Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious conversation... - FML

By kellie1115 - 10/04/2012 04:41 - United States - Rowlesburg

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious conversation about our future. Somehow it turned into a 10-minute discussion about what time of day we usually take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 119

You deserved it 5 735

Walk the line

Broken heart

Unfortunate

By Anonymous - 26/03/2019 00:00

Today, my husband told me that, to feel less unreliable, he was just going to stop saying he was going to do anything around the house. That way, when he actually did something (i.e. wash dishes), I could be pleasantly surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 276

Love is a battlefield

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Tilton

Today, after I finally got up the courage to open myself up to someone new after going through a brutal divorce, it was going great until he went back to his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 345

By leafscupwin - 16/10/2012 04:16 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the person that interviewed me for a job was the same person I called a "fat bitch" at a baseball game after she knocked over my drink while she was dancing. She recognized me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 056

You deserved it 45 100

By Irritated - 12/09/2016 15:29 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was sitting in a drive-thru with my girlfriend waiting for our food and the idiot behind me rear-ended me. I got out of the car to tell him he'd rear-ended me. He then argued with me, saying he "didn't feel it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 759

You deserved it 857

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 230

You deserved it 4 871

By UTurn - 09/08/2019 04:00

Today, I lost my phone during a hike up Mount Washington. Luckily, it was reported to the office, and they called my wife. Too bad we had already been driving for at least four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 260

By worker666 - 13/04/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 833

You deserved it 4 231

Bye bye love

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend. Apparently, it's my fault because I act like I don't care… and guess what? She's posting little embarrassing details about me on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 142

Compliments are tricky

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 08:00

Today, I told my boyfriend he's handsome, which I do often. Not everyday, but maybe once or twice a week. He got upset at me. He said it makes him feel uncomfortable. We've been together for 3 years and I still think he's the most handsome man I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 07:58 - United States

Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 647

You deserved it 6 511

By FamilyLoving - 19/08/2013 16:00 - United States - Patchogue

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 029

You deserved it 3 802

By BFH4Life - 30/11/2011 09:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 827

You deserved it 5 724

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 150

You deserved it 2 550

By Anonymous - 23/09/2015 15:48 - United States - Bedminster

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 329

You deserved it 4 309

By anonymous - 23/04/2013 21:07 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 349

You deserved it 5 494

Creepy

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 01:08 - United States - Irving

Today, the power went out so my family all stayed together in a one room to keep warm. I was on the bed against the wall and reached my hand down, only to find my panties tucked in the side of my brother's bed. Not one pair, but two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 74

Smells like victory

By B-rent - 18/03/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 974

You deserved it 7 053

By angrystudent - 07/03/2016 22:47 - United States - Franklin

Today, I spent all day doing a project for myself and then for a friend who's sick. Turned out it was a prank everyone in the class was pulling on me. I missed a baseball game because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 495

You deserved it 2 059

By shitforchris - 20/08/2009 05:38 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 375

You deserved it 11 617

By Anonymous - 09/11/2014 07:51

Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 892

You deserved it 7 564

By queenxalee - 11/11/2013 23:58 - United States - Orange

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 049

You deserved it 4 309

By dude - 24/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 075

You deserved it 34 210

By EMTGirl'sLife - 10/02/2015 03:15 - United States - Basking Ridge

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 491

You deserved it 2 812

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 093

You deserved it 3 489

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

By ThanksAsshole - 28/03/2020 20:00

Today, I got fired from a business I ran for almost 6 years. Why? The new owner refuses to close, despite our governor ordering non-essential businesses to close, and for people to stay home. I told her I wasn’t comfortable working, and that it was technically illegal. So she fired me in a group chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 154

By insultedguy - 03/01/2011 17:28 - Netherlands

Today, I went to the store and ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in years. We chatted a little, and just as I was leaving he grabbed his mobile phone. Later, I added him on Facebook. Turns out the last thing he posted was a picture of my back saying: "Look who got even fatter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 208

You deserved it 4 406

By Gen - 17/12/2008 09:40 - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 477

You deserved it 9 307

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 05:29 - Canada

Spicy

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 697

You deserved it 6 782

Who the fuck are you?

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 02:02

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to send a message to the girl I've been crushing on for years. I'm now blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 174

By jshibbz0993 - 23/11/2011 15:16 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my boyfriend about our excessive water bill. He then says, "Don't look at me, I don't even shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 449

You deserved it 6 073

By Mackdaddy - 07/02/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 997

You deserved it 9 042

By toothache - 10/03/2009 01:03 - United States

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 115

You deserved it 3 288

Get your facts straight

By Anonymous - 16/02/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Because apparently her friends have seen me hanging out with a hot girl, giving her long hugs and making her laugh. That "hot girl" is my sister, who got back from studying abroad a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 695

You deserved it 2 735

By mmckie - 11/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went into a restaurant with my family. I slipped off my chair, pulling the tablecloth with all the food and drinks on it with me onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 401

By rog3rli - 13/11/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 965

You deserved it 12 665

By shizzy09 - 13/04/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 424

You deserved it 5 106

Issues

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 04:18 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me I’m clearly turning into my mother. I turned round to have a go at him when I stopped, thought about it, and realised he’s completely right. I’m just like her. Now I’m so depressed, I don’t know if I want booze, a relaxing bath or a really long, ugly crying session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 380

By sh33zy - 03/02/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, the only girl I'm friends with deleted my comment off of her profile because she was too embarrassed that people would see we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 327

You deserved it 3 482

By Lady Douche of Asscrackington - 10/10/2013 20:00 - United States - Watertown

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 466

You deserved it 3 543

By UHM - 06/10/2013 21:54 - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 167

You deserved it 4 003

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:47

OP - "So I was thinking that we should buy a new place somew..." Boyfriend - "I really need a shit, when do you normally take a shit?" ^ am I on the right track?

nerdflipstables 3

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:53

Five months from now he will be standing outside the only bathroom waiting for you to finish pooping because he forgot the time you normally go, while you remembered his poop schedule, and then you will appriciate that conversation.

Comments

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:44

Is your future being a toilet?

AwkwardPartyBear 24

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 12:42

Interesting profile picture there, sir...

silvercamaro 22

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 14:18

I think you meant Is your future IN the toilet or GOING DOWN the toilet

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 14:36

#1...im gonna go out on a limb here and say no, probably not

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 16:32

Yep definately gonna be a toilet #1. Because they're secretely transformers and are just gonna change into one...

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 22:52

welllll, if you guys freely talk about crapping and what time of day.. then i think you have a bright future ahead of you 2 :) lol no joke, you're obviously comfortable with eachother!!

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 23:13

Lmao

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 23:39

Lol

OuchAndGoodfight 5

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Wednesday 11 April 2012 2:01

OP, you should leave your relationship as it is (that is), shitty.

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:47

OP - "So I was thinking that we should buy a new place somew..." Boyfriend - "I really need a shit, when do you normally take a shit?" ^ am I on the right track?

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:50

I refuse to believe it happened any other way.

miserypoison 13

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 14:18

"it's all shits and giggles until I see you sleeping with another woman" "speaking of shit, do you have any regulated schedule on chucking a doo doo?

flockz 19

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:22

"well first of all my mother just called, my stress has been running high lately, and i'm on my period. so why can't listen to my feeli-" "i just dropped a bomb wanna see it? here."

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:39

67 - Is that your shit there in your picture? Cause if it is.....it's beautiful.

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:51

Uh-oh, Shit just got serious. O_O

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 17:45

OP's bf is a subject changing master... i must learn

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 20:08

Okay, I've been on FML for over a year. What does OP mean?!

XoXoKaylynXoXo 5

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 20:38

It means Original Poster

kriz_allizwell 6

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 20:39

Original Posta'

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Wednesday 11 April 2012 3:30

And now here come all the comments with funny jokes about what 'Op' stands for. Obnoxious penis :)

Link5794 18

Wednesday 11 April 2012 14:39

"Where do you see yourself three years from now?" "Working for minimum wage at McDonald's to get through college." "2 years?" "Same." "7 minutes?" "Taking a dump."

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Saturday 14 April 2012 16:42

Ok so I'm confused which one does it mean?

buck33 14

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:48

Oh, you know, about 5 o'clock.

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 12:23

It's 5'clock in the morning, conversation got boring

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 14:25

Than i took a shit...than u took a shit... It's five o'clock in the morning... The toilet needs clogging...

twisted_cherub 14

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 14:58

*then Also *then

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Wednesday 11 April 2012 8:46

Got to take my morning shit

music_woman1 11

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:48

Um.. How?!

LO388 7

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 13:14

Because her man knows how to dodge a conversation.

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:49

That shit's serious.

manyourlifesucks 0

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:20

I see what you did there.

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:49

That's probably the most important topic in a serious discussion.

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:50

About the same time that romance died...

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:44

Show your damn face joke killer. Lol

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Thursday 12 April 2012 9:30

The sun ate my face, and why am I joke killer? Read my profile, I like to laugh!

nerdflipstables 3

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:53

Five months from now he will be standing outside the only bathroom waiting for you to finish pooping because he forgot the time you normally go, while you remembered his poop schedule, and then you will appriciate that conversation.

redwednesday 11

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 12:23

talking about shit always has a purpose, and thats definitely why.

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:53

Mom, bathroom!!!!

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 19:49

I love that episode. Especially more since I started playing wow

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:54

Nothing says future planning like a serious conversation about taking a shit.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 131

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 298