely not on a tripod. I know I never recorded a video of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 033

You deserved it 445

By hunnybaby0319 - 02/10/2010 22:07 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my car from where I parked it last night. I walked over to my parking spot only to find a vegetable stand there in its place. Apparently, that's the location of the Saturday Market and they had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 852

You deserved it 25 540

By Sam - 28/11/2008 08:50 - France

Spicy

Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 397

You deserved it 11 210

By horny and alone - 04/11/2018 03:00

Today, I went home with my cute coworker. What started out as a little dirty talk and teasing ended with him admitting he was in a terrible emotional place and sending me home in an Uber so he could sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 651

You deserved it 380

By Anonymous - 08/05/2015 16:46 - United Kingdom - Loughton

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 717

You deserved it 3 813

Innocence

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 11:01

Today, my mom mentioned that she doesn’t think she’s gonna let my baby sister believe in Santa. When I mentioned that I believed in Santa growing up, she casually replied with, "Yeah, well you were slow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 17/01/2010 13:44 - United States

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 2 702

Potholing

By limpdick9 - 19/11/2014 18:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because, "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 283

You deserved it 7 108

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

rick_james_b17ch 0

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:20

'knock knock', 'whose there?' 'I dumped' 'I dumped who?' 'I dumped you lol'

theanonymoose 3

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:47

I had a very similar thing happen to me. A few years ago, my girlfriend messaged me and told me that we had to talk. I replied and said that if she was breaking up with me, she may as well just do it and get it over with. She denied it, and said it was about something else. 6 hours later after work, after many different possibilities floated through my head, I went over to her house and got dumped.

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:18

He's just an asshole...!

Send a private message

Monday 5 October 2009 1:51

maybe it's cause your a dike?

Send a private message

Monday 5 October 2009 9:28

No he isn't he's decent enough to do it in person rather than over the phone so stfu you know nothing

Send a private message

Thursday 8 October 2009 16:59

YDI for being a slut.

StoryOfTheYear 13

Send a private message

Sunday 18 April 2010 11:03

Yah, he's an asshole for breaking up without a text or over that phonecall He wanted to do it in person, shows he had some respect for you

BloodMonger13 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 10:33

I agree with comment above mine

watrulokinatfool 0

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:18

these fmls are getting lamer and lamer, they used to be funny

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:28

i agree-- i moderated this and clicked no bc i didn't think it was an fml at all...bc it isn't.. at least her bf had the decency to come over and do it in person and not over the phone.

P3R 0

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 13:38

i know right

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 16:07

Yeah, that's pretty much what I was going to say. :)

the_stereotype 0

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 23:59

agreed. that's exactly what i thought. he probably said no, because he thought he should break up in person, because he's not a complete douche. although, the right answer on the phone would have been something along the lines, "just wait till i get there."

Send a private message

Monday 5 October 2009 3:36

I agree. This belongs on www.mylifeisaverage.com

Witchcraft_fml 4

Send a private message

Monday 5 October 2009 11:09

I agree this one sucks ass, but the earliest FMLs would make you yawn the hardest. Some of the earliest FMLs: http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/7 http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/10 http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/14 http://www.fmylife.com/love/41 http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/35 http://www.fmylife.com/health/16 http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/94 http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/36 http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/9 Lame. These almost put me to sleep.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 August 2010 8:26

Then go out and bend over in front of a bull and give us something funny to read #2 :)

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:19

sorry maybe ur better off with out him.u will meet someone better then him.

_YDI 0

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 20:25

No she won't, shes worthless

rick_james_b17ch 0

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:20

'knock knock', 'whose there?' 'I dumped' 'I dumped who?' 'I dumped you lol'

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 16:16

*Likes*

Send a private message

Monday 5 October 2009 20:01

LOLered

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:26

You must be quite paranoid if you assume your boyfriend is going to break up with you if he just comes over. But FYL - that's kind of douchey.

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 14:36

depends on the circumstances. my ex hated coming over to my apartment because he hates my pets, so whenever he volunteered to come over, it generally meant he had bad news - including last week when he broke up with me. it still sucks that he lied to her, though. he could have at least said "i just need to talk to you in person."

stacianichole 2

Send a private message

Thursday 7 July 2011 17:24

not that paranoid...she was right.

Antivirus_fml 0

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:27

Maybe he wasn't gonna breakup with her, it was SHE who gave him the idea...

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:31

Lame. Found this while moderating and I can't believe it came through.

Sun_Kissed18 25

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 22:33

Agreed. People get broken up with everyday! Its not that big of a deal, you'll find someone else so quit whining!

iRhymeWithHeaven 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 April 2011 23:05

maybe she loved him..?

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:33

How the hell do you answer that question? If you say yes, you might as well dump her on the phone as that's pretty much what you just did. Don't answer it and that might as well be a yes, and if you say no it's a lie. Don't ask a question if you don't want to know the answer :P

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 14:30

Exactly. Guy's just trying to do what's best, and if OP automatically thinks he's going to dump her, then the relationship's obviously on the rocks anyway.

theanonymoose 3

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 12:47

I had a very similar thing happen to me. A few years ago, my girlfriend messaged me and told me that we had to talk. I replied and said that if she was breaking up with me, she may as well just do it and get it over with. She denied it, and said it was about something else. 6 hours later after work, after many different possibilities floated through my head, I went over to her house and got dumped.

RJB 0

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2009 13:25

sucks for you fyl

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 17

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 148

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 101