Miscellaneous: Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little...

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 16:27 - France

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 084

You deserved it 56 764

Miscellaneous

Mama's boy

Another great day to be alive

Eco-friendly

Bad guy (duh)

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 20:01

Today, I had to fake enthusiasm when my girlfriend told me she's pregnant. She has a nasty streak and I was planning to break up with her, but if I left her now everyone would think I’m the bad guy. And I actually think she’s capable of killing me if she gets angry enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 840

By T-Shain - 31/05/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 313

You deserved it 8 516

By blackitalian - 26/11/2010 15:43 - United States

Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 118

You deserved it 31 733

By hospital - 05/10/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, I started my first day at a new hospital. My first assignment? Shave an elderly man's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 001

You deserved it 5 638

By anne - 30/07/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, my 20 year-old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 372

You deserved it 4 105

By busted - 02/08/2012 06:53 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 270

You deserved it 18 617

What a banker

By Norse_Freyja - 15/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Conroe

Today, my husband and I went to the bank to figure out why our loan process has been such a pain in the ass, and why we can never get in contact with our lender. The bank said he quit last week. Guess he didn't think to tell anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 46

You may be entitled to compensation…

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was working when a forklift came speeding out a trailer without honking. I jumped out the way, only to trip over something and fall out the dock door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 75

By Celeste - 02/03/2010 09:14 - Singapore

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 560

You deserved it 3 240

By Jukka - 19/04/2011 00:48

Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 713

You deserved it 8 426

Poor little guy

By CatLady - 09/06/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 258

You deserved it 6 028

By lingadoo - 07/12/2012 05:46 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 981

You deserved it 4 835

By future walmart employee - 21/05/2013 04:10 - United States - Clarendon Hills

Today, I had my first job as a wedding planner. I'd spent a year making sure everything was right. After the wedding my friend comforted me by saying, "You had to have known it wasn't going to be perfect." I knew that it wouldn't be perfect, but I had expected the groom to at least show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 392

You deserved it 3 157

By HiRveryone - 05/03/2018 19:08 - United States - Centre

Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 908

You deserved it 370

His type

By hannieannie - 12/07/2020 02:02

Today, I had my hair done for the first time in 3 years. I loved it. My boyfriend told me I look like his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 161

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 19:59 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my kids found out how to control my Google alarm clock with their phones. While I was gone, they set it to play screamo metal at max volume, then paused it. Sometime after midnight, as I was sleeping, they pressed play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, I went to a school football game alone. I sat next to these hot girls. To seem cool, I picked up my phone and had a fake conversation with the coolest guy in the grade. Halfway through, he came over and talked to the girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 655

You deserved it 62 463

By cartrouble - 25/11/2010 03:52 - United States

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 537

You deserved it 6 746

By Ataraxia - 01/10/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 982

You deserved it 34 024

Protip

By Anonymous - 13/04/2015 01:56 - United States

Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 878

You deserved it 4 418

By Anonymous - 03/07/2015 09:09 - United States - East Carondelet

Today, I'm babysitting for kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4am and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 403

You deserved it 2 130

By (-__- ) ( ^.^) - 11/10/2013 21:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 835

You deserved it 6 302

By Anonymous - 07/03/2014 13:29 - United States - Needles

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 167

You deserved it 8 899

Free market, amirite?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 11:01

Today, I work in HR and last week we'd hired an apprentice for our repair shop. He was great. I spent $500 company dollars on his uniform. Later, he called me saying he had been offered a job paying $10 more an hour than what we were offering, as much as our experienced workers make. I either have to match it, or be out a helper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 817

Demonic

By sarcastic_centipede - 09/06/2021 06:02

Today, my mom told me to take the trash out. I started to, but then I saw that the trash can had been rolled out to the curb, so I went to my room to put on shoes. My mom apparently took this as me deciding not to take the trash out, as she not only yelled at me, but growled and hissed as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 11/06/2012 11:18 - United States

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 803

You deserved it 3 215

By itchybollos - 16/09/2010 09:04 - Australia

Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 974

You deserved it 3 329

Beware what you wish for

By germified - 08/09/2021 17:01

Today, my kids and I have been ecstatic about them being back in school. After a year on Zoom, they couldn’t wait to get back into the classroom because every day they bring home something new and interesting. This time, they brought home a cold so bad it’s knocked me flat on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 126

By storyofmylife - 23/08/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 131

You deserved it 7 961

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 16:41 - United States

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 863

You deserved it 6 709

By betterthanhodor - 08/11/2014 14:09 - United Kingdom - Woodbridge

Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 870

You deserved it 4 255

By kawaiixalice - 28/12/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 891

You deserved it 4 081

By nerd - 03/03/2009 03:20 - United States

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 063

You deserved it 7 691

By goodbye cruel world - 01/12/2012 01:28 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 020

You deserved it 34 578

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 888

You deserved it 10 935

Lust at First Sight

By brokenheart - 21/05/2018 19:00

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years is leaving me for someone he met once at graduation 2 days ago. Apparently it was a magical "love at first sight" experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 350

You deserved it 269

Wait your turn

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 11:31 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I found out I’m not getting a raise, despite my ‘outstanding’ performance, since the company made a loss this year. Last year I didn’t get a raise because of COVID uncertainty. The year before that I didn’t get a raise because I only just got ‘promoted’, where I also didn’t get a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 103

Saucy devil

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 22:58

Today, I was helping my Dad with an internet issue he was having. He gave me his tablet to check it out. I opened the browser, and there were 8 tabs open. All of them were PornHub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 15/06/2012 17:12 - United States - Salem

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 210

You deserved it 4 390

By Boned...hard - 28/01/2010 00:09 - France

Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it. But does this mean we can have sex?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 471

You deserved it 3 603

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Knockyoudown 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:34

LMAO, that gives such a funny visual

boilerup 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:39

Next time make a post-it dress for your person.. That would be PIMP!

Knockyoudown 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:34

LMAO, that gives such a funny visual

no1askdu 5

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 0:10

how do you know it wasn't a boy pen...

bexox 0

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 1:00

They checked between the pen's legs.

you_know_who10 0

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 2:25

ahaha #51 that made my day

sexymessy 0

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 2:26

Mine too, lol. Maybe the pen was pink!

Pink_ElePhant88 0

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 3:31

LMAO, I bet it made your boss' day too

xiateababyx 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:35

Lmao, #1..true :] YDI! Thanks for the laugh:]

krladygator3 7

Send a private message

Friday 2 December 2011 21:44

First fml I laugh out loud

Nightfallz 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:37

YDI. you are there to work not fuck around

div01 2

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 2:53

Damn like you've neeever had a dull moment at work, and did something completely stupid. I'm totally gonna try this now though.

VintageGuitarist 0

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 6:24

Yeah yeah yeah... Whatever Dwight.

thatonepotguy 10

Send a private message

Saturday 12 March 2016 21:36

#3, your profile says you moderate FMLs at work, I'm pretty sure you just fuck around too...

quarterback 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:38

HAHAH! I literally "laughed out loud" for that one. Way to go! :D

boilerup 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:39

Next time make a post-it dress for your person.. That would be PIMP!

game_over_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:40

OH HELL YEAH!!!!! +1

seb12992 0

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 0:08

I agree with #5!

tbbays04 0

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 4:10

i so agree with #5. and #4:P

kyasariin 0

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 4:35

Hahahahahah

VintageGuitarist 0

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 6:26

I assumed the pen was going commando.

deja54 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:41

One of the best FMLs I've ever read.

russianredgirl 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:41

lol i do that

GleeIsTransient 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:41

hahaha, i wanna know what your boss said!

oulala_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:42

LMFAO that's cute.

TikkleMeTorry_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:43

That's so cute xD Your boss must not have been too happy though lol, I bet she laughed...or raised her eye brow

alex_vik 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 July 2009 23:58

Why do you assume the boss is a she?

bexox 0

Send a private message

Friday 10 July 2009 0:58

Why does it offend you?

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 5

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 761

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 979

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments