Love: Today, my boyfriend and I came across the topic of school while... - FML

By steph2052 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came across the topic of school while chatting. He asked me what high school I went to and where I moved from. I have lived here my whole life, he was my crush for four years, and was in my classes throughout those years. He doesn't believe me. FML

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Understandable

The smell detective is on the case

Take what you can get

By Anonymous - 28/6/2020 20:02

Surprise strike

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

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By Kayladuh - 9/2/2021 21:30

The bitch is back

Today, I overheard a co-worker tell the new guy not to talk to me because I'm a bitch. Apparently, she didn't like it when I told her two weeks ago that she had a drinking problem, which was affecting her work ethic. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I've come to the conclusion that my phone addiction is getting out of control after I typed my PIN code into the microwave. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

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By IamTheSalt

Today, I got my grades back. They were all 98's and 99's with also a 104 (extra-credit). I got refused from entering an honors club, because it's "impossible to get above a hundred in a math class". I even got investigated for cheating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Union City

Today, some jackass in an Iron Man mask nailed me in the head with a quarter while I was helping other customers. Minimum wage isn't worth this crap. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

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By Nissan_David - United States

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

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By Kelly - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML

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By gag reflex - Australia - Burwood

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

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By DaddysGirl - Canada

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

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By Erbtosis - United States - Seattle

Today, my five year-old had to break the news to me that my husband was leaving me for someone else. FML

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By busybuzzybee - United States

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

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By shadowfigure - United States

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

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By DanJames24 - 5/6/2020 14:00

Family jewels

Today, while on the bus, I had to stand as all the seats were taken. I was standing behind a group of small girls who were messing around with their bags. As they were swinging them, one hit me square in the nuts with her elbow. The girl said, “Wise up, I hardly touched you.” I missed my stop. FML

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By unwilling redneck - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 07:01 - Ireland

Deadbeat

Today, exactly a year after he ended our relationship days before our son's first Christmas and told me he would always be in mine and our sons lives, I learned my ex got a new girlfriend several months ago, who more than likely is the reason he stopped calling. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML

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By auto boogie man - United States - New York

Today, at school, I was asked to play a complex piano piece in front of my class, teachers and guests. I nailed it, but what stood out most for everyone was how I apparently looked like I was being possessed while performing. FML

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By Unknown - United States

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

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By fmT719 - United Kingdom

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

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By Heartbroken - United States

She's got it going on!

Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML

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By hushed - Canada - Leduc

Everyone's A Critic

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

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By jwz - Netherlands

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I accidentally sent highly confidential patient records to a fired employee. This employee made the biggest song and dance about it, calling every boss possible. I couldn't have sent it to a better person. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML

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By MandMandM - United States

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says "Is it over yet?" FML

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By tikizombie - Canada

Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML

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By kas - United States

Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML

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By NightHawk4926 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

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By anonymous - Czech Republic

Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his tazer at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tazed him for acting aggressively. FML

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By yarenis - United States - Gardner

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

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By Ahlph

Today, I made it my life goal to own a towel heater. FML

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By Elizabeth Ann

Technically, that's stealing

Today, I told my mom about the $50 I'd hidden in case of an emergency, and how I couldn't find it. She said she'd borrowed it last week. FML

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By homedoggieo - United States

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

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By FitnessFirst - Canada - Toronto

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

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Top comments

By FightingTheStorm | 0

#2881008 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:06

at least you guys are together now, right?

By marmots | 0

#2881043 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:08

Get a yearbook out, show him your picture, problem solved.

COMMENTS

By FightingTheStorm | 0

#2881008 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:06

at least you guys are together now, right?

Reply

theunknowned | 1

#2881102 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:18

maybe he was too concentrated on school like a good boy ;)

Reply

Lacris | 0

#2881276 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 10:08

idk about you guys but I think this post is just so sweet. lol

Reply

allenye818 | 2

#2881289 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 10:11

I totally agree! I would have been thrilled to end up with my crush even if it was post-high school. Op should focus on the bright side.

Reply

ilovecookies83 | 0

#2881296 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 10:12

Time to bring out the yearbook!

Reply

fthislyfe | 22

#2881315 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 10:16

Girl it's awesome you're finally with your crush!

Reply

herrobear | 0

#2881347 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 10:32

I actually managed to get the guy of my dreams who never noticed me in high school. FML.

Reply

JoeTheMan12 | 0

#2881432 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 11:04

you gotta be kidding me getting in between him and his high school education...craziest thing I heard in a while...sheeesh

Reply

Slim2306 | 10

#2881530 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 12:01

agreed 28. she seems pretty lucky.

Reply

juicedboi | 7

#2884839 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:37

You were just another brick in the wall.

Reply

FMMFL1992 | 3

#2886758 - Thursday 14 July 2011 1:52

That's sucks but I agree, you ended up with your crush so it's ll good

Reply

dayshiayang | 2

#2886796 - Thursday 14 July 2011 2:00

i knew that was tom as your picture! :D

Reply

FightingTheStorm | 0

#2887086 - Thursday 14 July 2011 2:53

;)

Reply

starrysky4 | 0

#2888221 - Thursday 14 July 2011 6:31

this is your boyfriend? and he didnt already know which school you went to?

By sonusingh | 0

#2881010 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:06

u might of been ugly in ur high school years

Reply

vickill | 0

#2882237 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 14:02

lol yep

Reply

Justforlolz | 14

#2883578 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 17:58

You never learned to spell properly in your elementary years.
Derp.

Reply

fckdupzf | 0

#2884260 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:27

I dnt think so. if she was that ugly or stupid he wouldve defintly remembered her. I think she was a normal shy/reserved girl.
or maybe her bf was too involved in sb else to notice her.

By marmots | 0

#2881043 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:08

Get a yearbook out, show him your picture, problem solved.

Reply

jjpj99 | 0

#2881246 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:56

Genious! (did I spell that right?)

Reply

ilovecookies83 | 0

#2881310 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 10:14

Genius :)

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#2881322 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 10:19

26 we all know what you're trying to do but just stop it. Everyone makes spelling mistakes. Grammar Nazis are going to correct you no matter what. Hey, some might even correct me on a mistake on this comment but who cares? It's just a grammar Nazi.

Reply

liquidfireKAN | 0

#2882417 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 14:49

Uhm.. I don't know about you but I think being corrected by a grammar just means you can't tell small differences in words which you should have learned in grade 3, so you should be glad someone is trying to help you.

By dreamering | 16

#2881045 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:08

Didn't you understand that he was high all that time?

Reply

kaykay9080 | 5

#2882194 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 13:45

WIN.

By youliketacos | 0

#2881052 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:09

He's.... a keeper..?

By luongo6 | 0

#2881054 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:09

ha u got SCHOOLED

Reply

#2881092 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:16

That was one of the worst puns I have ever heard-_-

Reply

loveexgirl | 15

#2881104 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:19

I agree with 13 ..

Reply

josh5634 | 0

#2881506 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 11:45

i agree with 18...

Reply

commietaco | 0

#2882422 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 14:50

C-C-C-Combo breaker.

Reply

Gloritank | 8

#2882428 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 14:52

i agree with 49

By KiaMaster | 0

#2881061 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:11

so u upgraded from stalker to girlfriend... good work!

Reply

margie84 | 0

#2882548 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 15:27

lmao classic

By lalala2589 | 0

#2881063 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:11

How on earth do you crush on someone for four years, when they don't even know you?
Were you crushing on him or stalking him?

Reply

MMachina1 | 0

#2881396 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 10:48

The other person doesn't need to know you for you to have a crush on them...

Reply

lalala2589 | 0

#2884500 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:57

Seems a little peculiar to crush on someone you've never talked to or hung out with.

By regsworld11 | 2

#2881065 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:12

Well at least you guys are together now and that is all that matters! Not many people notice EVERYONE their high school years.

By foilindo | 0

#2881070 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:12

were you that bad looking that he didn't care to look?! wow. feel bad for you!! :-(

Reply

lalala2589 | 0

#2881108 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:20

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about our high school lives when I found out she was the creep who stalked me for all 4 years. FML.