Today, my boss wants to sort people in his contact list by last... - FML

By SpookyBiscuits - 27/12/2016 16:27

Today, my boss wants to sort people in his contact list by last name, so I showed him how to switch the sorting from first to last. He tried to correct it by writing the first name in the last name spot and vise versa. Now he wants me to go through and change them all back. All 200+ of them. FML

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Serious times

Nice neighborhood

In my day…

By Anonymous - 24/1/2011 05:40 - Egypt

Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML

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By cs - 13/2/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML

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By yuck - 15/11/2011 14:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

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By [email protected] - 3/1/2009 08:38 - France

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

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By Butqhy - 30/6/2016 11:07

Today, while in the airport, I had to use the washroom. Upon exiting, I got confused due to an excess of mirrors and walked directly into one in front of an audience. FML

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By Noname - 3/2/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

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By darianvilla - 22/7/2016 23:35 - United States - College Park

Today, I was happy because my co-worker was almost about to get fired due to his lazy habits. It was all going so well. Then I accidentally put my biggest sale yet under his name. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 15:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

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By divorce? i think so - 21/7/2012 02:12 - Canada - Markham

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

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By spitty - 14/4/2015 21:50 - United States - Willoughby

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 14:09

Get off my lawn!

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Boom!

Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

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By Waterer - 30/8/2015 17:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I watered a dying communal plant. I was fined $250 for littering. FML

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By ugly me - 24/10/2010 00:50 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

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By dukemisery - 5/11/2016 08:53 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, while sitting down on the dentist's chair, the tooth to be removed came out on its own. I still had to pay $50 for the cotton and advice. FML

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By meandme - 4/3/2014 22:55 - Canada - Fort Vermilion

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2017 18:00

Today, I had to stop on a long trip to use the restroom at a gas station. Apparently, there was water damage beneath the toilet, because after about two minutes of doing my business, it collapsed about seven inches beneath the floor. Guess who got covered in water, black mold, and poo. FML

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By thenanny - 15/8/2016 17:14 - United States - East Syracuse

Today, I got a very nice compliment on my bra. But it was from a five-year-old after her 6-month-old brother threw up on my shirt. FML

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By Idek - 30/1/2015 16:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

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By WTFiswrongwithme - 3/3/2020 00:01

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

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By marie0908 - 17/12/2014 05:29 - France - Siros

Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2019 01:00

Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2014 22:46 - United States - Russell Springs

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2013 15:16 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2015 15:08 - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, my boyfriend of 8 years moved in with two other women. He's spent the past 2 years telling me he can't afford to move out of his parent's house. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2015 03:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

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By notmarryingyou - 10/9/2014 17:16 - United States - Bothell

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

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By ithinkicanmakeit - 20/8/2014 17:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML

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By - 9/1/2017 23:42

Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML

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By wallbanger - 7/2/2010 12:31 - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

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By daddyrobyn - 17/4/2017 04:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I met an important figure in my line of work who also happens to know my dad, Alan. Upon meeting said person, I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I greeted him by saying, "Hi! I'm your Alan!" FML

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By Rrae - 25/2/2019 02:00

Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML

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By 1meme129 - 24/2/2016 14:12 - United States - Denver

Today, my little cousin told me about how he never wipes his ass, because if he doesn't he doesn't need to wash his hands. FML

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By single lady - 15/8/2011 14:45 - United States

Today, at my aunt's wedding, the time for the tossing of the bouquet came and the announcer asked for all the single ladies to gather behind the bride. I was the only one. FML

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By Imaginary girlfriend - 21/9/2009 04:16 - France

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

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By kjdhfakjs - 20/5/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

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By dammit_ - 16/2/2009 07:36 - Canada

Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked "what's up lovebirds?". Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML

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By kherien - 12/8/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, I paid a repair man $65 to come to my house and fix my washer. He walked in, looked at the washer, bent over and removed a large steel bolt with a bright red tag sticking out the side saying "Remove before use." He then looked at me and said "all fixed." FML

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Top comments

By protoskore | 26

#7383199 - Tuesday 3 January 2017 8:47

You should try my boss. he has just under 6000 contacts.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7382713 - Monday 2 January 2017 7:13

You do get paid for working, right? Do the busy work and cash in.

Otherwise, you can call out your boss for being an incompetent idiot for fucking up the data, and you're not going to fix his bungling ineptitude.

COMMENTS

By loxe_fml | 15

#7382711 - Monday 2 January 2017 7:01

Easy fix: have everybody legally (or illegally, whatever works) change their first name to their last name and vice versa. Should be easy enough.

Reply

Miss_080 | 21

#7382750 - Monday 2 January 2017 9:54

I agree. Seems like the easiest and most reasonable thing to do. ;)

By RichardPencil | 28

#7382713 - Monday 2 January 2017 7:13

You do get paid for working, right? Do the busy work and cash in.

Otherwise, you can call out your boss for being an incompetent idiot for fucking up the data, and you're not going to fix his bungling ineptitude.

By mitlaeufer | 22

#7382722 - Monday 2 January 2017 7:44

export the contacts as a csv file, import it in excel (or similar) and simply change the columns of all of them in one step. export again, import into phone

By edmunson | 22

#7382724 - Monday 2 January 2017 7:48

Paid by the hour? Take your time and do the job, knowing that your boss is a fucking idiot.

By liquifiednate | 21

#7382748 - Monday 2 January 2017 9:47

That's easy, write a python script to do the sorting for you.

By Miss_080 | 21

#7382749 - Monday 2 January 2017 9:52

What's the problem? You're getting paid for menial simple work. Just sit on a laptop or phone and then sit each name. Simple enough

By marshm610 | 18

#7382756 - Monday 2 January 2017 10:42

Could you not have it sort it by first names instead? If their last names are in the first name slot...

Reply

CliffyB03 | 28

#7382839 - Monday 2 January 2017 14:52

I feel like we're the only ones who thought of the solution lol

Reply

igottapee | 27

#7382865 - Monday 2 January 2017 16:33

then he episode have to remember to put in everyone's names the wrong way each time he got a new contact

Reply

marshm610 | 18

#7382930 - Monday 2 January 2017 20:02

Well he was already doing that, meaning he wouldn't have to change his habits

Reply

marshm610 | 18

#7383050 - Tuesday 3 January 2017 4:28

#14^^

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7382759 - Monday 2 January 2017 10:51

This is when you send out a mass text about his micro penis.

By jadums | 5

#7382822 - Monday 2 January 2017 13:58

Or you can work smart, not hard....and click the whole column and switch places and only rewrite the column title

By qball577 | 0

#7382856 - Monday 2 January 2017 16:01

I'd tell him/her to get fucked.