Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding...

By Dalistair - 23/5/2013 23:25 - United States - High Point

Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding in her driveway and denting her car. She then ransacked my room for said skateboard so she could break it in half. My aunt lives 4 hours away. I don't own a skateboard. FML

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Miscellaneous

Oh, hai!

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Business savvy

By o.v. - 16/5/2011 16:04 - Bangladesh

Today, the pipe in the dining room sink suddenly broke open and in about 15 minutes my entire apartment was turned into an indoor swimming pool. The worst part? I was there the entire time, playing video games with my headphones on. FML

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By JessMelodique - 14/12/2016 03:01

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 16:09 - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

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By Ugly - 20/8/2019 04:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me I can stop using makeup, because it's "not working." FML

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By ughhhh - 3/5/2014 21:10 - United States

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

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By BlackRavenWings - 21/11/2010 22:36 - United States

Today, I noticed a picture in an elderly patients room, of a pretty girl in a bikini. Trying to be funny and lighten the mood, I said, "Looks like you have some good eye candy to help you recover faster." With a stern look he replied, "That's my granddaughter." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

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By jadakorn - 11/7/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

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By preggo - 1/8/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

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By badbed - 11/12/2009 17:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

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By idontevengetpaid - 5/9/2016 04:35 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I arrived at my internship at 7 am after three hours of sleep with a massive hangover. When I got there, my boss told me he had made a mistake and I was meant to come in next week. He then said, "Well, now that you're here, you might as well get some work done. Come in next week as well." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

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By itsjustnotfair - 5/9/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had 2 cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML

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By anonymous - 5/9/2014 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

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By anon - 8/3/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML

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By Sarah - 25/8/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

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By HannaMD - 26/1/2015 15:21 - Canada

Today, my cat had the bright idea of giving birth in the dryer, on top of all my new white towels. FML

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By streaker? - 27/11/2015 14:21 - Germany - Langenhagen

Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML

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By Lika1712 - 26/8/2014 22:55 - India - Mumbai

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

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By Keira - 27/3/2019 22:00

Today, the modeling program I'm required to use for school started inexplicably crashing. Reinstalling doesn't even fix it. The company that owns the software doesn't provide students with tech support, and my teacher just told me I won't pass if I can't fix it. FML

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By How strange - 20/4/2013 12:02 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

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By embarrassed niece - 9/7/2013 16:15 - United States - Cumming

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

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By Cress - 11/2/2018 19:00

Today, my dad asked what I wanted for my birthday. The only thing I wanted was the complete series of Dragon Ball Z on DVD. He just sighed, shook his head, and asked me to pick something normal. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2016 14:52 - United States - Dallas

Today, I made the decision to lighten my hair from dark brown to blonde. I thought the stylist knew what she was doing, but I ended up with my hair fried off and orange. FML

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By Notyourstepmom - 7/9/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML

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By Whoops - 24/6/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2015 15:20 - United States

Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML

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By will - 14/8/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

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By jkin47 - 4/8/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

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By AIienware - 30/6/2015 15:33

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2017 04:00 - United States

Mama's Boy

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

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By Adopted - 14/6/2016 21:22

Today, my mom realized that the "door" part in "screen door" doesn't block sound when she began to talk to our neighbours about how much of a failure I am. I heard everything. FML

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By mwja - 26/2/2011 22:59 - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

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By kam3221 - 1/5/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2016 12:06

Today, my sister, who has "borrowed" almost nine hundred dollars from me over the last few months, told me I was pathetic for not having my driver's license yet and that I "wasn't normal". I was saving that money for my driving lessons. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2016 14:56 - France - Brunoy

Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML

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By ohokay - 24/1/2013 02:59 - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

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Top comments

By CarrieDiaries | 12

#5504657 - Friday 24 May 2013 10:37

Maybe she misses you and it's an excuse to visit you.

By Ambient25 | 24

#5504664 - Friday 24 May 2013 10:45

You should have gotten your parents involved to convince her you didn't skate the equivalent of 4 hours of driving just to do tricks in her driveway...

Comments

By CarrieDiaries | 12

#5504657 - Friday 24 May 2013 10:37

Maybe she misses you and it's an excuse to visit you.

skellingtonfart | 18

#5504666 - Friday 24 May 2013 10:46

I agree, when I miss someone, I blame them for things they didn't do and break their possessions just so I have an excuse to see them!

Ambient25 | 24

#5504669 - Friday 24 May 2013 10:47

Sounds like a typical visit by Aunt FLow...

jerzjay | 17

#5504687 - Friday 24 May 2013 11:16

Or maybe the woman just went bat-shit crazy

Bakarra | 22

#5504688 - Friday 24 May 2013 11:16

Flow? But she always seemed so nice in those progressive commercials (pun oblivious)

fareith | 15

#5504961 - Friday 24 May 2013 15:56

19 - That sounds about right. She forgot her meds!

RedPillSucks | 31

#5505086 - Friday 24 May 2013 17:19

Erm... Which Aunt Flow are we talking about?
Does she give you a period AND great insurance rates?

Djjooze | 4

#5505175 - Friday 24 May 2013 18:48

Shes probably goint senile give her some fish oils for brain memory and mood

By fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#5504658 - Friday 24 May 2013 10:38

Wow did she forget her prozac or what?

Bakarra | 22

#5504686 - Friday 24 May 2013 11:15

It could just be that time of the month...

anonymousguy1569_fml_fml | 8

#5504689 - Friday 24 May 2013 11:17

Prozac is usually for depression, OCD, bulimia and PDD. I'd guess she forgot to take an anti-psychotic like Haldol or Thorazine.

zandalee | 19

#5504745 - Friday 24 May 2013 12:13

21- looks like your pussy is a wee bit crazy too... :)

little_one | 20

#5505043 - Friday 24 May 2013 16:41

32- their cat is not crazy! I'm assuming it's some type or British or Scottish fold and they are just adorable!!!!

By yahoowizard | 16

#5504660 - Friday 24 May 2013 10:40

Have your parents back up your story?

zandalee | 19

#5504749 - Friday 24 May 2013 12:15

Actually, have your parents tell her to fuck off! Bloody Aunts getting as crazy as grandparents on FML... What's next!?

djxerxes9000 | 18

#5504763 - Friday 24 May 2013 12:29

Therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. Thats whats next!

By Rozza17 | 29

#5504663 - Friday 24 May 2013 10:43

She drove four hours to chuck a rage. Wow.

1_4M_A_M49 | 5

#5505457 - Friday 24 May 2013 21:39

Man after such a long ride, I would probably have forgotten what I was suppose to rage about.

anonymous100000 | 17

#6114837 - Monday 10 November 2014 1:57

OP should've called the cops on her

BaDumTsss_fml | 23

#6171769 - Tuesday 13 January 2015 14:30

And I would've stopped for McDonalds halfway through

By Ambient25 | 24

#5504664 - Friday 24 May 2013 10:45

You should have gotten your parents involved to convince her you didn't skate the equivalent of 4 hours of driving just to do tricks in her driveway...