Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally...

By ouch.... - United States - Duxbury

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

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Health

Family values

Don't give up

I don't wanna

By Nutty - United States

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

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47087

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By E-fail - 7/10/2020 08:53 - Canada - Bathurst

On yer bike

Today, I received my new e-bike. I could barely afford it but I desperately needed a method of transportation. On my second ride, I splashed through a fresh sidewalk. There was sidewalk in the chain, in the brakes, everywhere. There goes my brand new bike. FML

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515

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By Sickasadog - United States

Today, I painted my daughter's room with the new paint we bought. It's an oil-based paint which hides all blemishes on the wall, but apparently makes me sick. I'm now throwing up everywhere, but at least the room looks good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5655

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By wreckdit - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12585

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By stillyoung - Australia

Today, I discovered that the upside of losing weight is that men have started hitting on me. The downside? They're all twice my age. FML

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29608

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By jobless - United States - Groton

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

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27952

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By burningman - Germany - Darmstadt

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

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32879

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By wallflower - United States

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

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18015

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, my friend and I dressed up as dice for Halloween. The rest of the night consisted of us, harassed by drunks asking, 'Can we roll you around?' and constantly being shaken. FML

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12339

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By donttouchmyhair - Romania - Bucharest

Today, a crazy woman grabbed my hair and mentioned how lovely it was. She then asked when I would donate it. I told her I didn't want to, at which point she started yelling that she was going to get some scissors and cut it all off to teach me a lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48235

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3790

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By ihatepokemon - United States

Today, my boyfriend got angry because I laughed when he asked me if he should retire from being a Pokemon Trainer. He was serious. He's also 21. FML

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42696

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By HungerStrike - Czech Republic - Hostivice

Today, me and some friends had home-made burgers for lunch. The guy who did the cooking later insisted that spitting in a frying pan is a perfectly acceptable way of guessing the right time to add the oil. FML

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41072

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By milkshake - United States - Pasadena

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

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32615

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By dab1230 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

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24682

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By distressed - Australia - Burwood

Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about it, she now just sits and stares at me judgmentally whenever I'm in the same room as her, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. FML

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36131

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that the guy I've been sending anonymous, dirty emails to knows who I am. My signature, which includes my full name, was automatically added to the end of every email. FML

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10577

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By not4geeks - United States

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32216

You deserved it

72909

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2020 15:00

Crossed Wires

Today, while on Grindr, I saw that this guy I'm friends with and have liked for a while now had messaged me. I got all excited, just for it to be a picture of him flipping me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1351

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190

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By notmysistersbf - Canada - Summerland

Today, my mom called my workplace and told my boss to make sure I wear a hat so I didn't get heatstroke like I did on my last shift. I'm 25. FML

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29574

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By Anonymous - United States - Mcdonough

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48200

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By too slow - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend we should start seeing other people. She said "Don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you." FML

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36091

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By clubber - Switzerland

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

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61199

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By belly the jelly

A job well done.

Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3479

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579

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By space_cadet90818 - United States

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

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34410

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By Thanks everyone - Australia - Gaythorne

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

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62675

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By getajob - United States - Carmel

Today, while working security at a welfare office, I had to listen as a claimant gushed about her upcoming Caribbean cruise. I work two jobs and haven't had a vacation since 2006. FML

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28382

You deserved it

2031

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By Anonymous

Lee Trevi-not

Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML

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600

You deserved it

1341

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By Matt - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13308

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By LiquorChick - United States

Today, I was transporting liquor between stores for work. A car pulled out and cut me off, causing me to slam on my brakes. My car stopped. The 200 dollars-worth of booze did not. FML

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28377

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By Calimero

Today, I forked over a hefty sum to stay the night in a beautiful, luxurious hotel room, because back home I have a baby that doesn't sleep through the night yet. Never would I have imagined I would be staying directly next to the town nightclub. I'm still awake. FML

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1615

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Today, I'm dating a guy who's back hair is longer than his dick. FML

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5132

You deserved it

1522

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By thanks google - United States - Naperville

Today, while I was driving, Google said it found a faster route to save me 15 minutes. I hit accept, only be directed into a gridlock on the interstate, adding an hour to my drive time. FML

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2563

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By whyeventry? - United States - Neenah

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

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57965

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By clip_kate

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14086

You deserved it

1330

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By What-_-

Today, my roommates keep opening my bedroom door to "let the WiFi out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4365

You deserved it

520

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By blank - United States

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35425

You deserved it

6354

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out the real reason my dad bought a new car and generously gave me his old one. He knew the engine was about to fail and didn't want it to be his problem when it finally did. It blew out while I was driving at high speed on the motorway. Just my luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21561

You deserved it

1702

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By Quincy_Ethan - United States - Killeen

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

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43099

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26560

You deserved it

1827

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Today, I tried to call my company's HR to report my boss for sexually inappropriate comments towards me. Turns out, the only person I can complain to is the franchise owner, who has been good friends with my boss for over a decade. FML

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1807

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Top comments

By vipirius | 18

#5725689 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:15

Well at least you know his weakness if you guys ever have a tickle fight.

By oj101 | 33

#5725705 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:28

Pour alcohol on it just for laughs.

COMMENTS

By vipirius | 18

#5725689 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:15

Well at least you know his weakness if you guys ever have a tickle fight.

JustinKirby | 20

#5725845 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 13:46

Yeah but it will just turn into a real fight like this one, apparently he has one hell of a kick XD

LanceGoodthrust | 19

#5725854 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 13:57

Maybe he could enter kickboxing competitions... You will just have to tickle him at the right moment... Over and over again

By underthesea12 | 24

#5725690 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:16

don't tickle the bleeding foot!

\ | 28

#5725691 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:17

I wonder if the tickling would stimulate the blood flow and cause blood to fly out of the wound...

By FrietvanPiet | 16

#5725698 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:22

Dump him, I don't see any other options

yahoowizard | 16

#5725701 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:27

Ahh there's that good old FML advice on running a successful relationship

\ | 28

#5725702 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:27

Must we jump to such unpleasant conclusions, #4?

oj101 | 33

#5725709 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:30

#6 - You must be new here. Nothing much on the FML comments section follows logic or positivity.

\ | 28

#5725723 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:52

I don't think I'm new anymore... And sometimes you can find helpful advice on CERTAIN FMLs. Sometimes. Never.

HortonThelephant | 15

#5725738 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 11:26

#11 This my friend, is colloquially known as the FML Paradox. 2 equally opposite comments making contradictory statements, and neither suitable to the community's liking.

ryanthecheeseguy | 18

#5725859 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 14:03

#15 in this case never.

SaintJupiter | 16

#5726929 - Wednesday 23 October 2013 16:50

nice troll! :D

DevilsAltair | 8

#5737307 - Friday 1 November 2013 3:43

Just because he was bleeding?its not like he cheated on her. He probably apologized

By oj101 | 33

#5725705 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:28

Pour alcohol on it just for laughs.

HeyHeyFishFillet | 34

#5726399 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 22:44

Huge plot twist, it turns out OP's boyfriend has a pain fetish. In turn, their sex life is never the same and now she has to resort to whipping him for foreplay.