Today, my boyfriend and I slept together. In the middle of the... - FML

By fmlfmlfml - 20/7/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I slept together. In the middle of the night, he saw my phone receiving a text from someone saying "Hey baby, I missed you so much! I'm going to be visiting in a couple of days, hope to see you again, I love you!". He got mad and left my house. It was my dad from Ohio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53244

You deserved it

4824

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Goodbye Bill

F*** my overweight life

By Anonymous - 28/6/2014 20:40 - United States - Oakland

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51007

You deserved it

4589

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/7/2013 21:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50467

You deserved it

3954

Tweet

Share

By notsexy - 9/5/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33989

You deserved it

83144

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/5/2017 20:00

Today, after spending five months helping my husband lose a ton, he left me. Apparently, "fit people" should only have sex with "fit people". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5882

You deserved it

475

Tweet

Share

By ShutTheFuCupcake - 13/5/2014 23:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24597

You deserved it

70672

Tweet

Share

By anal4me - 5/4/2012 20:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23747

You deserved it

3803

Tweet

Share

By FML - 24/12/2011 01:32 - Sweden

Today, after having recently moved 300 miles to be with my boyfriend of 2 years, I have to celebrate Christmas alone. He never thought our relationship important enough to tell his family about me, and doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34645

You deserved it

5020

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/2/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my desk is perfectly placed so that my boss can shoot me with a Nerf gun from his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31855

You deserved it

4000

Tweet

Share

By Naked and Afraid - 17/8/2018 23:00 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, my girlfriend's grandparents walked in on us getting intimate. She immediately ran to the bathroom, leaving me alone with them. They only speak Spanish, which is not my first language. We discussed the movie she and I were "watching", all while I was naked under the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3096

You deserved it

435

Tweet

Share

By longtriphome - 15/7/2011 02:22 - United States

Today, I met my long distance girlfriend after two years of being separated by 900 miles. She brought her short distance boyfriend to the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40153

You deserved it

7272

Tweet

Share

By pleasekillme - 19/4/2013 11:44 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56981

You deserved it

4438

Tweet

Share

By Sad Mom - 25/7/2015 02:04 - United States - Wylie

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31724

You deserved it

5425

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/5/2020 20:00

Oh, hai!

Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1427

You deserved it

452

Tweet

Share

By Reggie - 27/4/2018 19:00

Today, my mom won the lottery. My biological mom who I only met last year, after 33 years of not knowing who she was. She is sharing her millions with her kids, but that doesn't include me as I "don't count". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4742

You deserved it

598

Tweet

Share

By lordtimbit - 15/3/2015 15:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34553

You deserved it

3018

Tweet

Share

By Annie - 1/11/2018 22:15

Today, the CEO of my company told me the only reason I'm being sent to this huge tech conference is because the company will look better with a girl there. I'm expected to stay out until 4am with creepy rich business partners to stroke their egos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3187

You deserved it

228

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/5/2013 03:27 - United States - Utica

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62875

You deserved it

7105

Tweet

Share

By toeloezz - 26/9/2016 18:02 - Netherlands

Today, during a regular checkup at the dentist, I got a wisdom tooth pulled out which resulted in me looking like a fat hamster. Tomorrow is my first day as an English teacher in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11942

You deserved it

1230

Tweet

Share

By NaurLalaith - 10/8/2016 16:26

Today, I bought an iPhone SE, so my mom decided to sell my old iPhone 5 on Craigslist. Since the 5 and SE look exactly the same, she ended up selling my SE instead of the 5 for $100. The buyer refuses to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14887

You deserved it

2068

Tweet

Share

By BuggedinBelgium - 24/9/2015 20:15

Today, my sister and I checked into our cheap hotel in Brussels as part of our month-long Europe trip. At 11pm we awoke to the sound of a mouse chewing through a bag of food we'd bought. At 3am we awoke to bedbugs. We slept in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23877

You deserved it

3809

Tweet

Share

By fuckingcool - 6/6/2016 04:56

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13543

You deserved it

1014

Tweet

Share

By Coffee - 6/8/2018 16:30

Today, I went to Starbucks to get my free birthday coffee and due to a mistake I received two. Thinking it was my lucky day, I hurried off to work. As I was walking in, I tripped and spilt one coffee all over my new dress. Then I walked into a door and spilt the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2775

You deserved it

1035

Tweet

Share

By NotASize0 - 4/4/2013 15:12 - Denmark

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51260

You deserved it

4222

Tweet

Share

By UnfortunatelyAmusing - 5/11/2013 00:25 - United States - Princeton Junction

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48127

You deserved it

8626

Tweet

Share

By brokedad - 10/5/2013 01:41 - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58512

You deserved it

7318

Tweet

Share

By samabomination - 2/6/2013 08:29 - United States - Monroeville

Today, my step-dad's three year old granddaughter slept over. She insisted she didn't need a diaper to go to sleep and they put her in my bed with me, actually believing that she didn't need a diaper. Not only did she kick me all night, but I had the joy of waking up to her peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50045

You deserved it

5670

Tweet

Share

By Downinthedumps - 14/8/2016 22:44 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at my hotel, I spent over an hour dumpster diving trying to locate a pair of shorts for a spoiled brat that one of the cleaning staff accidentally threw away. When I finally found and returned them to the family, the father insisted they weren't the right ones. Spent all day smelling of trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14203

You deserved it

1090

Tweet

Share

By whoops - 9/7/2014 05:38 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my football game, I turned around to spit so that it would be away from my teammates. I ended up spitting on a 10-year-old kid walking behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42654

You deserved it

20064

Tweet

Share

By inseriouspain - 22/8/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, I popped a zit and I went to put my acne medicine on it. It's in a clear bottle with a blue cap, just like the nearby nailpolish remover. I grabbed the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28391

You deserved it

14521

Tweet

Share

By FayBerry88 - 4/7/2020 08:08

People of Walmart

Today, my four-year-old son asked me for a "boobie hug" in Walmart. It's something his dad thinks is cute and I've just gotten used to, so I hugged him without question. From the other end of the aisle, a strange man asked, "Can I have one too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1210

You deserved it

397

Tweet

Share

By fuck - 16/12/2014 21:04 - Norway - Slemmestad

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27435

You deserved it

37230

Tweet

Share

By elovan - 25/7/2015 08:33 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11893

You deserved it

21006

Tweet

Share

By RetailScapegoat - 16/9/2017 20:00

Today, I was fired for job abandonment. Yesterday, my boss told me to go home early because we were so slow. After I reminded him, he laughed and said, "Oh yeah... You're still fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4408

You deserved it

244

Tweet

Share

By Manatee - 11/5/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55647

You deserved it

9798

Tweet

Share

By Fartini - 7/11/2016 06:47

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11160

You deserved it

2358

Tweet

Share

By crazymirrors - 28/7/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that we should go to the carnival in the Bizarre House place where there were a lot of crazy mirrors. I checked myself out in one of the mirrors. Then my boyfriend says "That will probably be the only time you will ever look that skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46832

You deserved it

6258

Tweet

Share

By kat101 - 4/10/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, my varsity swim team got second place in the State meet. My coach said I could bring the trophy home for the weekend. On the way home, I accidentally sat on it and broke it, cutting my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11306

You deserved it

35950

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/9/2013 11:55 - United States - Louisville

Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43470

You deserved it

2875

Tweet

Share

By ohai95 - 8/8/2012 00:11 - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32860

You deserved it

6366

Tweet

Share

By begging for air - 20/2/2014 17:45 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48568

You deserved it

5116

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By HumpDeBump17 | 4

#414083 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:04

Ouch, that sucks! He should have given you a chance to explain :(
Seriously, who pressed "YDI"? How does she deserve that in any way?

By DrunkIrishman | 0

#414084 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:05

That just seems weird that your dad says "Hey Baby"... But still, not really a FYL. Show him the sender; he'll be apologizing like crazy.

COMMENTS

By HumpDeBump17 | 4

#414083 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:04

Ouch, that sucks! He should have given you a chance to explain :(
Seriously, who pressed "YDI"? How does she deserve that in any way?

Reply

spoo | 24

#414287 - Monday 20 July 2009 21:15

someone who realizes that her dad isn't saved as a contact

Reply

FPsLife | 5

#414669 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:11

Or maybe she's just hiding her special lover's name as "Daddy"?!?

Reply

well_this_sucks | 0

#414817 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:56

she deserves it cuz she didn't bother to show her bf the sender "Dad". and fhl because her bf was too stupid to read "Dad".

Reply

madasahatter | 0

#415320 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 5:30

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Moemoemoe_fml | 0

#415460 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 6:56

#70 Whut? There's Moms and dads all over who call their kids baby. O_o Nothing creepy there.

Reply

mermermer | 0

#417155 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 22:23

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

R3B3L | 0

#418616 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 10:00

ydi need to hav dad as a clear contact

Reply

emodude44 | 0

#1933794 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:46

its a misunderstanding.

Reply

quinn128 | 8

#6087599 - Sunday 12 October 2014 14:34

i pressed YDI on accident

By DrunkIrishman | 0

#414084 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:05

That just seems weird that your dad says "Hey Baby"... But still, not really a FYL. Show him the sender; he'll be apologizing like crazy.

Reply

lubby_fml | 0

#414103 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:10

He meant it like hey baby like his child, not "hay babeh!"

But still your bf should have asked for an explanation before running out.

Reply

paperfox_fml | 0

#414341 - Monday 20 July 2009 21:41

Yeah, that's still weird.

Reply

DannyCovino | 0

#414750 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:35

I would also like to point out that it is also strange for him to say "hope to see you again". Hes your dad....

Reply

Butterbuns | 1

#414772 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:47

Except not everyone lives with both or either of their parents? So...understandable that it's "hope to see you"

Reply

CyclonePsycho | 1

#415117 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 3:23

? My dad calls me 'baby' all the time. It's just like honey, sweetie, sug' (short for sugar), etc. Lawl, maybe it's different here in the South, but those are not really pet names for lovers, more like for children. Hey guys, there's a world at side your room, y'know. /shrug

Reply

missabbey | 3

#4480621 - Friday 25 May 2012 15:50

My dad calls me baby all the time..it's not weird

Reply

pippacrawford | 4

#4533201 - Wednesday 6 June 2012 22:43

My dad still calls me "baby" or "baby girl" even though I'm 22. I don't think it's weird :)

Reply

icekitten14 | 12

#6089100 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 3:58

66, I agree. Here in the south it is usually just a term of endearment from father to daughter.

Reply

clawstrophobic | 15

#6432563 - Sunday 11 October 2015 17:10

People from the South are more loving

By Wittlestalker | 0

#414086 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:05

This isn't that terrible. Hopefully you can talk to him about it and he'll get over it. C:

By Reyna_fml | 0

#414088 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:05

daaaaaaaang that sucks . you guys over ?

By colourmealy | 0

#414098 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:08

Did'nt he see who sent it while reading the text?

Reply

123sploosh | 0

#414250 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:57

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

cooorah | 0

#415314 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 5:27

Didn't you learn how to use capitalization in grade school?

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#416001 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 14:04

#69 wins

Reply

postermelt | 0

#416717 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 19:28

No he or she doesn't. It's the internet. Get over yourself.

By Haeron | 0

#414104 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:10

YDI for having a dad that loves you.

But seriously, what a dick. Talk to him about it. (I mean the bf of course!)

Reply

missabbey | 3

#4480627 - Friday 25 May 2012 15:52

What the heck????? How does op deserve it cuz her dad loves her?? U sir r stupid

Reply

Kikiers21042 | 18

#6317761 - Friday 12 June 2015 2:03

I think she was just joking...

By midwestjerk | 0

#414111 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:13

That sucks, but the "Hey baby" is a bit of a creepy salutation from your dad.

I'm sure you can show him who sent the text and be fine, though.

By sillyking44 | 0

#414113 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:14

He should have saw who it was from in the text message, F his life for being an idiot.

By M13LO | 0

#414123 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:17

your better off now

By alexgisforme3 | 0

#414145 - Monday 20 July 2009 20:20

just explain to ur bf that it was ur dad. id tell him to stop checking my phone...that really isnt needed