Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he... - FML

By broke_otaku - 9/8/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

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Last dates

Great speech, thanks!

Mr Sensitivity

By Andy - 16/12/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

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By jill - 25/2/2014 16:59 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

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By bobuhbeartoe - 24/8/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2011 04:17

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

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By random - 23/10/2013 22:41 - United States - Amarillo

Today, while working as a paramedic, we got called to an assisted living home. The medical emergency? The woman had a leak in her bathroom and wanted it fixed. FML

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By DimeShapedBruise - 24/9/2013 06:14 - United States - Beaverton

Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML

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By dwhitehouse - 21/1/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I went out to my car only to find my battery had died the night before. With the wind chill, it was -20°F outside. With the hood open, and jumper cables in one hand, I tried to flag down a passing motorist for help. A man in a truck slowed down, sarcastically waved at me, and kept driving. FML

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By Marcella - 24/10/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2014 18:09 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML

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By WishesWasDeaf - 31/1/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

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By Loveandpoetry - 31/5/2011 21:12

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2013 16:28 - Belgium - Ieper

No kinkshaming on FML

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

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By diesel444 - 23/8/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

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By Drom - 14/9/2016 12:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I pushed my spinning clothesline around and walked off like a badass. A loose wire then whipped around the back of my head and caught me in the eye. I'm just so badass. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2011 12:11 - United States

Today, my new boss lost his shit and flew into a ten minute rant against me about the "value of respect". He told me that if I wanted to stay in "his" company, I'd best start toeing the line. All this because I corrected his misuse of "your" and "you're" in one of his memos. FML

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By JTBastry - 30/4/2018 19:00

Today, after graduating from culinary school, I was turned down by Chipotle, Jersey Mike's, and McDonald's entry-level jobs because I didn't have enough experience. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

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By sadbride - 26/10/2012 03:58 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

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By is there a environmental scientist in the house? - 5/3/2013 08:48 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2011 03:21 - China

Today, I woke up to a repairman at my door who was simply supposed to turn my water back on in my apartment. Two hours and 5 repairmen later, all I have now is a large hole in my ceiling. Still no water. FML

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By - 12/1/2017 14:00

Today, I was enjoying my first vacation day in 2 years. My boss then called me to come in, saying it was an emergency. I got to work and got fired. Yes, my boss made me come in just to fire me. FML

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By boyo - 21/5/2009 09:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML

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By Muchacha22 - 20/6/2016 17:25 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my work directory was updated to reflect my recent promotion. Due to lack of space, they abbreviated the title. I'm now listed as "Sr Anal". FML

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By er1133 - 11/3/2010 12:04 - Canada

Today, I walk out of my apartment to find that my car is decorated with explicit drawings and "Happy 21st birthday" stuff written all over it. To top it off, my vehicle is completely wrapped in plastic wrap. I'm 22 and my birthday is in December. FML

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By cane - 5/3/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2012 02:24 - United States

Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML

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By peridot1aa - 24/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML

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By Heart-Broken - 9/4/2015 01:58 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

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By ChrissySoltys - 2/5/2011 06:39 - Canada

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

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By pukathlon - 10/12/2010 17:21 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML

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By Brooke - 9/8/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

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By Gary - 16/7/2019 20:30

Today, after countless failed rejections and derision from women, I've realized that the only time I experience any sort of happiness is when I'm eating. They say there's someone out there for all of us, but maybe that's not true. FML

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By Weasel123 - 26/10/2012 07:58 - United States - Anadarko

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2016 01:57 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML

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By epic174 - 7/10/2014 22:15 - United States

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

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By goldenshower - 5/2/2010 18:22 - United States

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

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By ApparentlyIFail - 20/11/2009 09:30 - France

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML

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Top comments

By elliebutton | 0

#471620 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:08

Gross.
Why would you even do that?

By ShyShy_fml | 0

#471638 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:19

You "forgot" you were in his living room? Um, yea.... sure you did....

COMMENTS

By elliebutton | 0

#471620 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:08

Gross.
Why would you even do that?

Reply

heavenandhell | 0

#471897 - Sunday 9 August 2009 16:38

yea wtf, seriously wtf...

Reply

bgukusa00 | 0

#471901 - Sunday 9 August 2009 16:39

YOu are really disturbing WHY seriously WHY would u sniff his armpit????

Reply

KumoFF7 | 3

#471975 - Sunday 9 August 2009 17:18

YDI for not flushing the toilet.

Reply

alex_vik | 0

#472069 - Sunday 9 August 2009 18:19

Kumo, you're a shitty troll. You don't even try.

Reply

Puolukka | 4

#472680 - Sunday 9 August 2009 22:28

I think it is freaking hilarious that all the people on here are like "OMFG THAT'S SO GROSS", but when a girl posts an FML about her boyfriend pissing on her in the shower, then everybody's like "Why is this an FML?" or "Your boyfriend is awesome"...WTF?!

I'm married and I would definitely rather smell my husband's armpit than let him pee on me...

Reply

omgwtflolz | 0

#493075 - Monday 17 August 2009 8:26

yeah really. why would u even do that?

Reply

effyoubitch | 5

#3315817 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 7:12

"smell it yourself bitch."

Reply

NorthFML | 0

#4490532 - Monday 28 May 2012 7:18

57 soo true

By Ranoona | 0

#471626 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:12

I agree #1. That's gross. :S

By Shots_HK | 0

#471627 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:14

Did it smell?

By amy397123 | 0

#471633 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:18

YDI, be more aware of your surroundings.

By ShyShy_fml | 0

#471638 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:19

You "forgot" you were in his living room? Um, yea.... sure you did....

Reply

miyon_fml | 0

#472061 - Sunday 9 August 2009 18:12

Just what I was thinking. How do you forget your in a room full of people. And why would your bf ask you to sniff in front of all those people.

By SimpleSimon | 0

#471641 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:21

What.... The... Fuck?

By angelysm_fml_fml | 0

#471663 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:35

was it shaved ?

By Sage1314 | 4

#471667 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:40

Bullshit. Plus the wording is inelegant.

By LewJH | 0

#471679 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:48

I think the fact that you're that comfortable in a relationship more than makes up for the fact you have a stupid nickname.

By sheilatothemoon_ | 0

#471687 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:55

was it wet and hairy?
disguuuuuuuusting.