Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature... - FML

By anonymous - United States - La Pine

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

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Season finale

Classic switcheroo

Bro, do you even lift?

By Nickel

Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

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By BrefODM - United Kingdom

Today, thanks to an efficient diet, I reached my target weight. Unfortunately, my chest has disappeared. My boyfriend suggested we have a funeral for my bras. FML

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By King_of_hearts - United States - Plymouth

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

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By AnonCat - Canada - Vegreville

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

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By UghNo - United States - Clarkston

Today, my first client as a freelancer screamed at me and threw a notebook at my head. I quit my job to become a freelancer because my boss would often scream and throw things at me. FML

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By Idon'thave£12000

Could go either way, really

Today, I received a full scholarship to the university of my dreams in England. Being born into a fairly poor family, I've never received anything for free and I worked on my grades like a dog last semester to achieve this. However, the scholarship is only valid if the UK stays in the EU. FML

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By diapermommy - United States

Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML

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By noespresso - United States

Today, after already having a terrible day, I went to Starbucks for an espresso. Being nice, I put the last dollar I had in my wallet in their tip jar. While paying for my drink, my card was denied for insufficient funds. The world hates me. FML

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By Maryanne Swain

Today, after I've been sick all week, but still coming in to work (I'm not contagious) because I know that we're short staffed, I sucked it up and came in again, only to find out 3 other employees called in because they're hungover. Now I have to do my job and theirs. FML

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By Obviously works everywhere

The customer is always a dong

Today, a customer filed a formal complaint with corporate about me, because I wouldn't help her find things she wanted while I was off the clock. We were in a completely different store than the one where I actually work. FML

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By erpuchi - Dominican Republic

Today, my girlfriend got a great idea for her history class project... while we were having sex. FML

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By Dora - Canada

Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML

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By Carrie - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy I met online. After 30 minutes, he abruptly stands up and says he has to leave. He practically ran out of Starbucks to get away from me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had finally summoned the courage to break up with my boyfriend, something I've needed to do for a long time. Right before my speech, he presented me with tickets to my favorite band a month from now. FML

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By Jackmeister

Ouch

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

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By lilsis - Australia

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML

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By Bad Dancer - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML

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By misTreated - United States

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, my grandparents came over to visit. I'm still not sure if they came to see me or my dog. FML

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By Star - United States

Today, the guy that I'm in love with and plan to marry some day told me he would choose a million dollars over me. I got upset and told him I no longer want to be with him. In an excited voice he said, "Really? So are you serious I don't have to worry about this love stuff anymore?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

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By Timeless - Canada

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said "You should know already". FML

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By happydoctor123

Today, I took an Uber from work to my friend's home. My water bottle, which was in my backpack in the back seat, leaked and left a little water on his fabric seat. I got an $80 "professional cleaning" bill from Uber. FML

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By ouch - Australia

Crispy

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

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By Gottalovepeople

Today, I found out that my ten-page paper, which has taken me two months to construct perfectly and is worth 30% of my grade, was on the wrong book. It’s due tomorrow. FML

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By UHLSucksSTL - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I found out that I spent 3 whole days cleaning my apartment thoroughly and paid $100 to get my carpet professional cleaned to not get my $950 deposit back because the carpet smells like dog. I don't have a dog. FML

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By KL - Canada

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

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By bribreeeeeezyfreshhh - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my grandmother sat me down and gave me a talk about the importance of personal hygiene. According to her, it's important that I shower twice a day, because "Fat people tend to have a most curious smell about them." FML

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By Sally - United States

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

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By leaaaa 223 - 14/7/2020 23:01

Take, is gift

Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML

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By chichi - United States

Today, I went to Subway to grab some lunch. As I was paying, the cashier gave me a tip. He told me of a great acne medication that would do wonders. Thanks. FML

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By Santa - Canada

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

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By bee - United States

Today, I got my report card from school. I pulled my grade up in Algebra from a D to an A. My parents told me that they never expected me to accomplish this, and good job but they've already enrolled me in boarding school. So much for all that extra credit and staying late after school to study. FML

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By suckerrrrr - United States

Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

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Top comments

By hotshot0185 | 15

#5581009 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:13

What is this...... A school for ants

By xlord | 27

#5581016 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:17

Seriously, it need to be at least 2 or 3 times bigger!!!

COMMENTS

By hotshot0185 | 15

#5581009 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:13

What is this...... A school for ants

Reply

FMLbutYDI | 17

#5581011 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:14

Indeed.

Reply

\ | 28

#5581059 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:56

"Zoolander..." One of Spyro's accomplices, I believe?

Reply

ironichalibut | 24

#5581094 - Monday 15 July 2013 10:28

What is this, a desk for mice?

Reply

greenfishbait | 19

#5581127 - Monday 15 July 2013 10:55

At least he's thinking about the children. He realizes there's more to life than being really really ridiculously looking.

Reply

omg36 | 7

#5581349 - Monday 15 July 2013 15:45

How can you expect the children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building.

The desks have to be at least

THREE TIMES BIGGER THAN THIS.

Reply

rocketiquette | 20

#5581742 - Monday 15 July 2013 19:48

He can only redeem himself if he builds a center for children who can't read good and wanna learn to do other stuff good too.

Reply

Awesome58422599 | 19

#5891899 - Friday 21 March 2014 15:58

At least OP's boyfriend can turn left

Reply

browneyes126 | 9

#6028184 - Tuesday 5 August 2014 8:24

yessssss. ;P I love it

By lucyy123 | 14

#5581010 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:14

Run

Reply

HowAreYouToday | 34

#5581020 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:21

Don't trip over the ant tables though.

By cottoncandymango | 17

#5581014 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:17

A zoolander, indeed.

By HopelesslyCiara5 | 19

#5581015 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:17

Maybe he meant kids can use them for their dolls

Reply

mete_orito | 34

#5581741 - Monday 15 July 2013 19:48

I agree. When I read this FML I had the same thought.

By xlord | 27

#5581016 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:17

Seriously, it need to be at least 2 or 3 times bigger!!!

Reply

fakedsincerity | 32

#5581252 - Monday 15 July 2013 13:20

He's absolutely right!

By Aggressive | 11

#5581017 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:18

Buy him one 12 inches tall and tell him they are cute for adults.

By chanellgymnast | 17

#5581018 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:20

Is his idea of "kids" the size of an ant? Or is his brain just the size of a nut?

By bob226 | 7

#5581021 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:21

Hey maybe he just needs glasses?

Reply

kewpiesuicide | 29

#5581424 - Monday 15 July 2013 16:37

Blurry vision doesn't tend to make objects look any bigger

Reply

tiernang | 21

#5581426 - Monday 15 July 2013 16:37

I dont think glasses make kids suddenly a couple feet bigger... Or desks smaller.

Reply

tiernang | 21

#5581429 - Monday 15 July 2013 16:39

Sorry, 44 beat me to it.

By MakeTodayADTR | 20

#5581024 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:22

Does the Prime Minister of Malaysia need some added protection?! xD but seriously he probably meant that they would be good for kids to play with. I hope.

By awkwardloveannie | 28

#5581025 - Monday 15 July 2013 9:23

my little brother likes miniature things maybe he thought of kids like him?