Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the... - FML

By ST3PH - 9/7/2009 19:17 - Canada

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

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Dad jokes, part 43884

No one likes a smart-ass

Everyone's an expert

By carpetoops - 21/6/2009 16:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

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By lyinginbed - 4/6/2016 19:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2013 08:07 - Australia - Boronia

Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 09:01 - Singapore

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

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By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

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By egghead - 23/9/2011 08:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

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By Julie - 26/8/2019 04:00

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

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By Walking in a Winter Wonderland - 12/9/2016 10:51 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my dandruff got so bad that when I sneezed on the bus, it created a "blizzard" of dandruff, covering me, and two others in it. I'm now known as "Winter Wonderland". FML

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By keisha89 - 22/6/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, I finally met the guy I've been talking to online for a year. I'd dropped 10lbs off my weight. He'd shaved 20 years off his age. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

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By anon - 20/6/2014 05:06 - United States - Kennett

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

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By sick - 21/9/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

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By serveandprotectyeahright - 20/11/2010 14:00 - United States

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

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By optimist - 26/1/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, after wondering why I didn't receive a grade for a summer course I took in 2007, I realized that I gave the professor the wrong student ID number. Someone else received credit. I've been waiting on this grade for 8 months in order to graduate. FML

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By dancer, not a hooker... - 5/5/2013 05:01 - Canada - Penticton

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

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By DarkSerebii - 5/6/2014 15:16 - United States

Today, a customer at work said his table was dirty. I asked which one he was sitting at so I could clean it for him. For some bizarre reason he got pissed and called my manager over. He ended up reporting us to corporate, and my manager got written up. He's blaming me for everything. FML

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By Noname - 5/3/2009 06:01 - Canada

Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied: "that's okay, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML

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By -- - 4/9/2011 16:42 - Canada

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

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By Anon - 5/12/2015 23:15 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

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By gibsonSG323 - 14/6/2010 23:13 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

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By bad karma - 21/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

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By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

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By katurday - 3/11/2009 15:59 - United States

Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML

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By UnknownKitten - 3/5/2016 03:07 - United States - Elgin

Today, I returned home after a long day of work. I noticed that my kitten had gotten a hold of my pin cushion, and that there were no needles left in it. My husband and I have only managed to find one, out of 16. FML

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By firefighter - 8/9/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

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By zboy_123 - 23/8/2009 18:33 - India

Today, I went to this meditation center which my mom suggested to get mental peace as I have been hating my job and life for some time now. I drove for an hour and then walked around in scorching Indian sun for 2 hours trying to locate the damn place. I got lost and returned home angrier than ever. FML

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By LemmyIsWet - 17/12/2012 07:33 - United States

Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

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By ahh - 28/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, the last person I invited to my birthday party called and said they couldn't come because another party "came up" and they "hope I understand". It's on December 31st. This happens every year without fail. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I turned 23. I had asked my mom for some things to decorate my new place. As I opened the box to reveal my gift, a mirror was inside. I liked the mirror. I did not like the note attached that said "Look inside the mirror to see who is now 100% financially responsible for themselves." FML

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By RubyRed213 - 30/5/2018 05:00

Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML

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By Oh Cock - 10/10/2015 15:15 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, I realised just how much my favourite pornstar looks like my sister. FML

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By Fairy31 - 1/3/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

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By RingofFire - 3/6/2016 23:23 - United States - Edenville

Today, I was standing on the patio when one of my upstairs neighbors threw a cigarette butt over the balcony. It landed on my head and burned some of my hair. FML

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By OhNo. - 27/7/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I had a job interview, but I arrived kind of late. I was in so much of a hurry that I hit a woman walking by in the face with the door. I offered to drive her to the hospital. Turns out that she was going to be interviewing me. She didn't offer to reschedule. FML

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By Matchtopia - 18/1/2012 00:21 - United States

Today, I was addressed by name by the liquor store clerk. I've never told him my name. He's just seen my ID many times. FML

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By Sal - 3/3/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2015 13:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 17:00

Marriage (Dress) Story

Today, I found out that the company I sent my wedding dress to caught fire and lost everything in their building. I was going to be the fourth generation woman in my family to wear it. FML

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Top comments

By zee209 | 0

#383258 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:12

So now this person is a troll be cause they DIDN'T say first? Wow...

By vheissu | 0

#383246 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:09

at least you got some corn.

Comments

By alexman6364 | 0

#383234 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:06

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

iKaite | 0

#383252 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:11

Would you like to be given corn after organising work? No. Therefore, it is an FML. I'm surprised you didnt say 1ST!!!1

Troll.

Reply

zee209 | 0

#383258 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:12

So now this person is a troll be cause they DIDN'T say first? Wow...

Reply

lifeaveragekinda | 0

#383381 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:46

in this situation, I don't think it's the thought that counts.

Reply

lexiBRo | 0

#383465 - Friday 10 July 2009 2:28

Why do ppl comment just to say its not an fml or question why its on the site.. if you dont like it just go to the next one!

Reply

americayay | 0

#383516 - Friday 10 July 2009 2:51

I think it's the frequency with which NON FML stories are posted that is so annoying and that's why people comment about it.

I agree that this is not an FML, though. She's getting paid for a job and shouldn't expect a gold star at all and be grateful if she does get one, even if it's a half an ear of frozen corn.

Reply

Tsukasa_fml | 0

#383536 - Friday 10 July 2009 2:59

I'M COOL BECAUSE I CAN REPLY TO THE FIRST POST

Reply

sexymessy | 0

#383555 - Friday 10 July 2009 3:12

LOL I agree!

Reply

metallica99mm | 0

#383800 - Friday 10 July 2009 5:23

what are the chances that within a half hour window, three women from ontario candana post a story on fmylife in consecutive order?

Reply

onigiriqueen | 0

#384115 - Friday 10 July 2009 9:12

It's an FML because she's clearly fat as a cow and her boss noticed... wanted to give her exercise and healthy eating. That's me reading between the lines.

Reply

pleasetryagain | 0

#385908 - Saturday 11 July 2009 1:32

I would like to be given ANYTHING extra for my work. Most other employers wouldn't appreciate the extra work.

Reply

Popsiclese | 0

#1070466 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 9:05

this is an fml because the OPs boss made them do a completely pointless task and thanked them in a stupid way

Reply

chicabonita5683 | 0

#1400607 - Monday 13 September 2010 22:17

#44--What's the point in commenting that it is an FML and saying that the person's life really is F-ed...they already think that, why do you need to tell them or tell them that they deserved it...therefore, by your logic, there really doesn't need to be a comments section.

By Shirschfield | 0

#383236 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Ftw2010 | 0

#383242 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:09

Wow OMG you are 2nd now try and get a life ass op this is not a fml

By tutupr | 0

#383243 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:09

fml ????

By vheissu | 0

#383246 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:09

at least you got some corn.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6049676 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 18:25

Sounds like an episode of the Office...

By LenaCS | 0

#383247 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:09

I think your boss is cracked. FYL for having to work for a wacko.

By lakeylove | 0

#383263 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:12

the way you worded this fml made me lol. thanks for making me smile for a second. hey atleast it wasn't rotten corn!!' and besides you got free corn! I haven't had corn in a year.

By meanie_monday | 0

#383267 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:15

At least you get paid & get corn.
I don't see cows and pigs getting paid.

Reply

parabola | 0

#383816 - Friday 10 July 2009 5:33

haha

By chocoLIFE_fml | 2

#383271 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:15

haha but corn is good for you

Reply

authorkid | 2

#1092004 - Thursday 15 July 2010 2:27

yummy too
I had corn for dinner tonight :)

By Mnemic | 5

#383274 - Friday 10 July 2009 1:16

I think your boss lost it tbh... :-o