Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature... - FML

By anonymous - United States - La Pine

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

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Sorry…

Another great day to be alive

QAnon weirdoes

By Heather Scurfield - 21/3/2021 10:59

Stomach bug?

Today, I was going to be sick, so I ran to the bathroom. When I got there, I fainted, and fell back against the wall. When I came around, I immediately vomited all down my body, in my hair, and all over the floor. My cat judged me. FML

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By fakelaugher - United States

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

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By kickout - 11/7/2021 19:59

Words which could only be your own

Today, after I'd being sick all day, my boyfriend volunteered to do my very long sociology paper. I was later been notified by my professor that the paper I'd submitted was completely plagiarized. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I just got back from a party, where I spent most of the night comforting the girl I like. Why? Because the guy she likes was being grinded on by another girl. FML

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By Bob - United States - Fairbanks

Today, a judge gave my ex custody of my two sons, most of my money, my house, my car, and has ordered me to take anger management classes. We're getting a divorce because she shot me with a gun. FML

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By MissedTheBoat - Canada - Calgary

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

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By Anonymous

Missing the point 101

Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML

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By Jack Faire

Today, I sat down to do my taxes. As I was going over my forms, I found my employer only took $1.72 out the entire year for my Federal Income Taxes. I now owe the IRS over $500 that I don't have. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, our Christmas tree was damaged beyond repair after my son and his friends borrowed it for a little experiment. They tied balloons to the branches and tried to make it fly, after seeing a similar video online. FML

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By wtfisthisworldcomingto

Today, I was mugged. The guy mugging me was eating a banana. FML

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By junior - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

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By peallow - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Encouragement

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

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By ladyofzanarkand

Not my sunnies!

Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML

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By AlphaKappa

Today, my work is doing a legal investigation about whether they can avoid paying me maternity benefit. According to my sleazy boss, "You notified us too late." FML

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By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I am on vacation in Dubai with my dad and a few of his friends. I thought we were going to travel and see some amazing things, but I'm confined to my hotel room while everyone drinks and watches Family Guy. FML

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By youmothERFUCKErs - United States

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn't allow "unapproved" colors, even if they're natural. FML

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By frustrated - Ireland

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

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By shamed - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

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By Jess - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

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By um... what the fuck, miss? - United Kingdom

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

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By Aly - United States - Ontario

Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark - N?rresundby

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

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By jaycee - United States

Today, after having finally summoned the nerve to report a guy at my workplace who has been sexually harassing me for months, I got a phone call from my boss. He said that there was nothing he could do about it, because the guy "wouldn't confess." FML

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By Minnie - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

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By helenablitz - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2021 13:59 - United States - Malvern

Chub rub

Today, I was pooping in a public toilet and a kid had walked in on me. I then heard him tell his dad, "It's okay, I didn't see anything, he was fat so his chubby legs hid it." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 05:01

Not prepared enough

Today, I had a maths test and I realised that I'd studied the wrong topics. The teacher said the test would be difficult and I stayed up till 1 a.m. just to be prepared. FML

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By merchgirl - United States - Arlington

Today, my mother-in-law scheduled her neck surgery for the same day our baby is being born. She also fully expects my husband to drive her to the hospital and stay for her recovery. Uh, yeah no. FML

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By GopherJR - Canada

Today, I convinced myself I needed to get over my ex-girlfriend. I spent twenty minutes signing up for a new dating site, only to find out, that the only other profile on the site of a person within 200 km, is my ex-girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous

Like the beginning of a porno

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

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By Hailey - United States

Today, I took sexy pictures for my boyfriend. I am at my Aunt's house. I uploaded the pictures and after successfully posting them in a message I deleted them. I accidentally deleted the whole photo library. Now she is taking the computer to Apple tomorrow to recover the "lost" photos. FML

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By projectfain - United States - Akron

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

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By wellfuckyoutoo - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

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By racello13 - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I've been robbed. I came home to find my oven door missing. FML

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By Jeimaiku - United States

Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Honolulu

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

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By uhoh.. - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML

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By not right

"People have had enough of experts"

Today, I tried to have a serious talk with my sister about how she feeds her kids. The 5-year-old is 75 lbs and the 7-year-old is nearing 100. She scoffed and said, “What do you know? You can’t even have kids!” No, I can’t have kids, but I am in school to become a pediatrician. Pretty sure I’m right. FML

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By Blerp

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

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Top comments

By hotshot0185 | 15

#5581009 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:13

What is this...... A school for ants

By xlord | 27

#5581016 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:17

Seriously, it need to be at least 2 or 3 times bigger!!!

COMMENTS

By hotshot0185 | 15

#5581009 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:13

What is this...... A school for ants

Reply

FMLbutYDI | 17

#5581011 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:14

Indeed.

Reply

\ | 28

#5581059 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:56

"Zoolander..." One of Spyro's accomplices, I believe?

Reply

ironichalibut | 24

#5581094 - Monday 15 July 2013 10:28

What is this, a desk for mice?

Reply

greenfishbait | 19

#5581127 - Monday 15 July 2013 10:55

At least he's thinking about the children. He realizes there's more to life than being really really ridiculously looking.

Reply

omg36 | 7

#5581349 - Monday 15 July 2013 15:45

How can you expect the children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building.

The desks have to be at least

THREE TIMES BIGGER THAN THIS.

Reply

rocketiquette | 20

#5581742 - Monday 15 July 2013 19:48

He can only redeem himself if he builds a center for children who can't read good and wanna learn to do other stuff good too.

Reply

Awesome58422599 | 19

#5891899 - Friday 21 March 2014 15:58

At least OP's boyfriend can turn left

Reply

browneyes126 | 9

#6028184 - Tuesday 5 August 2014 8:24

yessssss. ;P I love it

By lucyy123 | 14

#5581010 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:14

Run

Reply

HowAreYouToday | 34

#5581020 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:21

Don't trip over the ant tables though.

By cottoncandymango | 17

#5581014 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:17

A zoolander, indeed.

By HopelesslyCiara5 | 19

#5581015 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:17

Maybe he meant kids can use them for their dolls

Reply

mete_orito | 34

#5581741 - Monday 15 July 2013 19:48

I agree. When I read this FML I had the same thought.

By xlord | 27

#5581016 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:17

Seriously, it need to be at least 2 or 3 times bigger!!!

Reply

fakedsincerity | 32

#5581252 - Monday 15 July 2013 13:20

He's absolutely right!

By Aggressive | 11

#5581017 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:18

Buy him one 12 inches tall and tell him they are cute for adults.

By chanellgymnast | 17

#5581018 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:20

Is his idea of "kids" the size of an ant? Or is his brain just the size of a nut?

By bob226 | 7

#5581021 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:21

Hey maybe he just needs glasses?

Reply

kewpiesuicide | 29

#5581424 - Monday 15 July 2013 16:37

Blurry vision doesn't tend to make objects look any bigger

Reply

tiernang | 21

#5581426 - Monday 15 July 2013 16:37

I dont think glasses make kids suddenly a couple feet bigger... Or desks smaller.

Reply

tiernang | 21

#5581429 - Monday 15 July 2013 16:39

Sorry, 44 beat me to it.

By MakeTodayADTR | 20

#5581024 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:22

Does the Prime Minister of Malaysia need some added protection?! xD but seriously he probably meant that they would be good for kids to play with. I hope.

By awkwardloveannie | 28

#5581025 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:23

my little brother likes miniature things maybe he thought of kids like him?