well goddamn. report hia ass to HR. easy fix.

Not really. HR is usually useless.

Wow your boss is a moron report his stupidity 😏

Apparently you do now.

Don't worry, Dwight will teach you from the soil up about paper on his farm! Enjoy the rural vacation!

OP:
(1) Report the situation to HR.
(2) Find a new job ASAP - Either your boss is a complete idiot or he’s a lying sack of shit who decided to move you to sales without actually telling at the time. Either way - It’s nothing but a miserly working for either an idiot or a lying sack of shit. So get out,as soon as you find a new job.

As a software developer the idea that people can randomly be moved into sales sounds like madness. "You're were surgeon, but now your job is fixing the MRI machines." I have a specific set of skills acquired over a decade. Moving me to something completely unrelated would make zero sense.

Your boss needs to be reminded of that!

When it comes down to it, we ALL work in sales. Obviously, you couldn’t sell it to your boss that you didn’t have a set sales goal. ABC: always be closing!

If you live in the US, and the job description you were given and agreed to does not include sales his reprimand and enforced sales training program is illegal. Report him to HR and if that doesn't work talk to your lawyer.

Turn it into a vacation. Two weeks of whatever the fuck you want on the company's dime.

You never will with that attitude