Today, my boyfriend brought me to his place to meet his parents.... - FML

By omfgmaya - 5/10/2009 17:29 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend brought me to his place to meet his parents. When they saw me, they laughed. FML

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Proactive

True hero

Deep-seated resentment

By fatass - 19/2/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML

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By Daddo - 20/3/2018 14:00 - United States - Elkhart

Call CPS!

Today, picking up my children from school, I overheard some kids saying what a rotten person their dad was, and how they hated him. It was my kids talking to their friends about me! Why? Because I didn't buy them a bag of jelly beans the day before. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2009 21:06 - United States

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 18:14 - Canada

Today, my sister was playing a rock star in a play. When she got home, she told me she used one of my old guitars, because I told her it was ok. I said she could take one to practice on, not destroy on stage. FML

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By JustABarista - 11/3/2017 04:00

Good Riddance

Today, while working at Starbucks, an elderly woman came up to me asking to turn up the heat. It was at 73. After explaining to her that corporate all the way across the country controls our heat, she's reporting me to corporate and is insisting I should be fired or she won't ever return. FML

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By coughcough - 14/7/2013 05:35 - United States

Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

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By Allycat - 9/10/2013 01:19 - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

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By MarMar - 15/3/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2019 12:00

Today, my older, temporary coworker comments every time I yawn, sneeze, cough, leave my desk to use the restroom, and on what I eat at lunch, laughing the whole time. It’s driving me crazy. Only 8 more weeks. FML

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By fat and broke - 28/6/2015 07:17 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my cleavage got me out of a speeding ticket. That is, until the officer looked up long enough to realize I'm a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2010 05:32 - Canada

Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML

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By Richard - 7/8/2018 18:30

Today, my friends and I were kicked out of a Red Robin after the manager told us that our server accused us of making "sexually suggestive gestures" towards her. The gesture in question was the circle game. FML

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By HOPE YOU GET PEGGED - 21/10/2012 23:00 - Canada - Hinton

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

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By notafan - 7/8/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML

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By guttedgirl - 4/6/2011 11:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend's band has become quite popular on YouTube. My friends and sister won't stop singing their songs. Most of them were written after I dumped him, and go on to say how much better off he is without me and how horrible I am. FML

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By singleasapringle - 13/3/2016 06:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 22:00

Today, I went on my first date in over a year, and my best friend popped up at the restaurant uninvited. To make it worse, she pulled up a chair right in between us and started an argument with the bartender. FML

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By unknown - 17/12/2012 11:37 - Canada

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2013 17:13 - United States - Lakeland

Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

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By kiran - 24/10/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I went to the post office and as I entered the building my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML

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By whitecollar - 5/12/2012 02:43 - United Kingdom - Scarborough

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

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By djl - 20/12/2012 05:30 - Canada - Beaumont

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

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By vanity113 - 13/6/2013 04:04 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I woke up early to travel to the office headquarters 3.5 hours away for important meetings. After waking up at 5.30am, picking up all my colleagues and driving 40 min out of town, I realised I was wearing my woolen house slippers. They were the only pair of shoes I'd brought on the trip. FML

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By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

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By fmylifeee - 27/9/2019 04:00

But my babiiiiiiies!

Today, my wife and I invited my boss over for dinner, specifically warning her not to bring her children due to our house not being childproof. She surprised us by walking in with her toddlers. They both shat on our carpets, then my dog knocked them into a wall. I guess I'll start looking for another job. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2012 19:17 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

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By liveviathetredmill - 1/10/2012 20:04 - United States - New York

Today, I realized that every targeted advertisement on my Facebook involves gym memberships and diet pills. FML

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By single - 10/11/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

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By forever damaged - 21/12/2015 04:24 - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

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By Emily - 6/7/2011 08:33 - Australia

Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML

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By RazorBumps - 16/12/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

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By happyturtle - 1/9/2013 09:57 - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

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By MissSmarts - 14/12/2009 01:27 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML

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By michelle91 - 2/12/2009 11:36 - Malaysia

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

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By fml9124 - 31/8/2019 22:00

Today, it's our 32nd wedding anniversary. Two weeks ago I caught a cold on an airplane. Since I got back, she hasn't kissed or let me touch her. I'm still coughing. She says maybe it's not a cold, maybe it's TB. She's left to stay in a hotel until I get better or die. FML

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By 911 - 13/11/2008 03:57 - France

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2013 05:16

Today, after being stood up at a diner, I called the girl who was supposed to have met me. Turns out, she thought I was kidding when I asked her out. FML

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By LemonTree - 20/11/2014 11:32 - Hungary

Today, I realized that I ran out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

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Top comments

By The_Great_Zucchi | 14

#605434 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:14

Maybe they were relieved he brought home a real girl instead of an imaginary one...

By XGoat | 0

#605428 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:12

Wow, what assholes

COMMENTS

By XGoat | 0

#605428 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:12

Wow, what assholes

Reply

sublime93 | 0

#605446 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:19

There's innumerable(spelling?) reasons why they laughed. I feel like there's missing info here

Reply

Zhejan | 0

#605579 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 0:27

Maybe she has little stubby arms or a hairy vagina face

Reply

i_got_it | 0

#605585 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 0:32

Or maybe they were high... they had that haze.

By The_Great_Zucchi | 14

#605434 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:14

Maybe they were relieved he brought home a real girl instead of an imaginary one...

Reply

Nonamerequired | 0

#605624 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 1:00

...or a drawn one...

By bitchwithabrain | 0

#605441 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:17

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

xAllygator | 1

#1298674 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 8:41

Your username doesn't fit you...
You obviously don't have a brain.
"I FOURTHEEE that
wut aassholes"
What exactly does that mean? Explain, please.

By YouLostThegame | 0

#605444 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:18

LOL their mean. I'm kind of afraid of this happening to me =[
Well, you don't know what they were talking about before you walked in, maybe they werent laughing at you?

By zephr | 0

#605455 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:22

YDI for being ugly.

By plexico | 3

#605462 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:24

They laughed because it confirmed their suspicion that their son was gay and was dating a very ugly man.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#605643 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 1:18

oo ouch...

Reply

_THE_MASTER_ | 0

#605902 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 4:06

i had something to say, but it isnt nearly as funny as this....so i won't bother. and ty, plex, for making the comments on this site better than the FML's have been so far today

Reply

Jebadiah | 0

#606110 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 6:49

plexico tht was harsh!!!!!!!!! but i cant stop laughing!

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#605471 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:28

illustration time :D
http://i38.tinypic.com/28l4a5f.jpg

By movies12 | 0

#605473 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:29

Um...... maybe they were laughing at something else..... no i don't think so.
FYL.

By kkannibal | 0

#605495 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:38

ahhh that sucks. :( hey, you never know, maybe they thought their son was gay, and they were shocked? anywho good luck with the relationship.

By atvarela | 0

#605498 - Monday 5 October 2009 23:39

or maybe they were relieved he didn't bring home a mexican. i hate mexicans. or perhaps his parents were glad he didn't turn out gay. El Salvador pride!