By Anonymous - United States - Grand Junction

Warrior

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when halfway through, he leaned over to grab his cup of hot coffee off the nightstand. He then attempted to drink it and spilled most of it on me. He never stopped thrusting the whole time, and wanted to continue after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30343

You deserved it

3267

Tweet

Share

Sounds lovely

Teenagers, amirite?

Pay up, dude

By firecrotch - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13760

You deserved it

35339

Tweet

Share

By 3LLI0TT - United States

Today, I poured my heart out into what had to be my greatest set of lyrics for my band ever, at the same time my teacher was explaining chemical changes to the class. At the end of the lecture he picked up my paper, and set it on fire to demonstrate a chemical change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40194

You deserved it

33731

Tweet

Share

By Aleena Rashid

Today, I bought a flatpack, easy to assemble cot-bed for my baby. I spent 5 hours building it, but when it was done, I realised I couldn't reach into it because I'm 5ft and my arms can't reach and lift the baby. I'd have to throw him in. I'm suffering from back spasms as a result, and I now need to disassemble and return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1575

You deserved it

315

Tweet

Share

By kitkat1740 - United States - Concord

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28108

You deserved it

1898

Tweet

Share

By knock_out - United States

Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my mii knocked out her mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one player mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37760

You deserved it

4863

Tweet

Share

By Sue Ellen - United States - Providence

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61219

You deserved it

15261

Tweet

Share

By wookieewhosshe

Today, I woke up on the floor with my feet still in the bed. I had passed out while vomiting into a bucket, since I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. The bucket had spilled all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1373

You deserved it

541

Tweet

Share

By michellemoyah - United States

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30275

You deserved it

6868

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/3/2020 03:02

Kids, it doesn't get any better

Today, I was sitting in class when I overheard a group talking about how much they don't like me. When they saw me there, they burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1731

You deserved it

96

Tweet

Share

By yourekillingme - United States - Mission

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23799

You deserved it

1459

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38430

You deserved it

4005

Tweet

Share

By Keaton - United States

Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13333

You deserved it

44844

Tweet

Share

By Almostfunny - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18321

You deserved it

52097

Tweet

Share

By Steve - United States - Lake Charles

Self-service

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31663

You deserved it

17022

Tweet

Share

By kaileekat517 - United States

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25365

You deserved it

3465

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60547

You deserved it

5466

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45673

You deserved it

15520

Tweet

Share

By MulticoloredSlug - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12304

You deserved it

1375

Tweet

Share

By Katie - United States

The Bathtub Incident

Today, my little sister took a dump in our bath tub right before we were leaving for soccer practice. When my mom found it, she blamed it on me, then made me pick it up with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1786

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By BrutallyBlonde - United States

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12759

You deserved it

56231

Tweet

Share

By Boyufd - 22/4/2020 23:00

Show and tell

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2014

You deserved it

254

Tweet

Share

By Yay..... - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28563

You deserved it

14464

Tweet

Share

By feel so dirty

Today, I asked my husband when he first knew he loved me. He replied, totally honestly, that I was the easiest girl he'd ever managed to talk into a one night stand, only instead of doing the walk of shame the next morning, I stayed so long we ended up married with kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5546

You deserved it

1226

Tweet

Share

By googoogaga - United States

Today, I went to IHOP for breakfast. As we were leaving, I realized a little girl took my Hello Kitty hairclip. For the next 5 minutes, I fought with an 8 year-old for a hairclip. She won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13390

You deserved it

28780

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I noticed that my car's passenger-side door has cobwebs all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46501

You deserved it

7096

Tweet

Share

By yolonono - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37766

You deserved it

2998

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 14:01

Lazy git

Today, my fiancé was offered a job by my boss working as a dishwasher. This is awesome, especially since he just got fired from his last job. When I brought it up, his reply was, "I don't want to work as a dishwasher." I guess beggars can be choosers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

842

You deserved it

158

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36028

You deserved it

2712

Tweet

Share

By GrandTheftArson - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21067

You deserved it

1545

Tweet

Share

By screw life - United States

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27594

You deserved it

3037

Tweet

Share

By flowerman - United States

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33921

You deserved it

5193

Tweet

Share

By caitiexob - United States

Today, I found a note in my locker from a really hot guy asking me to prom. I went up to him saying how excited I was to go. He said "Oh you got the note?" and slipped it into the locker next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45179

You deserved it

2600

Tweet

Share

By porkabye - United States - Duluth

Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40395

You deserved it

3109

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States

Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19669

You deserved it

35402

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Red Sox Nation

Today, my girlfriend called saying that she wanted to break up because she wasn't into me anymore. Yesterday, I paid $400 to take her to a Red Sox game, so I asked her why she even came with me. She said that she had been talking to her ex-boyfriend, and he said he was going to that game too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1782

You deserved it

130

Tweet

Share

By thishasbeenaverytellingnight

Today, I was working in bed when my boyfriend stumbled in, drunk as hell. He got on top of me saying he wanted sex. After a moment, he paused and said, “Sorry, I thought you were Stephen.” I’m a girl. Stephen is my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5347

You deserved it

321

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16371

You deserved it

34757

Tweet

Share

By StairwayToEvan92

Today, I ran over a recently-killed skunk in the road. My truck now smells absolutely rancid, and the smell will probably last for months. At least it goes well with my dog, who was also skunked 6 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1989

You deserved it

272

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

102950

You deserved it

9118

Tweet

Share

By uninspired - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27287

You deserved it

2244

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By The_Bengineer | 13

#6415866 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:30

Sounds hot.

By datkenna | 20

#6415894 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:48

Who drinks coffee during sex

COMMENTS

By The_Bengineer | 13

#6415866 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:30

Sounds hot.

Reply

BrutalEater | 15

#6415954 - Monday 21 September 2015 19:42

Noice

Reply

DreamHysteria | 13

#6416324 - Tuesday 22 September 2015 5:10

Literally lol

Reply

BoltTheSuperdog | 22

#6416360 - Tuesday 22 September 2015 6:33

Quite steamy, in fact.

By Eitanm | 15

#6415868 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:31

Sounds like a hot mess

By Steve95401 | 49

#6415869 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:32

Talk about having hot sex.

By rainbowsRlove | 15

#6415870 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:32

what a sizzling performance

By TurtleShampoo | 14

#6415874 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:34

all of these comments are puns

Reply

Madrias | 36

#6415877 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:38

You just had to be the combo breaker, didn't you?

Reply

chuchusheep | 19

#6416052 - Monday 21 September 2015 22:08

not really sure why you were downvoted so much...personally, i was getting tired of all the puns. and what you said was simply a fact. lol.

Reply

AmIReallyRenee | 20

#6416234 - Tuesday 22 September 2015 1:09

no shit wow, you must feel like you discovered the sun

By Kaoticwolf | 17

#6415876 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:37

your screams of pain excited him

By christopherwilli | 14

#6415879 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:38

Such grace.

By Onepocketpimp | 7

#6415887 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:41

someone doesn't enjoy some beam... can mark off that you don't have that fetish

By datkenna | 20

#6415894 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:48

Who drinks coffee during sex

Reply

americanafrican | 32

#6415897 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:50

that man. gives him the energy he needs!

Reply

groovycrazyjoe | 18

#6415913 - Monday 21 September 2015 19:02

he needed energy lol

Reply

boating_guy | 33

#6415934 - Monday 21 September 2015 19:17

Needed that caffeine so he could stay up and go at it for a few more hours

Reply

Careaga | 8

#6415965 - Monday 21 September 2015 19:52

A true coffee lover

Reply

Paws_Cat | 29

#6416020 - Monday 21 September 2015 21:16

Who drinks ANYTHING during sex?

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6416041 - Monday 21 September 2015 21:46

#48 Well, if I learned anything from watching porn there might be something that people drink during sex.....

Reply

jaspinkgrl01 | 18

#6416056 - Monday 21 September 2015 22:16

The ops boyfriend obviously

Reply

alexanderavatar | 24

#6416247 - Tuesday 22 September 2015 2:04

gotta stay awake

Reply

VeryMuchDutch | 12

#6416250 - Tuesday 22 September 2015 2:16

maybe he was in his office?

Reply

DJDualScreen | 4

#6419107 - Thursday 24 September 2015 22:49

who takes a coffee break mid-sex?

By Darkness_Hate | 29

#6415896 - Monday 21 September 2015 18:50

I guess he likes creamy coffee.