Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he... - FML

By broke_otaku - 9/8/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

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Family values

Yappy neighborhood

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By college kid - 31/7/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

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By Jenievonteese - 12/6/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

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By Adoptee - 22/5/2011 23:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML

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By itsdezzz - 9/3/2016 23:43 - United States - Hatfield

Today, I noticed a customer looking for expired products in hopes of receiving a coupon from my store. I told them to let me know if they found anything. They promptly began following me around, telling me how to do my job, only to later file a complaint saying that I was harassing them. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2010 10:45 - Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

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By jacko - 15/8/2010 09:47 - Reserved

Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2014 14:27 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

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By G. Briones - 23/11/2011 19:14

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2011 02:48 - Australia

Today, my little sister put on some black eyeliner on my eyes. About half an hour later, my eyes started to hurt. Eyeliner never hurt for me; so I went to the bathroom to check it out. My sister wasn't using eyeliner. It was a black watercolor pencil. Now I have black bits inside my eyes. FML

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By BDSarah - 17/9/2019 16:00

Special

Today, my mom introduced me to everyone we met as her "special needs child." They all seemed to believe her. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2013 06:22 - United States - Lacey

Today, I was at my class's band concert. Before the curtain was raised, I helped haul the piano to a different spot so a girl who would've had to stand behind it could be seen. I said, "There, now your mom can see you play!" She responded with, "My mom's blind." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2015 05:12 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning because I had the symptoms and my detector was going off. I called the fire dept, they checked me, they checked my apartment. My apartment is fine; I'm just out of shape, have high blood pressure, and don't know how to work simple electronics. FML

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By future brain bleach addict - 2/5/2013 23:54 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

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By Ouch - 21/6/2013 03:06 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, I tried to wipe some sweat off my brow before it could make its way down into my eye. I ended up poking myself in the eye so hard that I yelped, stumbled and was thrown off the still-moving treadmill while trying to regain my balance. FML

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By jessica - 17/2/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML

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By awkwardpanda - 27/1/2017 20:00

Today, I performed for the first time at someone's wedding. When the music started, I heard a click. Slowly, I felt my strapless bra drop lower and lower due to my non-existent breasts. The hook on my bra had broken at that very moment on stage. FML

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By Bittersweet - 7/7/2019 06:00

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

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By Shnur - 5/4/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

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By honeybunny - 19/11/2014 19:04 - United States - Norman

Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long 12 hour drive. FML

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By Insensitive - 14/11/2009 22:26 - Australia

Today, I sent a get well card to my friend. it wasn't until after I got home from posting it did I realise that the stamps I put on the envelope had the phrase "Let's Get Active" on them with drawings of people playing sports. My friend is in a wheelchair. FML

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By Username - 15/6/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

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By fouryearswasted - 19/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend of four years is legally married to a man in prison. He gets out next week. FML

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By Passtheicecream - 25/1/2017 22:00

Today, I found out that the last of my super feminist "I'm never getting tied to a man" college friends got engaged. Apparently, I should have tried that tactic, as my current partner in life is my goldfish. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2012 16:45 - United States

Today, I still have the bronchitis and the stomach flu that I suffered through all weekend. Today was to be the day I had my bachelorette party and wedding shower. I had to call both of them off. FML

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By tickle spunk - 29/12/2011 18:39 - United States

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

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By bustedfornuthin - 8/9/2010 04:42 - United States

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

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By aloneinaz - 15/1/2017 20:00

Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML

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By bubblegum92 - 29/6/2013 08:02 - Australia - Perth

Today, It was my fiancé's 21st birthday party. It ended with him too drunk to walk and wailing about how much he misses an ex girlfriend of his that he dumped 4 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML

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By Unfortunately Me - 9/1/2014 00:54 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

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By Weightlosshereicome - 8/8/2016 10:06 - United States - Oxford

Today, Snapchat thought my double chin was a mouth. FML

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By BrokeAF - 20/7/2017 05:01

Today, I had to empty out my coin jar to pay for gas. Trying to be considerate, I only brought quarters, but the cashier refused to take it because they didn't want to count out my $10. I don't know how I'll get to work today. FML

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By 30000 - 2/1/2015 03:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2013 11:12 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

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By anon - 21/12/2013 14:13 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

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By beanpole - 19/12/2016 19:34 - Canada - Canning

Today, I had to cancel plans to go to the movies with the guy I've had a crush on for months due to a sudden case of the flu. This was already rescheduled from yesterday, when I had to cancel due to bad weather (after he had already left home). He thinks that I'm just making excuses not to see him. FML

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By likearacehorse - 12/2/2013 22:58 - United States - Franklin Lakes

Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2011 03:58 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2012 02:24 - United States

Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML

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Top comments

By elliebutton | 0

#471620 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:08

Gross.
Why would you even do that?

By ShyShy_fml | 0

#471638 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:19

You "forgot" you were in his living room? Um, yea.... sure you did....

Comments

By elliebutton | 0

#471620 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:08

Gross.
Why would you even do that?

Reply

heavenandhell | 0

#471897 - Sunday 9 August 2009 16:38

yea wtf, seriously wtf...

Reply

bgukusa00 | 0

#471901 - Sunday 9 August 2009 16:39

YOu are really disturbing WHY seriously WHY would u sniff his armpit????

Reply

KumoFF7 | 3

#471975 - Sunday 9 August 2009 17:18

YDI for not flushing the toilet.

Reply

alex_vik | 0

#472069 - Sunday 9 August 2009 18:19

Kumo, you're a shitty troll. You don't even try.

Reply

Puolukka | 4

#472680 - Sunday 9 August 2009 22:28

I think it is freaking hilarious that all the people on here are like "OMFG THAT'S SO GROSS", but when a girl posts an FML about her boyfriend pissing on her in the shower, then everybody's like "Why is this an FML?" or "Your boyfriend is awesome"...WTF?!

I'm married and I would definitely rather smell my husband's armpit than let him pee on me...

Reply

omgwtflolz | 0

#493075 - Monday 17 August 2009 8:26

yeah really. why would u even do that?

Reply

effyoubitch | 5

#3315817 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 7:12

"smell it yourself bitch."

Reply

NorthFML | 0

#4490532 - Monday 28 May 2012 7:18

57 soo true

By Ranoona | 0

#471626 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:12

I agree #1. That's gross. :S

By Shots_HK | 0

#471627 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:14

Did it smell?

By amy397123 | 0

#471633 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:18

YDI, be more aware of your surroundings.

By ShyShy_fml | 0

#471638 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:19

You "forgot" you were in his living room? Um, yea.... sure you did....

Reply

miyon_fml | 0

#472061 - Sunday 9 August 2009 18:12

Just what I was thinking. How do you forget your in a room full of people. And why would your bf ask you to sniff in front of all those people.

By SimpleSimon | 0

#471641 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:21

What.... The... Fuck?

By angelysm_fml_fml | 0

#471663 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:35

was it shaved ?

By Sage1314 | 4

#471667 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:40

Bullshit. Plus the wording is inelegant.

By LewJH | 0

#471679 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:48

I think the fact that you're that comfortable in a relationship more than makes up for the fact you have a stupid nickname.

By sheilatothemoon_ | 0

#471687 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:55

was it wet and hairy?
disguuuuuuuusting.