Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little...

By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 16:27 - France

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

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Miscellaneous

The cheek of some people

Fashion Police

Boom, headshot

By douchegamer - 3/3/2013 03:38 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

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By ToiletTroubles - 3/7/2013 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 00:02

Smash the Patriarchy!

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

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By epicsquishii - 1/5/2012 11:02 - United States - Riverbank

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

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By Granmacathy - 29/11/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, my grandson asked how old I am and whether I'd seen Mammoths "for real" when I was a kid. FML

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By really - 22/5/2016 02:23 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2016 16:39 - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I had a heart attack. In the hospital the doctor compared my heart to that of a stressed out 60 year-old's. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

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By jesspie - 11/1/2013 02:41 - United Kingdom

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

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By bnc - 14/12/2013 22:39 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

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By kittynapper - 17/7/2014 23:32 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

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By thedancingtit - 7/6/2016 05:11 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2015 16:11 - United States - Janesville

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

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By fucking Karens! - 11/8/2020 14:02

Karen strikes again

Today, I got lost searching for an apartment in a huge complex. A hysterical woman started screaming that I didn’t belong there, and that she was calling the police. She stood behind my car so I couldn’t leave. I’m a pizza delivery driver, in full uniform and with the company emblem on my car. FML

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By qhu - 23/10/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

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By Single and wigless - 14/4/2019 04:00

Today, I was on a FaceTime call with a guy I like and my cat, out of nowhere, attacks my head and snatches my wig off. FML

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By - 4/1/2009 15:18 - France

Today, I'm 20 years old and never been kissed. FML

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By LennyComa - 19/3/2017 00:00

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

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By little tooth - 6/11/2008 13:39 - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

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By college0001 - 20/1/2016 06:06 - United States - Burlington

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

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By DQB - 24/5/2009 02:17 - Canada

Today, I pulled up to a stoplight and blew past the car beside me to merge into one lane. About 30 seconds later, I ran out of gas right in front of them. We were on a bridge, and I had to push my car all the way across. FML

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By Maxime - 28/2/2014 00:32 - France - Paris

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

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By SallyGeen - 27/7/2011 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

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By squirrels69ing - 22/5/2011 01:00 - United States

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

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By ouch - 9/2/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML

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By chronic masticator - 21/5/2016 11:51 - United States

Today, after I skipped dessert for the third day in a row, my mom cornered me and accused me of being anorexic. I'm actually not far off being clinically obese and I'm just trying to diet, but nothing I say will convince her. She wants me to see a psychiatrist about a disorder I don't even have. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 14:00

Curiosity!

Today, I got curious and decided to look for my ex's social media after he blocked me off everything. I found him on LinkedIn and it is only after I click on his profile that I remembered, he will be notified that I looked him up. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 14:57 - United States

Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML

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By __shirtless__ - 10/12/2016 03:09

Today I found out that paying $40 for next-day shipping doesn't ensure that you'll receive the item the next day or even the next week. I assumed it was my fault for ordering too late into the holiday season. Turns out they never shipped it. When I finally received it 10 days late, it was the wrong item. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2012 17:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

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By bosslady - 30/6/2015 09:57 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2017 07:00 - United States - Normal

Today, it's the 6th day in a row my roommate has not left our dorm room. I miss jacking off. FML

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By m33p - 5/2/2015 20:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a nice relaxing dump at school, in my pants, in the middle of class. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 07:41 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I witnessed a kid apparently getting jumped. Being a good citizen, I got out and started yelling at them. I ended up alongside the kid in the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2013 18:30 - Denmark - Lemvig

Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2010 22:49 - United States

Today, my mother asked my live-in girlfriend if she's had any problems with me peeing the bed. I haven't wet the bed since I was seven and I'd hoped to take that secret to my grave. FML

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By dontplaywithmyfeelings - 3/3/2015 01:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

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By Lilly_28 - 11/8/2009 14:01 - United States

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

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By Jeff make - 1/4/2012 14:03 - United States - Malvern

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2019 04:00

Jedi mind trick

Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML

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Top comments

By Knockyoudown | 0

#382965 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:34

LMAO, that gives such a funny visual

By boilerup | 0

#382988 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:39

Next time make a post-it dress for your person.. That would be PIMP!

COMMENTS

By Knockyoudown | 0

#382965 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:34

LMAO, that gives such a funny visual

no1askdu | 5

#383088 - Friday 10 July 2009 0:10

how do you know it wasn't a boy pen...

bexox | 0

#383216 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:00

They checked between the pen's legs.

you_know_who10 | 0

#383455 - Friday 10 July 2009 2:25

ahaha #51 that made my day

sexymessy | 0

#383461 - Friday 10 July 2009 2:26

Mine too, lol. Maybe the pen was pink!

Pink_ElePhant88 | 0

#383597 - Friday 10 July 2009 3:31

LMAO, I bet it made your boss' day too

By xiateababyx | 0

#382974 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:35

Lmao, #1..true :] YDI!

Thanks for the laugh:]

krladygator3 | 7

#3674780 - Friday 2 December 2011 21:44

First fml I laugh out loud

By Nightfallz | 0

#382977 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:37

YDI. you are there to work not fuck around

div01 | 2

#383523 - Friday 10 July 2009 2:53

Damn like you've neeever had a dull moment at work, and did something completely stupid.

I'm totally gonna try this now though.

VintageGuitarist | 0

#383908 - Friday 10 July 2009 6:24

Yeah yeah yeah... Whatever Dwight.

thatonepotguy | 10

#6557669 - Saturday 12 March 2016 21:36

#3, your profile says you moderate FMLs at work, I'm pretty sure you just fuck around too...

By quarterback | 0

#382981 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:38

HAHAH! I literally "laughed out loud" for that one. Way to go! :D

By boilerup | 0

#382988 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:39

Next time make a post-it dress for your person.. That would be PIMP!

game_over_fml | 0

#382990 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:40

OH HELL YEAH!!!!! +1

seb12992 | 0

#383078 - Friday 10 July 2009 0:08

I agree with #5!

tbbays04 | 0

#383672 - Friday 10 July 2009 4:10

i so agree with #5.
and #4:P

By deja54 | 0

#382991 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:41

One of the best FMLs I've ever read.

By russianredgirl | 0

#382992 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:41

lol i do that

By GleeIsTransient | 0

#382998 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:41

hahaha, i wanna know what your boss said!

By oulala_fml | 0

#383001 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:42

LMFAO that's cute.

By TikkleMeTorry_fml | 0

#383009 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:43

That's so cute xD

Your boss must not have been too happy though lol, I bet she laughed...or raised her eye brow

alex_vik | 0

#383055 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:58

Why do you assume the boss is a she?

bexox | 0

#383209 - Friday 10 July 2009 0:58

Why does it offend you?