Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the... - FML

By Iamthatgirl - United States - Ada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

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Messed up

Serious times

Things can only get better

By Anonymous - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

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By mdg - United States - North Windham

Today, while at work taking notes on a pad of paper, my boss witnessed me trying to scroll down on the paper, as if it was a touch-screen phone. FML

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By thehumanshield - United States

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

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By mainlineloser - United States - Narberth

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

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By hatemylifelol - United States - Roseville

Today, I noticed I parked behind a boy I like. Trying to impress him with my driving skills, I ended up forgetting to put the car in reverse and rear-ended him. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 20:04

Generosity

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

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By confused - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

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By xXitslolaXX - United States

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Jackson

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

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By phone-less - United States - East Peoria

Today, I was at an amusement park with friends. We wanted to get a picture of all four of us, so we asked a nice-looking man to take it for us on my brand-new iPhone 6s. He took something. Unfortunately, it wasn't a picture. FML

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By moron - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML

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By el_Jeffe_D - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, as I was walking up to a urinal I heard a small hiss. I looked up just in time to get an eye full of chemicals from the automatic air freshener. I rinsed my eye out and went back to the urinal. It happened again. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was put on academic suspension only to find out my professor entered my grade wrong. I lost my financial aid and have to explain to my parents why I’m not in college anymore. FML

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By HLRJ - United States - Concord

Today, after my husband said he forgot our anniversary 2 days ago because he was so focused on planning for today, he forgot what was so important about today. It's my birthday. FML

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By ApparentDrugAddict - United States

Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML

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By Toolate - United States - Bristol

Today, I went to the surprise birthday party of an ex I still love, though I'm the one who ended things. I walked in in time to see her screaming "Yes" to her kneeling boyfriend, her parents crying and applauding, and her brothers patting him on the back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawrence

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

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By Jen

Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML

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By Wendizzle - United States

Today, I had to work late. I missed the last bus so I called a cab. That was 3 hours ago. I called my dad for a ride. That was 2 hours ago. I guess I'm sleeping under my desk tonight. FML

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By sigh - Australia - Rockdale

Today, my husband is sulking because he "can't" have sex with me. I've tried initiating things multiple times, but he keeps saying no, because I'm pregnant and he says it'd be exactly the same as having sex with his own kid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out skating with a guy I really like. I put on my best moves, to impress him. I ended up slicing his lip open with my skate mid-jump. His lip is now wired shut by twelve stitches. FML

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By yosmurf

Smooth.

Today, I finished taking a huge dump at the public restroom at the mall. When I got up to wipe, my wrist clipped my butt and knocked my brand new Apple Watch into the toilet. FML

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By Thanks everyone - Australia - Gaythorne

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

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By mandy_2480 - China

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

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By jetlagged - Sweden

Today, for an eight hour flight to Copenhagen, Denmark, I paid extra to get a seat offering more leg room. Unfortunately, the man behind me was so tall, his knees were pressing against my back the entire flight. FML

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By Sunshine56 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I sold cigarettes to a woman who promptly told me that she smoked meth. It's only my second night working this job. FML

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By just me - Germany - Overath

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML

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By jen - United States

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Canal Flats

Today, a little girl locked all the stalls in the girls' bathroom where I work and crawled under the doors. I then had to crawl around on the bathroom floor in order to unlock the doors. FML

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By Serire - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

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By Jeff - United States

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

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By Tired Girlfriend

Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML

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By DopeDickDover - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forced myself into work with severe laryngitis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, except I work at candy and ice cream store at a major tourist destination. For seven hours I had to communicate with unsympathetic adults and screaming, bratty kids by miming and using a dry erase board. FML

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Top comments

By JCal585 | 8

#6049566 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:24

For real- do you think he's going to suddenly change if y'all got married? I wouldn't waste my time.. Find the man that can't wait to see you and hear all about your day and quit wasting time with immature fools.

By LittleSushi_fml | 13

#6049560 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:22

Well then dump him.

COMMENTS

By LittleSushi_fml | 13

#6049560 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:22

Well then dump him.

Reply

JMichael | 25

#6049590 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:35

Yea about a quarter past five.

Reply

laylaeve | 9

#6049764 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 19:38

Dump the d bag

Reply

steveykinz0967 | 16

#6049889 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 22:29

You may think it's that easy, but letting somebody you love go is challenging

Reply

VonBlitzkrieg | 27

#6051527 - Friday 29 August 2014 16:09

Why is it that in literally every single FML about relationships people try to get the OP to drink their SO? Do you think OP is going to read your comment and go like "Splendid. I shall do just that."?

By JCal585 | 8

#6049566 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:24

For real- do you think he's going to suddenly change if y'all got married? I wouldn't waste my time.. Find the man that can't wait to see you and hear all about your day and quit wasting time with immature fools.

Reply

EverestMelting | 23

#6049604 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:51

Okay this is jokey as fuck. Obviously this man probably isn't being serious about his response. This is either made up or just meant as a joke.

Reply

sashakotlik | 14

#6051113 - Friday 29 August 2014 5:43

Where did you get the topic of marriage from, OP never mentioned anything about marriage

By SamCat | 21

#6049567 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:24

Life is too short to stick with someone who doesn't appreciate you. If you love him, work on it. If you don't, keep it moving. He can be someone else's jerk.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#6049583 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:30

She may love him, but it doesn't sound like he loves her back.
Not much to work on.

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6049568 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:26

He won't ever change unless he wants to (and it doesn't sound like he does). Just keep that in mind, OP. Never try to change someone because it'll never work.

By itsalanis | 24

#6049569 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:26

Ask him if he knows anything else. If he's not taking the time to know you deeper and/or investing his time and effort into the relationship, then it looks like you might be wasting your time that could be spent on someone more deserving.

By kinky44 | 28

#6049570 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:26

Sorry OP, but it sounds like you need to cut your losses and leave him.

By lifesentence | 11

#6049571 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:26

well, he does, doesn't he?

By Mr_Ziza | 10

#6049572 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:27

Sorry op you don t deserve him

Reply

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6049576 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:28

Yeah, I agree. She definitely deserves better.

By Googolman | 29

#6049574 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:27

You should say, "Well, I know the name of your brother, don't I?"

Reply

Awesome_Ninjaz | 12

#6049697 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 18:52

What?

Reply

riddle143 | 15

#6049790 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 19:59

I think #9 is trying to say OP should drop the hint that she's cheating on her boyfriend with his brother, as if cheating is ever the answer.

Reply

jmdnba097 | 12

#6050102 - Thursday 28 August 2014 4:46

Or that knowing someone's name is not enough to be considered listening. Not necessarily that she is cheating

By A1BROS | 4

#6049582 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:30

A good joke with bad timing is a bad joke.