By broke_otaku - United States

Caught

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

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Tasty!

Misheard

Boom, headshot

By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 02:01 - United States

Whipping boy

Today, like every day, my boss was complaining about something or other, but this time it was work that I knew he'd done himself, and he still blamed me. FML

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By a7xforever - United Kingdom

Get out

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

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By EyeSeeYou - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

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By chynna - United States - Evansville

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

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By Machine - Japan

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend's pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I'd just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

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By roobb - Canada

Today, I saw my girlfriend with an older guy who I thought was her dad, I went over to introduce myself. And then turned around and walked away very fast as I saw them make out. My girlfriend is cheating on me with someone as old as my dad. FML

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By nerdychick - United States

Stalker vibes

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

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By blah blah

Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work with me because we both work a lot, and have almost no time to spend together. His literal response was, “I’d rather pick a shift up at work.” FML

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By bregaja - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Miami

Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch it because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML

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By therundown - United States

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

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By

Selfish

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

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By William Johnson - United States - Anchorage

Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML

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By MsConfusedd - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML

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By pantydropper - United States

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

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By omfgfmlife - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after doing it with my girlfriend, she told me that she was "faking the whole time, and thinking of talking cupcakes." FML

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By mcds2 - United States

Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML

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By A.W - United States

Today, I received an acceptance letter to Juilliard. After showing it to my mom, she tells me I can't attend because Robin Williams graduated from Juilliard, and he now has too much facial hair. FML

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By KatieElizabeth - United States - San Francisco

Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend tried to climb up to my third story window in the early hours of the morning. Just before he got to the top, he slipped and fell to the ground. My dad had to drive him to the hospital at 3am. FML

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By fail - United States - Greeneville

Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Worcester

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

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By maddie - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Tilburg

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

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By biggieT - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Actor's Studio

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

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By wookieewhosshe

Today, I woke up on the floor with my feet still in the bed. I had passed out while vomiting into a bucket, since I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. The bucket had spilled all over my bed. FML

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By wastedtime - 13/9/2020 10:57 - United States

Time to run

Today, things were going great with my girlfriend of six months. She knew I had kids and it seemed to be getting serious, so I decided to introduce her to them. After dinner, I walked her to her car and she said, "That’s real nice but what are you going to do with them once you and I have kids?" FML

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By RC - United States

Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML

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By jessie - 16/12/2020 20:58 - United States - Denver

Armchair psychiatrist

Today, I was informed that I am, in fact, faking my depression. Why? Because I shower daily. FML

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By BigmouthStrikesAgain - United Kingdom

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

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By mybad - United States

Today, a customer brought her kids into the store where I work. I like to make people laugh so being my usual joking self I kidded "Why aren't those kids in school?". She didn't laugh when she said that their house burned down the night before and the kids had no clothes to wear to school. FML

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By Maryanne Swain

Today, after I've been sick all week, but still coming in to work (I'm not contagious) because I know that we're short staffed, I sucked it up and came in again, only to find out 3 other employees called in because they're hungover. Now I have to do my job and theirs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

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Top comments

By elliebutton | 0

#471620 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:08

Gross.
Why would you even do that?

By ShyShy_fml | 0

#471638 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:19

You "forgot" you were in his living room? Um, yea.... sure you did....

COMMENTS

By elliebutton | 0

#471620 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:08

Gross.
Why would you even do that?

Reply

heavenandhell | 0

#471897 - Sunday 9 August 2009 16:38

yea wtf, seriously wtf...

Reply

bgukusa00 | 0

#471901 - Sunday 9 August 2009 16:39

YOu are really disturbing WHY seriously WHY would u sniff his armpit????

Reply

KumoFF7 | 3

#471975 - Sunday 9 August 2009 17:18

YDI for not flushing the toilet.

Reply

alex_vik | 0

#472069 - Sunday 9 August 2009 18:19

Kumo, you're a shitty troll. You don't even try.

Reply

Puolukka | 4

#472680 - Sunday 9 August 2009 22:28

I think it is freaking hilarious that all the people on here are like "OMFG THAT'S SO GROSS", but when a girl posts an FML about her boyfriend pissing on her in the shower, then everybody's like "Why is this an FML?" or "Your boyfriend is awesome"...WTF?!

I'm married and I would definitely rather smell my husband's armpit than let him pee on me...

Reply

omgwtflolz | 0

#493075 - Monday 17 August 2009 8:26

yeah really. why would u even do that?

Reply

effyoubitch | 5

#3315817 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 7:12

"smell it yourself bitch."

Reply

NorthFML | 0

#4490532 - Monday 28 May 2012 7:18

57 soo true

By Ranoona | 0

#471626 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:12

I agree #1. That's gross. :S

By Shots_HK | 0

#471627 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:14

Did it smell?

By amy397123 | 0

#471633 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:18

YDI, be more aware of your surroundings.

By ShyShy_fml | 0

#471638 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:19

You "forgot" you were in his living room? Um, yea.... sure you did....

Reply

miyon_fml | 0

#472061 - Sunday 9 August 2009 18:12

Just what I was thinking. How do you forget your in a room full of people. And why would your bf ask you to sniff in front of all those people.

By SimpleSimon | 0

#471641 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:21

What.... The... Fuck?

By angelysm_fml_fml | 0

#471663 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:35

was it shaved ?

By Sage1314 | 4

#471667 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:40

Bullshit. Plus the wording is inelegant.

By LewJH | 0

#471679 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:48

I think the fact that you're that comfortable in a relationship more than makes up for the fact you have a stupid nickname.

By sheilatothemoon_ | 0

#471687 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:55

was it wet and hairy?
disguuuuuuuusting.