Love: Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. After he did, he walked...

By 50love - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. After he did, he walked over to his friends. I saw him tell them that he broke up with me. After he finished all of them cheered. FML

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Love

Understandable

Sorry…

Taking stock

By homo fuckofftus - United States - San Diego

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

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By AloneAtPerkins - 5/2/2021 14:01

Considerate

Today, I was sick and had a migraine. Being sick turns me into a big baby, and I told my boyfriend I didn't want to be alone. Two hours into my shift, he texted me saying he "needs to let off some steam because he hadn't in a long time." Guess who ended up staying home alone until his drunk ass needed to be taken care of. FML

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666

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By whyme_ss - United States

Today, I got into my boyfriends car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

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31061

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By stuck - United States - California

Today, I paid a locksmith $100 after I locked myself out of my apartment. All he did was hit it, and it flung open. It wasn't locked, it'd just got stuck. FML

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By lamortdeshommes - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

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By concom - Cyprus

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I am pregnant, and my boyfriend dumped me, saying that he didn't want to be stuck in anything too serious. FML

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36224

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By Anonymous

Drives

Today, and for months now, the meds that stop me from killing myself have killed my sex drive. My boyfriend, being stressed at work, initially assured me that his was also non existent and not to worry. I found out he's been wanking every day and hiding it from me so I don't feel bad. Now I know, I feel fucking awful. FML

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By jonnie - 7/5/2020 02:00

Hi mom!

Today, I learned Google Assistant and Google Home work harmoniously together if I blabber on without ending a command, like when sending a text to my mom about canceling dinner plans because I’m fake sick and going to hook up with this guy, it’ll send every word. My mistake & lesson learned. FML

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467

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1995

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By Garchomp - United States - Dodge City

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

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By shinra

Freaky...

Today, it's the third time in a row that I've woken myself up in the middle of the night by pouring freezing cold water on myself. I didn’t even have water on my nightstand last night. I woke up in the kitchen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carbondale

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

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47338

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By Tall Oaf

Today, my ex of 2 months, who I'm on good terms with, posted an Instagram photo with her new boyfriend, captioned "Love you babe, 4 months have never been sweeter." I've never been good at math, but 4 seems bigger than 2. FML

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By hinowdie - United States

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

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24679

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1996

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By sluttydancer - United States

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

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By budbunny13 - United States

Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old man in a motorized wheelchair. He missed the door, hit my foot, and called me an asshole for getting in his way. FML

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By HURP - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

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By j - United States

Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charleston

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

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38747

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By ELK

Today, having played golf for 15 years, I had my first hole in one. I was playing by myself. There were no witnesses. FML

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3814

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By Anonymous - Belgium - De Pinte

Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML

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12632

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By Anonymous

Office life sucks

Today, I was supposed to start a new job. I had accepted a new position with a different company three weeks ago, and gave my notice. At the time, I even trained my replacement. Today, I found out that my new work doesn't need me anymore. So, I'm unemployed. FML

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2299

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By Dumbass Dude

Today, I pulled into a parking lot, for the car to simply shut off because I ran out of gas. Then I couldn't get the key out of the ignition, so I called my dad, who walked all the way to where I was, only to find out that the car was still in drive. FML

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By Username

Today, a woman laughed after hearing my voice for the first time. This happens whenever I meet someone new, without fail. FML

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33914

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By theish

Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML

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By Lilie - France

Today, my sweetheart came round to drop off some underwear which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML

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By norpedo - United States - Cleveland

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

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By SwaggyP

Today, we got the IQ test results back, which show our daughter is on the high end of the genius scale. This confirms what my wife and I have long feared: our 6-year-old is FAR smarter than we are. No wonder she wins all the arguments we have. FML

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By SJDAOisdjlkSADlksda - United States

Today, I witnessed my sister use some ice cubes on her blistered toes, then quietly return them to the tray in the fridge. I've been putting ice from there into my drinks for weeks. FML

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By Slipperywhenwet - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

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By DuhSteven - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML

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11439

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

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31222

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By brigitte - France - Noyon

Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML

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47210

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By Amberizzle - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

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By fuckingfloridahowihatethee - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” Everyone laughed at me. FML

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By thankspops - United States

Today, I found out that the $200 a week I was paying my dad for my car insurance and payment, wasn't actually paying my insurance and car payment. How did I find out he wasn't paying? Repo man took my car. FML

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Top comments

By gamercanadian | 11

#3724591 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:55

There could be a really good reason for all that cheering u know

By RecklessJellyBea | 7

#3724615 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:59

Bros before hos.

COMMENTS

By miserypoison | 13

#3724573 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:57

Bromance ftw

By tree07 | 1

#3724582 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:59

Way to be a peeping tom... If you were that nosey YDI

YourBuddyElmo | 5

#3728457 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 4:17

Tree, go play in the street.

By gamercanadian | 11

#3724591 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:55

There could be a really good reason for all that cheering u know

serenitychaos20 | 6

#3724606 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:58

She must be the controlling type and doesn't know it, or knows it and fails to admit it.

IceeCreamm | 7

#3724629 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 12:02

Maybe they're cheering him up?

Jonkbaby | 19

#3724701 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 12:27

maybe they like men

kaprookie | 3

#3724839 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 13:07

Maybe I'm just a bitch?

kaprookie | 3

#3724858 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 13:13

Maybe OP is just a bitch.* haha awkward for me. :)

cosmosis | 12

#3724875 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 13:19

16- ohhh yeah. They were cheering because now ops out of the picture, they can get in with the now exboyfriend and have a man on man orgy...
But id put my money on them not liking op for whatever reason.

FYL OP.

dsbs | 9

#3724969 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 13:59

Op was obviously a bitch

jablome | 6

#3726667 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 22:15

Perhaps OP is hot and they all want a chance to tap that.

By RecklessJellyBea | 7

#3724615 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 11:59

Bros before hos.

13FMYLIFE | 0

#3724956 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 13:57

and chicks before dicks

greg84_fml | 21

#3727174 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 23:50

I find it funny that people are thumbing down the "chicks before dicks" line. I think they are trying to say gay bromance is better than a girlfriend.