Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend brought me to his place to meet his parents.... - FML

By omfgmaya - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend brought me to his place to meet his parents. When they saw me, they laughed. FML

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Instadrama

Rock, hard place

The end of the road

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

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By MC - Canada

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

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By Xandriajoy10 - Australia

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying 2 minutes of my life. FML

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By Jjay08 - United States - Miles City

Today, I discovered a purple BMX bike abandoned in my front yard. I wondered why it was there, until I looked over to discover that my own bike had be stolen. I guess they liked mine better. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

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By driven_crazy - United States - Newark

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

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By awkwardmandy - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

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By Faktafem

Alexa, play "People = Shit" by Slipknot

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

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By fuck my arse - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

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By crazytown - United States - Denver

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

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By Wasthistheplace - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet my dad, who I haven't seen in years, at a convenience store. He didn't show up, because the location was "inconvenient." FML

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By BikerBuddy - France

Today, I saw a blond-haired guy crouched by my bike fiddling with something as I came back from the shop. Thinking he was a thief, I slammed him across the head with my helmet, knocked him over - then I realised not only was he a kid barely in his teens, he was tying his shoes. FML

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By demispark - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I was leaving work when I realized I had forgotten my bag on my desk. As I went back to get it, I overheard my co-workers talking about "last night's office party." I wasn't invited. FML

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By Nothanks

Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML

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By DamnDogs - United States

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

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By Today - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

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By curly_eyelashes - Canada - Windsor

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

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By cumbucket cops - United States - Barberton

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

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By Anonymous

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

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By mute - New Zealand - Auckland

Quiet please

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 23:02

Sike

Today, my 35 year-old sister, who has no job or life, came downstairs and told me she knows I can hear her thoughts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML

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By turning red - United States

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

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By Harry - United Kingdom

Paperboy

Today, I was doing my paper round. I got to the last house and thought I had done everything right. I checked my list of houses, and I had done every single one wrong. I went and got all the papers back and delivered them again. That was when I realised I did them right in the first place. FML

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By Sting - United States - Manassas

Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML

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By hatemebeforetheyevenhatch - United Kingdom - Clydebank

Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML

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By Anonymous - India - Vijayawada

Today, it's my roommate's birthday. His friends were planning on a surprise birthday cake at midnight last night, and one of them told me about it, hoping to split the expense between us, which I was totally cool with. But I fell asleep before midnight and they didn't even bother to wake me up. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my stress sweat overpowered my prescription strength deodorant 45 minutes into an 8-hour shift. I don't know who is more miserable, me or my coworkers. FML

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By mrsfantastic - United Kingdom

Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML

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By Brastro - Ireland

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

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By Christine

Today I woke up with an extremely bad flu and severe nausea. As I rolled around wanting to die I remembered that 4 days prior, I had hoped to get a cold to skip a compulsary carol service for my Catholic school. Now, on Christmas Eve, I just want to say, be careful what you wish for. FML

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By Labro9

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit". Seems my manager is economising his time like never before. FML

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By LaurenB - United States - Epping

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

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By ohcrap - United States

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

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By ShampooThief - United States

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

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By CarSick - United States

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

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By munnyfish - Canada

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

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Top comments

By The_Great_Zucchi | 14

#605434 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:14

Maybe they were relieved he brought home a real girl instead of an imaginary one...

By XGoat | 0

#605428 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:12

Wow, what assholes

COMMENTS

By XGoat | 0

#605428 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:12

Wow, what assholes

Reply

sublime93 | 0

#605446 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:19

There's innumerable(spelling?) reasons why they laughed. I feel like there's missing info here

Reply

Zhejan | 0

#605579 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 0:27

Maybe she has little stubby arms or a hairy vagina face

Reply

i_got_it | 0

#605585 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 0:32

Or maybe they were high... they had that haze.

By The_Great_Zucchi | 14

#605434 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:14

Maybe they were relieved he brought home a real girl instead of an imaginary one...

Reply

Nonamerequired | 0

#605624 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 1:00

...or a drawn one...

By bitchwithabrain | 0

#605441 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:17

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

xAllygator | 1

#1298674 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 8:41

Your username doesn't fit you...
You obviously don't have a brain.
"I FOURTHEEE that
wut aassholes"
What exactly does that mean? Explain, please.

By YouLostThegame | 0

#605444 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:18

LOL their mean. I'm kind of afraid of this happening to me =[
Well, you don't know what they were talking about before you walked in, maybe they werent laughing at you?

By zephr | 0

#605455 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:22

YDI for being ugly.

By plexico | 3

#605462 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:24

They laughed because it confirmed their suspicion that their son was gay and was dating a very ugly man.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#605643 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 1:18

oo ouch...

Reply

_THE_MASTER_ | 0

#605902 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 4:06

i had something to say, but it isnt nearly as funny as this....so i won't bother. and ty, plex, for making the comments on this site better than the FML's have been so far today

Reply

Jebadiah | 0

#606110 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 6:49

plexico tht was harsh!!!!!!!!! but i cant stop laughing!

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#605471 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:28

illustration time :D
http://i38.tinypic.com/28l4a5f.jpg

By movies12 | 0

#605473 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:29

Um...... maybe they were laughing at something else..... no i don't think so.
FYL.

By kkannibal | 0

#605495 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:38

ahhh that sucks. :( hey, you never know, maybe they thought their son was gay, and they were shocked? anywho good luck with the relationship.

By atvarela | 0

#605498 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:39

or maybe they were relieved he didn't bring home a mexican. i hate mexicans. or perhaps his parents were glad he didn't turn out gay. El Salvador pride!