Love: Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need...

By phreshrice - 07/04/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 885

You deserved it 22 504

Love

Own it

Dysfunctional

Carless whisper

By Whoops - 03/09/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 220

You deserved it 42 251

By tdiz - 12/10/2010 04:48 - Canada

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 753

You deserved it 3 543

By Jill - 25/02/2010 01:26 - France

Today, a friend of mine commented that I "have a lot of confidence for a fat girl". Ummm... thanks? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 581

You deserved it 4 483

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 655

You deserved it 4 152

By x0SoReckless0x - 16/11/2009 11:39 - United States

Today, some obnoxious guys started calling me ugly. I tried to ignore them and be the bigger person. That's pretty hard to do when they start throwing rocks at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 273

You deserved it 3 450

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 10:33 - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend furiously bitched me out because I got more upset about my phone screen cracking than when she told me about the death of her cat. We hadn't even met when her cat died. Did she expect me to burst into tears from hearing the story? Guess who's single again! FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 032

You deserved it 3 425

By Kim - 10/04/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I got back a paper after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back the only positive comment on the paper was "well I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 799

You deserved it 5 233

Delusional

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 11:02

Today, my sister made serious plans to move to another country to be closer to the married man she's having an affair with. She thinks this will force him to leave his family. I know who will have to listen to her whining when she is sitting all alone in a different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 89

By ev_lyn_aw - 28/02/2017 02:00

Today, I received a company-wide email from my boss, praising a coworker's extra effort at improving our line of business. The coworker's efforts were a direct copy-and-paste of a plan I put together three months ago. No one cared when I gave the presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 813

You deserved it 423

By Joe - 08/07/2011 18:48 - United States

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 636

You deserved it 22 346

By photofaint - 23/02/2012 12:11 - United Kingdom

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 214

You deserved it 3 613

By dining - 01/09/2014 01:56 - United States - Grinnell

Today, at my dining job, my boss told me the food was "technically illegal to serve," air quotes and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 921

You deserved it 2 916

Pull!

By buttpicker - 19/04/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 513

You deserved it 4 549

By iliketurtles - 24/02/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 207

You deserved it 7 726

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 620

You deserved it 27 637

Chill out, dad

By Anonymous - 28/04/2021 17:30 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, my father is incapable of doing anything without cursing and swearing so loudly that the neighbours hear him. If I ask him what’s wrong or to stop swearing at inanimate objects, he starts yelling at me for "jumping all over him." I can’t win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 96

By unbelievable - 02/02/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 836

You deserved it 6 650

By breathexali - 24/07/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 039

You deserved it 29 095

Spy vs. Spy

By Anonymous - 30/09/2020 05:01 - United States - Lake Butler

Today, I panicked when I realized two of my diaries were missing. I turned the house upside down, and found them in the guest room, tucked away in a dresser drawer. My only visitor in the last six months was my mom. I’m 37 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 140

By getting real crafty.. - 05/07/2015 15:51 - United States - Sanford

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 997

You deserved it 2 001

Can't see for shit

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 14:02

Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 209

By Noname - 25/02/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 135 677

You deserved it 24 402

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 894

You deserved it 8 663

By sadparty - 06/11/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 046

You deserved it 7 494

By Brook - 26/02/2013 08:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 377

You deserved it 3 805

Stay at home

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 10:58

Today, I saw the coronavirus news this morning, all about the new variant. I've been working 100% remotely for past year and a half. Here we fucking go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 124

Timing

By Anonymous - 12/09/2015 06:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss stopped me mid-sentence, scowling and telling me to zip up my fly. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I hadn't been in the middle of giving a presentation to not only him, but his own boss and a company executive as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 463

You deserved it 3 444

By concernedson - 12/09/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 503

You deserved it 4 906

By anonymous - 12/05/2011 02:20

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 810

You deserved it 13 515

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 18:46 - United States

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 061

You deserved it 2 777

By srs - 11/08/2018 20:30

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home drunk from a party last night. They said I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore as he's a "bad influence". He was the only one sober in our group and drove me home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 996

You deserved it 478

By nikki - 10/10/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 927

You deserved it 11 088

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 5 338

By Anonymous - 22/08/2009 19:39 - Canada

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 989

You deserved it 46 066

By James4929 - 08/01/2010 00:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 269

You deserved it 4 041

Night fight

By FistFighter - 09/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 882

You deserved it 12 938

By Albert06 - 14/03/2011 21:26 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 881

You deserved it 7 294

By Anonymous - 22/03/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, I finally built up the courage to quit my job. I waited an hour to speak to the boss; I finally sat down with her, and she told me I had to be let go because I'm not "reliable enough." The only time I missed work was when I had the stomach flu. I was fired before I could even quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 884

You deserved it 3 458

By xXMudkipNoobXx - 13/01/2012 01:20 - United States

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 942

You deserved it 6 143

My family

By Anonymous - 07/01/2020 14:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to listen for over 10 minutes as my brother and grandmother discussed how much they hate me. They thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 310

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Top comments

trynightday 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:42

Dude, your boyfriend broke up with you and you posted a whiney FML about it? Who -really- needs to grow up?

Capn 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:43

Yep, you definately need to grow up. There's nothing wrong with playing video games and having 'collectables' (aka Toys) as long as they don't take over your life. Your childish reaction to this breakup shows me that you need to grow up regardless if he does or not.

Zigster94 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:40

What a fucking pussy.

lucindo 0

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Thursday 12 August 2010 0:23

don't bag out COD :O

B4SK3TB4IL 0

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Sunday 26 September 2010 4:54

I love cod. I don't need to grow. add me on xbox: EAZY IE

CitizenSnipz 0

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 15:09

pIn my honest opinion, Call of Duty sucks. I prefer Left 4 Dead 2 or Team Fortress 2. CoD is just repetitive and boring

ihatecake 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 7:35

ok i get cod from the hype and peoples different preferences( assuming he is 16~29) but pokemon? bionicles? really? fyl op

sheagstaz 0

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Saturday 30 April 2011 4:24

GAY

cda2090 6

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Saturday 28 January 2012 14:03

Optic pamaj maybe

cactusdesu 15

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Tuesday 26 November 2013 8:46

458, I can get behind the video games bc guys generally like video games. Assuming this guy is old enough, I can get behind Pokemon because he grew up with it. As for the Bionicles, I'm pretty sure those came out in the 2000s. That's a bit odd for him to have them on display.

SpyroCool 13

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 15:58

YAY! VALVE!

dabears554 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:40

Jesus fuck, son.

Serial 2

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:42

fuck him in a pikachu costume

trynightday 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:42

Dude, your boyfriend broke up with you and you posted a whiney FML about it? Who -really- needs to grow up?

utopian_fml 0

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Thursday 13 August 2009 23:41

seconded OP needs to grow up. Epic YDI

ryguy997 0

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Sunday 14 March 2010 6:59

well the cod is for 18 anyway but the other stuff us just FAIL.

mlipro 0

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Thursday 18 March 2010 4:25

I have pokemon and bionicles in my room and I'm not 5. I just haven't cleaned out my room in 10 years... Yes, my room is clean, It just has a lot of old stuff in the closet... Including my sexuality. :D

moss000100 0

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Saturday 10 April 2010 21:56

ok if someone plays call of duty doesnt mean the have to grow up call of duty is played by everyone

failzorfails 0

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Wednesday 21 April 2010 3:38

unless he plays cod professionly then it's ok

Laxer21 0

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Monday 28 June 2010 4:12

I actually still have that shit in my room. but not bc I want it.

jannielovesjack 0

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Thursday 28 June 2012 5:12

You're on FML right now so I don't think you really have a right to say that...

bluerhhajfk 17

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Thursday 21 February 2013 9:26

yeah and she spelled excessive incorrectly edit: oh, it's a guy...

Capn 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:43

Xuphra 0

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Tuesday 4 May 2010 19:27

You win #5, OP is a bitch.

kpacek330 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 6:49

I agree with #5. And also, I read the first three pages of comments and I didn't notice anyone pointing out that the OP is a guy.

seitz96 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:43

Ha #2 FAIL Sounds like hes pretty cool lol, there must have been a different reason, he just made something up to break up with you

XanderK 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:43

Pokemon rocks. What are you saying. Anyway, FYL

failzorfails 0

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Wednesday 21 April 2010 3:35

pokemon is for homosexuals

middletin 0

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Thursday 21 April 2011 2:46

your face is for homosexuals

Passa 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 0:43

How the fuck does playing Call of Duty mean he needs to grow up? From the bitterness of your comment, it sounds like he was right on the money and that you're just a bitch.