Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the... - FML

By Iamthatgirl - United States - Ada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

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Triage

Season finale

True hero

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my dad spent most of the $500 I earned from mowing lawns on an Xbox 360 for himself. He was the one who encouraged me to put the money in the bank for college and to learn responsibility. I'm 14 years old. He's 37. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML

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By sevenshotmovie - United States - Sheffield

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML

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By Misbah Akhtar - 21/11/2020 12:59 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Child's play

Today, my 6 year-old bought down a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML

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By curiousorange - United Kingdom

Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML

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By Ryan - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

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By Authentik8 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

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By Ginger - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me I should finish school early and get a job so we can get married, because then he'll have enough money to buy the truck he's had his eyes on for our whole relationship. FML

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By Sewert_5

Today, I made a fatal mistake that may cost my company thousands of dollars. This was right after I got a recognition for my outstanding work last week. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, our electric horse fence broke. I turned it off so I could fix it. As I was grabbing the fence, my brother thought it would be hilarious to turn the fence back on. FML

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By fledermausi - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

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By gamerlaura - United Kingdom - Blaenau-ffestiniog

Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML

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By Anonyme - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

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By Anon - Singapore

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

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By xXWhiteSheepXx - United States - Omaha

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

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By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

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By Noname - United Kingdom

Not now, Kevin

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

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By Drew - United States - Harrodsburg

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

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By mortifying - United Kingdom - Harlow

Skinny girl

Today, I started playing footsie with the girl I like next to me in Biology. Turns out it was the table leg. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML

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By Christopher Tobler - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

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By LETMEOUT!

Today, despite being claustrophobic and avoiding lifts at all costs, I had to use the lift at work to carry boxes of paper to the 3rd floor. It broke down. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my husband rejected sleeping with me because he wants to "save his energy" for building his custom car. Apparently, I'm a "distraction." FML

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By 2ndgenoration - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML

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By BaconGirl

Today, it has been my lifelong dream to work with animals. My dream sorta came true. I now work at the slaughterhouse. FML

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By antsgomarching - 6/10/2020 17:01

Freak Scene

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML

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By seethroughpee - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

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By #[email protected]

Today, the guy I've fallen for and have been dating on and off for 2 years told me that he kept contacting me to re-connect because he missed hanging out with me, but didn't actually have any feelings for me. I already paid for a non-refundable weekend away as his Christmas present for us both. FML

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By Rachel - United States

Today, I joined a new choir. My director asked me if my best friend was actually my girlfriend. Taken aback, I said no, I was not a lesbian. He then asked me to clarify my gender. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

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By Rick - United States

Today, the driver's side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, "Sorry, thought this was my car." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

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By FootFlakes - United States - Boston

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

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By hastobeajoke - United States

Today, I submitted my 208th job application in less than a year, and went to my 83rd and 84th interviews, only to be told once again that I'm over-qualified for the first, and under-qualified for the second. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indiana

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

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By Benchthewarmer - United States

Today, I had a basketball game against our rivals. Since the starting guard had a broken ankle, I felt happy that I could finally get playing time and prove that I'm good. Instead I had to run the scoreboard for the game, because the scoreboard guy was absent. FML

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By Postdotfuzz - United States

Today, our midterm exams were returned in my urban politics class. I had studied hard and scored 86%. The blonde girl next to me got a 92. Earlier in the semester she had asked me what state Detroit was in. FML

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Top comments

By JCal585 | 8

#6049566 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:24

For real- do you think he's going to suddenly change if y'all got married? I wouldn't waste my time.. Find the man that can't wait to see you and hear all about your day and quit wasting time with immature fools.

By LittleSushi_fml | 13

#6049560 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:22

Well then dump him.

COMMENTS

By LittleSushi_fml | 13

#6049560 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:22

Well then dump him.

Reply

JMichael | 25

#6049590 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:35

Yea about a quarter past five.

Reply

laylaeve | 9

#6049764 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 19:38

Dump the d bag

Reply

steveykinz0967 | 16

#6049889 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 22:29

You may think it's that easy, but letting somebody you love go is challenging

Reply

VonBlitzkrieg | 27

#6051527 - Friday 29 August 2014 16:09

Why is it that in literally every single FML about relationships people try to get the OP to drink their SO? Do you think OP is going to read your comment and go like "Splendid. I shall do just that."?

By JCal585 | 8

#6049566 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:24

For real- do you think he's going to suddenly change if y'all got married? I wouldn't waste my time.. Find the man that can't wait to see you and hear all about your day and quit wasting time with immature fools.

Reply

EverestMelting | 23

#6049604 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:51

Okay this is jokey as fuck. Obviously this man probably isn't being serious about his response. This is either made up or just meant as a joke.

Reply

sashakotlik | 14

#6051113 - Friday 29 August 2014 5:43

Where did you get the topic of marriage from, OP never mentioned anything about marriage

By SamCat | 21

#6049567 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:24

Life is too short to stick with someone who doesn't appreciate you. If you love him, work on it. If you don't, keep it moving. He can be someone else's jerk.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#6049583 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:30

She may love him, but it doesn't sound like he loves her back.
Not much to work on.

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6049568 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:26

He won't ever change unless he wants to (and it doesn't sound like he does). Just keep that in mind, OP. Never try to change someone because it'll never work.

By itsalanis | 24

#6049569 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:26

Ask him if he knows anything else. If he's not taking the time to know you deeper and/or investing his time and effort into the relationship, then it looks like you might be wasting your time that could be spent on someone more deserving.

By kinky44 | 28

#6049570 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:26

Sorry OP, but it sounds like you need to cut your losses and leave him.

By lifesentence | 11

#6049571 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:26

well, he does, doesn't he?

By Mr_Ziza | 10

#6049572 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:27

Sorry op you don t deserve him

Reply

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6049576 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:28

Yeah, I agree. She definitely deserves better.

By Googolman | 29

#6049574 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:27

You should say, "Well, I know the name of your brother, don't I?"

Reply

Awesome_Ninjaz | 12

#6049697 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 18:52

What?

Reply

riddle143 | 15

#6049790 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 19:59

I think #9 is trying to say OP should drop the hint that she's cheating on her boyfriend with his brother, as if cheating is ever the answer.

Reply

jmdnba097 | 12

#6050102 - Thursday 28 August 2014 4:46

Or that knowing someone's name is not enough to be considered listening. Not necessarily that she is cheating

By A1BROS | 4

#6049582 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:30

A good joke with bad timing is a bad joke.