Animals: Today, my blind friend bragged to a group of people that she...

By Spec - United States

Today, my blind friend bragged to a group of people that she knew all of us by smell. We all took turns standing in front of her, and she would tell us who we were. When I got in front of her, she thought I was my dog. FML

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Animals

Serious times

Incognito browsing

The end of the road

By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 11:01

Keeping warm

Today, thanks to my habit of peeing in the shower, I accidentally peed in the bath. FML

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By kb123

Today, I'm visiting my wife's home country for the first time. To avoid the spicy street food, I bought something labelled "Fruit salad" from a street vendor. I didn't know even Pakistani fruit salad can be very spicy too. FML

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By cderr - United States

Today, my sister found out she contracted ringworm and scabies from her best friend's rescued kittens. The entire family now has to be treated to prevent it from spreading. There are 7 people in our house and none of us have health insurance. FML

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By Slipperywhenwet - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

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By stalked - United States - Boca Raton

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

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By ilovemymomma - United States - Hereford

Just a prank, bro!

Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2020 13:58

You dingdong!

Today, I was copying an assignment from my friend and was feeling confident that I was gonna pass. I later found out I copied his name too, so the teacher failed us both. He won't talk to me now. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 20:01

No fun

Today, I was finishing a cigarette outside of the mall when we heard someone fart. Turns out it was a little girl. They looked around, so jokingly I said, "We didn't hear anything." Her family giggled and so did we, until everyone realized the little girl was now sobbing. I'm a POS. FML

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By Anonymous

Bite me

Today, after two root canal procedures done on the same tooth in last two years, the tooth had been acting up for a few days, so I went in to get it checked. Turns out, it got infected AGAIN and I gotta get a THIRD root canal done on the same tooth. FML

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By ColderThanCold

Today, the company that was supposed to clear our apartment's parking lot never showed up. I almost got frostbite in my fingers trying to shovel someone's car out since my gloves got soaking wet. FML

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By verasam01 - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML

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By - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

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By 352 - United States

Today, I somehow managed to hit my head on a first aid kit. I now have a cut on my forehead and my boyfriend just keeps laughing from the irony. FML

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By Hmmmm - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

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By Richard - France

Today, there was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group, so I decided to introduce myself. Her reply was, "Wow, I've always wanted to meet a gay guy!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I opened my email expecting to see messages from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, but there were none. There were Happy Birthday messages from Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret, however. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Levelland

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML

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By kellyem2

Today, I found out that when my boss said she was considering bumping me up to full time, she actually meant she was planning on letting me go. Everyone in the office except me knew. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

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By alcomom - 1/7/2020 02:02

Juicer

Today, I spent ages prepping, chopping, bagging and freezing lots of fruits and veggies for my mom. I also bought her a juicer and alkaline water to help combat some of her health issues. I walked into the kitchen to see her mixing her juice with vodka and rum instead of the water. FML

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By goodsister - Canada

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

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By higagram - United States

Today, I bumped into a lady in the New Jersey airport. After I politely apologized she said, "Watch your step, asshole." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 17:00

Alexa, play 4'33" by John Cage

Today, I was the first to sign up to play the national anthem for my school, at one of my volleyball games. My teacher told me she would bring my sheet music. She didn’t. So I just sat there, awkwardly, not playing my cello. FML

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By peachass - Australia - Melbourne

Today at work, a woman decided to use the changing room as a public toilet, to wipe the urine with the clothes she tried on, then leave the mess along with her soiled underwear and a used maxi pad for me to clean up. FML

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By Anonymous - Iraq

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

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By letstradefamilies - United States - San Francisco

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

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By thanksalot - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that my grandma died, expecting to be comforted. She got mad at me for "stealing her thunder" because her cat died two days ago. FML

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By crimsoncon

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

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By lostwife - United States

Today, I lost my job for taking an unauthorized vacation. I just got married and requested time off for the wedding and honeymoon months ago; it was approved then. They forgot, and then got angry because I didn't remind them. I did remind them, the day before I left. FML

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By shitface - United States - Arlington

Shared towel

Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML

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By AJShow80 - United States

Today , I won 20 dollars on a lotto scratch off. My friend, pissed, makes me split the money saying its collateral for the gas money used to get us there. He then uses his 10 dollars on a scratch off, and wins 500 dollars. The jackass wouldnt split it. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my little sister put on some black eyeliner on my eyes. About half an hour later, my eyes started to hurt. Eyeliner never hurt for me; so I went to the bathroom to check it out. My sister wasn't using eyeliner. It was a black watercolor pencil. Now I have black bits inside my eyes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

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By TotallyDoneDating

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years lost her virginity on a cruise last week. FML

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By oD_Ronan - United States - Olympia

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

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By jdch_99 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

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By bummer - United States

Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML

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By davka

Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML

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Top comments

By Jcsati8 | 0

#123017 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:22

someone smells like a bitch!

By MaranDoll | 0

#122998 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:16

Get some new deodorant? :P

COMMENTS

By MaranDoll | 0

#122998 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:16

Get some new deodorant? :P

Lahir | 0

#1018299 - Friday 4 June 2010 1:10

lol never mind deodorant, take a shower you nasty. ydi

mtrench98 | 0

#1981981 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 13:30

that's what I thought too! lol

nerdytacos | 3

#2334996 - Tuesday 12 April 2011 5:06

lol(:

Dr_JuanDiaz | 0

#2741005 - Thursday 23 June 2011 7:41

I'll probably sound dumb asking this, but what does "YDI" stand for?
I've seen it on a bunch of comments

StarWolf111 | 21

#3117885 - Tuesday 16 August 2011 10:30

It means You Derserve It

StarWolf111 | 21

#3117887 - Tuesday 16 August 2011 10:30

It means You Derserve It

DippinGrizzly907 | 27

#6150787 - Monday 22 December 2014 5:01

Thought it meant 'You Dumb Idiot'...

By slyguy_28 | 0

#123001 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:17

wow, your life does really suck...

By kk_fml | 0

#123006 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:18

haha maybe spend a little less time with your dog

By SOXiiSMYH0Mii3 | 0

#123008 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:19

my dog smells like ass and i smell like her too. it sucks doesnt it??

sammyprosnit | 8

#1019323 - Friday 4 June 2010 21:47

lmbo that made my day

By The_May | 0

#123013 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:21

take a shower smelly

By Jcsati8 | 0

#123017 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:22

someone smells like a bitch!

kittykat1501 | 31

#6517492 - Saturday 23 January 2016 0:17

what If the dog was a boy?

By zargon | 1

#123033 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:27

Sounds like a setup to me... I'd do it if I was that guy....

By Tuxedo_Mask | 0

#123039 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:30

your dogs scent will rub off on you if you play with him/her too much

childproofpizza | 19

#6710473 - Monday 7 November 2016 19:36

"too much"

By Bhetti | 0

#123044 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:31

"I stopped spending time with my beautiful, sweet dog because my blind friend thought I smelled like my dog. I could've just taken a shower. FML"

By DizzyDemon0 | 9

#123055 - Saturday 18 April 2009 23:37

...Dumb FML..not at all a FML situation. I love my dog. If i had a blind friend..and they said I smelled like my dog..then who the hell cares..as long as you don't smell like ass when you meet people. Brush ur teeth, take a shower, put on some deodorant. Ur good to go. take 20 minutes outta ur day to look presentable O.o