Miscellaneous: Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 214

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 123

23/05/2013 23:25

Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding in her driveway and denting her car. She then ransacked my room for said skateboard so she could break it in half. My aunt lives 4 hours away. I don't own a skateboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 624

You deserved it 2 791

The smell detective is on the case

Good kid

Call the cops

08/10/2011 22:10

Today, the ex who I'm still in love with told me he wishes we could be together, but that first I really need to get over the fact that he already has a wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 665

You deserved it 7 340

Get out

By a7xforever - 14/09/2010 08:31

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 993

You deserved it 3 397

03/03/2013 08:27

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 144

You deserved it 3 056

10/08/2009 16:41

Spicy

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 034

You deserved it 68 047

09/06/2015 01:47

Today, at my place of work in a fast-food restaurant, a customer called in and bitched at me that her warm food was weirdly cold. That is, after she drove 45 minutes from the restaurant to her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 1 718

08/07/2011 06:12

Spicy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 421

You deserved it 6 669

20/04/2015 14:45

Today, I had a theatre performance. I had to put on a lot of makeup for the role, and one of the guys said I looked nice. I smiled and said thanks. Seconds later, I'd been sucker-punched by his girlfriend for "flirting" with her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 311

You deserved it 2 214

10/01/2013 20:52

Spicy

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 996

You deserved it 6 748

25/11/2015 02:59

Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 171

You deserved it 1 509

21/07/2012 06:18

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 408

You deserved it 2 670

Busted

By Stacy - 21/03/2009 00:43

Spicy

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 743

You deserved it 121 477

16/08/2014 12:10

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 330

You deserved it 5 584

23/03/2009 06:51

Today, I just got back from a Civil War Reenactment in Virginia, my first big event in years. I spent over $200 on gas and food, and had to drive for over 10 hours both ways from Massachusetts. When I finally got there I realized, I had left my uniform at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 151

You deserved it 61 445

16/12/2018 13:30

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 506

You deserved it 211

TMI

By PatientInWaiting - 19/03/2012 10:37

Today, I had a conversation with another patient in my gyno's waiting room. It was about her getting pregnant in a truck while passed out drunk, her therapist's frequent use of a "For Dummies" books, and how she had waxed and oiled everything to impress our doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 159

You deserved it 2 470

22/07/2013 18:29

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 224

You deserved it 10 855

01/07/2013 17:49

Today, I saw my former high school teacher at the mall. After a nice conversation, she mentioned that I "still dress like a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 762

You deserved it 21 316

25/04/2014 22:59

Today, I waited two hours in line at college to select my classes. I finally got to the desk, only to be told I have to apply online before I can show up in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 327

You deserved it 9 766

08/10/2012 05:31

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 349

You deserved it 4 803

Official meeting

By Anonymous - 03/01/2020 18:33

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 543

You deserved it 192

30/04/2009 15:11

Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 502

You deserved it 9 268

Are Christmas cards still a thing?

By amywee - 10/12/2020 12:23

Today, my dog received a Christmas card before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 484

You deserved it 3 574

29/12/2011 05:53

Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 070

You deserved it 2 243

Worth a shot

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 17:00

Today, I told the guy I've been in love with for a year how I felt. He replied, "There will never be an us, but you can send nudes if you like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 228

26/04/2012 14:43

Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 921

You deserved it 4 178

Save yourself

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 22:01

Today, I had to offer my boyfriend a no-hard-feelings opportunity to just leave. He never wanted to be a dad, but since we accidentally got pregnant and had our son, I’ve watched his mental health go downhill so fast I was afraid he’d kill himself if he kept forcing himself to stay with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 150

01/07/2011 07:41

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 128

You deserved it 3 958

16/05/2009 07:52

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 854

You deserved it 12 413

18/04/2012 20:18

Today, I somehow managed to hit my head on a first aid kit. I now have a cut on my forehead and my boyfriend just keeps laughing from the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 249

You deserved it 4 168

12/10/2013 07:23

Today, after almost 2 days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 132

You deserved it 12 044

All true, obviously

By Anonymous - 29/05/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law thinks that Trump is the "best man to walk the earth since Jesus," and that he's "fighting the deep state who's in control of the fake news." She tried to indoctrinate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 633

22/01/2013 17:20

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 345

You deserved it 4 006

23/10/2010 15:13

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 572

You deserved it 4 141

Our internet works fine, dumbass

By jenni - 19/09/2021 08:00

Today, I found out my son has been ditching his Zoom classes. He claims he couldn’t connect because of "technical difficulties." I can’t believe he seriously expected me to believe that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 107

Sounds illegal

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 00:01

Today, I got a lot of tips at work, but little did I know our boss takes it out of our paychecks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 114

21/06/2019 16:01

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 123

24/01/2015 19:25

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 963

You deserved it 2 594

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 567

07/10/2012 05:03

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 237

You deserved it 5 074

Badass

By Boyufd - 30/08/2021 18:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after 3 years. Why, do you ask? Turns out her dad used to bully my dad in highschool and my dad kicked his ass after all this time and sent him to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 76

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Top comments

CarrieDiaries 12

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:37

Maybe she misses you and it's an excuse to visit you.

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:45

You should have gotten your parents involved to convince her you didn't skate the equivalent of 4 hours of driving just to do tricks in her driveway...

Comments

CarrieDiaries 12

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:37

Maybe she misses you and it's an excuse to visit you.

skellingtonfart 18

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:46

I agree, when I miss someone, I blame them for things they didn't do and break their possessions just so I have an excuse to see them!

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:47

Sounds like a typical visit by Aunt FLow...

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Friday 24 May 2013 11:16

Or maybe the woman just went bat-shit crazy

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Friday 24 May 2013 11:16

Flow? But she always seemed so nice in those progressive commercials (pun oblivious)

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Friday 24 May 2013 15:56

19 - That sounds about right. She forgot her meds!

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 24 May 2013 17:19

Erm... Which Aunt Flow are we talking about? Does she give you a period AND great insurance rates?

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Friday 24 May 2013 18:48

Shes probably goint senile give her some fish oils for brain memory and mood

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:38

Wow did she forget her prozac or what?

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Friday 24 May 2013 11:15

It could just be that time of the month...

anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 8

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Friday 24 May 2013 11:17

Prozac is usually for depression, OCD, bulimia and PDD. I'd guess she forgot to take an anti-psychotic like Haldol or Thorazine.

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Friday 24 May 2013 12:13

21- looks like your pussy is a wee bit crazy too... :)

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Friday 24 May 2013 16:41

32- their cat is not crazy! I'm assuming it's some type or British or Scottish fold and they are just adorable!!!!

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:40

Have your parents back up your story?

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Friday 24 May 2013 12:15

Actually, have your parents tell her to fuck off! Bloody Aunts getting as crazy as grandparents on FML... What's next!?

djxerxes9000 18

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Friday 24 May 2013 12:29

Therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. Thats whats next!

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:43

She drove four hours to chuck a rage. Wow.

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Friday 24 May 2013 21:39

Man after such a long ride, I would probably have forgotten what I was suppose to rage about.

anonymous100000 17

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Monday 10 November 2014 1:57

OP should've called the cops on her

BaDumTsss_fml 23

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 14:30

And I would've stopped for McDonalds halfway through

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:45

You should have gotten your parents involved to convince her you didn't skate the equivalent of 4 hours of driving just to do tricks in her driveway...

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Friday 24 May 2013 14:20

really? does that need convincing

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:45

At least she pays you a visit now and then. Im 20 and still haven't met mine!

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Friday 24 May 2013 11:27

I'm adopted, are we competing now? Haha

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Friday 24 May 2013 11:32

I'm an aborted fetus whose father was killed seconds after my conception, and whose mother died during the process of aborting me.

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Friday 24 May 2013 12:59

Well that escalated quickly.

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Friday 24 May 2013 14:26

I'm a god whose father was killed by my brother while I was being digested by my father, and whose mother is an inanimate earth.. :(

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Friday 24 May 2013 16:59

Well this pattern of jest has fluctuating reception...

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Friday 24 May 2013 22:13

My mother is a hampster and my father smells of elderberries!

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Monday 27 May 2013 6:25

#64 Omg, yes! That quote works perfectly here. I wonder how many people will know what that's from :P

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:46

Behind this is ur cousin's revenge to you for insulting tony hawk. I bet!!!

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Friday 24 May 2013 11:28

Rodney Mullen was the best. I guess that means I'm next?

Kazze 31

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Tuesday 23 December 2014 18:00

No, the best was Rob Dyrd-- HAHAHAHA... Nope, can't say that without a straight face. My favorite would have to be Danny Way.

Kazze 31

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Tuesday 23 December 2014 18:04

*with. Stupid autocorrect.

flockz 19

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:47

meanwhile a shopping cart somewhere is counting its blessings.

cmayer 20

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:54

Your aunt is crazy. Terrifyingly crazy. She might actually need some therapy or something.. That's just not normal.

alyssawatters 7

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Friday 24 May 2013 10:55

She's crazy. Enough said.