Work: Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 37

09/07/2009 19:17

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 517

You deserved it 3 674

This Charming Man

Best teeth in the game

Pile on

01/12/2008 03:25

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go to the movies. She replies, "Sorry I have to do stuff with my parents" Her mum calls and by mistake my girlfriend pressed loud speaker, the first thing her mum said was "Be back at 11". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 053

You deserved it 2 517

18/02/2018 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 549

You deserved it 365

20/04/2019 16:00

Today, we had an office party. I got extremely drunk and invited my younger coworker into the bathroom to make out repeatedly. Not only did he reject me multiple times, but he also looked super traumatised and hasn’t said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 3 922

Mexican Standoff

By JillianJuneBug - 17/08/2019 18:00

Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 580

22/07/2011 06:29

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 901

You deserved it 106 058

28/12/2011 08:14

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 385

You deserved it 5 156

17/07/2013 20:13

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 784

You deserved it 5 539

12/05/2012 20:48

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 251

You deserved it 3 406

08/05/2012 02:52

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 634

You deserved it 6 864

24/02/2013 17:36

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 864

You deserved it 5 425

17/06/2009 13:03

Today, I decided I had gathered enough solid evidence to justify dumping my cheating girlfriend. When I turned up, she broke up with me before I had a chance to confront her. Why? Apparently I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 001

You deserved it 8 355

23/01/2018 15:00

Today, my husband has had a low sex drive for a while now. I've been trying all sorts of things to pique his desire. Turns out that a conversation about Neil deGrasse Tyson was all I ever needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 493

You deserved it 541

24/07/2009 17:07

Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 849

You deserved it 4 514

12/08/2015 00:00

Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 796

You deserved it 1 915

02/05/2017 17:00

Today, I fainted in the lunch line at school due to extreme period cramps, and ended up having to get seven stitches on my face. This is the third time I've fainted because of my period this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 450

You deserved it 508

05/06/2009 20:54

Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 993

You deserved it 6 109

07/01/2011 21:46

Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 757

You deserved it 4 062

Going well, is it?

By Elizabeth - 29/07/2011 19:56

Spicy

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 774

You deserved it 5 437

Freedom of speech

By Powerless111 - 15/10/2019 20:00

Today, I got yelled at for 30 minutes while on a date for using the word "bitch." I used it to describe my friend's wife, who will also yell at you for 30 minutes for using a word she doesn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 1 809

21/12/2015 18:25

Today, I received three big boxes from my mother in law, containing expensive cookware. I was puzzled, because I know that she hates me. Turns out she mailed them to us by mistake. Not only did she not get us anything, but I now have to pay to ship the boxes to her neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 052

You deserved it 1 887

Black out

By Rude awakening - 28/10/2020 14:01

Today, I blacked out while riding my electric scooter. Luckily, I was quickly jolted awake when my chin hit the tarmac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 179

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

By WTFiswrongwithme - 03/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 854

06/05/2013 15:25

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 560

You deserved it 4 647

08/10/2012 09:12

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 872

You deserved it 6 069

27/05/2010 22:50

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 262

You deserved it 4 932

30/03/2009 04:41

Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 892

You deserved it 64 364

Stay awake

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 15:10

Today, I read an article about how sleeping on your stomach makes you look older. That's the only way I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 152

08/12/2016 17:23

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 786

You deserved it 1 008

08/09/2015 18:46

Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 290

You deserved it 1 841

10/09/2009 06:35

Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 982

You deserved it 5 023

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 08:01

Today, as a nursing student, I needed to take a blood sample from someone and the veins on his arms weren't really easy to draw blood from. I asked him, "Can I please look at your legs?" It turns out he was amputated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 226

Generic Happy Birthday gif

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 14:15

Today, I'm still trying not to cry. Yesterday was by birthday. I got an e-mail from my dad with three words, "Happy Birthday (nickname)". I got a Facebook post from my mother. No card. No phone call. No gift. I have become nothing more than a Facebook friend to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 134

21/11/2018 03:00

Today, my wife, being very considerate, bought me a new phone for my birthday. That would be fine and dandy if cops didn't enter my house and say I stole it. Turns out my wife payed $900 from MY credit card to the person who stole the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 885

You deserved it 176

Thanks, I'm cured!

By fuauntflo - 07/07/2020 17:01

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 167

Hazing rituals have to stop

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 23:00

Today, I woke up again from another nightmare about my university's hazing fallout. Every time I see their faces in these dreams, I remember how they got away with everything, including trying to end us as they searched for the first year snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 177

20/02/2010 05:30

Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 951

You deserved it 2 752

08/08/2017 00:31

Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 350

You deserved it 539

03/08/2013 04:29

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 630

You deserved it 8 428

12/11/2015 04:11

Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 703

You deserved it 1 452

29/10/2014 19:39

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 143

You deserved it 3 730

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:12

So now this person is a troll be cause they DIDN'T say first? Wow...

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:09

at least you got some corn.

Comments

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:11

Would you like to be given corn after organising work? No. Therefore, it is an FML. I'm surprised you didnt say 1ST!!!1 Troll.

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:12

So now this person is a troll be cause they DIDN'T say first? Wow...

lifeaveragekinda 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:46

in this situation, I don't think it's the thought that counts.

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Friday 10 July 2009 2:28

Why do ppl comment just to say its not an fml or question why its on the site.. if you dont like it just go to the next one!

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Friday 10 July 2009 2:51

I think it's the frequency with which NON FML stories are posted that is so annoying and that's why people comment about it. I agree that this is not an FML, though. She's getting paid for a job and shouldn't expect a gold star at all and be grateful if she does get one, even if it's a half an ear of frozen corn.

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Friday 10 July 2009 2:59

I'M COOL BECAUSE I CAN REPLY TO THE FIRST POST

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Friday 10 July 2009 3:12

LOL I agree!

metallica99mm 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 5:23

what are the chances that within a half hour window, three women from ontario candana post a story on fmylife in consecutive order?

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Friday 10 July 2009 9:12

It's an FML because she's clearly fat as a cow and her boss noticed... wanted to give her exercise and healthy eating. That's me reading between the lines.

pleasetryagain 0

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Saturday 11 July 2009 1:32

I would like to be given ANYTHING extra for my work. Most other employers wouldn't appreciate the extra work.

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Wednesday 7 July 2010 9:05

this is an fml because the OPs boss made them do a completely pointless task and thanked them in a stupid way

chicabonita5683 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 22:17

#44--What's the point in commenting that it is an FML and saying that the person's life really is F-ed...they already think that, why do you need to tell them or tell them that they deserved it...therefore, by your logic, there really doesn't need to be a comments section.

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:09

Wow OMG you are 2nd now try and get a life ass op this is not a fml

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:09

fml ????

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:09

at least you got some corn.

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Wednesday 27 August 2014 18:25

Sounds like an episode of the Office...

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:09

I think your boss is cracked. FYL for having to work for a wacko.

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:12

the way you worded this fml made me lol. thanks for making me smile for a second. hey atleast it wasn't rotten corn!!' and besides you got free corn! I haven't had corn in a year.

meanie_monday 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:15

At least you get paid & get corn. I don't see cows and pigs getting paid.

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Friday 10 July 2009 5:33

haha

chocoLIFE_fml 2

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:15

haha but corn is good for you

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Thursday 15 July 2010 2:27

yummy too I had corn for dinner tonight :)

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:16

I think your boss lost it tbh... :-o