Miscellaneous: Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 122

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 1 614

03/01/2010 06:20

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 019

You deserved it 50 591

Late term

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Mr Commitment

03/02/2009 23:55

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him, "About a dollar?" He said, "Wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 406

You deserved it 3 041

26/07/2015 22:43

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 23 308

You deserved it 2 168

08/05/2018 19:30

Today, I was feeling down so I thought I'd order a burger to cheer myself up. The website I ordered from featured Instagram pics of their customers. My ex and the guy she cheated on me with were front and center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 175

You deserved it 281

07/06/2009 11:41

Spicy

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 292

You deserved it 79 298

26/03/2013 19:04

Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 511

You deserved it 4 310

28/09/2011 22:16

Spicy

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 611

You deserved it 56 644

Monday, Monday, so good to me…

By tooefficient - 19/08/2019 22:00

Today, I was scolded by my boss, all because I can finish most tasks in a quarter of the time it takes him, and he doesn't want to be shown up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 99

18/08/2015 13:26

Spicy

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 236

You deserved it 3 997

02/06/2009 23:13

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 060

You deserved it 46 919

Long secret

By Cam - 14/01/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is still scared of his ex. It's been 8 months and our relationship is still "secret." Why? Because he's scared that she will find out and tell his family about us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 587

You deserved it 408

11/05/2011 01:21

Today, while changing a light bulb, I was electrocuted. I screamed before I blacked out. My entire family was home and heard me scream, but didn't come and check because they were too busy watching Glee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 554

You deserved it 7 531

Don't engage with these people

By fuck you! - 15/04/2021 05:00

Today, I overheard my mom telling my aunt what an “attention-seeking drama queen” I’ve been lately. All I asked was that she not smoke around me. I’ve had asthma all my life and am currently recovering from Covid. She thinks it’s all a conspiracy, meanwhile I haven’t taken a deep breath in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 79

Air Conditioned Egg on Face?

By Anonymous - 05/08/2019 06:00

Today, I went to see the mechanic who'd just serviced my car, because it was still leaking cooling fluid. I started to explain the problem, but he stopped me and asked if I'd had the AC on. I said yes. He smiled and said lots people have this "problem" in summer. Did you know the AC releases fluid when you turn it off? I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 716

New or used?

By Dez Johnson - 07/03/2021 11:01

Today, I discovered that my old roommate had left a full bag of cat litter on my porch and all over my yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 56

29/10/2012 22:39

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 477

You deserved it 17 325

Awkwaaaaard

By notwhatithought - 21/08/2015 19:43

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 217

You deserved it 33 507

Can't win

By Anonymous - 17/03/2019 20:00

Today, my supervisor told me off for doing something. When I reminded her that she told me to do it, she yelled at me for correcting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 258

You deserved it 147

22/05/2012 16:11

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 4 009

24/11/2015 19:38

Spicy

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 950

You deserved it 2 975

10/01/2014 11:15

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 262

You deserved it 5 748

28/03/2009 08:07

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 658

You deserved it 14 541

29/01/2009 17:55

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 714

You deserved it 8 916

05/10/2015 19:20

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 809

You deserved it 3 735

On the beat

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 00:02

Today, in my orchestra, I was one of the 2 instruments that starts first. The conductor raised his hands, but while I was waiting for the preparatory beats, I blinked. When I opened my eyes, the conductor had already started. I started late, in front of a thousand people. The conductor is still angry with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 501

11/04/2012 09:53

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 406

You deserved it 3 621

05/11/2010 23:17

Spicy

Today, my twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend, who then forwarded it on to everyone else. Everyone else thinks it's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 478

You deserved it 3 110

05/10/2012 05:59

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 056

You deserved it 3 073

25/05/2010 23:33

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 752

You deserved it 39 621

02/07/2011 05:48

Today, I was baby sitting ten year old twins. When they first saw me, they ran away screaming and hid in the closet. This isn't the first house where this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 577

You deserved it 5 386

06/07/2013 04:17

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 577

You deserved it 4 887

21/10/2011 11:37

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 032

You deserved it 13 765

22/06/2013 05:01

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 182

You deserved it 3 602

No, of course she's not…

By so racist - 25/06/2020 02:02

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 185

You deserved it 266

18/12/2009 04:25

Today, I was watching TV. During a very long commercial break, I found my brothers PSP charger next to me. Out of boredom I put my tongue on the end on the metal. Not only did it fry my tongue but found its way to my metal filling in my tooth. I now have a sore tongue and a throbbing toothache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 172

You deserved it 80 354

04/07/2011 05:45

Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 034

You deserved it 3 909

19/11/2012 17:46

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 922

You deserved it 5 564

29/10/2013 22:31

Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 297

You deserved it 4 131

23/03/2009 06:46

Spicy

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 610

You deserved it 67 618

10/08/2019 14:00

Today, I caught one of my students checking out my butt while I was helping another student at his table. I teach 8th grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 380

14/06/2014 06:42

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 444

You deserved it 7 030

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Top comments

sluggumsoriley 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 13:02

how you managed to find this website, figure out how to submit your story, and type it in, is beyond me.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 12:08

Fail.

Comments

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Sunday 3 January 2010 12:08

Fail.

hockeychic156 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 22:48

agreed

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Monday 4 January 2010 2:39

you?

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Sunday 22 April 2012 23:05

thank you all for your great contributions to this FML. you may all go home now.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 12:08

first! seen it on here :/

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Sunday 3 January 2010 12:22

Lol fail.

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Wednesday 4 August 2010 4:41

mega fail

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:23

wow a little late there arent u?

Harry_Styles_fml 3

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Thursday 29 September 2011 6:37

If you look at the times of the first and second comments, it's exactly the same minute.

videokid2000 10

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Sunday 26 February 2012 21:49

If you didn't type that last sentence you would have been first. LONG LIVE ONE WORD POSTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Sunday 3 January 2010 12:12

lol how dumb

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Sunday 3 January 2010 12:24

Nice.

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Monday 1 February 2010 5:56

I'd hate to see your IQ.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 12:29

Whomever said "twenty six" -- assuming you're talking about the basic Latin, English alphabet, anyway. Some foreign (even Latin-based) languages have more or (in rare cases, I think) fewer letters. An example of this is Spanish, which tends to count all of 'ch', 'll', and 'ñ' as letters in the alphabet, even though they're not basic, single Latin characters. Non-Latin based languages can have *vastly* higher numbers of letters/characters to deal with, such as Asian languages.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 12:44

It's alright. I didn't know that the colour orange and the fruit orange were spelt the same up until a few days ago >_>..

DeathStar_fml 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 13:22

ur a retard

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Sunday 3 January 2010 21:12

How the hell did you think they were spelled?!

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Monday 4 January 2010 3:04

Kill yourself.

Thunderbender 2

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Monday 4 January 2010 3:43

Please do. Or at least wear a condom.

cheer4everever 0

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Saturday 18 February 2012 6:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Friday 23 March 2012 10:06

its spelled differently in different countries... likewise with 'favour' etc.

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Saturday 8 March 2014 20:01

also, you don't "no" how to spell "know."

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Tuesday 26 January 2016 2:10

In the U.K. They spell color with an u

Bansheethekilla 2

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Sunday 3 January 2010 12:57

honostly who the fuck cares if you messed up. i guarentee you half the people in the word dont know how many abcs there are *ahem*24

whatsername0902 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 13:47

since less than half of the people in the world speak english, that is a meaningless guarantee. also, learn to spell.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 17:39

"*ahem*24"? really? Count again, idiot. Theres more than 24 letters in the alphabet.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 20:15

hey assholes, there is more than one alphabet

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Monday 25 July 2011 5:03

26

Harry_Styles_fml 3

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Thursday 29 September 2011 6:34

There's 26 letters you idiot.

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Tuesday 4 October 2011 4:36

Don't you people get sarcasm? This person was kidding, trying to be funny.

bugmenotmofo 34

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Friday 23 December 2011 17:41

If he was trying to be funny he failed.

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Friday 20 January 2012 7:30

I thought it was fucking hilarious

isuckwithnames 22

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Thursday 15 May 2014 21:13

>>>---the joke---> _____ ( ) ( )people's head

GlambertGirl93 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 12:58

Just so you know the Italian alphabet has less letters than the standard English. They don't use the letter K J W X or Y

sluggumsoriley 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 13:02

how you managed to find this website, figure out how to submit your story, and type it in, is beyond me.

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Sunday 2 August 2015 2:21

This has to be the best comment I have seen in a long time

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Sunday 3 January 2010 13:26

im sure your right in some country

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:28

What country, Elbonia? Your confidence in something you are "sure", is as pathetic as his knowledge of his alphabet.