Miscellaneous: Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little...

By Anonymous - France

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14078

You deserved it

56739

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

Commando

People are strange

By Anonymous - Australia

TMI

Today, I played Call Of Duty online against someone who turned out to be wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29088

You deserved it

7551

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was blaring the radio to drown out the sound of the kids in the apartment upstairs. They then started jumping in time with the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3467

You deserved it

799

Favorite

By the other woman

Oops...

Today, I found out that the guy I lost my virginity to a few months ago was in a relationship the whole time. How did I find out? His now ex-girlfriend called to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3991

You deserved it

485

Favorite

By Jessica - United States

Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got points taken off for "seeming nervous." My character was supposed to be nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34229

You deserved it

2657

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14286

You deserved it

45942

Favorite

By regrettably well rested - United States - Clearfield

Today, I set 3 alarms so I wouldn't miss an early morning event I was volunteering at. After I slept through the first one, my roommate turned the other two off without waking me up because they were annoying. I missed the event. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4362

You deserved it

1910

Favorite

By Mylifeisaboldandbeautifulepisode

Today, I was telling a close friend about the devastating discovery of my husband’s cheating. Turns out, she may be giving my children a half-sister for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6567

You deserved it

332

Favorite

By Mateo - France

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13754

You deserved it

67277

Favorite

By Shut up loser!

Not her fault neither mine

Today, my 4 year old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4404

You deserved it

442

Favorite

By bigcityfail - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43719

You deserved it

3283

Favorite

By Dave B - Reserved

Today, I was verbally abused by a guy in a 4-wheel-drive twat-tank for listening to music on my iPod while I was "blocking the way." I was standing on the footpath waiting for a bus. At a bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27396

You deserved it

2685

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8287

You deserved it

26661

Favorite

By fineididntwantkidsanyway - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29777

You deserved it

4508

Favorite

By ThatsNotRight - United States

Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30747

You deserved it

4406

Favorite

By whyyjustwhy - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47901

You deserved it

9859

Favorite

By S3XY_SiNG3R

Confinement, episode 3774

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

744

You deserved it

1952

Favorite

By good job brain - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a job interview. I was asked what my dream job would be. I blurted out, "The president, because I think it's a very cool and important job." I don't think I'm getting this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19594

You deserved it

5061

Favorite

By ice ice baby - United States - Monterey Park

Two Scoops

Today, it'd been so long since I last had sex, I was jolted out of my sleep by a body shaking orgasm. I was sweaty and breathless, and it took me a moment to realize it had been a dream. It would've been great except the subject of my nocturnal ecstasy was Vanilla Ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1630

You deserved it

269

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Grand Junction

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45683

You deserved it

10765

Favorite

By meg - 7/2/2021 00:30

Nice

Today I got my senior pictures back from the photographer. When my boyfriend saw them, he said I look creepy. Not pretty, not beautiful, not even decent. Creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

725

You deserved it

102

Favorite

By seriously?! - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going to take me out somewhere special, so I called in sick for work. Turns out he had made reservations for the restaurant I worked at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38947

You deserved it

8923

Favorite

By not telling you my name - United States - Elkhart

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23571

You deserved it

5760

Favorite

By Beth - United States - Raleigh

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56762

You deserved it

11728

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Great Falls

Today, I lent a pair of expensive headphones to a "friend" for the weekend. As a thank-you, he bought me a soda. He moved this weekend, taking the headphones with him. I lost a $250 pair of headphones for a $1 soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45117

You deserved it

21350

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23083

You deserved it

8466

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57614

You deserved it

8937

Favorite

By Rachel8896 - United States - Lakewood

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55957

You deserved it

3404

Favorite

By lovely - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54004

You deserved it

10557

Favorite

By Tytonic - United States - Chevy Chase

Please, apologize

Today, my teacher yelled at me for using my phone in class. I apologized out loud, knowing that it would help me get off easier. She was yelling at somebody else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

725

You deserved it

1985

Favorite

By magicalDEATH - United Kingdom

Today, I flew a toy helicopter into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10007

You deserved it

35153

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I'm grieving over the death of my best friend of 9 years. My mom wasted no time arriving at the conclusion that I must be hormonal and pregnant with his child. Apparently it's not normal for a woman to cry so much over a man, unless they've been fucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32913

You deserved it

1942

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I attempted to score with a previous friend-with-benefits by sending her a photo of my Christmas present, bondage rope. She arrived an hour later in a mad panic. She thought I was going to hang myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8891

You deserved it

3033

Favorite

By TKPhai - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28133

You deserved it

16410

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, in art class, our instructor called me up to the front to model for a drawing. I agreed to pose because it was nice to be called on, and I needed a self-esteem boost. He then thanked me, saying it's a great exercise for the class to draw such strange proportions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29093

You deserved it

2476

Favorite

By PleaseDontBeSerious - Canada

Today, my daughter brought home her new boyfriend. He has a neck tattoo, and his life's dream is to be a professional "beer pong" player. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30936

You deserved it

3484

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single and jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17059

You deserved it

42091

Favorite

By Abby_gummibear - United States

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43679

You deserved it

7743

Favorite

By sharni88 - Australia

Today, while bored at work I was reading an article online about the local zoo and its animals. I received an email so quickly responded, but when signing off accidentally wrote "thanks hippo" instead of "thanks heaps". To a woman with a weight problem. Who also outranks me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16955

You deserved it

29256

Favorite

By LesboLover

Today, I found out that my crush is a lesbian. Everyone knew about it. Everyone also knew that I liked her. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1827

You deserved it

250

Favorite

By David - 15/8/2020 17:07

No wings

Today, I was at work and got chest pains and a headache so bad, I vomited. My supervisor took my blood pressure twice and it was dangerously high both times. I went to the hospital, and after 3 hours of waiting, I got the most expensive lecture ever on drinking too many energy drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

533

You deserved it

2593

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Knockyoudown | 0

#382965 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:34

LMAO, that gives such a funny visual

By boilerup | 0

#382988 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:39

Next time make a post-it dress for your person.. That would be PIMP!

COMMENTS

By Knockyoudown | 0

#382965 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:34

LMAO, that gives such a funny visual

no1askdu | 5

#383088 - Friday 10 July 2009 0:10

how do you know it wasn't a boy pen...

bexox | 0

#383216 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:00

They checked between the pen's legs.

you_know_who10 | 0

#383455 - Friday 10 July 2009 2:25

ahaha #51 that made my day

sexymessy | 0

#383461 - Friday 10 July 2009 2:26

Mine too, lol. Maybe the pen was pink!

Pink_ElePhant88 | 0

#383597 - Friday 10 July 2009 3:31

LMAO, I bet it made your boss' day too

By xiateababyx | 0

#382974 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:35

Lmao, #1..true :] YDI!

Thanks for the laugh:]

krladygator3 | 7

#3674780 - Friday 2 December 2011 21:44

First fml I laugh out loud

By Nightfallz | 0

#382977 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:37

YDI. you are there to work not fuck around

div01 | 2

#383523 - Friday 10 July 2009 2:53

Damn like you've neeever had a dull moment at work, and did something completely stupid.

I'm totally gonna try this now though.

VintageGuitarist | 0

#383908 - Friday 10 July 2009 6:24

Yeah yeah yeah... Whatever Dwight.

thatonepotguy | 10

#6557669 - Saturday 12 March 2016 21:36

#3, your profile says you moderate FMLs at work, I'm pretty sure you just fuck around too...

By quarterback | 0

#382981 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:38

HAHAH! I literally "laughed out loud" for that one. Way to go! :D

By boilerup | 0

#382988 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:39

Next time make a post-it dress for your person.. That would be PIMP!

game_over_fml | 0

#382990 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:40

OH HELL YEAH!!!!! +1

seb12992 | 0

#383078 - Friday 10 July 2009 0:08

I agree with #5!

tbbays04 | 0

#383672 - Friday 10 July 2009 4:10

i so agree with #5.
and #4:P

By deja54 | 0

#382991 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:41

One of the best FMLs I've ever read.

By russianredgirl | 0

#382992 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:41

lol i do that

By GleeIsTransient | 0

#382998 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:41

hahaha, i wanna know what your boss said!

By oulala_fml | 0

#383001 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:42

LMFAO that's cute.

By TikkleMeTorry_fml | 0

#383009 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:43

That's so cute xD

Your boss must not have been too happy though lol, I bet she laughed...or raised her eye brow

alex_vik | 0

#383055 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:58

Why do you assume the boss is a she?

bexox | 0

#383209 - Friday 10 July 2009 0:58

Why does it offend you?