Health: Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I...

By eliinu - 02/09/2016 02:45 - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 050

You deserved it 911

Health

Commando

Cars and cards

Well deserved break

Vape Nation

By Anonymous - 01/09/2021 19:01

Today, at work, the same manager who flagged me for being on my phone during an emergency call to my MIL, telling me my baby had an accident and busted her head open, was sitting in the office watching TikTok videos and hitting her vape pen. I guess the rules only apply to certain people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 86

Pranks are terrible

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 23:01 - United States - Humble

Today, my sister threw my water bottle as a joke. When I stepped off the bleachers, my right foot lost its footing and my other foot followed. Now I have two sprained ankles at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 45

By jwz - 16/02/2009 15:25 - Netherlands

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 401

You deserved it 79 999

Mexican Standoff

By JillianJuneBug - 17/08/2019 18:00

Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 581

By Heyhey - 08/12/2008 08:46 - France

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years old, he is 97. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 411

You deserved it 4 739

By peanutface - 17/12/2010 13:20 - Canada

Today, not only did I miss my bus by seconds, I also saw the bus driver smirking as he drove past me in the middle of the Canadian winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 275

You deserved it 3 591

By cannabis_this420 - 17/03/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 876

You deserved it 100 779

By seepeezy32 - 02/02/2011 02:32

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 295

You deserved it 71 270

By lol - 05/12/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 434

You deserved it 9 231

By WTFFAIL - 03/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 514

You deserved it 8 951

By RaceCar - 12/02/2010 19:24 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday and my mom promised me she'd buy me a car. She came home with a toy lego car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 612

You deserved it 20 976

By MoreActionThanMe - 11/12/2012 00:04 - United States

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 871

You deserved it 2 802

By anonymous - 20/08/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 505

You deserved it 49 882

By 88_OP - 25/07/2011 02:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I returned home from a three-week vacation. None of my friends realized I'd been gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 388

You deserved it 3 942

By ravenskater - 04/04/2011 02:47

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 321

You deserved it 6 488

By nothing is sacred - 23/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 464

You deserved it 483

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 666

You deserved it 1 775

By jaycee - 28/01/2012 03:41 - United States

Today, after having finally summoned the nerve to report a guy at my workplace who has been sexually harassing me for months, I got a phone call from my boss. He said that there was nothing he could do about it, because the guy "wouldn't confess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 037

You deserved it 2 615

By mareecasellafml - 27/03/2015 09:51 - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 317

You deserved it 4 212

By Is McDonald's Hiring? - 23/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was sternly told that if I didn't pass more students, I would be out of a job. I then went to my class to collect papers, and was stymied by how I could be giving passing grades to the 12 of 24 who didn't turn anything in. College students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 411

You deserved it 158

By Julez - 14/01/2012 16:14 - United States

Today, I was trying on some new pants in the fitting room at a store. I was so overcome with joy when I noticed that I had dropped two pant sizes, that when I took them off and went outside to pay for them, I realized I forgot to put back on my original jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 210

You deserved it 13 626

By yeah okay then - 03/08/2012 23:50 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 900

You deserved it 2 106

By Samantha - 15/06/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I'm three months pregnant. Hours after the father of my baby bought me a wedding ring, he decided to get drunk and tell me that he doesn't see himself with me for the rest of his life, and doesn't really want to get married. Oh and he hates my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 290

You deserved it 7 611

Technology hates humans

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 235

More money, more problems

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 04:01

Today, my girlfriend of several years broke up with me because of my lack of ability to contribute financially to the life that she envisioned for herself, due to my significant contributions in child support to my ex. She wants a more equal partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 435

By CurseYouSonyaLee - 12/11/2013 15:27 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 174

You deserved it 5 526

By TheBaconater - 03/02/2013 16:22 - United States - Baraboo

Today, I woke up to a voice-mail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 597

You deserved it 2 224

By Bug - 15/10/2012 21:38 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I fell down the stairs. Lying on my back in extreme pain, I called my mom for help. When she came over, she said I looked like a dead bug, took a picture and posted it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 022

You deserved it 2 412

No exit! No choice!

By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 03:00

Today, I drove my car and suddenly I got diarrhea & shit my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then, one of my work mates saw my car and came to say hello, she saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 154

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 07:52 - United States

Today, I was out and was having a wonderful time. At exactly midnight, I get a call from my father. He's divorcing my mother. He's also going to Florida with his mistress for the weekend. If that wasn't the best news ever, he'd love if I found an apartment to live in ASAP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 467

You deserved it 2 174

By Glutton for Punishment. - 07/09/2010 21:30 - France

Today, I got a separation agreement from my wife. It was sent from the lawyer she spent the long weekend with right before she told me it was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 022

You deserved it 2 465

It's a wrap

By victoria - 04/04/2021 21:30

Today, I had a school band concert in which I was doing a clarinet solo. I had a Laffy Taffy before the concert. Little did I know part of the wrapper got stuck in my hair. I went through the whole concert like that and I was so embarrassed when I found out afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 07:18 - United States - Modesto

Today, I worked up my courage and took an elevator for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, it was also my first time getting trapped for several hours in an elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 920

You deserved it 4 060

By Ali - 07/07/2012 20:23 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 675

You deserved it 30 516

By Suprise - 17/08/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 002

You deserved it 8 904

Cool, dude

By lamemom - 05/04/2014 22:05 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 002

You deserved it 8 890

By hunta331 - 14/07/2019 22:00

Today, I learned just how bad jellyfish stings hurt. Multiple times. On my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 872

You deserved it 197

Class act

By Superfly - 19/07/2021 18:01

Today, my great grandfather got arrested. Why? He is still shell shocked from World War II, so when we went to a hibachi grill, he didn't want any of those, "Damn Japs" to touch his food, and our chef didn't take too kindly to his verbal assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 451

By Noname - 31/12/2008 18:03 - France

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 630

You deserved it 4 355

By um...no? i don't think so anyway - 15/12/2013 19:16 - United States - Warren

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 462

You deserved it 6 280

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Top comments

Replyka 17

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Friday 2 September 2016 9:13

Maybe she's jealous.

ChaiseT 16

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Friday 2 September 2016 9:15

Good for you OP for losing weight.

Replyka 17

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Friday 2 September 2016 9:13

Maybe she's jealous.

hellobobismyname 24

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Friday 2 September 2016 9:33

Or could be that she actually thought it was meant to be insulting and was trying to reassure her daughter. I was told before that I had lost weight, like I was becoming 'too skinny' and looked like I had cancer. So I understand that sometimes, people comment on things like that negatively. It's not always a compliment, and although OP's mom was wrong this time, it's not like she called OP fat. Just that she didn't lose weight. Maybe her mom never thought she was fat in the first place, or she didn't know her daughter was trying to lose weight. The way she said it, even pulling her to the side instead of saying it in front of everyone, shows that she was trying to do damage control. I could be wrong though, but that's how I see it. OP, congratulations on your efforts! Keep going :)

LyricaSilvan 29

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Friday 2 September 2016 10:07

Not to mention there are plenty of average-sized people who feel they would like to be thinner. I have friends who are petite as all hell, and some of them still think they're too big.

ChaiseT 16

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Friday 2 September 2016 9:15

Good for you OP for losing weight.

lifeasamastigos 4

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Friday 2 September 2016 10:07

I think you and your mother need to have a little talk

cocacola999 27

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Friday 2 September 2016 11:29

Different age groups are used to different beauty ideals. Depending on OP's mother's age and where she was brought up, she may be used to "skinny" being used as a derogatory term. If you look at bikini models from 1960s and 1970s, most of them are quite curvy. Also, not everyone actually needs to lose weight. Maybe OP is actually healthy weight and should not lose any more weight.

1234as 5

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Friday 2 September 2016 12:07

keep up the good work OP!

doodlecloud 26

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Friday 2 September 2016 12:28

Chances are you see your mum more than your aunt? If that's the case, mum is less likely to notice changes like that as she's seen you change gradually, whereas auntie will have had to wait to see you and will aee the difference. Dunno why your mum's being weird about it though...

lostandconfused9 12

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Friday 2 September 2016 12:44

Without sounding rude, how much do you weigh? Weight loss can be great if you are on the heavy side but it isn't always a good thing if you are already a healthy weight. Makes me wonder with the conflicting reactions between your aunt/mum

eliinu 16

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Saturday 3 September 2016 4:29

I was a healthy weight before and I'm still a healthy weight.

EliGolsdworthy 7

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Friday 2 September 2016 14:47

Well were you really skinny before?

eliinu 16

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Saturday 3 September 2016 4:26

I suppose that's a matter of opinion. Regardless, 12 lbs in a little over a month is fairly noticeable. At least, it was for myself.

eliinu 16

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Saturday 3 September 2016 4:31

*22

eliinu 16

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Saturday 3 September 2016 19:28

also meant 2 months yay i'm bad at typing

DravensTheName 16

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Friday 2 September 2016 15:14

The way your mom acted was atrocious. Clearly someone saw the weight loss don't mind what she says or thinks. Just do you and don't stop working out

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 2 September 2016 16:58

I'm gonna make a guess here: your mom is fat. Fat people don't like it when other fat people succeed at losing weight -- it's like you're abandoning the team.