Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear,...

By sucks - 5/1/2011 07:41 - Netherlands

Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML

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Work

Doomed

Trip Advisor says no

Race against the clock

By jjoker - 30/12/2019 14:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML

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By Kevin - 9/9/2011 12:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

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By Kristin - 3/1/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML

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By michellemoyah - 25/2/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

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By brycepetrillo - 7/9/2013 16:08 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML

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By Margaret - 26/12/2018 02:00

Today, I saw some random iTunes charge on my bank account so I called who I thought was iTunes customer support to figure out the $5 charge, then got scammed into buying $1,400 worth of gift cards. The man on the phone was not with iTunes and took all my money. FML

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By screwedwoman27 - 19/6/2011 18:03 - United States

Today, I told my five year old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML

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By June - 5/10/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2014 05:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML

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By fridgemylifee - 13/8/2015 17:39 - United States

Today, I had a first date with a guy I met online. And his mom. FML

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By Tom Ali - 10/1/2012 20:50 - United States

Today, while driving to my girlfriend's house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend's dad trying to say hi. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2015 23:32 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

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By roadkill0321 - 7/11/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML

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By merrymary - 7/1/2012 11:11 - United States

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 23:01

Fake News

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

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By Sadface - 6/12/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, my 15 year old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2016 10:30 - Ukraine

Today, I took my 9-year-old sister to an ice cream shop. There we met a boy about her age, who started a conversation with her, told her she was pretty and they ended up exchanging numbers. I'm 24 and so far I've never succeeded at getting a girl's number like this. FML

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By wrongcolorwrongcreed - 30/5/2019 10:43

Today, I went with my boyfriend of 10 months to rent a car, for which he needed his dad to sign for. To avoid introducing me, he banished me to the nearest airport terminal, and picked me up 45 minutes later, around 11:30 p.m. FML

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By Zyopy - 18/12/2015 08:33 - Australia - Hampton

Today, I didn't secure my friend's wheelchair well enough to my car roof before giving him a ride. It flew off mid-drive and we still haven't found it. FML

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By haunted - 24/11/2011 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

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By zzzgrady - 27/10/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 02:00

Birthday Boy

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

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By byegeorge - 17/8/2012 11:26 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML

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By It's a foot long - 3/9/2018 03:30

Today, I have to figure out how to tell my vision-impaired father that his ex-girlfriend left their double pronged dildo out on his dresser when she moved out. I see it when I bring him his coffee every morning. FML

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By stupidrobot - 3/9/2015 20:14 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web form in order to show that I wasn't a spam robot. I got it wrong. I'm officially too bad at arithmetic to prove I'm human. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 03:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

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By Brett meek - 19/2/2010 07:41 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2010 16:56 - United States

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

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By Aeare_ - 17/9/2016 04:15 - United States - Dixon

Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By Person - 7/6/2009 18:07 - United States

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

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By Tomtom - 17/11/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

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By chase - 25/1/2013 00:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 22:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 23:46 - United States - Irving

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2016 21:43 - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

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By SprinklerDodger - 8/6/2012 23:54 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

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By AbandonedHouseWife - 17/10/2012 20:16 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2016 17:45 - Mexico - Saltillo

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML

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By back to creepers - 21/12/2013 20:05 - United Kingdom - Worcester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

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Top comments

By glitter354 | 0

#1930810 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:08

Damn...next time just say "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." There really is no good way to let your boss know what happened. So, FYL and YDI.

By Perksofbeingawal | 0

#1930807 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:06

Omg that's awful. I've been in that position one too many times... :/

COMMENTS

By wenta | 1

#1930792 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:02

stuff like that happens to me all the time... you just learn not to be nosy.

Suavis | 4

#1930906 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:38

uhh.. they weren't being nosy?

Ronnie_loves_you | 11

#1930983 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 13:04

could just say you were laughing at something you remembered and that you didn't even hear'

HaloReachIsCool | 6

#1930989 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 13:05

Hearing Fail

you_and_me_fml | 8

#1930999 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 13:13

that was not very smart on your part haha.. just tell him what you thought happened and im sure he will understand

iSCREAMMM | 0

#1931079 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 14:05

Just pretend that you were coughing too.

ozzy4u | 0

#1931184 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 16:03

Hahahaha

By IgnorantAmerican | 0

#1930797 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:03

lol

mr_miyagi | 0

#1931659 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 21:29

hahajahahahahah tumors

By SomePinkTape | 0

#1930801 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:04

clean out your ears

Ariasmake_1 | 0

#1930850 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:16

more like clean out your office.

nybsucubos | 5

#1930890 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:31

BOOM HEADSHOT!

By theten_fml | 9

#1930805 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:06

this one actually made me laugh

By Perksofbeingawal | 0

#1930807 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:06

Omg that's awful. I've been in that position one too many times... :/

MagicMushrooms | 0

#1930914 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:39

That's what she said. Sorry.

Elmo_1526 | 6

#1931128 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 14:40

lmfao xD

By glitter354 | 0

#1930810 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:08

Damn...next time just say "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." There really is no good way to let your boss know what happened. So, FYL and YDI.

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#1930829 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:11

cute puppy !!

tygerarmy | 35

#1930839 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:14

Exactly, it's better to to allow yourself to ask a stupid question and feel awkward then to do something awkward and feel stupid.

glitter354 | 0

#1930863 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:20

7 - thank you! She just died 2 months ago of cancer, she was 15 years old...FML

Emerant | 0

#1931119 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 14:30

Aw, I'm so sorry. She looks very sweet. :)

5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1931529 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 19:49

See, this is why OP should learn to never laugh at a joke unless they heard it clearly, especially if the person telling the "joke" wasn't even talking to them in the first place.

FYLorYDIohno | 12

#1933768 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:39

51: Her boss just walked in the room and talked, it's not like they were talking to someone specific. So, basically her boss was talking to everyone in the room.

By bobkim302 | 0

#1930831 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 12:12

Holy crap! If you don't know what's going on just sit there and do nothing. I'm sure you feel bad too. This has happened to most of us at one time also.
It took years to just say or do nothing.